• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 11th, 2016

Laichonious the Grey


This story is a sequel to The Great Brony Migration

It's been nearly a year since the portal opened up and Equestria found a couple thousand new friends, who are finally settling into their new home. Unfortunately, for two of them, things have gotten a lot more complicated.
For two unconnected misunderstandings, (at least, that's what they'll claim) two Bronies are banished from Canterlot and find themselves in the heart of Equestrian innovation, luxury, and style: Manehattan. Seizing a coincidence and an opportunity to pose as Private Investigators, they embark on a new adventure. Of course, with their luck, they fall deeper and deeper into a conspiracy that has the city in its grip. They'll need all the help they can get, because even their fabulous headwear won't be able to save them from what's coming.

Collaboration between Laichonious, Retsamoreh, and Pissfer.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 94 )

[Author's Note 1/2:] Oh well this was fun. It's been hinted at (and blatantly said, at one point - just dig through the comments of TGBM for a while and you'll find it) for a while, and last night I was like "Lol, Laich, let's post the plaque - which can be seen in the cover picture - on our blogs to get people interested!" But yeah...

This story (abomination, really) spawned from Laich and I making fun of Pissfer, actually, because at one point he came to us whining about how too many author used partial partials in their writing. Stuff like "He grinned slightly" or, in worst case scenarios, stuff like "possibly maybe". From there, I suggested, rather arbitrarily, that we write a satire fic around Pissfer and his disliking of everything he is forced to edit. Arrogant as we are, in about five lines of discussion is turned into "We should write an offshoot about Rets and Laich and Pissfer having an adventure." It then, of course, turned into a concept called "Possibly Maybe Magical" -- as I recall, at least. Then the idea of us being detective was brought up, in Manehattan or Ponyville, and etcetera etcetera, the events go on. This story began as a series of accidents and running jokes, and it's turned into something a bit more.

In the end, though, I like to think of it as just a silly comedy noir thing that we're writing in for practice and giggles. There'll be conflict, and it'll be as noir as Equestria will allow, and Applejack will obviously be involved, and yes the door in the cover doesn't have a handle. But Laich and I will be practicing our Pratchett-esque style here, something I know Laich is getting into the groove of, having forced him to buy The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic when I met up with him a few weeks ago.

But yeah, this was mostly just for fun, I guess. :twistnerd:

EDIT: I forgot to explain this, but any section in between the stylized breaks of the railroad spike are written by me, and anything in between the scroll and quill are Laichonious's doing. Since, after all, those are our cutie-marks.... Don't ask what the spike stands for.

[Author's Note 2/2.2] Eeyup, I went there. I will probably do a blog post to treat this further but I guess I'll put in my two bits. This will be something of a therapeutic exercise for me. I was too serious during TGBM and so missed out on a lot of good opportunities to have real fun. It's a refreshing change to act more in an expressive and advisory role for a story. Rets more or less possibly has the reigns for this one. He was the one who came up with the idea mostly. I also may have discovered a hidden affinity for Pratchettisms, now that I know what they actually are. If you haven't read The Color of Magic or any of the other Discworld books, do it. They are amazing. My humor is naturally bone dry, Rets and Pissfer can attest to this. As this adventure goes on, you may need to bring a canteen, or at the very least a bottle of water. Your eyes may just shrivel up and fall out of your head, but I'm banking on the jokes being good enough to make them water as well so hopefully the two will cancel each other out and nopony gets hurt.

I did some digging in our skype notes and it looks like the first appearance of the idea showed up around the second Pinkie Pie chapter in TGBM so this has been festering in our ridiculous brains for quite some time.

I hope you enjoy our sillyness!:pinkiehappy:

Sequel? Not a spin-off? :fluttercry:

Fun. Harmless.

More, please. I like detective fics. :eeyup:

I'll give it a try. And I hope that it includes an explanation of what happened at the end of The Great Brony Migration, because I'm still trying to understand what the hell happened with that rushed ending chapter that felt like the ending of Lost: Too fast and without any real explanation of anything else.

