Just wanting to put words down for the sake of being cool and fun.
Flurry Heart had been friends with her senior, Fair Facet, for some time now. But she wasn't expecting to develop such a fondness for her. With the Flugelhorn Fancy coming up, Fair Facet is the only pony on her mind. Flurry Heart has fallen hard in love. Keep your head up, Princess! You never know what's coming next!
Flurry Heart x OC
A story spawned from a title idea.
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What does that mean?
11514333
Somebody challenged me to write a story based on a title they presented as a starting point.
Let's hear the excuses then, Fair.
As a sort of drama, this is okay. As a comedy, though, I think it’s a bit lacking. You repeat basically the same joke (Flurry being oblivious) several times without much variation, and Flurry kind of comes off as a bit of a dick, rather than someone who doesn’t have their priorities straight. I think some paring down would help this a lot. Ditto for the prose; it could be a lot punchier.
That’s not to say this is a bad story at all, just that I think it could have been improved. Don’t be afraid to ask for prereading on the Discord.
11514729
Thanks for taking the time to read it! I'm glad to have the feedback on my writing so I can be more mindful of it going forward.
People need to accept rejection and move on. I feel Flurry is going to be a lesbian stalker creep, who will just beat down facet until she says okay.
Flurry didn't grow, she just became a creep. And love is feeling, which is fleeting and needs constant growth. There's NONE of that here.
This was a cute bite-sized story. I'm not too partial to stories where Flurry Heart is a central character, but this was nice. Good work!
11514917
Are you really asking a teenager to be smart? You're right about what Flurry should've done, but nobody wants to read that story.
11515256
Maybe not read that story, but I'm still going to comment on a character's actions. Her spot pf affection said no multiple times, but yet Flurry Heart is like, "So you're saying there's a chance?".
I was like Flurry Heart as a teen. A simple no from my crush should have been enough. I got it the second time, and felt embarrassed. Flurry didn't learn shit
11514507
Can be anything, but the end of the day, it's a no and there's no obligation to say yes. Again, I've been in her (horse) shoes so to speak.
So I'm using Fair in one of my stories. Since you never say whether she's homophobic, just not into mares, or Flurry being a creep turned her off, helps my case.
11601413
She has a whole thing with her backstory. All of that isn't exactly on her mind, especially with Flurry Heart for reasons particular to her. I may expand on this in other stories.
This is a fanfiction site, so fanfic to your heart's content. I'm flattered.