Why is she afraid of heights? A Pegasus who has acrophobia? Rainbow Dash began asking these questions, and was eventually lead to inquire Fluttershy for the reason of why she was so phobic of something so frivolous.
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Art Inspired
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Sad speed write. Wrote this in approximately 55 minutes and 46 seconds. Challenge presented by my SSP to write a sad story on the spot, edit and proof read said story under one hour. Challenge accepted and completed. Now I need ratings and comments.
Not bad for something written so fast. It's very sad.
Under an hour? I say, well done
I like Fluttershy. Will read later.
Whoa.... That story hit home for me. No joke, my father passed away 3 years back. Awesome story nonetheless!
I love it!
But, I can't help you with a critique, sadly.
If I had to say anything, it would be that the moral seemed constrained being forced in a single paragraph like it is. But again, for a quickly written thing, I love it.
I did notice these, however. Something simple and easy to fix, thankfully.
Not bad. I think Fluttershy came out to say it a little too fast, but it was a good read. Thumbs up
sad, sweet story. now i'm gonna check out the rest of your stories.
1326037 Thank you. It's been fixed.
1326127
No problem.
Sometimes, though, I wish I could feel the pain. I say this because I have lived with many foster families before finally being adopted. I will forever feel the hole of never having knew my parents, but sometimes I feel cold from never having had the chance to love them.
What can you do, though? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
I'm a Pegasus with acrophobia and that's perfectly fine...
But you have a good story in front of you. I don't really read teen stories, however.
Hey Art! That's a mighty fine story for under an hour.
I noticed this, though. "witness her won father's death" --> witness her own father's death
It does seem to lack a little bit of backbone. Understandable. There wasn't much introduction and setting before getting straight to your story, which made it a bit harder to connect to, and thus, less emotional. But knowing you, as a writer, it is easier to get. This story is definitely your style, and I say, thumbs up.
Rarely Used Popular Emoticons:
1326541 Thank you. It's been fixed!
Another quick fix I caught.
I think you mean "tale".
The story itself is alright, but I felt like it lacked resolution. Yes, Fluttershy's story is sad, but that's not necessarily enough to end on. What's more is that it feels kinda..."dumped" on you. Like, "Oh, by the way, sadness." I'd consider going back and expanding on the dialogue. Really make Rainbow have to work to get the story out of her, and then develop Fluttershy's emotional outbreak more. Also consider that maybe this secret SHOULD be brought to light, and that Rainbow might be able to (with the help of the others possibly) assist Fluttershy in overcoming her phobia and come to terms with her father's death. These are just my thoughts, and either way you have a solid foundation to build on here. Good job. :)
1326918 Thank you! It's fixed, and the story will actually stay the same due to it being a speed write. To change it in any way other than editing would still be messed up on my part, if any of that makes any sense.
Awww, poor fluttershy :( I've read stories about fluttershy and why she would rather live on the ground than in the skies, but this one was different than the rest. Great, but sad, story.
Very well written, i loved it and it explains a lot. I can't wait to read some more of your stuff.
Yeah, secrets should be kept in the dark sometimes...
But eventually they always come out.
I've been hiding my love for my best friend for... i have no clue how many years. And while venting to her about yet another trobulesome thing, i somehow let it all out. And i do believe i ruined our friendship.
And now, it's the only thing i can talk about......
I can see this was made rather quickly.
I really like the premise, and your writing is great. However, I wouldn't see Fluttershy cave into explaining her horrible memories and how they synch in with her flying. It came at us in a few paragraphs and that's it. I felt like this could have been brought out more, and I would have liked to feel more emotion for Fluttershy, because it's a traumatizing experience anyone can feel, but it was too short to really get anything out of her minus what happened to her father. Nothing seems to have happened minus us discovering this and Fluttershy coming out with it. Maybe we could have seen her come to terms with it rather than have it explained, I don't really know? But since you made this more as a speed challenge, I can tell this was made with not too much time to really bring it everything that I wanted to see. Still, it's good, despite my dislikes about it.
1328444 I'm considering making another version with more show rather than tell... but not right now. I'm very tired.
1328464 Ah. Well, should you do so, I'd be very interested.
1328550 Thanks.
Pretty good for a speed-write.
The only thing that makes this sadder is that I'm listening to fitting music.
1325982
Somthing tells me you light twilight as well.
1330879
What makes you think that?
1330966
Because latex is best pony
1337092
I like yer reasons!
Honestly.... It didn't make me fall into tears, but..... It was very nice
Thumbs up.
1327696 Dude that sucks... I hope everything turns out okay.
Needed a little more length and less author to reader kind of writing. You were telling in your own voice, not in Rainbow dash's or Fluttershy's voice. Good concept though.
I think we'd all know why Fluttershy's afraid of heights, the episode "Cutie Mark Chronicles" gave a perfectly good reason for that. She fell off a cloud, way up high in the air, leading to, presumably, her doom.