• Member Since 13th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

ShowShine


A fanfic writer who’s trying his best

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Gallus does the traditional griffon courting ritual! Unfortunately, Sandbar isn't a griffon.

Written for the https://www.fimfiction.net/group/216038/m-m-shipping-contest

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 24 )
Axolotl222 #1 · 1 week ago · · 2 ·

Oh my gosh this is adorable

I really hope that "incomplete" is accurate.

Awww, these two are adorable! Great story!

I did notice you left it marked "incomplete" though, just wondering if there's more or if that was an accident?

ShowShine #5 · 1 week ago · · 2 ·

11431015

11430997
I marked it as incomplete by accident. This story is fully complete

11431024
Alright then. Great job with it!! Very adorable

11431024
That's what I was afraid of. That said:

SEQUEL!

Very cute!

11431029
I have an idea for that: years later, every time Gallus starts being weird Sandbar wonders if this is a griffon marriage proposal. We see him rationalizing how the weird things could correlate with mating behaviors (using animal behavior and/or trying to intuit the logic of a behavior).

He's wrong at least twice, and doesn't notice the actual proposal because at least some of the displays are just weird quirks Gallus already has.

This is super cute and funny. The explanation for the nails is especially clever, bravo. n_n

ponies dont court

Uhh....

"It’s just…I’ve never seen this much effort put into asking someone out.”

Oh dear Sandbar...you've clearly not seen how elaborately people will ask people out in my neck of the woods before. You know in "The Big Mac Question," that elaborate scheme both Big Mac and Sugar Belle devised so to propose to each other? Yeah, that's a real thing people will do, this example actually being on the less elaborate end of the scale, and they'll do it just to ask each other out on dates. I promise you, I am not exaggerating this. :raritywink:

Anyway, part of me kinda wishes we had just gotten the whole story solely from Sandbar's perspective, and never got that scene with Gallus and Silverstream talking about Gallus's intentions, if just so to leave the reader in the dark about what was going on for that much longer--it would've only added to the humor of the whole situation. :rainbowlaugh:

Cute and funny and very sweet! I love that Gallus just assumes Sandbar knows what's going on.

Gallus’s fluttered
at the very end. missing the word heart

the "stare of love" is so cute

Awww!!

Gallus peaked from around the corner, his eyes fixed on Sandbar.

Should this have been "peeked"?

Cute story overall. If I might suggest, you could use one more proofreading through of your story. There are a few words missing, some tenses are wrong (present instead of past) and some words are in the wrong order. Very minor and didn't really take away from the story, just made it a bit confusing in a few places. Harder to spot when you've been working on a fic, but easy after a little pause.

This is so cute. I loved this so much <3

I love the part where he wonders if the nails are meant to represent wishing tetanus on him.

Okay, so when Gallus uses the Star of Love it's cute, but when I use it it's creepy and have to leave the library. Society ain't fair.

Farnham #23 · Last Friday · · 2 ·

That was pretty cute, definitely worth an upvote. Also, Mr/Ms. Downvoter, please don't forget to downvote my comment too this time, you missed me last time and I kinda felt left out.

HNNNGGHHH so cute! I see that this is just a one-shot, and that's fine. But...you know...would be nice to see how their date might go, hehe.

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