Our Fate's Revolving

Mix-up

Mix-up #1 · Dec 11th, 2022 · 2 · 3 · The Evil King ·

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This was a fun story, disn't expect to see this shipping, keep it up.

Bride of Sombra

Bride of Sombra #2 · Dec 11th, 2022 · 4 · 3 · The Evil King ·

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Interesting ship idea. This will be fun!

Flutterflyer

Flutterflyer #3 · Dec 11th, 2022 · 3 · 3 · The Evil King ·

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11446587
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed!

11446609
Glad you like the ship concept! I had to make sure it was an underused idea.

Mix-up

Mix-up #4 · Dec 11th, 2022 · 4 · 3 · The Evil King ·

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11446624
I did like the tragedy and the fatalism Sombra subjecting himself to, with refusing to contemplate abandoning his goal to overthrow Celestia.

Flutterflyer

Flutterflyer #5 · Dec 11th, 2022 · 3 · 2 · The Evil King ·

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11446644
Thank you!

Axolotl222

Axolotl222 #6 · Dec 13th, 2022 · 1 · · The Evil King ·

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So let’s see…
-Tragedy
-M/M
-Crackship

I think we’ve found the unicorn of shipfics

Flutterflyer

Flutterflyer #7 · Dec 13th, 2022 · 1 · · The Evil King ·

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11448461

Lol, thank you! I am glad my fic stands out . Hope you enjoyed reading it!

Axolotl222

Axolotl222 #8 · Dec 14th, 2022 · 2 · · The Evil King ·

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11448610
Oh, don't get me wrong I liked it. Though I will admit I do have one to having one complaint: I you have liked to see a bit more of Sombra's transition into being evil, but that's really my only complaint.

Turbotune

Turbotune #9 · Dec 15th, 2022 · 2 · · The Evil King ·

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Oh my, that really hurts. It seems that Sombra can’t ever escape his fate if he go on like this. But he chose to do it even though he knew the end will always be the same because he wanted to live and love again. ~Guess I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all~~~

Anyway, great tale! Two souls bonded together is a very romantic setting, and somehow it hasn’t been overused yet(I think). Nice to see him being able to love even as he eventually embrace fate. I guess he still knows that loving means letting go. That alone shows how much heart he has inside. Too bad the “fate” part can never be free…

You are a writer with some very good potential! Keep it up!

Flutterflyer

Flutterflyer #10 · Dec 15th, 2022 · 2 · · The Evil King ·

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11450327
Ah thank you so much! I've had a draining day so this comment was exactly what I needed to see.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #11 · Feb 13th, 2023 · · · Just in Time to See the Fall ·

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“Adults are stupid anyways...” he grumbled to himself, his small wings crossed behind his back to match his hooves, making his displeasure as clear as possible.

aww that is so adorable! love ponies

“Oh... my name is Sombra!” he said, his eyes somehow shining even more as Soarin’s heart beat grew faster, in what he decided must have been from meeting his first new friend.

aww, and also ominous, given that it is Sombra somehow! and it makes sense for him to form a bond with Soarin’, since Soarin’ is also an outsider here

“I’m here to see your king.” he answered, his eyes narrowed as he stared back into the bottomless pits of green. Soarin remembered Flash Sentry, his kind blue eyes, the kind of pony that would have done wonders in the Canterlot guard. Flash had laughed at his offer to join, saying he wasn’t the fighting type, and he had always respected him for that.

yay, Flash is in this (not in the best circumstances but still counts!)

