The story of Prowler an Dashite who has abandoned his family and friends in the Enclave to try to help the people of Equestria back to normality but not all goes as planned. upon his leaving the Enclave he reached the top of the Wonderbolts hit list. and when they find him he looses his memory. he has to go around righting his wrongs, fixing the damage he has done. while learning what horrible things he did in his past.
This is also my first story, so bear with me if it is not the best. I hope to improve over time.
Chapters (2)
Oh dear...
Reading with imgur on standby.
--Intro--
So the protagonist is directly adressing me? Did we meet in the diner of lost souls?
This introduction feels... unnecessary. Let's see where this goes.
--Prologue--
Completely unnecessary but not wrong either.
Use the {HR} tag.
This could have been phrased better. Possibly: I looked up at him as he pulled out a knife. If only he had known.
Also note how thoughts are clearly separated from description using italics.
Doubling details.
I was under the impression that guns in the FO:E universe were mouth-operated.
So... the pistol was downgraded? Also, missing full stop.
Now ain't that a kick in the head. Perhaps naming the pistol something different will silence the alarms in my head.
--So far--
So the Intro was directly after the prologue or was it a sign that the protagonist is going to valiantly sacrifice his life at the end of the story.
Now this is just personal preference but I find that the amnesia cliche works best when the reader is as clueless as the protagonist. We already hold the cards in this story and Prowler hasn't even been dealt a hand yet.
It's no coincidence that I'm getting a massive New Vegas vibe here, is it?
good chapter
fffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu i was typing the 1st chapter and it failed to save!!! 20 pages gone!!!
1401724 THAT is rather unfortunate, If it helps, you do have my attention here
Hey everyone, if you ave enjoyed what i have posted so far then i urge you to stick around. it is certainly going to take me a ling time to get the first chapter written. That is mostly because i want the top quality with my work. (i'm going to loose internet for a while so i'm going to put all my work into writing.) I don;t know where the story is going as of right now, so i'll have to figure it out before i move on. I will most likely post from 3 to 5 chapters when i start it off.
Interesting, I shall keep an eye on this. Also the art is fantastic do you have a source link?