Snitches get Stitches

A white toga wearing Anonymous dashes through the forest, trying his best to avoid the tree's roots to not mess up his sexy toes and sandals combo he had going on today.

“Keep fucking zig-zagging! That always loses them!” Anonymous wearing a white yell as he dashes through the trees in smooth zig-zaggity fashion, Spike follows behind wearing his 'Garbunkle' costume. The two continue to run until they make it to the cliff side. Anonymous skids to a stop when he realizes it’s a cliff and catches Spike when he tiredly almost runs off the edge, putting the little dragon back down Anon puts a hand up to his ear and listens to the environment.

“......Okay… it… eh… looks like… we’re safe…” Anon manages to say between pants before bending over and panting some more. Spike falls onto his back and puts a hand over his stomach as he gasps for air. For a while the duo stay in their spots taking air back into their bodies. Eventually Anon would be the first to say something, “Fuck… FUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

Anon grips his toga as he grits his teeth. “Everything’s over, Spike.” Anon lets out a pathetic whimper, “ It’s all fucked, bro…”

“It… it… wasn’t that… bad… Anon.” Spike looks over to the human with a look of pity.

“I invited you to come to that damned costume party, Spike… I didn’t think fucking Shining Armor and his squad of fucking DUMBFUCKS would show up and detain everyone because I was fucking there!” Anon rises up and puts his hands over his face, a groan escaping him.

“How did he know I was there man… What the FUCK happened, Spike!?” Anon yelled out in a mixture of sadness, anger and a cup full of confusion.

“Huuu… uhhhhh” Spike adjusts his blue tunic as he sits up, running his claw over his chest and making sure the communication gem is still taped to his belly.

“I… don’t know…” Spike looks away from Anon.

Anon lets his response sink in for a moment before an unnatural anger takes hold of the human. “You don’t know…!?"

Anon smacks his legs. " What happened is a snitch! We gotta face it, Spike. I fucking misjudged those damn ponies… somepony ratted me out.” Anon says the last part with unbridled venom.

“Hu… ha… Ha… uh… N-no way, bro…” Spike’s eyes shook as he kept finding some nonexistent item that needed his attention. More sweat trailing down his face.

Anon walks over to the edge of the cliff and yells. “It was a goddamn SET-UP! Somepony knew I was going to be there and fucking informed him ahead of time, that has to be what fucking happened! I’ll fucking KILL that snitch!”

Spike stands up, adjusting the gem again and approaches the human from behind. “ T-there's no way.. A-a-anypony would do that, b-bro.”

Anon spins around and points his finger at the dragon. “How can you be so sure!?”

“U-uh… friendship... Y-yeah Friendship, you know t-they all like you, bro… I-I'm sure they would nev—”

“FUCK FRIENDSHIP!” Anon erupts angrily, “Where I come from a human would fucking ditch you the moment its inconvenient for them! What makes them so different!?”

“Uh... um... well.. Uh…” Spike fiddles with his fingers and looks down.

“Face it, Spike! They’re fucking snakes in the grass! I gotta get the fuck out of here before Shining Armor takes me in!” Anon faces the cliff side again and looks at the forest under him, spotting a train track under the cliff's edge. Spike on the other end was starting to sweat more than usual now, Spike pats his chest quickly with a sense of urgency. After enough patting a voice only he could hear comes through.

“Spike! Are you okay!?” Shining Armor's voice comes through and eases the dragon a little bit.

“Y-yeah… but Anon is going to leave… w-what do I do?” Spike whispers, staring at the searching human’s back.

“Keep him there… just talk to him longer and keep him occupied where you are! But I also need you to do something for me…”

“W-what is it?” Spike asked with worry in his voice.

“We need a confession of the crime so he doesn’t try to wiggle his way out like usual, he needs to learn from his mistakes instead of avoiding them. I’m sorry but I need you to do this, little bro.” Shining say with clear sorrow in his tone.

“Celestia help me…” Spike mumbles as his nervousness hits its peak.

“My time draws near, Spike. I think I’m about to hit rock bottom… I can feel it.” Anon says as he turns to spike with a look of resignation on his face.

“...So, um Anon… uh… w-w-w-w-why did you do… w-w-what you did…” Spike sweats a small stream.

“What?” Anon looks up and raises a brow.

“Y-you know… why did you… anger the guard and P-princess Celestia…” Spike's eyes dart around as he asks the question.

“What do you… whaaa… what… Spike, what the fuck are you getting at here?” Anon crosses his arms, a look of anger growing on him.

Spike starts to sweat a river. “W-w-well I just.. Uh… I s-still don’t understand why you… uh… did what you.. U-uh.. did… Cause you’re there… a reason was pretty uh… weird? L-like... you were denying uh... s-something?”

“What!? Spike, my reasoning was very clear and fucking simple you fucking moron!” The human says angrily before spinning around and facing the sun, raising his arms up to the sky.

