Fallen

Sometimes death can be a blessing. And for others it can become something painful.
But what happens when someone you care for dies just like that?
This is a one shot story that was based off and Rp I had with a friend. And this is not canon for my other stories.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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Longshot

Longshot #1 · Apr 2nd, 2013 · · ·

I'm going to give an honest critique of this story and try to give my opinion of it. As usual it will be in the style of the Clint Eastwood movie The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good: To start off, I like the concept, the idea of a OC entering a city, establishing himself and getting in a romantic affair with a character is one of my favorite concepts. The idea of a fight between members of the apple family is also interesting.

The Bad POV changes. I really don't need to go into detail with this one. You know my complaints about POV changes. There were also minor spelling and grammar errors which a proofreader can easily catch.

The Ugly The worst part about this story was the lack of detail. There is little to no information relating to the background, family or personality of Cody. Heck we don't even know what his special talent is. We need to establish a baseline for who a character is before you ship him with another character. Another major flaw is that when a person speaks, typically the quote is its own separate paragraph.

All in all, it is a good story using best pony Applejack. I like the concept but dislike the execution. With work, this story could be great.

-Longshot

striberx

striberx #2 · Apr 2nd, 2013 · · ·

2360235 thanks. I will try to add more detail to it once I get a better pc. also I would've added a bit more to the story but... again pc shit. and I do know I may not be the best with fanfics but i love making them,

elue1234