Chapter 3: Forgotten Love
The Empty Room
Chapter 3: Forgotten Love
By Wanderer D
Lyra had taken great joy in explaining how time had changed Canterlot, and had pointed out several little details as they went from one place to the other, highlighting how previous generations differentiated from each other. By mid-afternoon, when Lyra had left for home and promised to see them the next day, the five ponies had a good idea of the layout of the castle grounds and the surrounding area.
All in all, they had spent a very nice morning with their unexpected tour guide, and all of them were looking forward to seeing her again.
“Well, Ah don’t know about you girls, but Ah’m starvin’!” Applejack wheezed, sitting down on a bench in the castle gardens.
Ebon Rain nodded at the other three guards and they spread around the area, keeping an eye on the group.
Ebon then had a quick word with a mare overseeing the gardens, and soon the group was being tended by castle servants.
“I am quite hungry, yes,” Rarity agreed, smiling gratefully at the ponies who brought a small table and topped it with a repast consisting of fruits, vegetables and drinks for all five mares.
“It was very nice of Lyra to show us around the palace.”A small smile played on Fluttershy's lips as she turned to her friends. “I very much enjoyed looking at all the wild animals they have living on the grounds.” She sat next to Rarity, glancing hungrily at the table.
“Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “It was cool and all, but I didn’t get to see any of the Wonderbolts!” She looked at the others with mild annoyance. “This is Canterlot! We should have seen at least one of them!”
“I’m sure you’ll get your chance to meet with them again, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity called. “For now you should eat something, dear. We still have the rest of the day to visit all the interesting places around here.”
Rainbow Dash’s stomach rumbled and she sat down, looking sheepish. It didn’t take long for her to start wolfing down food. “Still,” she managed to say between bites, “I bet there’s more to do here than just looking at history.”
“Yes!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “I bet I could throw the bestest party ever for Princess Celestia in this garden!”
The idea seemed to perk up everypony, guards included.
“But it has to be big!” Pinkie Pie continued, prancing around. “I have to get cupcakes and streamersanddanglersandcakeanddrinksandhotsauceand...” She only stopped when she turned and found herself muzzle to muzzle with Fluttershy.
“But... you would have to make sure the party didn't disturb the animals,” Fluttershy said. “Um… t-they weren’t too friendly the last time I was here, but… we still shouldn’t bother them too much…”
“Yeah, yeah, parties are good, but I want to do something now!” Rainbow Dash shot into the air, looking around and thinking until something seemed to click. “Hey! You know what? This place is old!” Rainbow Dash said.
“You don’t say...” Applejack deadpanned.
Dash gave her a look. “It has been around since even before Nightmare Moon appeared! That's like, thousands of years!” She grinned devilishly. “I bet there’s ghosts here!”
Applejack shifted a little, looking nervous.
“Oh, Dash, don't be silly.” Rarity laughed, fluffing her mane with a hoof. “There are no such things as ghosts! Next thing you'll say is that humans are real.”
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash glared at her. “I never said I believed in humans! I stopped believing in fairy tales like that when I was a little filly!”
“But you still believe in ghosts, dear.”
“Hey now, Ah don't know about humans, but ghosts are as real as this table right here,” Applejack broke in, tapping her hoof on the table and producing audible knocks.
“No, they’re not,” Rarity insisted.
“But humans are,” Pinkie said with a giggle. “I met one just before we came here today.”
Her friends slowly turned to look at her, while the guards tried valiantly not to stare.
“He was very strange! No hooves, and they don't have wings!” Pinkie Pie continued, looking slightly confused. “I always thought they would have wings.”
“Now, Pinkie Pie,” Applejack ventured after a moment. “Don't go making up stories, okay?”
“But it happened!” Pinkie Pie declared, bouncing around the table with a grin on her face as she talked. “When I said ‘hi’ he stared at me, then said something about 'self insertion was a low he was not going to hit' and then...”
“And then?” Rainbow Dash asked, leaning in, interested in the story despite herself.
“He imploded!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Twice!”
Applejack and Rarity smacked their hooves against their faces and groaned, there was a crash behind them and a helm rolled past Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash smiled. “Really?! That's awesome! If I implode I want to do it twice! NO! Thrice!” the pegasus declared. “There's no way I'm losing to a human!”
“Um...” Fluttershy drew their attention. “What is 'self-insertion'?”
