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The First1,355 words
The Second2,599 words
Chapter 35,777 words
The Fourth3,845 words
Intermission608 words
The Fifth3,308 words
The Sixth3,096 words
The Seventh2,136 words

Intermission

A Dragonborn, Destiny, and Very Small Horses

Intermission

***

(Editor's Note: The following is an excerpt from a police report regarding who we would like to call one of Darr-Ei's associates; however, Darr-Ei does not (apparently) know him. His name will be kept secret until we receive Darr's approval. We as a publishing company would never do such a thing, as is stated in our contract. We place the exact date this event took place to sometime before the Everfree was set on fire.)

(Author's Note: I didn't commission this, nor did I even remotely suggest approval of the publishing of this information. This was strictly personal and may or may not have jeopardized whatever operations may be going on at the time. At this point I have ceased caring.)

Unnamed subject of the interview found wandering on the outskirts of Ponyville by the dam. Interviewee clad in strange gold armor, carrying a large black axe. The following is an excerpt of an encounter between the subject and some guards on patrol. As written by a civilian reporter who just happened to be on the scene.

***
Guards walk along the path adjacent to the Ponyville dam when they spot the U.C.

Guard 1: By the power invested in me by Celestia, I demand to know what your business is here! Especially in a restricted area such as this.

Unnamed creature turns to look at the speaker.

Guard 2: You really don't have to be so formal. Excuse me?

Unnamed creature stumbles toward the second guard and fixes his gaze upon him. U.C. breathes softly.

Guard 2: *coughs slightly* Why are you here?

U.C. takes out axe and leans upon it.

U.C: If I knew, I would certainly inform you. I have no idea how I came to be here. I touched the Fire (U.C. exaggerates the pronunciation of fire) and I was covered in brilliant flame, as it were. And thusly, I arrived in yonder swamp, that oddly enough, was also on fire. Whether I made it as such, is yet to be determined.

U.C. points to "yonder swamp". That is to say, the Everfree Forest. Guards look at each other.

U.C: Yet, when I refer to yonder swamp... (He raises his hand.) I refer to the area above the swamp.

Both guards look at each other, perplexed.

U.C: I fell. And I think I died. (Puts arms around his back.) Which is a problem I thought I solved. Which, now that I think about it, I simply solved the cause of the problem. Perhaps this problem is now a benefit. Makes a noise of deep thought. Well, the problem is that I came back.

Guard 1 looks at the U.C. with a slight apprehensiveness, and then clears his throat.

Guard 1: We, the royal guard of the sun-princess, Celestia, request for you to accompany us to the royal court located in the uppermost layer of Canterlot.

Guard 2 sighs.

U.C. lifts axe into the air and swings it and sets it on his back. He stretches and raises his arms into the air, seemingly directed at the sun.

U.C: Sun, eh? Well. Seems like there are always certain constants within my "life".

U.C. mouths what seems like the words "Praise the sun." They head off into the direction of Canterlot.

(Authors note: I don't know this son-of-a-bitch. This is going way too far. I don't associate with zombies or necromancers or whatever he is. AND NO I DID NOT SUMMON HIM. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT?! I may not have met him, but he is a necromancer. Pure evil those bastards are.)

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Sonicbrony66

Sonicbrony66 #1 · Mar 4th, 2012 · · ·

Thank you for this. Seeing that this updated made me serious the fuck up and calm the fuck down after I couldn't stop laughing. Don't ask why I was laughing. Trust me.

Krenshaw