Chapter 7 — Never Let Me Go
Wallflower Blush didn't even make it three steps before she tripped and faceplanted into the sand.
Frozen on the spot, still down on one knee, Sunset Shimmer didn't immediately react. Her eyes wide with an apparent mix of confusion and fear, she blinked once, then twice, before her pupils shrank to pinpricks.
"Oh God!" Sunset shouted, before shooting to her feet. She rushed over to help her fallen would-be fiancée. "I'm so sorry! I-I'm so sorry, Wally, are you okay, I—I didn't mean to scare you, I'm so sorry!"
Doing her best to wipe the sand from her eyes, Wallflower sat up in Sunset's arms, coughing all the while. After practically throwing the ring back into her jacket pocket, Sunset kept fumbling over herself to apologize, but Wallflower could barely hear any of it. Focusing on her girlfriend's stammering apologies was really, really hard when her chest hurt so much from trying not to cry.
"Fuck, W-Wally, I'm sorry, I just—I thought we were on the same page, I-I thought—"
"Of course I want to marry you!" Wallflower forced the words out, and in doing so, forced out the first of many tears. "I want to take that ring and say yes and hold you a-and never let you go, but—"
"But what?" Sunset's voice wavered. "I don't understand."
"—But it's not about me!" Wallflower cried. "If you marry me, I-I'll ruin you, Sunset!"
Sunset didn't even respond. She just watched, silent, as the black pit of guilt and shame in Wallflower's heart finally let itself show.
"I know you want to marry me, but you shouldn't! You shouldn't even want to be around me!"
"But I love you—"
Tears streamed endlessly down Wallflower's face, the dam she'd barely held together ever since she'd found the ring finally crumbling to pieces. "I know you do, because you're kind and thoughtful and loving and perfect a-and—and I'm not like you, Sunset! I'm awful, I've always been awful! I mean, look at what I just did, making you feel like you should be sorry for loving me so much that you want to marry me! I'm the worst person you've ever met, even if you can't see it!"
Sunset's voice softened. "Wally…"
"Look at what I've been doing to you for eight years now, gaslighting you into thinking you lived with a functional person when really I'm still just the same useless burden I was when you found me!" Wallflower could feel her lungs burning, her eyes stinging with tears, but it didn't matter. It was all falling apart, just like she always knew it would. "Hell, I even had myself fooled, I-I really—" Her words were choked by a sudden sob— "I really thought I was getting better, I… I…"
The clouds atop the cliff now lingered over the beach as the sun began to disappear behind the horizon. Light and warmth fled from the cove as night fell, leaving nothing behind but a sobbing girl and the wonderful woman she had somehow tricked into caring about her.
"You are better, Wally," Sunset spoke softly, holding both of Wallflower's hands in her own. "You've come so far from where you were when I found you. You're amazing, the most amazing person I know! The fact that you lived through so much awfulness and not only survived, but came out the other side a good person…" She gave Wallflower's hands a little squeeze. "I never could've done that, but you did."
Good? Sunset thought she was a good person?
Wallflower really was the worst kind of monster to have fooled Sunset into believing something so horribly untrue.
"You're wrong." Wallflower shook her head stiffly. "I'm not good, I'm not even decent. I'm the worst kind of person—a fragile, miserable parasite who latched onto someone so much better than me so I could get a free ride! All the love, all the support you give me, I don't deserve any of it! You'd be better off if you just threw me back out on the street!"
Something like anger flashed in Sunset's eyes, but only for a moment before her gaze softened again. "That's your mother talking, isn't it?"
"So what if it is?" Wallflower futilely tried to wipe away some of the tears in her eyes. "Maybe she was right about me all along. I'm worse than useless—I don't even have the courtesy to contribute nothing, I just take and take and take and no matter what it'll never be enough because I'm a fucking black hole, Sunset! If you marry me, then no matter what you do for the rest of our lives, I'll always be one step away from falling back into my same old self-destructive shit and there's nothing either of us can do about it because that's just who I am!" Thrusting her scarred forearm at Sunset, she cried, "A disgusting, mutilated freak!"
"Wally, let's slow down, okay?" Sunset said, her voice clear and measured. "How about we do some paced breathing? Just like we practiced—"
"No!" Wallflower's stupid, childish screech rang through her own head like a fire alarm. "All the therapy, all the mindfulness, it's not gonna work, okay? It's not gonna change anything, not in a way that matters! I-I've been papering over the cracks all this time, and I—fuck, I really thought I was better!" A small, pitiful laugh escaped her, followed quickly by more sobs. "I-I really thought I could just—just stay in the present and talk about my feelings and not cut myself anymore, and somehow that'd make me a better person, but it didn't!"