“Well... Ah don't rightly know... but it sure sounds painful.” Applejack said, raising an eyebrow.
“Why are we talking about this?” Rarity asked, giving the others a wary look. “This conversation is turning ridiculous!”
“Oh! Because of the ghosts!” Dash jumped and turned to one of the guards. “Hey, you!” She pointed her hoof in Ebon Rain’s direction. “Are there any ghosts in the castle?”
As the guard who had face-hooved his helmet off sheepishly walked to pick it up, the other guards exchanged nervous glances.
Ebon Rain forced an uneasy smile. “Uh... there used to be one in the library tower, but it disappeared a year ago.”
“It's gone? Aww.” Rainbow Dash sighed, but looked up hopefully. “So... what did that ghost do? Was it scary?”
“Well...” Ebon Rain shuffled in place when everypony's attention focused on him. “It was usually late at night... when everything was calm, and even after Lady Twilight had gone to sleep... when we did our rounds... we would hear a voice, but whenever we investigated there was nopony there!”
“I remember hearing that the voice was that of a capable general, still commanding his troops from beyond the grave!,” another guard said. “It freaked us out... we thought there really was a battle happening.”
“Hm... that does sounds suspicious.” Rainbow Dash said. “I wonder what happened to it?”
o.0.o
“One does not simply walk into Mordor!” Spike bellowed as he rolled out of Twilight's bag. He wheezed when he hit the floor belly first. Standing up groggily, he shook his head and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Uh? Wha—where am I?” He looked around Twilight’s room in the castle, blinking in confusion until he spotted the calendar.
It was the same day as when he and Twilight had gone looking for books about the Elements of Harmony so long ago.
“Oh, sweet Celestia! I'm in Twilight's room back in Canterlot!” He gasped. This—this can only mean one thing!” He fell on his rump, eyes wide. “I-I must have dreamt the whole thing! We never went to Ponyville!”
Spike stared at the wall, letting his brain sort things out.
“But then... I never met Rainbow Dash! Or Pinkie Pie! Or Fluttershy! Or even Applejack! But most importantly... I never met Rarity!” His claws clenched into fists as he shot up to his feet, shaking them futilely at the sky beyond the ceiling. “Noooooooooooo! They were all figments of my imagination!”
After a few moments of staring at the gray ceiling, he sighed. “Although I must say that my imagination gave Rarity very, very nice flanks.”
He smiled at the vivid image his mind conjured up, until he realized, again, where he was. “Why does this always happen to me?” he groaned.
o.0.o
“Hmm...” Twilight Sparkle hummed as her horn shone in different shades of red and purple. “Interesting.” Next to her, a hovering quill and scroll quickly took notes as she examined the room inch by inch.
She stopped when she reached the bookshelf.
Her eyes studied the shelves full of foal books, lovingly chosen by her mentor for her daughter, who never had the chance to lay next to Celestia and listen to the kind alicorn read the stories contained within those pages. The covers blurred, and she sniffed, unable to stop her eyes getting teary to the point she had to close them and take deep, shuddering breaths.
She gave herself a few minutes before sighing. When the Princesses left, she had felt anger and horror at what had happened. She had stopped several times while moving about the room, when her hoof had hit a toy in the floor, or the mobile made with little effigies of ponies, stars, the sun and the moon had chimed at her passing.
Now… all she felt was sorrow.
She had tried to detach herself from it, a little, at least, to be able to do her job... but there was so much forgotten love in this one room.
Twilight looked at the crib with the two dolls in it, a mental image forming of Princess Celestia's kind smile as she leaned in to wish her filly a good night while levitating the Luna plushie.
When she turned and noticed the wooden blocks in the corner, she could almost hear childish laughter and the gentle and warm chuckles of an amused Princess Celestia.
Twilight took a deep breath and concentrated. She was not going to fail her mentor. Especially after the Princess had gone back to her duties leaving Twilight with the trust of something so important.
She had to find out what had happened here.
o.0.o
Luna lay in her bed thinking. She had tossed the sheets off of her, unable to even contemplate sleeping.
‘I should be asleep,’ she thought, ‘especially if I want nighttime to fall in time, but...’
She sighed.
'So many things have changed since I returned from my exile,’ She mused. 'All the faces I knew are gone… Islands that had been there when she had controlled the night so many centuries ago were gone now.