“Celestia’s ass is TOO FAT! I, the lone human in this world… have taken this discovery into ACCOUNT! My purpose, to lead the princess away from her sinful desire and gluttonous gain! To help her ASS regain its natural shape instead of its soft pillow-like nature, that calls for one to rest their face between the cheeks of the rising sun! It was my DESTINY to steal all of the sweets of Canterlot and deprive the princess from stuffing her backside with more garbage to increase her distracting rear!” The human loudly preaches towards the cliff with a confidence that no pony could ever rival in this era.

“W-w-what was that last bit…?” Spike questions.

Anon glances back, “ Which part?”

“The u-u-uh part about sweets…?” Spike adjusts the gem again.

Anon takes a deep breath, “It was my DESTINY to steal all of the sweets of Canterlot and deprive the princess from stuffing her backside with more garbage to increase her distracting rear!”

Spike turns away and whispers to the gem, “D-d-did you get that?”

“No.. Spike, can you get closer to him this time and make him say it louder?” Spike sighs and turns his attention back to the human.

“Y-yeah… that bit… but uh... Can you say it louder?” Spike takes a single step closer to the human. Anon frowns at the dragon's desire but goes with it.

“It was my DESTINY to steal all of the sweets of Canterlot and deprive the princess from stuffing her backside with more garbage to increase her distracting sexy rear!” He yells louder.

Spike turns away again and whispers, “W-w-what about now…!?”

“Almost made it out… closer, louder and a little slower so we can transcribe it… .” Spike closes his eyes tightly and slowly turns back to the human.

“O-ok…ok.. Can you do it..um.. Louder and.. S-s-slower now…. Please.” Anon glares at the dragon for a moment before sighing.

“It was… my DESTINY… to steal all of the sweets of Canterlot… and deprive the princess from stuffing her… backside with more garbage to… increase her distracting cock-stiffening rear!” Anon says once again, this time having to bend over slightly and catch his breath.

Spike turns away again and whispers to the gem once more, “N-n-now!?”

“One more time… Closer… Louder and Slower… S-sorry, little bro…” Spike never wanted to punch Shining armor so much until this moment.

“L-louder and slower this time…please.” Spike takes another step closer to the human. Anon grits his teeth and clenches his fists, taking in a deep breath once again he lets it out.

"It. was. my. DESTINY. to. steal. all. of. the. Wait a second…” Anon suddenly stops and brings a hand up to his chin, a thoughtful look washing over his face.

“Wait a second, wait a second, wait a goddamn second… A good final event… A good final event… a good final event… You kept saying that… The party had no planned events, Spike. You... you fucking knew didn’t you.” Anon slowly turned away to look at the now shaking dragon with wide eyes.

“You’re the snitch, aren’t you…” Anon asked so quietly and coldly it sent a shiver through the dragons soul.

“W-well.. Uh, uh, uh…” Spike takes a step back and rapidly looks around the area. Before he could even finish his excuse the human had rushed over to the drake and picked him up off the ground by the collar of his cape to bring him up-close to his face as he yells. “CONFESS!”

“AH! I... i… I… i… i.. i… i…” Spike's eyes avoided the human's hateful gaze.

“Look me in the GODDAMN EYES when I'm talking to you, snake!” Anon shakes the dragon briefly.

Spike hesitantly looks him in the eyes and takes a deep breath, before letting it all out. “A-a-anon you w-went too far this time! E-everypony figured you were the one that d-d-did it! When we came back with a wagon full of s-sweets and.. T-Twilight threatened me with taking my comics for a y-year if I didn’t tell them w-what you did… Y-y-you… Have to understand!”

Anon's eyes focused on the small bulge sticking out of his tunic on his belly, pulling his tunic up his eyes widened upon seeing the communication gem. Slowly his fury vanishes and a strange stoic expression forms on his face, looking Spike in his green eyes the man spoke. “Oh I understand… I understand alright."

Anon narrows his eyes. “Get ready to experience some human destiny…”

“W-what…?” Spike raises a brow. Anon without hesitation reeled his head back and headbutted the dragon down to the ground.

“Augh!” Spike screamed on impact.

Shining Armor flinched upon hearing Spike’s scream, slamming the gem down onto the countertop he spins around toward the rest of his squadron.

“Damnit! Spike got made! North of the white-tail woods! Go, go, go!” Shining Armor yells out. The guard quickly picks up their gear and rushing out of the back of Sugarcube corner, Shining watches them go and then looks behind him.

“Thanks Pinkie for letting us use the kitchen... Sorry about the party, I promise I'll make it up to you” Shining bows his head to the chicken dressed Pinkie Pie.

“No biggie, just make sure Nonny gets his dues… taking all those desserts, what was he thinking!?” Pinkie scowls. Shining Armor nods and runs after the rest of his squad.

Anon picks Spike back up by the collar of his cape with his left hand, a streak of blood running down his nose, a bruise forming on the bridge of the dragon's snout. His eyes hung low and lidded as he let out low groans of pain.

“You covered deceit well, Spike! But not well enough! My destiny shall not be declined!” Anon shouts in the dragon's face, pulling his right arm back and punches the right side of Spike’s face. The dragon eyes snap open as he falls out of the human's grasp and onto the ground.

“Augh!” Spike instinctively grabs the right side of his face, tears forming in his eyes. He turns his head to look at Anon, mouth open to try to quell the humans' rage. Unfortunately that is cut short as the human runs over to the dragon and jumps into the air, twisting his body sideways and falling elbow-first towards the dragon.