"You were never a bad person, honey. You didn't need to be better, you just needed help to feel better," Sunset said, again somehow without the slightest hint of irritation. "And talking about your feelings only helps you feel better if you're being honest about them. With me, with your therapist, and with yourself."
"Well, I'm being honest now." Wallflower curled in on herself, hugging her knees to her chest. "I love you, Sunset. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone or anything, a-and… And as desperately as I want to, if I take that ring from you, I will ruin your life."
Sunset put her arm around Wallflower. "How do you think you would ruin my life?"
"By being part of it!" Wallflower shouted. "Sooner or later, I-I'm gonna fall apart again and be just as broken and useless and pathetic as I was before we met, and you'll have to pick up the pieces!"
Sunset just kept holding her close. "You're so much stronger than you think you are, baby. The strongest person I've ever met, in fact." She paused, then added, "I understand why you're afraid of feeling the way you used to. I don't want you to feel that way either—not because I'd be annoyed with you, but because I love you and I want you to be happy. But even if you do start to feel that way, for whatever reason, that's okay! It won't be like it was before we met, because this time you'll have me." Sunset shifted beside Wallflower so she could look into her ugly, teary, puffy face. "No matter what happens, we'll get through it together."
"And what happens then, huh? What happens after I put you through all that exhaustion and stress?" Wallflower could feel herself spiraling down the black hole of her own angsty bullshit, but she couldn't fight its gravity anymore. All the worst parts of herself came spilling out, and she was powerless to stop them. "Even if you drag me back to something like being stable, it's only a matter of time before I fall apart again!" Another sob ripped through her. "And no matter what either of us do to try and make things better, it'll just keep happening, again and again and again until either you can't take it anymore or that—that thing in my head that makes me want to hurt myself finally wins, and I just fucking die!"
The sound of Wallflower's cries mixed with the rhythm of the waves as Sunset hugged her tight. Until Wallflower managed to find her breath—her pained, choking sobs ebbing away into sniffles and whimpers—Sunset remained silent.
Then, the hesitation in her voice finally betraying her measured responses, Sunset asked, "Do you really want that, Wally? For that thing in your head to win?"
Having just found her breath, Wallflower felt like the wind had been knocked out of her lungs again as the weight of Sunset's words washed over her.
Those nebulous thoughts about what she might do after Sunset left her… The way her forearm and her thighs itched and burned at her whenever something went wrong, no matter how small or meaningless it was… How the thought of the future—any future, even a happy one—always sent her into a spiraling web of panic and urges and the constant, thrumming command of don't think about it, don't think about it…
Was that all because Wallflower truly, in the deepest, darkest corners of her heart, still wanted to die?
"...No," Wallflower exhaled, almost in a whisper. "N-no, I… don't want that." More tears sprang to her eyes. "I-I don't want to die, I… I want to be happy. Or at least try to be."
Relief shone through Sunset's eyes as she took hold of one of Wallflower's hands. "I want you to be happy too, baby. And… I want to be happy too." She kissed the back of Wallflower's hand. "With you."
"But… But I…" The self-hating monster in the back of Wallflower's head had been knocked off balance, but still scrambled to find its footing. "What if I make you unhappy? What if I'm too much, wh-what if I hurt you? I want to be with you forever, Sunset, I want to make you happy, I-I just—I don't know how to trust myself not to fuck it all up…"
Looking deep into her eyes, Sunset gently smiled. "Sweetie, I'm not perfect, and neither are you. And neither is our relationship—no relationship ever is." She squeezed Wallflower's hand. "And that's okay, because every time something difficult comes up, we've always worked through it and come out stronger on the other side. And if something happens like what you're afraid of, we will work through it, because we love each other enough to want to."
As her words faded away, Sunset briefly gazed up at the rainclouds gathering above them. Then, she continued. "I—I know there will be tough days. For both of us." She paused as the first drops of rain began to fall. "Marriage, building a life together, maybe even starting a family…" Sunset sighed, but still smiled. "I have no illusions that things are always going to be easy, but…"
Sunset leaned in close, as if about to reveal a secret long held close to her heart. Then, she said, "No matter what life throws at me, I know I can get through it just fine, so long as I'm with you." She kissed Wallflower's hand again before looking up at her with nothing but genuine, heartfelt love, and saying, "I'd rather we go through a thousand hard days together, than spend a single day of my life without you."
"I-I… Sunset…"
Wallflower heard her mother's voice echoing in her head. She heard all the insults, all the taunts, all the screams and shouts of hatred and disappointment and vicious, biting words that tore her sense of self to shreds.
"I—I just…"
She heard the cold, cruel accusations of selfishness and stupidity. She heard all the assurances that she wasn't good enough, that she'd never be good enough, that she'd always ruin the lives of everyone she touched.
