• Member Since 8th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 31st, 2014

Legal Brief


Princess Luna decides that the Sisterhooves Social is the perfect opportunity to spend some quality bonding time with Princess Celestia. Do Sweetie Belle and Applebloom stand a chance or do the princesses of Equestria have this competition in the bag?

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 67 )

Can't wait for the second part!

Nice! Though id suggest making shorter sentences. Also, i sense trollestia somewhere in the story:trollestia:
Here, have a thumbs up and a moustache :moustache:

My, my. Quite good so far, keep it up :moustache:

Can't believe it took this long for someone to actually write this idea! O.o But this was really well done, and I enjoyed every moment of it. You, sir, can have all my yes. Eagerly looking forward to the next part. Thumbs-up and favourited. :twilightsmile:

Doom approves.

LOL. OK, Tracking, Thumbing, Faving. :D

Nothing is guaranteed in this race. Yes, Celestia and Luna are older, stronger and combine all the best characteristic of the Three Races. However, this is as much a contest of skill and teamwork as it is a contest of strength. It will be interesting to see if the two Princesses can work together and overcome the puzzles Applejack has laid out or whether they'll just try to brute-force their way through.

And par with the fan comic, shouldn't the princesses remove their royal regalia? (crowns, breastplates, horseshoes)

Or maybe they should shrink their bodies to make it a slightly more fair competition...

Thanks for all the favs and thumbs up guys. Happy to see that you guys enjoyed it. This was the first story that I didn't write as a way to make my friends laugh at by basing off an in-joke.

Thanks for the critique. I haven't written much that isn't in formal / business style. I'll keep this is mind as I work on being more casual and narrative.

I haven't either, although I didn't search to see. Glad that you liked it so far.

You know, I actually read that when it came out but had forgotten about it until you posted it. I actually got the idea from looking at the picture I chose as the image to go with the story.

I haven't posted the part with the race yet, but I'm right there with you on how just because the princesses are bigger doesn't mean they automatically win. I'm pretty sure that there will be at least some shenanigans as a result of the princesses being taller than the average pony.

Why can't I hold all of these likes?! Thanks anyway ;)

Aha! I can see it now! After a tough and grueling race through many challenging trials, Princess Luna takes the win for team Royalty, obtaining the prestigious blue ribbon and getting the mare (The mare being Twilight. What? I ship Twiluna!)

Anyway, unrealistic fantasies aside, I do think this is a very interesting idea. So far, the caliber of writing has been exceptional, only a few awkward moments or the occasional error lessening the work. Perhaps you should try acquiring a pre-reader to go over your works beforehand and catch these mistakes before you publish? Either way, I've placed this story on my follow list and am eagerly anticipating whatever you might put forth next.

As sister's, the fun has been doubled! Hahahaha

Hmmm very promising. Tracking!

How come there is no brother hooves social? And what about little brothers with big sisters, or big brothers with little sisters? Why are we left out, WHY?!

Honestly, I wanted Twilight to compete in this. But, alas, she has no sisters that we know of (yet) at least, so it wasn't happening. She'd fail at the purely male version as well (which I do think is a really cool idea). This story has been, to me at least, surprisingly well received, so maybe one day I'll do a epilogue or a one-shot or something where there is an event that's just family so I could get some more pairs I'd like to see. I bet Shining armor and Blueblood would be a hoot and a half.

Thanks for the feedback! I've thought about getting an editor and I will eventually will get one for something that I write. Might be obvious, might not, but I actually have written upwards of 3/4 of my stuff while eating lunch/dinner, and so I do this kind of as a time sink to entertain myself while I kill time. I do, however, want to write something worthy of EqD and the featured box one day. Then I'll make sure to get one and have a plan (instead of making it all up as I go). I was considering a shipping one. If I can pull off a believable Luna it's high on the list.

I know it's old, but I still love that saying. Luna's just so adorable in her awkwardness.

Thanks! Glad you are enjoying it so far.

