Return to the Big Apple

zargein

zargein #1 · Sep 4th, 2022 · 1 · 2 · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

I like this

*Rainbow Dash*

*Rainbow Dash* #2 · Sep 5th, 2022 · · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

part 3......they end up in the stomach and well you know what happens next.... :(

zargein

zargein #3 · Sep 5th, 2022 · · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

11352709
naw naw, I don't wanna see that. I like those girls.

Applefai

Applefai #4 · Sep 5th, 2022 · 1 · · An Irresistible Urge ·

Reply

Petty good man, the chapter is good, but there are a few words that need to be added or taken out.

There needs to be a to between trying and hide.

Big Mac couldn't say he was partial to stallions. Not in the slightest. In fact he had even taken a liking to a cute unicorn mare that he regularly ran deliveries to in a small remote village. This seemed to strike a strange contrast between his usual preferences and the massive artificial cock currently lodged in his backside. It had been a particularly painful experience for him when he had gone to buy it, the poor guy, already a stallion of few words, might as well have been completely mute trying hide his embarrassment while the salesmare idly rang up his purchase.

Needs to be an on after dragged.

In the time after the accident Big Mac hadn't been able to get the memory of that feeling out of his head. As the days dragged this obsession had spurred him to do anything he could to chase that high. At first he had simply tried clopping, but no matter how carefully or vigorously he stroked his member, or how long he edged himself in desperate attempts to come close, nothing even remotely compared to that one event. Further attempts had led him to explore his neglected rear. That area had always been an unspoken taboo for the prudish farmpony. It was for one thing, and one thing only. Anything else would be unthinkable and dirty.

Wouldn't needs to be taken out.

Big Mac was aware Scootaloo was older, and sexual topics were a thing that wouldn't be beyond her at this point. That said, she was still a filly. It just didn't wouldn't feel right explaining to her that she had stimulated him in such a way.

But the rest looked pretty good

Applefai

Applefai #5 · Sep 5th, 2022 · 1 · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

Pretty good man just one would needs to be edited.

Through needs to be changed to thought

He decided to forgo using his hooves at all. Either way any attempt to delay the inevitable was futile as his head flared and load after load of hot cum shot out, painting his chest, and a good bit of the ground around him as he moaned. His body was wracked with spasms as bolts of pleasure shot through him. It was so intense he couldn't even form a coherent though, able to do nothing but ride it out as he writhed on the ground for several minutes, even after his balls had nothing left to give.

TheLostBrony

TheLostBrony #6 · Sep 5th, 2022 · · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

11353001
Thanks for the feedback, I went through and fixed those mistakes. “Wouldn’t” does belong in the last one though. He knew she was old enough to understand, he just wasn’t comfortable explaining it.

Applefai

Applefai #7 · Sep 5th, 2022 · · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

11353027
Welcome. And kk. Maybe remove didn't then.

spearstuff

spearstuff #8 · Sep 7th, 2022 · 1 · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

Oh man! I hope they're all stuck inside Big Mac for a long time. I'd love to read more. This is such a good story.

Tidal Wave2

Tidal Wave2 #9 · Sep 8th, 2022 · · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

What did Apple bloom mean about a calf?

spearstuff

spearstuff #10 · Sep 10th, 2022 · 1 · · Have You Ever Seen a Chicken Stuffed Apple? ·

Reply

"Dangit, dangit, dangit!" Applebloom spat. "Well, as much as I hate to say this brother, ah'm gonna hafta help. If I can birth a calf, how hard can this be?"

I think this sentence in your story is missing the word "as".

TheLostBrony