"S-Sunset…"
She heard the scoffs and sneers, saw the rolling eyes and piercing angry gaze. She heard the words she could never escape from, pinning her with venomous tones and condemning her as a thoughtless, hopeless, mutilated parasite—
When Wallflower felt Sunset kiss her, there on the beach as rain started to fall, her mother's voice in her head finally fell silent.
And when the kiss ended, Wallflower, safe in Sunset's embrace as they held each other beneath the storming skies, finally let herself want all the things that had for so long felt out of her reach.
"Sunset, I—I want to marry you!" New tears, sparkling with hope, rolled down Wallflower's cheeks. "I want it! I want the wedding and the dresses and the vows and the honeymoon!"
"Me too, baby." Sunset wiped away some of Wallflower's tears. "Me too!"
"I want…" The words started pouring from Wallflower's lips, accelerating with the rain. "I want Rarity to fuss over our dresses, and Pinkie to bring way too many sweets, and Fluttershy to cry all the way through the ceremony!" She smiled—a broad, true smile. "A-and we'll save a place for Rainbow Dash alongside the bridesmaids, maybe a little table with her picture and some candles!"
"Perfect!" Sunset giggled. "She'd probably prefer that to wearing a dress anyway!"
"A-and I... I want..." Wallflower's mind suddenly came alive with all the wonderful things that could be—would be hers. "I want to go on a honeymoon with you, and take way too many pictures, and eat nothing but chocolate and pizza, and when we come home, we'll just flop on the couch for a week and fight over the remote because sometimes you hide it and we both know you're lying when you say you don't!"
Sunset laughed. "H-hey, that was only one time…"
"I… I…" Heaving deep breaths, Wallflower continued in a mix of happy tears and the occasional laugh. "I want to be with you forever, and buy a house with you! Paint a room, argue over wallpaper, hire someone to do it when it gets to be too much! Do laundry and taxes and all that boring shit with you! Hell, I, I'll even go to one of those stupid timeshare things if you get suckered into it again, just so we can eat the free food and I'll sit next to my wife who dragged me there!"
"That was one online ad!" Though clearly feigning offense, Sunset was still laughing. "I promise I won't sign up for those 'free vacations' anymore, alright? Only the best for my wife!"
"A-and I want us to have a family!" For the first time since Sunset had mentioned it at the lake, Wallflower let herself think about the daughter they could have together, and when she did, what little of her composure she'd regained broke down into a overwhelmed, overjoyed mess. "I-I wanna have a baby, and—and I want us to spoil her and love her more than anything, a-and take her to all the places that mean so much to us, and give her the family I-I always wanted when I was a little girl, and watch her grow up and discover herself and be whoever she wants to be and—!"
Her ecstatic, tearful ramblings were cut short by another kiss from Sunset, long and drawn out and full of love and fire. "I want that too, Wally," Sunset said through her own tears. "I-I want us to be better moms than our own, and give our kid the whole world!"
"Oh God, Sunset, I—I wanna have your baby, I don't even know if that's possible, but ever since we went to the lake last month, I-I keep seeing this little girl in my head, and she…" Wallflower closed her eyes and smiled. "She has your hair, a-and my eyes, and I just—I can hear her voice, and see her smile, and I want to hold her so badly, Sunset, I can't even put it into words!"
"Then that's what we'll do!" Sunset laughed and hugged her. "I know there's something like that back home. I could ask my mom, she could explain it to me and we—we can start a family together!"
Upon hearing that her deeply-held dream was not only possible, but could actually come true, Wallflower felt a sudden sense of clarity wash over her. She stood up, unphased by the rain and the chill of the night, and told her future wife, "Ask me again."
Sunset's eyes widened. "O-okay! Okay, uh, lemme just…" Reaching into her pocket, she retrieved the little box that had been the object of Wallflower's obsession ever since she had found it beneath Sunset's dresser so many weeks ago. Wiping her damp hair from her eyes, Sunset—smiling brighter than ever—held out the box and opened it, once more revealing to Wallflower the promise of the beautiful future they would have together.
As Sunset got on one knee, Wallflower watched her in awe. A life spent with this woman was everything Wallflower had ever wanted, and as Sunset started to say the words, Wallflower was overcome with the life-changing realization that everything she'd ever wanted really, truly could be hers.
All she had to do was reach out and take it.
"Wallflower Blush, will you marry me?"
"Yes!" Wallflower cried, holding out her hand. "I am gonna marry you so hard, Sunset Shimmer!"
"I've waited eight years to hear you say that," Sunset said, smiling from ear-to-ear. A mix of rain and happy tears flowing down her face, Sunset picked up the ring with shaking hands.