On a more general note, I'm currently working on the race chapter. I'm just over 2k words in and probably somewhat over halfway done. Depends on how much after race stuff I want to go. I've never written an action scene before, so we'll see if my first one works out. I might do a scene like the one in the comic linked earlier as an epilogue. We'll see. Hopefully in a few days I'll be done and can put it up (but no promises :twilightsheepish:)

1341212 that line never gets old. I can't wait to see how it turns out

Luna was sorely missed during the Sisterhood episode, but this fic is the next best thing, especially as I love to see the Princesses in the more humorous roles. Looking forward to part 2!

Edit: Decided I'll just post chapter 2 now. I think for some laughs for me I'll submit the final edited copy to EqD so I can cry after my rejection instead. Despite the comedy tag, I didn't really get the opportunity to put much in chapter one. I promise two scenes that everyone should (hopefully) enjoy in that regard during the race scene.

After that, I'll be posting a post-race epilogue and then we should be done. Work on the epilogue is ongoing and I can't say for length (don't count on another 4k though). :trollestia:

On a final note, if you find errors I'd gladly fix if you feel like pointing them out. I'm still new at this writing stories thing.

First time writing an action scene. I'd love some feedback on that if you have any. Hope you enjoy! :twilightsmile:

XD Celestia.... No Cake for a month. Starting: Now.

:trollestia: But... but that's not good at all! D:

Great job! I'd love to see that race animated! It took me a few re-reads to realise what happened to the Apples. It looks like Applebloom's jump was steeper than Applejack's so she came down short and hit her sister on top of the head as she was coming down.

Well done to the Doo sisters for their well-deserved victory. Never, ever bet against The Last Daughters of Gallifrey! :derpytongue2:

I hope that there's going to be an epilogue/post-mortem. However, it's going to be difficult (I think) for the two Celestial Sisters to stop laughing enough to make a rational argument over whose fault their defeat actually is!

Glad to hear you enjoyed the chapter. As you pointed out, I struggled a bit with how to "deal" with the Apples. I was afraid if I got too into descriptions I would detract from the pace at the end. I may make the end more descriptive when I do my edits to submit to EqD (not that I expect to make it). Yes, I do have an epilogue planned, and it is already underway. Length is TBD. It'll be as long as it needs to be for me to get the same kind of feel as the end of the episode gave. After all, this story is about the princesses, not the Doos

That was a lovely race. :yay: However, I just knew from the beginning that chicken coop was going to throw a wrench in the Princesses' progress. :rainbowlaugh: It doesn't even have anything to do with Celestia having a fat flank, that coop was just too small for a pony her size! But it was all worth it for the sisterly fun. Looking forward to the epilogue. You should write a story about Luna and Celestia competing in the Running of the Leaves! Here they worked together in sisterly fun, but how will they fare when competing against each other in sisterly fun? Just an idea. :twilightsmile: Congrats on another wonderful chapter.

I can't tell you how many times I watched the race to write this...and you are absolute right about the chicken coop. The mares in the show barely fit through the door, so I knew something was going to happen. Also, I actually really like your idea for the running of the leaves. I may just have to do a sequel for that. Sounds like it could be fun.

We demand the Epiloge now

Sounds like Celestia needs more exercise. I see previous comments have mentioned the Running of the leaves. Maybe they can try Iron Pony as well.

Possible sequel? I'm ashamed to use the tired cliché, but... HUZZAH! THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED! :yay:

I'm guessing that there will be some heated arguments between the Royal Sisters.

I adored this story. I kept laughing out loud! The princesses are so well- (and hilariously) written. This is definitely a new favorite. :trollestia:

"FOR THE CAKE". I can easily imagine Celestia shouting this in front of an army of fitness coachs.

AHAHAHA! one of the best scenes ever :rainbowlaugh: Great job.

Aaaand we're done! Thanks for reading to whoever got this far. It's been a blast writing this and I hope you enjoyed the ride. First time trying to write a real story and I'm pretty happy with the result. Going to sit back and bask in the fact that I'm done before I go back and fix all the errors that I know are hiding in these chapters. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism of any kind is welcome. :raritywink:

What? It's over? Nooooooo!