So wait, Laich went to Manehattan due to a harmless kiss? I don't see how he could be forced out of Canterlot(?) due to a harmless kiss. To me, it almost seems like a self-imposed exile and thus he is just running away from his problem. I mean, things were probably said from both parties that they didn't actually mean and impulsive measures were taken in a state of mind that should not be making decisions. Of course he could just not be telling us something that explains this better.

Also, if you all don't mind me pointing this out:

“Mmmmmmheyup,” Rets slurred, cantering past Laich’s rolling eyes without a care in a^ world.

What is with the ^ symbol there?


Did you read the footnotes?

1401302 1401306 Oh right. I did read the foot/hoofnotes but I just didn't make the connection before I made that comment.

I'm having to add this to my favorites so I can read it after work tonight. If I don't, it'll get lost in my read later list.

“Hey! You’re the PI’s we sent for!” He heaved a sigh of relief. “I’m Sergeant Buckles. Sorry about the misunderstanding earlier, it’s just that we got quite the puzzle on our hooves here.”

Let me guess: the setup for this story was inspired by a Psych marathon, right? :rainbowlaugh:

Baseball caps, berets, bowlers, baker boys, fez’s, trappers, and top hats.

Should be "fezzes" (thank you, Doctor Who!).

He stopped at the ancient wooden desk, allowing a moment to scroll over its content.

Should be "contents."

...he said, trotting passed a nonplussed Rets.

Should be "past."

Otherwise, this is pretty amazing! :rainbowkiss: I enjoyed the descriptions of the buildings, keep doing that! Or something.

Good story. I'm liking it. Funny.And you should have gone for a fez. Fezzes are cool.

this story gives off a "cartoon spin-off of movie" vibe. don't get me wrong it's awesome but you know what i mean.:moustache:

In Manehattan's war on crime, the worst criminal offenders are pursued by the Magical Wizard Brony Detectives. These are their stories. Dun Dun

take this as a reward for the chapter
nutella is a gift from the gods

I find the simple narration here to be facinating. much like the Brony migration, I will have to read this story many times to pick up on all the nuances here.

as it is, the style has charmed me. I'll be back.

I don't know if I would call this style of narration 'simple'. I don't know what I would call it really. But if I had to classify it, I would definitely put it under Apologus ridiculus (sub-category foustus equus) which would of course be under the family Fabula, order Scriptio and kingdom Fantasia:pinkiehappy:

Hmmmmm... you're right.

"Very-Self-aware" is a better term,
and i was trying to avoid referenceing my favorite author, so is the term "Prachett-like"

That's perfectly fine really, we are deliberately taking pointers from Pratchett. I hold him in high regard, now that I have finished devouring The Color of Magic I would have to say that he is my most favorite satirical author. Of course I dove right into The Light Fantastic and it's already amazing.

I've always been a huge fan of the Watch series. Vimes, Carrot, Colin, Nobbs, Angua... wonderfully exciting mysteries.

Author's Notes 1/2:

So, we finally got off our rumps and started pre-planning the actual mystery details out, so no worries, from now on, we're not making ANYTHING up as we go along. Isn't that helpful? Also the policeponies were totally my idea. Inspector Device is best pony, and Daisy Thorn is actually an OC I was going to use for a Western-styled Conspiracy Story similar to this, called "Plotline", which has since been cancelled (despite Laich's annoyance at me saying so.) I just thought she deserved more, since I like my OCs.
Oh well. I hope you kids enjoy, and here's one of the notorious skype conversation snippits I always post to tease you guys with what we sillyheads do behind the scenes.
[12:55:31 AM] Jackson Amber: Shush pissfer, I'm tired
[12:55:46 AM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): I'm laughing more at the notoriety thing
[12:56:11 AM] Laichonious Raposo: why so?
[12:56:28 AM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): oh, it's good stuff and stuff
[12:56:29 AM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): lol
[12:56:35 AM] Laichonious Raposo: also Rets I had a hilariously stipid idea
[12:56:48 AM] Laichonious Raposo: it's so dumb
[12:56:53 AM] Laichonious Raposo: it's stipid
[12:57:02 AM] Jackson Amber: oh dear
[12:57:11 AM] Jackson Amber: If it's so dumb it's stupid, do you know how stupid it is?
[12:57:16 AM] Jackson Amber: I mean, hold up a second
[12:57:20 AM] Jackson Amber: Typically
[12:57:23 AM] Laichonious Raposo: so I was thinking about villains for some reason
[12:57:24 AM] Jackson Amber: Things are so dumb they're smart
[12:57:34 AM] Jackson Amber: But what you have here is something that's so dumb it goes full circle
[12:57:38 AM] Jackson Amber: right back to stupid again
[12:57:46 AM] Jackson Amber: that is like infinity dumb
[12:57:49 AM] Laichonious Raposo: and we could start a chapter towards the middle and set it up like this
[12:57:55 AM] Jackson Amber: You have an infinitely dumb idea.
[12:58:09 AM] Laichonious Raposo: [removed]
[12:58:11 AM] Jackson Amber: So the answer is yes.

