Jump In My Cart

by Softy8088

Epilogue

Epilogue

She kicked at the mud in frustration. Globs of it sprayed upward and attached themselves to her legs and belly, but she was already so dirty that the action produced no noticeable change to her appearance.

With a theatrical groan toward the heavens, she started again down the road. On the first step, her hoof impacted against something heavy, producing a distinctly metallic sound.

She looked down at the small brown sack lying on the ground.

Comments

[MightyBigMacintosh]

Dafuq?

[Softy8088]

1347066 My thoughts exactly.

[Karna]

I'm... very confused.

Tell me. If I Dark Rituals, will that confuse me too?

[Softy8088]

1518898 Wow, at this point, I don't even know. I hope not. I can tell you this though: "Dark Rituals" is what I personally consider my best so far. Both "Jump In My Cart" and "Pony and Prejudice" were just ideas that I felt I needed to get out. "Dark Rituals" was carefully planned out over time.

If you do choose to read it, and don't like it, there would be nothing I'd appreciate more than hearing why.

[Softy8088]

1553292
Um, yes. All the dialogue is the (very-slightly-modified) lyrics to this. I included a link in the story, near the end. Really, this fic was an experiment to see if I could write a semi-serious story around the lyrics of a totally ridiculous song. I still have no idea if I succeeded; not enough ratings or comments.

I always appreciate comments on my stories, so thank you!

[Rafarofa]

“Get out the cart!”
Well, that caught me off guard but he really should have asked her where she lived in first place instead of offering do things that he couldn't know if he can do

[thehalfelf]

iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-keep-calm-and-blink.gif

[Emilise284]

This made me laugh. Thanks. Did you have a name in mind for our mysterious cart reject?

[Softy8088]

1871456 Glad I could make you laugh. Alas, no. This pony is a nameless, disposable character just there to make the plot work. But she would be named after whatever constellation she had on her flank. I used Noctua in "Dark Rituals" and Auriga in a fanfic that's still in progress.

So... let's say this one is... Tucana? Cause she lives down south?

[Rollin Thunder]

Lol hilarious story hmmm and Karma just bit The Mac in the rump, how will he explain this to Apple Jack lol. you definitely succeeded in your experiment well for me at least lol. So did he name his kart KIT and did Twilight enchant it with Turbo Boost lol.

[Softy8088]

1878308 Glad you liked it! My first published fic. I was prepared for downvotes and critical comments, but for two weeks I had nothing! This story just sat there with 0 likes and 0 dislikes for such a long time I didn't know what to think. At this point I'm just glad the rating is at least positive. At least some people liked it!

The Epilogue was a totally last-minute addition. I just randomly remembered that there was a sack of bits involved and it all came together.

And LOL @ the KITT apple kart.

[Torlan04]

1883871 You're really saying that you didn't plan for Big Macintosh to lose his money all along? When you first mentioned the sack of bits, I was completely convinced that it would be important later in the story. Interesting, how things like that can develop.

It took me long enough to figure out that the dialogue was some kind of song or poem - to be fair, though, I didn't know the song. I still don't, actually, because the song is blocked on Youtube where I live and I didn't want to pause reading long enough to find a proxy...

Nevertheless, your story was really entertaining, I think I was caught between grinning and lack of comprehension the whole time I read it.

[Softy8088]

1938145 I really didn't plan for Mac to lose his bits. The story needed an introduction so I wrote one. Heading home after a successful day of selling apples - mentioning the earned money seemed natural. I completely forgot about it until after the story was done, and then it hit me.

I'm glad you liked it!

If you don't mind me asking, though, you're not the first person to have a "lack of comprehension" and I'm wondering - what about this story is confusing? While I can understand that people find this story "unfunny" or "pointless" or just "bad", I don't think I wrote anything that would outright confuse my readers. What am I missing?

[Torlan04]

1940313 I think it's simply the dialogue: since it's actually the slightly changed lyrics of a song it feels kind of funny when you read it without that knowledge. The reader might (maybe unconsciously) notice the rhyming pattern or some kind of iteration typical for a song without being able to put his finger on it. That would be a good kind of "lack of comprehension", though, because it would probably make the reader want to understand what's going on in the story.

Well, that and Macintosh dumping that poor filly. That was unexpected.

And stop bashing yourself or your stories. The confusion made the solution even funnier - you make it sound like it's a bad thing. Have a Pinkie to convince you.

[Softy8088]

1942214 Ah, I see. Thanks for the explanation.

I'm not bashing - I just see the rating, and right now I have 9 people who felt this story deserved a thumbs down. That tells me something about the reception it's getting. I am not sitting here sulking over it, mind you, nor am I complaining. I'm very happy and this fic will always have a special place in my heart because it's the first fanfiction I posted for the world to see.

I'm also very satisfied with my more recent successes, but I think a healthy dose of self-deprecation keeps an author motivated and avoids falling into the trap where one expects praise as a matter of course. Sorry if I'm putting too much negativity out there - I just want to keep myself on the ground. I've seen too many authors get all stuck-up after banging out a couple of moderately-successful fics, and I don't ever want to become like that.

[Torlan04]

1944617 I think I can see what you're getting at. But it is good to know that you like your stories, because I've seen one or two artists been really demotivated by not giving themselves enough credit, as well. Especially a friend of mine, he could draw the most incredible stuff, but never seemed to be satisfied with it. So I might have gotten into a little routine there, telling you not to be too hard on yourself Reading that reply, I'm much more convinced that you already found a more reasonable balance than I thought at first.

And don't worry, you don't put "too much negativity" out here. While I try not to worry and, when in doubt, try asking questions first and assaulting with Pinkie Pie later. ;P

PS: It's 3AM around here - so if there is any lack of sense, I can blame it on nighttime and a current lack of caffeine.

[Shadowwk]

I thought I had noticed a jaunty beat with this fic. Song fics rock.

[JoeReads]

*reads story* what? *watches video* ... Really?

[Arwhale]

1944617

Sorry if I'm putting too much negativity out there - I just want to keep myself on the ground. I've seen too many authors get all stuck-up after banging out a couple of moderately-successful fics, and I don't ever want to become like that.

That's a good way to be. But don't be afraid to give yourself some credit where it's due, either.

[Themaskedferret]

I'm really conflicted as to how to rate this one. I may simply not leave a vote at all.

The pros for me (and they're many) Are that the dialogue was excellently done, very funny and appealing throughout and felt rather polished. The characters were all amusing and appealing and the descriptions felt just right. Exactly what they needed to be, no more and no less.

The con, that leads me to consider leaving no vote, is Big Mac's behavior. Why does he immediately kick her out right there? Why doesn't he apologize and explain? Why get so angry so suddenly? It feels out of character for him and really bothered me. It just felt like a really nasty shock, like a big friendly dog bouncing up and biting you.

I suppose the advice to take from this is to know your characters. If this was any other pony, I would've loved this story and thumbed it up gladly. But with someone who has always been shown as very slow and patient and polite it felt really off.

I couldn't fathom why he didn't simply take her as far as Ponyville and then wish her well. I mean sure not getting any sucks but still. It didn't feel like that was the primary motivation.

[Softy8088]

4436767 You are way overthinking this.

This tale is an early experiment of mine, and an example of constrained writing. The dialogue is not written by me; the narrative which surrounds it is.

If you didn't like, a downvote is fair. You even provided your reasons, which I appreciate, and which is a lot more than authors here typically get.