• Member Since 20th Mar, 2022
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

ZalaShadowkin


I tend to more focalize on worldbuilding rahter than a proper story, though I try to weave something adequate. Écrire c'est mon Violon d'Ingres.

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Trazyn and Orikan found themselves stranded in Equestria. Wanting to learn more about that place's hidden history, Trazyn sought Celestia for a talk.

Going to the appropriately named Boring Fields, south of Canterlot, Celestia will discover a slither of the horrors of a foreign - and thankfully separated - universe.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Ironically, I found this story when rewatching this

Funny little story, but I like it all the same

I wish this could be longer

English is not your native language, is it? The dialogue is very stilted, disjointed even. At parts it is very difficult to tell what is actually happening. It feels like you're trying much too hard to be clever in your writing, as to invoke a façade of intelligence through verbosity, but lacking in experience to actually manage. It comes off as very awkward, and makes the dialogue much more difficult to digest.

I'm still not sure what exactly the point was. The beginning was too dragged out, the middle was purely dialogue, and then it just ended without any conclusion. Did this story need to be a flashback?

I was kind of expecting Trazyn and Orikan to go on an adventure and use mindshackle scarabs and work and see events behind the scenes and eventually the main six find them and learn that time ALWAYS wins in the end and help them leave

‘And I don’t like endings, but you don’t see me finishing a story-’

Sequel perhaps?

11431108
I don't know who downvoted you buddy but I thought that shit was comedy gold. Thank you for sharing it.

Extremely stilted.

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