Next Chapter: there is a song

I slacked so hard on this chapter... :twilightoops: However, this one sort of got written a lot faster than I expected (compared to the speed at which Laich usually writes, this was like... supersonic or something)

So ya, any errors are my fault, completely and entirely. Oh well, they should be fixed by the end of the day in general :twilightsheepish:

[Author's Note 8/8.888]
I seem to have this fixation with numbers and repeating things. Anyway, more Pratchett-esque shenanigans up in here. I think Rets has created a monster out of me in this regard. Things got done and yeah, we planned the next chapter. It might takes us as long to actually get around to doing it... The point is it's fun, so we will undoubtedly gravitate to it and write more. Personally, I think that this story is WAY better than TGBM, go figure, but that's just how it is. The world just feels richer to me somehow, probably because I'm taking the time to describe things, even if they aren't absolutely pertinent to what's going on (trollface.jpg). We also have a good plan for this, like out to the end of the story so things should develop in a fun way.

Also Rets thinks that this is the theme song for us and this fic. I think I agree. especially at the end, just around 7:16 :pinkiehappy:

Edit: hey, I just wanted all of you to know that we have poignant conversations in our chats sometimes too...

[9:07:15 PM] Laichonious Raposo: also
[9:07:25 PM] Laichonious Raposo: the other day I was going to eat a sammich
[9:07:35 PM] Laichonious Raposo: this is relevant, trust me
[9:08:00 PM] Laichonious Raposo: but the slices of bread were really big
[9:08:06 PM] Laichonious Raposo: I didn't want a big sammich
[9:08:32 PM] Laichonious Raposo: I must have muttered this out loud cuz my mom walked by and said "then just use one slice"
[9:09:00 PM] Laichonious Raposo: and I was like, "you can't make a sammich out of one slice of bread."
[9:09:39 PM] Laichonious Raposo: she raised her eyebrow at me, took a slice of bread, walked over to the counter, got a knife and cut it in half.
[9:09:51 PM] Laichonious Raposo: she took one half and put it on top of the other
[9:09:59 PM] Laichonious Raposo: my brain exploded
[9:13:38 PM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): and suddenly LotE
[9:13:39 PM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): lol
[9:13:48 PM] Laichonious Raposo: yup
[9:14:18 PM] Jackson Amber: Loool
[9:14:23 PM] Jackson Amber: no matter what age
[9:14:27 PM] Jackson Amber: your mom always is smarter
[9:14:46 PM] Laichonious Raposo: and how
[9:15:24 PM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): Know what's annoying...
[9:15:28 PM] Jackson Amber: cats
[9:15:29 PM] Laichonious Raposo: we have found a new toy
[9:15:40 PM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): I think now that I've read so much of this Pratchett-esque writing of you guys
[9:15:56 PM] Pissfer (Strange Quark): I'm now pissed with most omniscient writing that doesn't use something similar
[9:16:05 PM] Laichonious Raposo: hahahahah
[9:16:13 PM] Jackson Amber: XD

Okay, so maybe it wasn't all that poignant but still. It was funny anyway...

God I love this story.

Hmm... Seem legit.

I somehow doubt you guys used Lt Murphy on accident, especially with that title and everything. Which one of you reads Dresden? Or is it both of you?

Also, it's spelled "ma'am" and not "ma'm." I should know, after three years of Air Force Junior ROTC.