Spike's pupils shrink as he witnesses the divine attack. ”Celesti—OOF! Spike’s body lurche upon receiving the elbow drop. Anon quickly follows up the move by straddling the dragon. Fueled by his rage Anon gives the dragon a barrage of face punches, ignoring his pleas each time he had to take a break to let the pain of his knuckles fade away. After delivering fifteen punches to the dragon the man finally gets off him.

“Aug…hhh….hhh…..” Spike rolls onto his stomach, raising his swollen, bruised and bloodied face up and he starts to crawl away from the human. Anon finds no mercy in his heart for the dragon at the moment, standing over the dragon he clasps his hands together and raises them over his head to slam down onto the back of the dragon's skull. Spike not even letting out a sound as his face gets buried into the first.

“GOOD!” He slams his balled hands down the dragon's skull.

“FINAL!” he slams them down again.

“EVENT!” He slams down then somehow even harder than the previous hit.

“SO!” Another slam.

“FUCKING!” Another one.

“OBVIOUS!” He delivers his final slam and gets off the dragon, he takes a moment to study the dragon. Spike’s head was halfway dug into the ground, his body twitching. Anon looked at his bloodied and bruised hands, then to the sun, he gazed at it for a second before turning back to the dragon.

“It’s not over yet, snake of the seductive sun…” Anon reaches down and pulls the broken dragon out of the ground, propping him stomach-first onto his shoulder and holding him tightly as he gives the dragon another series of punches. After the fifth punch he throws the dragon onto the ground and raises his hands above his head, with a bellowing cry Anon flexes his muscles and rips the upper half of his toga off. His green, thick and muscular torso exposed to the world.

Achieving his new destined form he gains the inspiration of a new move. Picking the dragon up once again, the human male wraps his arms around Spike's stomach and suplexing him across the field. With that attack complete Anon slowly stands up to his full height and pats his pecs, a sigh escaping his lips as a new sense of inner peace washes over him, the now snake dealt with… all that awaits him now is his destiny quest to suppress his horniess for Celestia’s ass by shrinking it.

The sound of branches and bushes rustling pulls the man out of his peaceful daze, looking to the side he watches Shining Armor and his squad leap out of the forest.

“Spike!” Shining Armor quickly rushes over to the dragon. He cringes as he looks over the barely conscious baby bruised and bloodied dragon. Shutting his eyes and looking away for a moment.

“Take him to medical, NOW!” He commands the guard. Quickly two guards take the dragon and run out of the area. Shining Armor stands up slowly and snorts, glaring at the human with a heated hatred that could burn a hole into wood.

“I’m sorry Twilight, but I'm about to kill the son of a whorse…” Shining Armor ignites his horn and kicks dirt up with his front leg. Anon glares and takes a stand against the captain as the sound of a train passing by washes over the two. Anon reaches down to the lower half of his toga, Shining Armor reels his head back and prepares a spell only to be hit in the face by a cupcake.

“I was keeping that for later, you DICK!” Shining growls as he starts to take the pink frosting off his face. Other guards rush towards the human as he points to Shining armor.

“You and Spike better hope for a fucking miracle if I ever see you two again!” Anon turns around and runs to the cliff’s edge.

Shining Armor manages wipe enough frosting off to open one eye through the frosting, he quickly shouts to the fleeing green human. “Somepony stop that piece of ass!”

Anon jumps off the cliff edge, the earth guards being forced to skid to a stop while the pegsai guards leap over the edge only to freeze as they watch the human land on top of the speeding training below them and vanish into a blur with the train wagon he landed on. Shining Armor pushes the guards as he rushes up to the cliff’s edge and hatefully stares at the moving train.

“Fuck!” Shining Armor erupts, his anger echoing through the woods.

Author's Note:

A clearly inspired by this
I honestly don't know why I wrote this.

I cannot believe the amount of people liking this, I am disappointed yet happy. For shame.

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Comments ( 13 )

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Thanagor

Thanagor #1 · Aug 17th, 2022 · 3 · ·

Me recordo a esto https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gIkBJruoxG8

Flora Blossom

Flora Blossom #2 · Aug 19th, 2022 · 2 · ·

Anon fiction... pretty alright.

Adood

Adood #3 · Aug 19th, 2022 · 1 · ·

I've never giggled so much before in my life.

Roran Dreamon

Roran Dreamon #4 · Aug 19th, 2022 · 2 · ·

I saw that video and it was fucking hilarious, Anon doing the same thing to someone that stabs him in the back is perfectly on key.

fanreader999999

fanreader999999 #5 · Aug 19th, 2022 · · ·

Killjoy.

technofan

technofan #6 · Aug 19th, 2022 · · ·

Why is the cover art buff jesus turned into salad fingers ;-;

HumanSVD

HumanSVD #7 · Aug 19th, 2022 · 5 · ·

Spike genuinely got his ass whooped. So, Anon is in horny jail for liking Celestia's ass and stealing her sweets so he can't get horny at something he cannot obtain? Yup, seems like an Anon move.

cogwheelbrain