What did you Expect in this Chapter Name, Vodka?
Nikolai Berlinski and Equestria, with no Zombies?!?!
By Awesomedude17
"AHH! Monkey! MOOOONKEEEEY!!!"
Nikolai was trying to get the monkey off of him. He hated monkeys so much.
He ran around and hit his head, hard.
"Oooo... ahhhh... oooo..." Nikolai collapsed on the ground while the monkey ran away...
To its owner, Fluttershy and Dempsey.
"I'm glad you let me do that, Fluttershy. Rarity would be so pleased."
"I'm, uh, still not very sure that this was, um, necessary."
"The drunk did call your lover a bitch, blew up her toilet and generally gave her hell."
"Oh, okay. I'm just glad Bo Bo-bo is alright, he was always fragile."
"Yep, I'll tell what happened to Rarity. That was awesome!"
"Yeah, totally." The two looked to the sky to see Rainbow Dash. "That was an awesome prank you guys. But I never expected you to be a part in that, Fluttershy."
"Oh, well, Dempsey did most of the work... I just told Bo Bo-bo to listen to Dempsey."
"Well, I think you would want to help Pinkie and me prank all of Ponyville. Do you?"
Dempsey thought about it, he then said, "Hell yeah, I want to pull pranks. I'll just ask one thing."
"What?"
"Who're the targets?"
Nikolai was in a boat, floating in a sea of vodka.
"Oh, I take back what I said last time I was knocked out, THIS IS HEAVEN! FUCKING HEAVEN!"
He then proceeded to slurp the clear liquid from the sea.
-In the real world-
"Nikolai! Ah heard..." Applejack then noticed the unconscious drunk, "NIKOLAI!"
-In the dream-
"Huh, someone call me?"
Nikolai looked around, and shrugged. He then drank more of the vodka sea.
"Ha ha, guys. Just be glad this wasn't a dangerous prank." Twilight was covered from head to hoof in soot from a magical explosion. The three prankers were laughing their a...
"Author! This isn't the time."
Fine Pinkie. At least Dempsey didn't say anything yet.
"So, who is your next target?"
"I've been thinking..." Rainbow Dash then noticed Applejack pull Nikolai in a cart, in the general direction to the hospital.
"Nevermind."
"Hey author. Are you going to..."
Yep Dempsey, my author powers activated to play this suddenly with no one understanding why.
"You dick."
"What's happening?"
"Nevermind that Twilight, let's just be... professional griefers."
"HAHA!" Pinkie understood what Dempsey meant.
A long pause later, "Alright, just don't hurt anypony."
The mares saluted and unison-ed, "Right."
"Ohh, where am I?"
"Yer in the hospital, and now, yer truly clean."
"Huh, how." Nurse Redheart came in as she heard the question.
"The head trauma wasn't that bad, but we found many other problems."
"Like what? What could I have that would be problem?"
The nurse took out a list and was ready to speak, "Just a few problems."
"Oh..."
"Ahem, number one..."
"I'm just glad it was disappearing ink that you smeared on my dresses. Seriously Dempsey, aren't you a little old to be acting like a childish foal?"
"I needed stress relief, and the alternative would have stained your couch."
Rarity didn't want to know what he meant. "Just leave, I'll have to dry out these dresses now."
The three prankers saluted and left the Boutique. While outside, Dempsey realized something.
"You girls go on without me. I just realized I have a errand to run." Maybe after I visit the cave, I'll ask about Discord.
"Alrighty tighty, Dempsey. Let's go Dashy!" The two mares went off, while Dempsey went to Twilight's library.
"...and finally, we found that you have a large amount of alcohol in your system, but I bet you knew that last part."
"Yeah, I did." Nikolai looked over to Applejack, who was shocked at how sick Nikolai was, literally. "So, did you cure me?"
"Of all diseases. Next time, use a condom."
"Soviet Union doesn't have too many of those." Redheart took out a wrapped condom.
"Just, take one and use it next time. Please."
"Fine... not like I'll use it for sex anyway."
"What was that?"
"Nothing. Let's get out of hospital." Nikolai sniffed himself and noticed how good smelling he was now.
"Be grateful, it took the washer and a Heavy-duty Oxygen tank just to dilute the smell."
"Wow, no wonder dreamscape have whirlpool."
The drunk and Applejack went to the desk and checked out, and Nikolai felt... full of energy.
"Yer okay, Nikolai?"
"Better, I feel as young as child again! Let us go get that monkey."
"Monkey?"
Nikolai ran off, he still had all the Perk-a-Colas in his system, so Stamin-Up was still making Nikolai faster. But this energy from good health made it three times as effective now.
"Nikolai, wait!"
"...and that's when the dream ended."
"Hmm, the cave you described, I think I have... Ah ha!"
Dempsey looked at the title of the book, Mysterious Landmarks. by Starswirl the Bearded.
"Let's see here... here it is." Dempsey looked at the page Twilight was on and read the name of the landmark.
"The Cave of Vagueness, What the hell is that supposed to be?"
"According to this book, the Cave of Vagueness is a cave that gives a slight answer to big questions."
"Oh wow, it's a computer in stone." Dempsey replied in sarcastic tone.
"Dempsey, only the Princess knows where it is. I'll send a letter immediately."
"Do so. I don't want to wait." Dempsey browsed the selection of books until he came to a specific one.
"The Reign of Discord?"
"Oh, Him. He in stone now." Twilight was halfway done with writing the letter now.
"What, really? How?"
"The Elements of Harmony!"
"What's..." Twilight handed him an recently updated version of the book The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide, having little time to explain.
"Okay, I'll just read."
"You don't seem..."
"While I love to kick zombie ass, reading has always been one of my favorite activities before fighting."
Twilight seemed skeptical, but glad someone had a sense of love for books. "Spike, send this letter to the Princess."
"Okay." Spike sent the letter, Dempsey assumed that it was being taken by bird. He never really checked, he was reading up on... how... the... 6...
"YOU USED THESE THINGS!"
"Umm, yes. But I'll tell you, we don't like to be seen as celebrities."
Dempsey had his eyes narrowed, but he shrugged it off. "Fine."
Spike belched up a letter, which Twilight promptly took and read. Dempsey looked confused.
"How did... nevermind. What does it say?"
"Well Tank, looks like you're going to be with royalty for a few hours."
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1340203 Bitch, she my favorite. Get da fack outta here!
This story has been one WTF read for me so far, but I'm enjoying it
1340452 I know, I originally didn't think that this story would be like this. But I will say that the se... Nevermind, Let's just wait for the ending. It is coming in a few chapters.
this makes no sense, must need more vodka.
SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!!!!!!!
1340420 then y u havin her be trolled by Nicolai.
I honestly think the author wrote this Nikolai Style: Drunk of Vodka