• Published 25th Sep 2012
  • 3,051 Views, 53 Comments

Foal support. - Ssendam the Masked

Shining Armor's actions while brainwashed end in foals, who he must support.

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Revelation (3)

Private Lotus Eater was extremely bored. Due to the unfortunate circumstance of accidentally seducing the sergeant, he was standing guard outside of Shining Armor’s house, starting from 2100 hours until 1100 hours. An all night stand, with no rest or coffee. Still, it could have been worse, what with Shining Armor and Cadence providing some… encouragement for staying awake (not like anypony was going to get any sleep anyway, too loud.) He was feeling the effects of it now, alright. His head was drooping down, and his eyes were having trouble staying open. But a loud scream from Shining Armor snapped them wide open.
When the house failed to erupt into flames or have ponies escaping from the windows, you kind of lose priority in the scream itself, classifying it as Somepony Else’s problem. And Lotus Eater just wanted to get some badly needed sleep. His eyes started drooping again, unintentionally seducing a mare walking past, who later wrote the incredibly popular Passionate embrace series of trashy romantic novels featuring Lord Coitus and a large selection of mares. Of course, Lotus Eater wasn’t to know that, he just wanted to get some sleep. But a second, even louder yell prevented him form visiting the land of Nod. Knowing his duty as the guard of Shining Armor and his wife, he sprang into action, charging the door and galloping towards the source of the scream- the bedroom. As he rounded the corner, what he saw shocked him into a halt.

Cadence shook Shining Armor by the head, the unicorn just looking faintly shell-shocked.
“SHINING ARMOR!” The angry tones of a wife who has just found out that her husband has just done a Brokeback Mountain clear in her voice, “DID! YOU! HAVE! SEX! WITH THAT MARE!” Shining Armor finally snapped out of his haze.
“I don’t remember doing that. In fact, I don’t really remember a lot of what happened last week. I wasn’t paying attention due to being brainwashed.”

Shining Armor waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in Canterlot. He didn’t see them but had expected them for years. His warnings to Cernel Sparkle were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far to late for now, anyway. Shining Armor was a Royal Guard for fourteen years. When he was young he would watch the carriages and said to dad, “I want to be on the carriages daddy.” Dad said “NO! YOU WILL BE KILL BY DEMONS!” There was a time when he believed. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in Canterlot he knew there were demons.
“This is Luna” the radio crackered. “You must fight the demons!” So Shining Armor gotted his unicorn horn and blew up the wall.
“HE GOING TO KILL US” said the demons “I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. Shining Armor plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and unable to kill.
“No! I must kill the demons” he shouted. The radio said “No Shining Armor, you are the demons.”
And then Shining Armor was a zombie.

“Like that. That was pretty much what I was thinking during the Changeling Invasion before the spell was removed. I remember when I thought that I was a giant magical ball that sucked things towards it, and I also remember spreading rainbows around a weird Candyland as this weird bipedal red creature. Like I said, it was pretty easy to forget the time of day when the world looks like a Vincent van Hoof painting.” Cadence and Twilight were speechless, and Chrysalis was laughing her plot off.
“Your mind is SO bad at imaginary scenarios! ‘And then Shining Armor was a zombie,’ what the hell kind of twist is that? Was that the best you could come up with?”
“Hey, as I recall, you thought of that brainwashing scenario, didn’t you? So it’s as much your fault as it is mine!” Chrysalis briefly appeared to be abashed, but cleared her throat to hide it.
“Anyway, Shining Armor, don’t you want to see your own child?” Before he could say no, she pulled something out of nowhere and handed it to him.

