A thousands years has taken its toll on Princess Luna; all her friends are gone and she feels out of place and alone. That is however, until she meets Big Macintosh and her look on life changes. After a magical night both will wonder what lies in store for them.
(First Fanfiction so go easy on me but advice welcomed.)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First!
Well that said, I love the concept you pulled with this, but needs some flow to keep it together a bit.
Work. Grammar.
The story is good, but the grammar needs improving.
For your first fic this is astounding.
just have to work on the grammar issues.
Do you have writing experience other than fics, or is this something new for you?
overall 4.5 stars!
Some grammar and punctuation fixing and this will be ready to shine!
Now, I give it 5/5 because of the concept, style and plot. Don't let us down, okay?
My eyes are apparently defective. Th right one is leaking fluids, and the left one is blurry.
--MISSING IMAGE*--
Good job breaking it, brony!
*Why the hay don't we have any Luna ponymoticons?
I sure hope you expand on this.
love it
87255
I'm slightly new to writing fanfictions however I do roleplay alot.
87591
I do plan to expand on this.
Very cute. Needs more periods, though. Definitely keeping an eye out for this, though!
I've not read many Luna/Mac fic, but this is good. :)
You my friend need yourself an editor or another person to read your stories. Your concepts are well rounded and your writing style is interesting. Work on grammar and flow while extending yourself with concepts and ideas.
I see great potential in this one. Keep going!
Good Job! As many people have said before me, you need to work on grammar and you missed some periods, but your writing style is very Interesting! I couldn't write one of these to save my life
.
87589 WTF the same thing is happening to me!
You need to continue this. NOA.
183104 I've just started working on it been busy with school. Also I've been looking over it and fixing errors so when I add the next chapter the first one will be updated.
D'awwwwwwwwww!!!!! I better see you there or this pony is gonna be pissed!
Tracking shall comence
very nice
453481
thank you
It is really rough around the edges but the story is solid and I would love to see it come to fruition.
746168 yeah i've been trying to better my writing skills and plan out the plot
It's good. I'm a fan of lunamac, so it's nice to see a good fic.
It goes a bit fast, though.
968693
yeah i admit i did rush it i will be rewriting this
970489 good. It feels like I am on fucking rocket roller skates in this. It's nice, but really fast.
978070
yeah for me i've jusst lost inspiration on how it is atm so i feel i owe it to readers and myself to fix it
979614
You'd be right, good sir.
979750 thank you
Hm
Interesting
You've impressed me, good sir. Good show, good show.
I'd like to see more.
My only complaints are the ones already stated, and also, try dividing sections a bit better. Try using tildes ( ~ ) asterisks ( * ) or dashes ( - ) to split POV's, to make it less confusing. Also try to transfer scenes, instead of having one run-on setting.
1117310 thanks will do
This is awesome. A little rushed, but overall it is quite good!
1166613 thanks i am currently rewriting it
I know you said you'd release the next chapter soon (almost 2 years ago). But seriously? Where IS the next chapter? Overall I enjoyed the story, so far. And like others say: it is a bit rushed.
4195469 honestly I lots of things happen and honestly lost motivation for a while but i think im going to try again thanks.
4200240 okay. Becuz i would really like to.see a part 2 to this. ;)
4206192 I've been thinking of rewriting this
Dirtville!!!