”Said unicorn also heavily regrets letting that happen. You are insufferable.” he grumbled. “You always want to get involved, make it almost impossible to study and have the uncanny ability of spreading chaos wherever you go!”
”Awwwwww, thanks Sombra!”
“I’m not going to dignify that with a response.” sighed the unicorn with a flick of his mane, the action seeming incredibly theatrical.

aww, child Sombra is quickly becoming the Sombra we know and love here

“When are you going to cut that? My mom gets me to do it every few months.”
”Finally we have discovered the one advantage of being an orphan.” he rolled his eyes. “But no. I’m keeping it like this. I like it.”
”Suit yourself.” he shrugged, blushing a little, his eyes drawn to the flowing locks before he shook his head to help regain focus. “You shouldn’t change it. It looks... nice.”
“T-thanks...” he flushed a little, before narrowing his eyes. “Oh for... you know I can’t handle compliments you jerk!”
”H-hey! Not my fault you're so easy to tease!” came the unconvincing retort from the pegasus.

ehehe love this exchange

“Whatever. You just like it so I can play princes easier in your games.”
”Well, I need somepony dashing enough to be worthy of my rescue!” he laughed happily. “So you’re the only pony for the job really.”

and a great take on an Equestrian version of this trope. augh i love this world

”You promise?”
”Oh come on, Sombra! When have I ever broken a promise?”

ooh i bet this will be a tragically ironic statement later

It should have given him hope to know that he wasn't completely gone.
But instead, as he stared into one of the many crystals awkwardly sticking from the ground, he felt his heart sink deeper into the pits of despair.

and oof, love the idea here. it is so true that it would be worse to know Sombra is still very much the Sombra he knew, while still being able to do all this

”WHAT!? Sombra no! We will need those numerous and appreciated funds of yours in case something goes wrong!” She paused, clearing her throat as she pointlessly attempted to regain her focus. “I mean, not that's going to happen! I have nothing but faith that we will be able to successfully scoot through the streets supported by nothing but Soarin’s wings and my great and powerful magic! Tell him Soarin!”

okay i already love this AU where Soarin’, Sombra, Trixie, and Starlight were all friends in Sire’s Hollow doing stupid teenager things together long before they were world-destroying villains/normal adult ponies

“Well you pretty much are best friends. Even if Soarin would much rather do something this crazy with her…” Sombra winced, watching as the duo almost rammed into their old teacher who was out doing some shopping. “Then again, I’m more relieved than anything that she has somepony sane that hangs out with her…”

and augh, just loving this dynamic. of course Sombra and Starlight would be the sane ones that enable/restrain their “best friend” halves

”Indeed! There is nothing to fear! For the invulnerable and unstoppable Trixie can-“
It was then that the scooter hit a very large bump in the road, sending it tipping forward as both ponies were sent flying, Starlight and Sombra’s eyes both widening in shock.
“AH QUICK! SOMEPONY SAVE THE VULNERABLE AND VERY FRAIL TRIXIE!”

classic Trixie moment, love it

He stomped his hoof into the ground, the action causing the crystals to dissolve into nothingness.
”Oh wow! Awesome!” beamed Soarin.
”Fascinating...” mused Starlight.

and Sombra’s powers being awakened in the act of saving his friends from their own teenage hijinx, augh. that is just wonderful

“Sombra always liked stairs.” He chuckled humorlessly, before starting to climb.

perfection, love it

”Well, yeah! Normal history is boring, wonderbolt history isn’t! It’s basic maths!”

love how teenage Soarin’ is already better at this than adult Rainbow Dash

”It was a different kind of magic... I think. But yeah, since then, there’s been a ton of threats facing Equestria. Not all of them are related to this. But every few centuries there always seems to be ponies that s-share some similarities. So the legend goes that the evil king is reborn every three hundred years or something.” he shuddered.

and oof, definitely love the idea of Sombra being reincarnated over the centuries rather than somehow Sombra has returned

“O-oh! That!” Soarin laughed, his eyes darting from side to side, Sombra thinking he could see the beginnings of a blush fill his features. “No reason! J-just wanted to see you… for help! See you for help!”

ehehe

The king chuckled.
“Well, it's good to see you… Soarin.”

and oof, this is definitely the Sombra we know and love now. augh, what a great villain!

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #12 · Feb 13th, 2023 · 1 · · The Evil King ·

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“Oh you’ll be fine.” assured Sombra with some comforting brushes of magic. “Nopony wants to be a Wonderbolt more than you!”

aww!