Like Celestia, there had been some temples built in her honor by devoted subjects as a sign of love and appreciation, and Luna had wasted no time in trying to find them and grace whoever still worshipped her with a visit. Most of those temples were gone, except for a few that had mysteriously been kept clean, although she had been unnerved to find an effigy of Nightmare Moon rather than the Moon or Stars that were traditionally used to represent her.
She had felt both dread and loss. No doubt ponies that had worshiped her benevolent side had been shunned away, and as time has passed, she had felt the prayers to the Night dwindle and fade, until few individuals would mutter a word or prayer to the Moon or the Night.
Buried beneath the Nightmare, Luna had relished hearing those once-in-a-hundred years chances to somehow bless those souls, and she had eagerly sent them her blessings, even if it through the Nightmare.
Before long, she had been turned into a dark deity, patron of thieves, assassins and darkness-inclined ponies. Not all of them were inherently evil, and while sometimes using her powers for evil hurt, it was still a sort of love for her soul, and it had kept her alive, even if she felt saddened by the use they were given.
Still, none of that was as shocking and saddening as what she had found out today. She sighed once more. Today felt like it had been a whole week of stress.
As much as her sadness had accumulated, change hadn’t seem that important or even immediate until today.
'My sister, Princess Celestia, starting a family?’ Luna snorted. A week ago she would have laughed if somepony brought it up as a possibility.
There had to be a limit to attachment, after all.
They were immortal.
Whomever they married, whatever fillies or colts they produced would pass away eventually, while they remained.
That didn't mean they had to be aloof, or unkind, or even feel superior—hard lessons that she needed to face after breaking free of Nightmare Moon—but it meant that if they didn't draw a line, they would be miserable. And misery had brought so many horrible things with it.
'But you didn’t let that stop you, did you sister. Luna turned on her side, looking at the doors to her chambers. 'Not only did you allow love into your life, you allowed yourself to have a filly… only to be denied even her memory.’
Luna felt bitter tears forming as she considered what it would have been like being an aunt. If there had been more family, somepony to keep close and teach about the stars and the moon and those places invisible to normal pony eyes, would she had transformed into a monster?
Even as Nightmare Moon, she knew, she would have been touched by the existence of more family. ‘Somepony that would not judge me, maybe even... love me unconditionally.
She closed her eyes.
'Are we doomed to live alone? Or to fade away like the others, so long ago, before the written word even existed?’ she thought morosely. 'Who could have done this? Who would even dare?’
Luna finally pulled herself out of bed and trotted to the window, where she could look at the ponies walking down the streets, completely oblivious to her thoughts and feelings.
o.0.o
'A filly. I had a filly.’ Celestia felt so much joy at the thought of that... that there was a young mare, out there that was brought to this world through her. 'And yet, she was taken from me.
The sense of loss had been overwhelming: the years and happiness that she had been deprived from sharing with her daughter felt like stab wounds directly into her soul... but when Twilight Sparkle had walked in, she had suddenly felt like she knew what if felt like to care for a filly as if she was her own daughter.
'When I find her, I will apologize for not being there for her. I will show her everything she missed, share with her all I know… I’ll spend every second I can with her, and nopony will ever take her away from me again.’
But for now... she had to hold court.
As the latest petitioner started speaking, Celestia's mind drifted back to her faithful student, wondering what she had discovered so far. Perhaps she would see her daugher soon.
o.0.o
A slightly chewed-up blue magician's hat rolled down the street, pushed by a breeze until it bumped to a stop next to the wheels of a blue stage wagon.
Trixie stopped next to it, panting.
It had taken considerable concentration to get the hat to her stage wagon, but The Great and Powerful Trixie was a magician of the highest order, after all. “Finally! Trixie would like to rest, but the sooner Trixie reaches Ponyville, the better.”
With another burst of air, her hat fell into the driver's seat and she made her way to the front to slip inside the harness.
Ducking her head, she slid forward. When she didn't feel the harness resting on her back, she leaned forward even more, until she had to quickly get her hooves into position to avoid falling face-first into the road.
“What the hay?” Growling she looked back, ready to kick something when she realized that part of the harness was inside her body. She looked at it for a few seconds before she remembered. “Ah... I forgot. I'm a ghost.” She sighed.
“Okay Trixie, there's no need to panic,” she said after a moment. “Deep breaths, deep breaths. Am I even breathing?”
