I know this type of story has been done before, you know "How did Derpy become the mother of two unicorns?" and "Why is she cross-eyed and whats with her mark and muffin craving?" Well this is my way of telling it.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Jan 23rd, 2018
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I'm just a Brony who wants their story read and reviewed
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So the whole eye/aphasia thing is something that happened on the job....
It was ok for the first part, but I feel it was a bit rushed. Also, get someone to proof read for you. I noticed that instead of "sure" you put "shore" and for "steel" it should be "steal" Ok, I'm being a grammer nazi so I'll end it there. All in all it was good read, just need to work on a few things like spelling and pacing. Look forward to more though. Hope I'm not too hard on you.
137338 That will be explained in the next chapter
I am liking where this is going. A very different take on the whole Ditzy and her daughters, very original.
NuclearCinnamon had some good points. I cannot wait for the next chapter to be done.
139400 That's fine. I'm just not as talented writer like you. Your Stories are Fantastic but mine are just average. I don't have your skill. as for finding a proofreader, that might be easier said then done. I just wanted to know what you like about the story.
139848 Well I do have one more chapter to write. But I'm just not good with complete details I'm only good in the for ground. But could you tell me what you like about the story.
awwwww so cute
Hey! that's my picture =D
I want moar chapterz!
ABOUT DAMN TIME
241979glad you like it
242622
I am too...I am too.
box at my side ok so bring on the next chapter.
Oh, crap. Poor Ditzy.
.....at least the bastards will rot in jail......
243106 glad you liked it. I only have one more chapter left so be ready.
can't wait for next chapter!
THE BOX IS NO MORE
ps: you need a proof reader!
326929I'll be shore to fix that. but note that in the letter Derpy wrote, I did misspell some words wrong on purpose
328424 ya i know that but i mean in other stuff
Love this story!!! I read the 3 chapters without stopping. I feel bad about Derpy an Sheriff Night Stick, they need a chance
!!!
Now if you excuse me, I need another box of tissues
328544wll if you want to write a story about that feel free. But I;ll have you know I might be the writer to this story but even I cried
when writing those letters.
348027 Thanks for the permission n.n! but sadly im more of a reader that a writer, actually, i kinda fail at writing stories and such, i always got average to bad grades on my writing homeworks
.
And I believe that the feelling you put in your story is what makes it enyojable!!! So thank you again for this story!!!
I love it, great job, few errors, but i can deal, wonderful story overall
"next chapter you will need tissues"...
TOO LATE!!!!
Please, please, for the love of harmony LEARN HOW TO SPELL "SHERIFF". S-H-E-R-I-F-F. Also, fix your line breaks, FiMFiction messed them up.
798899 blame the spell checker
Hmm a box of tear remover you say?, Ok I'll bite.. 50 bits says I won't need them.
Huh...
Derpy was a cop? That's a new spin on things... But hehe, nup no tissues needed 
HA I win, It was moving but, there are a few grammar problems, one being buy instead of by.. But I relent, I'm no 
1245642 I need someone to proof read
Strange, this story wasn't nearly as emotional as before. I guess it was mainly because I was focusing on the errors way too much. I guess the time I spent with this fandom and the Derpy I have come to love have kind of hindered this a little. Not to the point where it was unreadable, but just enough to make some more flaws noticable.