That would be me, having constantly befuddled Laich with my fanboying of Dresden each time a crossover fic (namely, Dresden Fillies) gets updated. He tolerates it, and I knew I had to stick a reference to him in here SOMEWHERE. Everyone in the meeting room was a reference to SOMETHING, though; it wasn't just Lt. Murphy.

A note on the first footnote...

A major part of the reason why many unicorns are highly superstitious is because many of said superstitions are quite real, at least for unicorns. For example, many unicorns believe that sleeping in a field of daisies will make your next spell work better. More educated unicorns-- those at the forefront of magical studies and research-- are aware that this is often true, since daisies tend to grow better at the points where leylines intersect. A great many unicorns, in fact, would be much comforted were they to read "Superstition and Superficiality, Simplified and Sealed" by Twilight Sparkle, a text on which are accurate and which are merely old mare's tales. They would, in fact, be much edified and be able to live their magical lives far more happily and with greater efficiency, to the general benefit of all of ponykind.

Unfortunately, Ms. Sparkle has yet to find a publisher for her manuscript. A pity, it's a heck of a read.

Inspector Device was reminding me of Inspector Gadget, but in name only. The same can be said of Old Marshal and the show Gunsmoke.

That was beautiful. I can't help but imagine there are a ton of references I'm not getting, though I am pretty sure I'm seeing all the Pratchett.

My favorite part might actually be the sandwich story in the comments, I'm reading this in public and got some looks at my reaction to it.

Now y'see, this makes me feel terrible for not having yet finished TGBM. CRUNCH TIME. :twilightoops:
Also, Just wondering, in this one, will there be any need/use of previously used characters, such as the ones from the fanbase?

Nope, this is a simpler story, in that regard. Any other characters will be natives.

Is it wierd for this to remind me of Psych? oh that reminds me, gotta catch up on the latest season!

i know what im reading after fixing my laptop, star'd and thumbs'd up in the meantime

Could we get extra spaces between the paragraphs? It's kind of a wall of text.

The floors were tiled in alternating black and white octagons,

It's impossible to have a two-dimensional pattern consisting of just octagons, they always need squares in between them. What colour are the squares in this pattern? And, for that matter, how did they fit sixteen octagons inside a single larger one?

1562657 could you possibly put extra spaces between the paragraphs? It makes it easier to read and I get lost and bored easily when there is a wall of text.

So... did he "watch" the princess or what. Me = confused...

Good story.

No. We decided to follow the standard format for publication. Indented paragraphs, no extra spaces except for breaks, 12 point serif font. There are, of course other parameters, but Fimfic does not constrain the page width so other specifications are irrelevant.

No really. Magic. You have to keep in mind that this is a satire or comedy. Some of the descriptions, dialogue, and events are meant to be impossibilities or oxymorons. It's part of the humor.

Holy carp, I didn't put any content in this comment. A week or so later, now that I've finally read some, this seems like a silly story with the style of Adams, but with a mystery underway. I find it more interesting than TGBM's style.
It doesn't seem so much a sequel as it is a story that happens after the one that set this universe up. Sort of like the Tales from the Blind Pig or Winds of Change collections, if anyone has heard of those. (Yes, they are anthro fics, I would rate them Mature if it concerns you. Great universes both.)

So Laich fell in love with one of the Princesses, if Luna I hope that at some point she figures out it had something to do with some runes they had been studying which turned a crush into an obsession.

So why's Laich a somnophiliac now?

I like the style of writing you use here, though it gets a bit rambly and may obfuscate information sometimes (such as why the hell they have been banished for their offenses and why they did them?). I still have no idea why he was watching Celestia sleep, but this looks to be an interesting non sequitur based off of the events that happened in TGBM.

Ok I love this so far, :twilightsmile: but I do have a complaint.:twilightoops:
They needed a job, and it looked like they accidently stumbled into becoming detectives, So how or why were Laichonious's and Retsamoreh's files already at the station, and everyone at the station were expecting them?:facehoof:

DOES NOT COMPUTE!:twilightangry2:

... 'WIZZARD" ...

Miles away and three universes to the left, Rincewind is wondering what the hell happened to his spare hat. It may have been blue, rather than his usual red, but it was his hat, damnit, and The Luggage had never lost something before, so he wasn't sure how it had happened now.

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