Shining Armor looked at the object in his hooves. It was dark green with black splotches on it, which bore a suspicious resemblance towards Chrysalis’ colour scheme.
“So changelings lay eggs?”
“Well, as the hive queen it is my responsibility to lay eggs, but other changelings can lay eggs in a pinch.” Chrysalis looked at him. “Isn’t it much easier to take care of than a regular foal?” As Shining Armor took it, he opened his mouth.
“How do you we know that this egg isn’t just a regular Changeling egg? For all we know, this is all a scam to invade Equestria.”
“You can look after the eggs then, if you want.” Shining Armor looked at it, then at Cadence.
“Would you mind if I looked after this changeling egg, Cady?” He asked, putting on his puppy-eyed expression. Princess Cadence briefly wanted to say no, but a part of her was genuinely curious to see what the egg would hatch into.
“Alright, you can look after it until it hatches.” Shining Armor grinned, then something in the back of his mind nudged him about the conversation.
Wait, she said, “You can look after the eggs...” Does that mean-
“How many eggs did you have?” Chrysalis blinked.
“300, why? I thought that ponies had that many as well as me.”
Everypony in the room except for Chrysalis blinked. Then Shining Armor and Cadence screamed in unison at Chrysalis.
“SHINING ARMOR HAD 300 FOALS WITH YOU?” Spike, who had only assumed that Shining Armor had only had one foal, was speechless over this development. They then grabbed Twilight Sparkle.
“Is it possible for her to lay 300 eggs in a week?” Twilight looked shifty.
“I’m just going to make a guess here- since Chrysalis is more of an insect than a pony, then as the hive queen, she could lay a lot of eggs in that short time frame.”
As Shining Armor sank into despair over having had 300 half-changeling foals, Private Lotus Eater finally worked up the nerve to speak.
“Captain Shining Armor, permission to speak, sir!” he nodded, and Lotus Eater continued.
“Sir, you are a player, if you don’t mind that.” It was this innocuous sentence that finally broke Shining Armor, who fainted from the sheer shock. Cadence and Twilight glared at him.
“Did I say something wrong?”

Comments ( 20 )

Mind Vision based off that DOOM trollfic. I thought that it was funny enough to rip off.

That is a shit ton of birthday presents and those middle kids (Numbers 100-200) are gonna be the trouble makers. Oh and then comes the cost of braces if they need them. Shining is lucky that he now has money with the whole being royalty thing... :twilightoops:

Well played, sir.

Cernel Sparkle
were you trying to spell Colonel Sparkle there?

Dear Shining Armor,
As your new bride Cadance's orthodontist for the last decade, I just wanted to extend a welcome to you on behalf of our dental care team. As you may be well aware, Princess Cadance gave us quite a workout here at the office, and I was so glad to see her teeth have finally settled in straight when we removed the last Invisalign braces (799 bits each) the month before your wedding.

The genetic condition that caused her dental issues is complex, and most probably will be passed down to your children, but for the low monthly cost of 29b per child, we are willing to extend the same dental plan that now covers your lovely bride. It should save you thousands of bits each in the long run, and will be a great blessing to your in-laws (if you know what I mean). I am not at liberty to release patient confidential records, but you may recall your history lessons about the Great Bridge Project of 128 A.C. (After Celestia) that temporarily bankrupted the new kingdom, and I have included a rare photograph of our beloved Princess before the project began. (Please burn the photo after reading, possession of this item is punishable by the Official Security Act of 129 A.C.)

Looking forward to my new yacht
Dr. Molar, DDS, DOO

That's the direct spelling from DOOM Repurcussions of Evil. It is intentionally mispelled.

Well, that was pretty funny. Shining Armor You are a Player, XD. Looking forward to chapter 4, eagerly :pinkiehappy:.

"you're a player...did i say some thing wrong????" :rainbowlaugh:

"I also remember spreading rainbows around a weird Candyland as this weird bipedal red creature."
Need i say....

Hay, one of best comedy fics. Love it!:twilightsmile:

Prepare to stand guard another twelve hours Pvt. Lotus eater :pinkiehappy:

1363619 Nope. For that comment, he's probably about to work a straight-24-shift. :P

Just for the record, I don't buy ignorant!Chrysalis for one moment. She's enjoying every moment of this fiasco.

So... 300 unicorn/changeling hybrids, huh? I can see Princesses doing spit takes all over the place when this one gets out into the general population. Of course, this could be a big opportunity - raise 'em as good Equestrians and you've got a ready-made metamorphic magical army! Not that Celestia would let them do something like that to innocent... maggots but it might convince the Council to not euthanase the abominable freaks of un-nature here and now.

For some reason, I've got a mental image of Lotus Eater somewhere up in the frozen heights of the Crystal Mountains, counting and categorizing individual snowflakes.

this story is trollrific :trollestia:

This is so stupid that it overshot stupid, circled around, and landed back on genius. :derpyderp1:


You mean numbers 101 to 200, right? Because number 100 would be in the bottom third...

Something like that.
Or is it?
I'll take that compliment.

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