The Hoofmaid's Tail

by GaPJaxie

Faith Based

A request by Cloud Ring:

Ponies make an edgy cult around Luna. Luna is okay with that.

Luna knocked on the front door of Canterlot Palace. This was strange for several reasons. First among these was that, as a princess, she could have let herself in. Second was that, as an alicorn, she could fly to any of the balconies instead of using the ground level entrance. Third was that, at the time she knocked, she was wearing a black cloak, carrying a traffic cone, and reeked of liquor.

She also had a pony skull tucked under one leg, and informed the door guard that his name was “Pony Yorik” and that his spirit was “very tormented.”

Celestia was summoned by the palace staff, arriving just in time to see Luna enter the royal banquet hall and start eating the table decorations.

“Oh for Mom’s sake, Luna!” Celestia’s hoof rose to her face. “What happened this time?”

“I have a cult,” Luna said, as she slowly and exactingly ate a bouquet of flowers. “They gather beneath the full moon every month to honor me with dark rituals.”

“With dark rituals.” Celestia’s tone turned dry. “Really.”

“Anything you do in the woods at night is dark, sister,” Luna said. “And ritual…y. Ritualish. Ritual-ed. Yes.” She paused for a moment to clarify. “Ponies do a lot of things in the dark.”

“Do these rituals have any actual magical properties, or are they just drugs, drinking, and sex?”

“Sister, if you don’t know that sex can be magical, you really should try dating again. You just need to meet the right mare,” Luna belched, “or stallion.”

Celestia stared aa Luna finished off the bouquet, then lifted the pony skull to her ear. “What? Oh, yes. I’m sorry. You’re right, I should be more inclusive.” She turned to look head on at Celestia, or as head on as she could manage while swaying on her feet. “Right mare, or stallion, or pair of stallions. We do not judge.”

Another of Celestia’s hooves rose to her face. “Why are you like this!?”

“That,” Luna said, “is a matter of great theological debate.”

Then she passed out.

Comments

[Durnstaros]

I'd like to know more about this cult.

[Cold in Gardez]

11366929

Yeah, like, is there a pamphlet?

[FanOfMostEverything]

“With dark rituals.” Celestia’s tone turned dry. “Really.”

"Getting three black mana for one is still a good effect, Sister."

[Kenku]

Somewhere in the thestral town of Hollow Shades, there is a church dedicated to Nightmare Moon where the services consist of sleeping and dreamsharing.

[Imagine the cover art to Pink Floyd's A Momentary Lapse of Reason.]

[hiroandre]

“Do these rituals have any actual magical properties, or are they just drugs, drinking, and sex?”

No wonder, that the cult could survive for 1.000 years! That sounds more like a good damm frat party!