got me a good laugh

11439460
But is it the end?

Which part did you like?

11439466
well, i liked the most how it was pointed out she missed the news. and the tail part when she realized

Kind of bummed out by the ending, because Cherry Berry doesn't get enough love from the fandom as it is.

Oh, this is good. I feel bad she didn't get the date!!!

She deserves it!!

I want to read more!!

That’s all?!

So u r doing a squeal, after Cherry's state. I thought will be her down fall from Christopher.

Do you best in your way of storytelling.

Why did Christopher not show up?

I Love this, but the name is the one used to refer to my male surrogate who once was called my ‘dad', so... . ;~; Other than that, please give more of this!

this reads like the first chapter of a multi chapter story. I know that it is marked complete but there is so much that is not resolved.
Why did he not show up?
Will she have to explain the tail flagging?
Does he or will he see mares as romantic partners?
Will they get together?
What problems will there be, and will they overcome them?
This part of the story is well done but there is so much that could be done with it.

I hope you continue this dude.

11439475
Sad but true

11439475
I just checked and there are 24 stories, this one included, that even have her tagged.

Awww!

Aight I'm hooked, sequel please

I realize this is supposed to be humorous, but it didn't hit that way for me, and had me crying at 3:30 a.m. (glad no one saw that). It's probably just me, since I had an awful day (technically, yesterday then today, but it's all one waking period). I had hoped to read something more lighthearted, trying to relax so I can finally go to sleep since I'm stuck dwelling on things. I shit you not, the start of the day was I and a friend talking about having trouble finding women and being concerned about getting older without having kids (I'm mid-20s, he's a few years older than me). So, through no fault of your own, you've made my day even worse. I suppose that counts for something, since a story that gets no reaction at all is probably a dull one.

I bet he suffered a problem like my sister did on her route yesterday. The mail truck had been late.

As mentioned by another, this seems like a good start. I'll wait for more.

My only critique is: the name "Cherry Berry" was used over 110 times in this one chapter. That's a bit much and was tiring to read that name over and over.
Overall, the writing style feels very formal and "stiff."

But, the story setup is great. They both enjoy aviation, and cherry pie. He seems to like looking at particular pony parts, she has particular pony parts to be looked at. They both live in Ponyville.... let the romance begin!

>mare flags you
>ditch her

What a fucking faggot. The correct response is to show her your dick.

I wonder what she’ll do next?

11439631
Wow. That's a small amount.

Probably near the same amount for sprout from gen 5 too

You could benefit from some looser writing. This felt very rigid for a comedy, and the subject matter damn near jerked a tear. Poor Cherry, I've always loved her, and this was just so devastating. I eagerly await a sequel.
Phenomenal work so far!

This didn't read like a comedy to me. I'm far from an expert on comedies, but it just seems too heavy. The subject matter is highly relatable; I'm sure many people who spend their days reading pony fiction have a hard time with romance; and its portrayal isn't lighthearted enough. The only funny thing I can think of is the human aviator falling from the sky more or less just as requested, though it is a bit cheesy. It also reads like the beginning of a multi-chapter story, leaving things unresolved.

I had to stop half way and just skim through it. Like others said, it felt rigid and to me just didn't feel real as characters to say. It's the conversation, 'I will probably go outside Ponyville for date' paraphrasing here but it feels like that. The "I will" sounds so robotic compared to "I'll probably". And the whole "Oh my gosh it's human? That's so crazy it's blowing my mind!" That also just sounds so fake and completely blown out.

Oh yeah, I forgot last night, I found some errors:

Cherry Berry had no complaints about her body compared to the leaner pegasi mares.

*pegasus

Minuette saddly answered, “All of them. Every single stallion.”

*sadly

Cherry Berry tried to remove un-merely thoughts ...

*un-marely

He let go of her hoof, which he didn’t want to do, but he let it go.

I'm not quite sure what this sentence is supposed to be

You don’t need to do what, but I appreciate it!

I'm thinkin' "what" should be "that". Is that correct, or am I seeing a regional dialect I'm not familiar with?