The Great and Powerful Trixie shook her head free of annoying, mortal thoughts, and began to walk in circles around her stage wagon.
“Okay, what does Trixie know about ghosts?” She thought for a moment. “Well... ghosts are ethereal. That means they... we... cannot really touch normal objects; however, according to Magister Crowley, magical objects can be moved and touched by spirits. That’s how fetishes are created. Ohhh... Trixie hates magical theory.” Her eyes narrowed. “But now is not the time...” She looked at her stage wagon, considering.
The old stage wagon—which had been destroyed in Ponyville—had been enchanted to produce several magical effects on demand, something she hadn't gotten around to casting on this one. She had needed special and expensive ingredients and she hadn't been too keen on getting them herself.
Her father had only sent her enough bits for buying a new stage wagon, but that was it. Sure, she had enchanted some items herself, but they were all useless for now.
Trixie briefly considered going inside and throwing around whatever enchanted items she had in a fit of rage, but the sound of hooves on cobblestone stopped her.
“Now dear, you see? This... Great and Powerful Trixie, is not in her stage wagon right now. I'm sure we'll hear about it when she starts her show, and I promise you I will bring you over to watch.”
It was two unicorns. A mare and her colt. Trixie grimaced and tried to ignore them, concentrating instead on what to do.
“But mom, why don't we ask her? She's right there,” the little colt asked, pointing a hoof at Trixie.
Trixie blinked. “Huh?”
“Now, Six, don't start this again... there's no-pony there.”
“But mooom.”
Six? Trixie shook her head, wondering, 'Who names their colt ‘Six’?'
“Look dear, if you promise not to touch anything, you can stay here and look at the stage wagon. Just look, don’t touch. I’m sure if the Great and Powerful Trixie were here she wouldn’t appreciate some mischievous colt touching her things, right?”
The colt looked at Trixie, doubt filling his eyes, but The Great and Powerful Trixie was already on her knees, hooves clapped together and nodding desperately for him to agree. “I-I guess...” he said.
“Good. I'll be right back.”
Six's mother went into the store, leaving him with Trixie, who was giving him a thankful smile. “Thank you! Thank you! You see, Trixie really needs your help! Can you do something very, very simple for Trixie?”
Six nodded slowly. “Are you really the Great and Powerful Trixie?”
“Yes, yes I am!” Trixie said, striking a pose. “Trixie guesses you are a fan?”
Six nodded, shyly.
“Well then, The Great and Powerful Trixie will give you an autograph if you do that small favor her! Do you know how to perform the basic spell runes?”
When the colt nodded for the third time, Trixie had to hold herself from shouting in glee. “Well, Trixie needs you to scratch one of the magic runes onto my stage wagon...”
“Uh... but my mom said not to touch it...”
“Silly, that's Trixie’s stage wagon, right?”
“Right…”
“And Trixie is giving you permission to touch it, right?”
“Right!”
“Then it’s fine if Trixie lets you, right?”
“I... guess.” He approached the stage wagon. “Where do you want it?”
“Anywhere will be fine,” Trixie said, finally noticing the colt's cutie mark. An eye with a small number 6 in the middle. 'Huh. How odd.'
“So, Six...” she started as he carefully scratched the paint on her stage wagon with his glowing horn, drawing a basic magic rune for ease of movement. “What did your mom mean when she said you shouldn't 'start this again'?”
The colt didn't answer immediately, waiting until he was done drawing. The magic in his horn died, and for a moment nothing seemed to happen, then suddenly the stage wagon seemed to glow for the barest of seconds. Trixie nodded happily.
“Well done, Six!”
Six, looked around, then motioned for Trixie to get closer. Curious, she leaned forward.
“Well... I have a problem, and that's why my mom was saying that thing about not doing it again... it hasn't made me very popular with other ponies my age,” he confided.
Trixie blinked. “Well, what is this problem?”
“I see dead ponies.” Six said, eyes very wide. “And they don’t know they’re dead!”
Trixie snorted. “Well, it’s not like it feels much different, you know?”
Six blinked. “You mean you know? But... aren’t you going to stick around and see me through a journey of self-discovery to find my purpose in life by helping those lost souls in desperate need to find peace and continue on to the next world, only to leave me sad, bitter and alone once you realize you too are dead?”
Trixie laughed. “Oh, silly colt. The Great and Powerful Trixie has better things to do. Here...” her horn shining, she slid one of several pictures of herself signed in magical-glitter from within her stage wagon. “There you go. Go find more dead ponies, now, okay?”