“For Sun’s sake, I wonder if I’d been better off studying with Trixie and Starlight. And they probably would be using all of their self control trying not to make out with each other…” he laughed, Sombra doing the same before frowning at his own book, neither of them noticing Soarin’s confused expression.

ahahaha

“What!?” repeated Soarin for yet another time. “I thought they were just really good friends!”

a common error!

“Well, I’m not lying.” the unicorn smiled. “I’ve been all too lonely without you. Recently I’ve found the lack of intelligent conversation a bit grating. Though I can’t imagine why.” he chuckled, the sound making Soarin shake in growing fury.

dang Sombra really just can’t turn it off lol

”Are you seriously asking me that!? To stop this! To stop my best friend being executed for being a threat for all of Equestria! To stop a tyrant from mind controlling a village full of ponies he’s known for his entire life! All of which I can not only see is happening, but from your own will! So can you just tell me what is going on already!?”

and oof, at least Starlight had the grace to mind control a village of ponies she didn’t grow up with!

“Starlight is quite safe. She wasn’t supposed to be effected by it in the first place. I want her as far away from this as she can be. She’s my friend Soarin. Do you think I’ve forgotten that?”

and oof. so Starlight and Trixie stayed behind in the town while Sunburst and Soarin’ went off on their careers?

”Heh, Starlight would have a fit if she knew I was disagreeing with princess approved textbooks...” he laughed out loud, hoping some humour would calm him down a little.

love the irony here

“Soarin.”
“Yeah, I’m Soarin hello!” He shouted in a panic, Sombra laughing fondly as he trotted closer to his best friend, the pegasus shaking in fear.

oh this is fantastic gay panic

“You really are stupidly loyal. That’s why you made for such a perfect guard. Celestia is lucky to have you.” he smiled. “I missed you, you know? I wonder if this would have happened if I’d…” he paused before sighing. “No use dwelling on it now though…”

augh, exactly why Soarin’ is perfectly chosen for this story

Sombra’s eyes hardened so suddenly that Soarin wondered if they had warmed to begin with.
“Then I will have one thought to comfort me, if the end does come.”

and oof, really love this line. just so fatalist and tragic

“Only you this time?” He asked mockingly, his lips twisting into a smirk. “Or did she get tired of living in your shadow after so long?”
Celestia looked up for a moment, catching a glimpse of the moon, not fully lowered in her rush to reach the battle, and the horse imprinted on its surface.

and augh, love this shift in perspective of what the difference in Equestrian eras looks like to an immortal and reincarnating being

“I understand you were happy.” Celestia answered. “I understand that you had friends. I’m disappointed that it didn't factor into this. But perhaps it did? You truly are an enigma.”

and augh, this is just so Celestia i love it

what a fantastic AU that you’ve woven! i am in love with this idea of all these characters growing up together in Sire’s Hollow, and the vexing paradox of this Sombra being surrounded by all the love and friendship and goodness he could have asked for, yet turning into the evil king anyway.

and the epic tragedy of the lifetimes-spanning romance was just delectable. thank you so much for it!

Flutterflyer

Flutterflyer #13 · Feb 14th, 2023 · 1 · · The Evil King ·

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11505070
Thank you so much for all the kind words! I really appreciate long comments like this!

Vivid Syntax

Vivid Syntax #14 · Mar 11th, 2023 · 1 · · Just in Time to See the Fall ·

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I love the pacing and characterisation so far! One tip: use a comma after a quote that's followed by a speaking tag.

So what you wrote as:

"Hey.” he grumbled.

should be:

"Hey,” he grumbled.

That's the only technical detail I saw consistently out of place. You and your editor did a great job on this. Can't wait to finish it, and I already know it's going to be a favorite!

Vivid Syntax

Vivid Syntax #15 · Mar 11th, 2023 · 1 · · The Evil King ·

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Beautiful! Very well done. The characters felt very real and true to themselves throughout. I kind of wish we could have seen a bit more of Soarin's reaction to the aftermath, but perhaps it's more fun to leave it open. This AU felt very well put together, and I love what you did with it. Great work!

Flutterflyer