10k words from the guy who usually writes his stories over lunch is not enough for you!? Who said you can have your cake and eat it to? Unless you're Celestia of course....that aside, I like where this ended. I tried to end it on a similar note to the episode and didn't want to stretch it out longer than it felt right to. Who knows, maybe one day I'll do a sequel. :duck:

Well Halloween is coming up, maybe a Nightmare Night story following Celestia or maybe doing one about Luna bringing back an old Holiday, like one based on Guy Fawkes, a holiday Celestia normally avoids since he was trying to blow her up. Enjoyed the story and I agree, this is the perfect spot to end it. I mean what more could be added that would add more substance and not feel like padding?

Loving this story.

HOWEVER I hate to nitpick, but this has been bugging me: For post script (P.S.) it's not add an extra P. it's add an extra S., meaning it's not P.P.S instead it's supposed to be P.S.S.

I blame my cousin being an English Major.

This has to be one of the most entertaining and d'aww inducing stories I've read in a while. I've been waiting ages for someone to call Celestia a 'fat flank', we all know she eats too much cake. :rainbowlaugh:

great story. really enjoyed it

I assure you, my flank is perfectly normal for an alicorn my size.

I'm sure that's what all your staff tells you Celestia, well the ones that aren't taking a holiday on the moon :pinkiehappy:

A wonderful ending to a wonderful little story. It was a delight to read this from start to finish. There should be more warm sisterly-bonding stories about Celestia and Luna like this. The friendship reports to Twilight were a wonderful little touch, and the final scene with Celestia and Luna playing spider-toss made me all fuzzy inside and go all "D'awwww!". I really enjoyed this story, and I hope to see a sequel in some form some day. Congratulations on finishing this touching tale, and thank you for sharing it with us! :twilightsmile:

Great Story! Loved it, Tracked, Faved, the works.


On a side note... *pinches the Fat Flanks* :heart:

Princess Celestia and Princess and Luna felt more

Are there now three royals?

Y'know this story could really work as an episode. You've got the characters just right and there's a nice Aesop at the end, just like Faust ordered! This was a great read, funny in places and always true to the feel of the show. Well done! :pinkiehappy:

Glad you enjoyed it. I debated whether or not to actually include any of the flank jokes as I was worried it might seem too OCC for the regal Celestia. Happy to see that people enjoyed their inclusion.

Definitely agree we don't see enough Celestia / Luna bonding stories. I wasn't too sure what to do with the epilogue / final chapter but I knew I wanted to include the friendship reports at least. I've heard from many professors through my years of schooling that they learn as much from their students as the students do from them. i like to think that no one is too old to learn, even Celestia.

Oh you. You really should take her to dinner first....:rainbowlaugh:

Your profile pic made that comment for me. Thanks for pointing that out. Errors always do seem to sneak though.

Thanks for the praise. You're right on with the episode thing. I really liked the premise of the Sisterhooves Social episode and I wanted to capture the same feeling here. Luna (while awesome) just seemed kind of stiff in Luna Eclipsed. I wanted a way to make her throw off the crown and behave like normal siblings do. I know I give my brother flak all the time....

1364200 Nothing makes me happier to know that my ponysona shrugging makes someone smile (note: I am a pegasus, wings are folded and hidden)

She gave a prime example of the Royal Eye Roll

I love this story :pinkiehappy:

A very nice and sweet story. Definite favorite. :rainbowkiss: Any chance of a sequel? I was surprised that that Celestia and Luna weren't at the slumber party. I doubt either of them have ever had one or been to one.

Happy you enjoyed it. A number of potential sequel ideas have been been mentioned, my favorite being the running of the leaves. Whether or not I write one is up in the air. It would likely be shorter and a one-shot, but I'll at least give it some thought. I hadn't actually considered the two princesses joining in the slumber party, although I suppose I could see it. I just thought the two, now that they manged to feel closer, would want to spend some quality time together. Although, a princess slumber party does sound fun....

And I love that Pinkie Pie emote.

Login or register to comment