• Member Since 10th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Blobskin


Writer of Macro/Micro porn, rampages, and adventure. I take... some requests. Within reason. I try to be a good man.

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Celestia rejects the human Briar and throws him out of her palace. At his lowest point, crying out for help and companionship, something responds...

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Was Briar effectively a HIE who made the moves on Celestia only for her to be repulsed?

11420998
Woof.

I mean, sure Tias response is a tad over the top (depending on how the actual exchange went) but are we supposed to sympathise with the protagonist?

In that instant Briar's mind returned to the past. He was forced to relive that terrible scene when Celestia stared at him with disgust. When she yelled and threw him to the tiled floor. When she smashed his hand. When she kicked him down the steps. When she ordered him to go to the Everfree and die there. When the mare he loved so much showed him how much she hated him and how cruel she could be.

And what the fuck did he expect Celestia's reaction to be? That Celestia even put up with Brian for a time before this says something, and that it was his attempt to put the moves on her that set her off.

Or I missed something? The AN isn't helping much. Only in that I'm glad this is staying as a one shot.

11421004

are we supposed to sympathize with the protagonist?

Sort of? I wasn't really aiming for Briar to be sympathetic, more that Celestia is just unreasonable and stubborn. The story was mostly going to be driven by Celestia's blind conviction that Briar and his various guardians are evil and must be stopped. For example: the beholder-pony, which was going to be the next mare introduced, would arrive at the same time Celestia comes to investigate the signal the Tree of Harmony released. Beholders are traditionally evil invaders of the mortal world, sort of like demons. So of course as soon as Celestia shows up to check on the Tree she sees Briar with a monster. Assumptions are made and there is a fight. From then on Celestia has decided that Briar and his girls are a threat. And every fight she loses deepens her determination to "stop the evil uprising".

As for how Briar's confession went? Even I'm not sure. I kind of intended to keep it vague, only revealing that Briar is mentally scarred or embarrassed by it. So he is reluctant to accept his various guardians' oaths as genuine.

11421030
Yeah this whole thing needs a better set up ngl, I'm not a fan of harems but it CAN work. However making your protag some greasy dweeb who gets rejected by Celestia due to REDACTED, only to then end up with a group of loving females seems...well not great.

As an example, having Celestia throw him under the bus on sight purely because he's "Not of this world" leads into her condemnation of the dark-harem ponies in a much more elegant way and removes the creepy factor.

11421028
11421035

I left the details of what happened between Celestia and Briar vague on purpose, yet both of you are assuming Briar is "creepy" or did something wrong. I find that a bit strange and depressing.

You are not told how or why Briar came to Equestria. Is he a former brony who wished to go into the show? Or is he a generic "I wish to go to a fantasy world"? All you know is he "made a wish". Also, you don't know how long he was in Equestria before he told Celestia he loved her. Has it been years or did he just arrive yesterday? How did he confess to Celestia? Did he do it in the courtroom in front of an audience or did he ask for a private meeting in the garden? Don't know, I didn't tell you. Sure, Briar screaming and angry on the mountain may paint him as an entitled jerk, but consider he just had the love of his life tell him to die, smash his hand, buck him in the chest, and throw him down a set of stairs. I must ask honestly, who wouldn't be mad after that? That's not as much of a hint to his character as you might think it is.

Who was being unreasonable? Did Celestia massively overreact or did Briar do something terribly inappropriate? I didn't tell you. You are reading into the story something I didn't put there. Who was in the wrong? I don't believe I gave you enough details to determine that. At least not for certain.

11421089
Then you should have expected people to make assumptions when you don't give all the details.

11421089

Who was being unreasonable? Did Celestia massively overreact or did Briar do something terribly inappropriate? I didn't tell you. You are reading into the story something I didn't put there. Who was in the wrong? I don't believe I gave you enough details to determine that. At least not for certain.

So it's bad on purpose. Very bold direction to take.

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