• Member Since 7th Mar, 2022
  • offline last seen April 25th

Star Dawn


My home...my everything...was transported to an alien world. I have no idea, but I don't care..actually I do care...I do like it...but...at the same time... I don't care at all.. Does that make sense?

All I am trying to do is find my way back home, if only the princesses of the said land would allow me too.


Chapters (6)
Comments ( 70 )

good start, I suggest you change the rate E to M if you want to keep the porn tag

Alright! I like this so far!

A pretty good start, I am kinda interested in what will happen next for our displaced human.


Haven't read it yet, but why in the heck does an E rated story have a porn tag?


I removed the porn tag for you since there's no mature content anywhere in here. If you do intend on taking this in that direction at some point, make sure you change the rating when you do.

Is a blue line like yours an indication of fimfic staff?


Interesting start. You have my attention.

Also, I don't normally give thumbs ups until the story is at least three chapters in, but considering how perfectly you started this, you deserve the thumbs up. This was started absolutely masterfully.

"I took another sip of my coffee." -Star Dawn

So far I like where this is going. MC already feeling quite relatable sipping coffee without a care in the world.

Wouldn't making this about Anthro Ponies kind of ruin any mystery or fun juxtaposition of having a Human and their Home appear in the land of Equestria? :twilightoops: Or was Anthro added by accident?

Also, you have more than one character speaking in the same paragraph which is considered improper to do. :rainbowhuh:

Can't wait to read where this story is going.

Bwahahahah, I like this story immensely. It shows promise of hijinks and what-not.

May be slow down a little? The pacing feels a little rushed

Dude didn't mention his house was broken into twice? not just by the lil twerpsprincesses. But by royal guards, sure it's pretty archaic/medieval times, but pretty sure he should still complain they broke his door.

Understood, will do

'Thou has a very nice rear...'

Uh'ho, looks Faust just found the jackpot

So it seems that Faust might have future romantic feelings for him?

I admired Queen Faust's action to return the little human home back to his family, and develop some interest towards him:raritywink:

"Beautiful Thou says..." Faust said, "Not many males are bold enough to say that to my face."

Stallions is what their Eques cultural.

Faust smiled, "I admire thou's determination to be with thou's family."

King James English is a pain. I want to point this out as someone that grew up having to learn this style of writing, “thou’s” is incorrect, for a possessive you want to use “thy” and “thine” instead. “Thou” is not the only word to use nor can it be a possessive word. There are way more rules for grammar in KJ English than in modern day English. Example:

Thou = You (subject of a verb)
Thy = Your (possessive determiner)
Thee = You (pronoun, object of a verb or preposition)
Thine = Yours (possessive pronoun)

Ultimately, this is just a pointer or cheat sheet. Take or leave it, but I hope you do take it. Knowing when and where to use the correct word will make this story pop if you’re going to be using this old style of speech in your writing. And I really want to see this story reach it’s full potential.

Oh well, hope to see more in the future.

She could have been referring to males in general. As a ruler she has dealings with other races. With her head constantly on fire, I would expect foreign dignitaries to be a bit careful about how they interact with her.

“Come into my parlor, Ted. I have cookies!” -Reykan

Personally, I would have acted similar to the guy. (Did he ever say his name?) Although I would have been a bit more formal. I also would have requested that she replace my front door. She did break it down, after all.

"Anon had never known a bat pony to shy away from carnage. They were cuter than kittens, and much more bloodthirsty." -HeideKnight

Oh, thanks for tip.

Proper decorum as a Queen of Equestria. She was not speaking to a Pony

Normally, I wouldn't read anthro, but the lack of detailed description makes it easier to ignore. So far, so good.

I am actually very bad at descriptions, but I am glad you like it.

The story is not bad, simply not my type. I'd suggest pushing that E-rating up to a T-rating though. I'll probably still keep it on tracking though and try reading a bit further.

Ok I am looking forward to more chapters soon!

Comment posted by Star Dawn deleted Jan 9th, 2023

cool a little short though

Don't forget they're veterinarian, also you don't have to delete comments, just 'edit' them if you made typos.

A bit confusing layout on the chapter but still readable

Comment posted by Star Dawn deleted Jan 24th, 2023
Comment posted by Star Dawn deleted Jan 24th, 2023

Uh, before I start reading I need to know: is protagonist human, or living house, or living house with human mind and soul?

Human with his house in equestria

human and his house end up in another world


So the name of the story is a bit misleading, but ok, I'll give it a try.

Huh, an interesting rewrite. But why so to begin with?

I just felt more comfortable. Like it was going in a much smoother path

'Thou has a very nice rear...'


What quote is that from?

"I agree with thee." Celestia said with a small grin, "If this huuman was indeed violent, thou would hath indeed harmed us the moment we broke into Thine house."

Well to be fair Luna, you were little kids, now if an adult did then things would be different

I think thats from this story. Anon and Starlight Adventures By HeideKnight

"I took another sip of my coffee." -Star Dawn

Login or register to comment