She tried to pat him in the head, but her hoof went through it in a very disturbing way, so she chuckled nervously and jumped on top of her stage wagon. “Bye-bye now!”
With a sudden lurch the stage wagon rolled forward, leaving a thoroughly confused colt behind.
o.0.o
In a dark room with six slightly glowing circles and one column of light in the middle, several ponies had gathered.
Obscured by cloaks and shadows, they nickered and shuffled in place, until one stepped into the light.
“Brothers and sisters... both the Princesses are acting strange... they are weak.” The pony’s voice echoed in the room, her tone one of smug victory.
There was a moment of animated whispering, but the pony in the middle stamped her hoof on the floor, drawing their attention.
“I have seen signs that the Guardian has awakened. The time to strike approaches swiftly... be vigilant. We will find what makes them weak and we will bring night eternal again to Equestria. The Nightmare will live again!”
“The Nightmare will live again!” the others echoed.
“Those who stand in our way, shall fall!” she called.
“The Nightmare will live again!” the others replied.
The little light in the room allowed the gathered ponies to see a small smile in her muzzle.
o.0.o End Chapter 3 o.0.o
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... Honestly, I kind of expected you to change Six to be less of an obvious poke at a popular movie.
I finished this amazing pieace of art months ago. But where is the difference now?
3901083
Also, there was no Starswirl the Bearded back when this was originally written.
3901084 It should read better, and will have small but significant changes. Overall the plot is the same, but we'll delve into more character development and such. Here's more info
No matter how often I see that human joke, I laugh.
It's just too good.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3901158
Can we expect to see appearances from characters who have appeared since the original fic, if changes will be made to the story? I'm not, of course, implying that 'IF YOU DON'T INCLUDE XYZ PONY IT'S BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD' as some people would, but there are a handful of characters who have appeared since who I can't help but imagine might have a rather... interesting role in the whole thing(COUGH COUGH SHINING ARMOUR(I mean, I understand not using him because he's the blandest goddamn character, but if you strip him down and write him as a protective figure in Twilight's life, which he's implied to be by the show, he could have an interesting role in the story)). If not, are there any 'canon' related updates we can expect to see, or is this re-write firmly grounded in the season one roots it sprung from?
3901430
Context, man! Honestly, if you can't learn words from context how will you ever know what defenestrate means?
3905616 nope like I said in the blog post I'm not going to update the story to canon
3906265
Ah, I'm actually relieved.
As pen stroke unwittingly proved, that's a pit that can easily end in stupidity and plot holes, eh?
Oh no, Nightmare Cults!
A rewrite of The Empty Room? Mhm, color me interested and bristling with anticipation. I all but plowed through the "old" version when I sat down to read it a couple months ago and found it a mostly excellent read, so I'm certainly looking towards the revised version; some spot and polish should only make it better.
There is one thing I especially hope to see addressed in this rewrite. Namely, the father. Unless my memory fails me, I don't think anyone so much as spared a single thought for the stallion in the original, much less mention him - neither Celestia, nor her filly. Kinda felt like the elephant in the (empty ... har har) room that went unaddressed.
Since you're going to the trouble of rewriting the story, I don't feel bad about pointing a couple things out.
I think you meant muzzle to muzzle, unless you're announcing that Pinkie and Flutters are an item.
Got a stray quotation mark, there.
I too, am glad to hear that you won't be updating the story to match current canon. This is great as is, and does just fine without those added complications.
3905616
Defenestrate, along with asinine and niggardly are criminally underused words. Before anyone cries out, please note that niggardly is completely free of racial overtones, and means stingy; see here.
3910973
I'm well away, it's why I used it as an example.
And yeah, though it's probably a clever idea to work with a level of 'people are dumb, don't say words so easily misunderstood'.
3911030
Bah. I do so hate having to work within the constraints of my audience, rather than my own.
edit: I also find it more than a little sad and disgusting that the PC police have us so scared to use anything sounding even close to "that word".
3911049
While being PC is a dumb goal- everyone is a little bit racist, after all- but that doesn't make it admirable, in it's own, retarded way.
And it's not so much the 'PC police', or in other words people who take violent offense, but rather the people who take QUIET offense that are the issue. People can read some things that would otherwise be harmless, misunderstand, and be deeply hurt. It's not uncommon, and that's what inspires me to take extra measures.