11440056
the plural of Pegasus is Pegasi

11440076
Yes, it is. That's why pegasus is correct there and pegasi is not. Imagine she were comparing to unicorns instead. You'd say:

Cherry Berry had no complaints about her body compared to the leaner unicorn mares.

You would not say:

Cherry Berry had no complaints about her body compared to the leaner unicorns mares.

Really well written. Really hope you continue this.

Aw, I feel so bad for poor Cherry Berry :(
I hope we can see more of this!

11440076
Pegasus is being used as an adjective, not a noun. "Pegasus" instead of "Pegasi" is correct.

I really want to see a sequel of some sort, but cut down on the number of times you use a name in a story.

I used the find feature on Chrome and counted 112 uses of "Cherry Berry" inside this story alone! Geezus!

11440056
I used grammarly. Looks like it missed a few things or that I missed it during the once over. I'll go fix them.

11440337
It's a grammarly thing. It gets pissy if I use pronouns too much like the word "her". I probably relied a bit too much on it. I'll go in and clean up the story a bit.

And yes, a sequel will be made. Things will be addressed why he stood her up and the sequel will deal with a the aspects of interspecies dating, differences, etc. Christopher's friends will help him see the error of his ways and tell him to fix it before it's too late.

11440136
Since it was featured for over 12 hours and it blew up, I will make it a three series. Next story will be Christopher with his friends playing a card game. The third one will be he goes to win her back and shenanigans ensue.

11440119
Yes, I will continue it. You haven't seen the last of Cherry Berry and Christopher.

11440013
Well, it was supposed to be a one-shot. I wasn't planning on making a continuation but since it's liked enough, I will make a sequel to resolve things. I used grammary, and I'm noticing it's a bit more rigid in the final product. I used my settings to craft a story vs a formal thing but it looks like the software can't help itself. I'll go back in the story and try to redo some of it.

I changed the tag too after reading your words.

11440050
I tried to explain Cherry Berry's reaction by using Megan from G1 and why humans are seen that way. I even added the Lyra human trope and the human fandom thing in there. I mean, if unicorns are a myth and all of a sudden you see one in real life, you're telling me you won't act surprised at all?

Sorry you didn't like it.

11439875
I used Grammarly and it has a tendency to formalize stuff, even though I tell it I'm writing and story. It gets a conniption fit if I use "her" to refer to a main female character too much. I'm going to have to ignore some of it's suggestions and I'll go back in the story and "loosen it up a bit".

And thanks! Since this was received well enough, I will write a sequel.

11439558
yeahhhhh the tags on this were a little too lighthearted for a downer ending and this really feels like a premise instead of a story

11439823
I like her, I have been flying for most of my career, and I was playing Pilotwings 64 the other day. After playing it, I was like "wait a minute, what about a Cherry Berry story?".......nah, it was R34 and this picture that inspired me to write about the P&P. I plan on writing a sequel to talk about pony/human relations and aspects that might be an issue or what now. I dunno, I fapped and I'm writing now.

11439818
Cherry Berry and Christopher aren't done yet. Follow me and I'll post the sequels later on.

11439810
I will explain it why he did what he did in the sequel. Also, all will be fixed once his friends show him the error of his ways and tell him why the pussy an donut is the ultimate prize. Cherry Berry and Christopher aren't done at all, not by a long shot.

And yes, dicks out for mares. Well, Equestrian mares. Real life horse puss is gross.

11439783
It's my fault. I'm using grammarly, and even when I set it to informal, it still tries to formalize crap. It gets pissy when I use pronouns too much like "her", hence the Cherry Berry word count.

And glad you like it! You haven't see the last of these two at all. Sequels on the way, with human and pony love in bound. And yeah, she has the goods, he'll understand that soon....

11439780
Sorry?

11439778
Dude, as someone who has been married twice (soon to be divorcing my second), YOU WILL BE FINE!

Mid 20s? Pfft! Don't make the same mistake of thinking "OMG! I gotta have kids now!"

