• Member Since 10th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 11th, 2016

Cobalt Swirls


Once a Bandle gunner, always a Bandle gunner.

T
Source

Meet Jargon Von Invincible, the greatest Gary-Stu to ever live, and join him in this satirical one-shot adventure for total control over Equestria. Will he take the throne for himself? Will he survive the perils and challenges? Will he conquer all those before him? Of course he will, it's an overpowered OC story.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 5 )

Honestly, it's too short. You had a good startup and premise but shot your wad too quickly.

I love satirical Mary Sue stories that don't take themselves seriously but felt you could have done more with this.

Well done, good sir. Stories like this give me the warm fuzzies. For your efforts, you shall receive a mustache and an Octavia plot.:moustache:dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png

Evil Homer is right... way too short.

The first paragraph had me laughing my ass off. This is comedy gold, why did it have to be so short?

Lol, it IS too short. We need to bask in Jargon's invincible-ness longer! :pinkiehappy:

So epic :rainbowlaugh: I love how you added some very subtle elements of real OC trainwrecks, like awkward grammar mistakes ("the wall of the dining hall blow apart") and, of course, the compulsory Skrillex mention. Perhaps that's the reason why it's so purposefully short and seemingly rushed?

In any case, :moustache:

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