3910973 Noted! Thanks!
3900969
why? the ridiculous campyness is a major part of what makes this story so great!
Guardian awake
Celestia to break
We see the story start to rise
The surface of two decade long lies
What will be uncovered in time
What will be added with reason and rhyme
The story begins in this dark dark place
Horrors the characters prepare to face
Without knowing how it will turn
Unknowing that there world may burn
In the end all may be pain
Or at last will peace they gain?
On I go,
for I must know.
~Black Sun Eclipse
PS: The original version was never read,
this is my first time through the Empty Room from your head
"to"
Suddenly, WD in Equestria.
Sounds mildly erotic.
I want a Luna plushie.
Those words don't seem right for some reason.
Underlined double space.
Underlined double space and why no opening single quote?
Double space.
Is that a vestigial quote? Or is it your style? One of the above thoughts by Luna has closing single quotes.
Like the new chapter, not keen on the Trixie parts till, but that is my own bias against Trixie. Parts with Luna, however, are always welcome, and that is not bias, Luna is best pony.
I added this story to my Read it Later list the other day.
Today, I chose it to read next after my Favorited updates ran out.
I now find myself highly intimidated by a 134k word long first chapter.
I don't think I have enough caffeine for this.
Edit: Or maybe caffeine would help. I see what's happening here. Off to the first rewritten chapter......sometime after a good night's sleep.
3922691 Well, that is the complete story, in its original incarnation
3922718
Yeah, noticed that shortly after posting the comment.
I blame it on a long day at work.
I'll try again with the first rewritten chapter sometime in the morning when my mind works right and my resolve stops hiding in the corner.
>Mort cameo.
I know this story can't really be in continuity with it, fucking awesome as that might be, but a Mort Takes a Holiday reference is always appreciated.
>“There are a few things that assassins and designers have in common,” Rarity responded, smiling at the unicorn. “A sharp edge and an eye for detail being two of them.”
I'm not sure if this was in the original version or not, but knowing what I know now, this line made me giggle. Nicely foreshadowed there, Mr. D.
>Humans
I DO remember this being in the original. I remember laughing at it at the time, but I've since grown less tolerant of Pinkie breaking the fourth wall like this in fanfics. It's... hmm... what's the term that all those smart people like to use? Immersion-breaking! That's the one! Fine if you're doing a stupid as hell metafic like The HiE Experiment, but I find it really throws me here.
>Six
And yet blatant references like this do not. Funny that. I guess there's no accounting for your own tastes, but personally, I still love this bit.
I think it's just a Pinkie thing. It probably bothers me more because her fourth wall breaks in the show aren't actually done like that, rather than the fact that she's fourth wall breaking at all. I think that's what's getting me. Of course, her fourth wall breaks in the show are all animation gags, and thus not something that it's truly possible to translate into text. But that's why Pinkie breaking the fourth wall probably shouldn't be done at all in prose unless it's the point of the story.
Or maybe I'm a pedantic twat. Who fucking knows?
3973745
Read the original. I know what happens, boss.
Agreed.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3920571 Thanks, I finally got to correct the mistakes you pointed out.
3989353
No problem, I will continue to pick out whatever I see. I really enjoy authors that care enough about their work to go back and polish the little things.
It's apparently quite the bit of work. But with the re-write have you considered doing a print version? Just a dream I've had since Kkat proved it could be done.
I've been meaning to read this for a long time now. It's name often bounced around back in EqD, but I never got around to checking it out. The rewrite affords me the opportunity to follow it now as if it were a new story just developing. So I'm going to treat it as such by not reading the original and following the rewrite's updates.
Interesting events to start things off so far. It's hard to present a mystery and get the reader quickly interested in seeing how it goes. You've managed to do just that. Narration is smooth and easy enough to follow. You're not afraid to throw in your own stuff and develop it alongside canon material.
I'm not particularly fond of the sudden references to humans or the poke at the movie. These bits of humor are not so much as refreshing shifts in a sinister and mysterious plotline as much as they are sudden mood whiplashes. I'm a little confused as to how seriously I should take your story as a result.
Heh new update
Beginning " marks
____________________________
end ' mark
______________________________
Lol. Self insertion and Pinkie Pie being awesome. Nice chapter.
PINKIE I JUST REBUILT THAT WALL!