You're a guy (I'm assuming), you can have kids at any age. It's the women who have the biological clock. Do not compromise and also, understand most women today aren't marriage material. Consider looking at the Philippines for a wife. Improve yourself and your purpose first.

Also, this isn't the end. Cherry Berry and Christopher aren't done. Sequels will be made.

11439697
On the way! I'll write it now.

11439680
Not the end....sequel inbound....soon.

11439597
Yes, I will be writing a sequel. Follow me and it will pop-up in a few days.

11439558
Originally to be a one-shot but since it's well liked, I will write a sequel. I'll post another story explaining more about Christopher and why he stood her up and how his friends will "fix him". Trust me, it's not over yet, and her heart will be healed.

11439554
Okay...but yeah, I'm making a sequel.

11439533
Follow me to read the sequel. I will explain all of it and all will be made right.

11439516
Eeyup, follow me to read the sequel. These two are meant to be, but how will they get there? You'll see.

11439496
Nope, sequel is on the way. Follow me and you'll find out more.

11439476
And she will! I promise all will be made right. Follow me to read the sequel. Cherry Berry will get her man eventually.

11439475
Oh, it's not over yet. Sequel on the way. She will get her man, and he will see the power of the pussy and the ponut.

11439468
Cherry Bery had an oopsie exposure!

11440464
I changed the tags. Also, a sequel will be made.

11440482
Hurray! Sequel! You get a like for that promise. ( ;

11440480
yep

11440480
Good to hear!! I look forward to the sequel!!

11440480
The truck that delivers the mail to the various offices was late, causing a late start

... kinda disappointing that this is where you decided to end the story, especially given that you have a "sequel" coming out relatively soon.

11439778
Food for thought: Having children, is that something you want or what you think you are supposed to do? If it's the latter, choose something else.

11440480

And yes, dicks out for mares. Well, Equestrian mares. Real life horse puss is gross.

Aha!
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Big oof for Cherry berry. I'm eager for a sequel now.

11440453
From what others have told me, and my limited personal experience, grammerly kinda sucks, especially for storytelling.

11440480
Ehh, sorry. I'll shut My trap and stick to reading.

11440815
It's helped me quite a bit but I understand what you mean. It's not really suited for stories.

I made come changes in the story, so I hope it helped a bit. I cut down on the over use of the main character's name by half.

Question, do you think it's better to change it from "Complete" to "incomplete" and post the sequel chapters in this story? Or post them as separate stories? I know people want this to not be the end, so I'm wondering what's more efficient. I'm used to multi-chapter stories, and typically don't do one-shots.

Thank you for your feedback.

11440932
You're free to comment dude, just saying this isn't the end. Debating posting new chapters here rather than posting separate stories.

11440694
Debating posting a separate story, vs updating a new chapter. Either way, this isn't the end of it.

11440688
Having children is no small matter. Having them with the first woman to come along is even worse, especially if she isn't long term material. Modern day is a bad time for marriage and kids and is in many ways Sodom and Ghomora 2.0.

11440662
I'm debating updating a chapter vs posting a new story. Was going to make this a three story series, but this blew up more than I expected. I was aiming for a one shot originally but I'm used to multi-chapter stories.

11440652
Ah, I see.

11440636
Would you prefer I post a new chapter or a new story?

11440337
I cut it down to 55. Hopefully that is much better.

11441004
Well, honestly. What would you like?? Which is easier for you??

I honestly don't care if you add an extra chapter or make it its own story. Just as long as there is follow up

11441004
Alright, thank you. I feel better. I've just been quite on-guard lately, due to personal crap. I try not to assume the worst, but the past year has been hell, so I usually regret My actions before anything else when somethibg out-of-the-ordinary happens.

11441008
Its gonna be whatver is easier for people to see it. I want to post another story but I'm getting conflicting responses. I don't want people to not see the sequels amd wonder "Why is there no closure?"

Originally, it was to be a one-shot, then a sequel if Christopher being shown the error of his ways, then the third installment of him winning Cherry Berry back.

11441058
Then do that. The three parts. It sounds interesting to me