At last, the ring met its rightful place on Wallflower's finger.
Despite the dark clouds above them, the sunstone, set into a band of white gold, gleamed in the last embers of light. They both took a moment to admire the ring, looking upon it in almost breathless reverence.
So far had it come. Had they come.
After some time, Sunset stood up and wrapped her arms around Wallflower. "So?" she asked, an eager smile on her face. "What do you think?"
"It's perfect." Wallflower felt another wave of joyful tears coming on as she looked between Sunset and the ring. Her ring. Her engagement ring.
Taking Sunset's hands in her own, Wallflower murmured, her words almost lost in the sounds of the sea and whispers of the wind, "You're my fiancée."
"Yeah." Something between a giggle and a sob followed, before Sunset replied, "I-I am."
"And I'm yours." All of the doubts and the fears and the dread that had followed her here now washing away between rain and waves, Earth and sky, Wallflower said, before leaning in to kiss her, "All yours."
Even in that moment, as they met in the night, Wallflower did not believe that she would never feel those fears again. That she had fully overcome her self-loathing—that dark, nagging voice in her head that tried to take away the joy and love and goodness that was rightfully hers. That everything had been taken away with the tides.
She knew even then, as she kissed Sunset again on the beach of their cove, that there was work to be done. It would be hard and rough and exhausting, and there would still be moments where she felt like she didn't deserve this joy—this love—this future that now heralded its arrival, even if only in a step, now that she had welcomed it.
Wallflower knew things didn't work that way.
But, in that moment—as her fiancée embraced her, and the downpour turned to a tempest, and the ocean roared behind them—Wallflower knew that, whenever that darkness opened its maw and invited her in yet again, she wouldn't just let it take her this time.
And even if it did, Sunset would always be there at her side. Not behind her, not in front of her—at her side. Partners. Equals.
Wives.
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Heart.....melting......so.....cute
*Dies.
Bonus Comment*
Do you think this song works for this story?
11511265 gaze into the posh, and the posh gazes back.
11511574
Excellent choice, here's my personal choice for the story
https://youtu.be/EdtvX7uiZqU
I don't know if that laundry and taxes bit was a coincidence or not, but even still this was so incredibly sweet and such a damn good culmination of all the doubt Wally has gone through. The fact there's still one chapter left doesn't even feel fair after how good this one was.
If the last chapter isn't an epilogue taking place during normal domestic life, I probably won't be disappointed at all but I'll say I will be.
Beautiful.
Ahhhh, katharsis.
HA. Get sanded, idiot.
I love how fucking broken Wally is, that this is her way of thinking: “I’m unlovable, so I must have gaslit you into loving me.”
Of course, Wally doesn’t realize that she’s not girlboss enough to gaslight Sunset; she’s too much of a wet little meow-meow, a poor precious baby found in a cardboard box all alone. That’s why all her plans failed.
Oh fuck off; I just said that. Fuck. I’m so mad. I’m gonna go punch a side of beef for three hours straight, tenderizing it, and them I’m gonna eat it raw.
...Real talk, I misread this as “mutated” initially. Wally would not be a very good X-Man.
I almost wish we’d met Wally’s therapist.
Since we didn’t, though, I’m gonna pretend it’s Ezri Dax.
“If you discount Applejack being able to bend steel girders around other steel girders into steel girder pretzels, that is.”
“You don’t make pretzels by tying them together, you fucking clod.”
I mean, hey, it shocked her out of her emotional breakdown. If it works...
Like Rainbow Da-- oh.
It’s like. Thematic, and shit. Far out, man. Word.
I request a sequel where Wallflower’s mother eats a lemon and fucking dies.
“None of that ‘something blue’ bullshit, though. Get green or get gone.”
And like the ring itself, the circle closed, and Wallflower was once more invisible.
Wow, what a great chapter. I sure hope Wallflower doesn’t spend the entire wedding obsessively talking to a fern (who is also the maid of honor, because fuck off SciTwi).
media.tenor.com/sWPbw9-DgYUAAAAC/amity-toh.gif
Oh, Wallflower...
Self-esteem's always so tricky to handle and my heart goes out to her.
Aw, but you two are doing so well aaaaa Wallyyyy
Magnificent
Everything's built up to this and it's just perfect.
I've got something in my eyes.
That was just lovely. I know I said it a lot, but I'll say it again, 'cause it's true.
Alright. On to the closure, and my final thoughts.
That's three and four in a row. Those scenes might be the best of their types I've ever read, on this site or elsewhere. So dang amazing, but my phone is dying, so I'll have to finish this later.
It's about time you thought about yourself, Wally! Get the girl and do the gay forever!