Part Nine: First Encounter
A Changeling Named Sin
First Encounter
Waves crashed against the shore of the beach while a grey overcast took control of the skies up ahead. Sin, the evolved changeling princess trotted with her ghost of a friend next to her, wanting answers.
"Who are these… Evolvers?" she thought, kicking some sand up with every unmotivated step. "I mean, what might they really be like? Will I have to defend myself, or…" Her mind relapsed to her mother, Princess Celestia. It’d been almost a week now since they last saw each other. “Princess Celestia’s probably worried sick… What do you think, Silver?”
The transparent steed made no signs of agreement or dispute. He just kept walking along. Every step he made in the sands didn’t move the soil at all. He was almost floating an inch above. With them continuing, Sin hoped her mother wasn’t too upset. She didn’t think of Chrysalis as her mother. This was because Sin never really approved of her ways. There might have been a better alternative to feed her children.
The golden maned mare cared not about how her blood mother decided on the choices she made mostly for her own, Evolved daughter. For what it was worth, she actually wished to have never been born. “If I hadn’t come into existence, Silver…” she turned her gaze from the ground to her friend’s eyes. “I would have never taken your life… Not only that, but I’ve caused so much pain for everyone who I’ve come into contact with… Mother, the guardians…”
She allowed a single tear to escape. Despite her reluctant attempts, crying seemed like the only thing in the world that somewhat soothed herself, if only a little. She never cried for herself, though. She always cried for those who she hurt, and killed. “I shouldn’t even be living!” she shouted out, her anger rising along with her sobs. “I’ve done enough damage to others as it is! I should-”
Her chanting was cut off by something in the corner of her eye, something that looked like a rock with seaweed coating the top of it in the far off, murky waters. She turned her head, stared for a moment, and even saw it move. Giving a slight gasp, she wiped the tears away and waited, staring blankly at the now approaching boulder. As it lifted from the fog that rose off the cool waters, Sin began to see two kind looking, sky blue eyes. The mane was a more deep azure color that faded a solid into a liquid.
The holed hooves had water seeping upwards, only to delve into her pitch black coat, and the dreary smile she had was almost heartwarming. This being finally reached the land, but remained in the hoof leveled shore, staring deeply into the eyes of Sin.
“… My name is Aqua.”
Sin blinked, and found herself unable to speak. Aqua, her Evolver sister spread her tattered wings and splashed mist freely into the air. After they returned to her back to rest gently, Sin gulped, and asked, “F-friend… or foe?”
Aqua seemed to giggle, but let no sound escape from her mouth. Looking at her kin, she explained, “I am a friend, and I’m the liquid Evolver… You uh... know what an Evolver is… right?”
Sin nodded her head and explained she’d learned all about them from Queen Chrysalis, and wished to be on edge about them. “I’ve been to understand… there’s evil ones out there as well… Is this true, Aqua?” Her voice sounded more interrogatively suspicious than usual.
“You may relax, my friend… I’m not a threat. I feed of the water and liquids, not emotion. I’m no threat. But… yeah, there are others that can be much more aggressive.”
Sin lowered her head, but kept a close watch on the Evolver. Looking up, she said, “My name’s Sin… I wish to say it’s nice to meet you… but I can’t trust you at the moment.”
The mare looked to the right and began walking as if she’d not heard Sin say anything. “Walk with me, my sister.”
Sin decided to do so, but made sure to keep her wits about in case she turned. “What’s on your mind?”
The liquid changeling sighed and began, “We’ve all been through losses… You’ll have to forgive me, but I was eavesdropping on you earlier. Everyone in this world loses something precious. A loved one, a family member, a brother…”
Sin’s curiosity piqued at the last word that left Aqua’s mouth. "Go on," she said.
“Acid, my brother… our brother was the one who killed the normal changelings. He and I fought, and even though I tried with all my might, he still won. I miss him, and he wasn’t always evil like he probably is now… I don’t know where he might be hiding, but wherever he is, I know tyranny is left in the path he walks.”
Sin felt odd, as if she’d been left out of some secret for years, and was only just now getting the opportunity to learn about it. “What should I do?” she asked, concerned for the sister she was starting to feel sympathy for.
“Nothing. He’s a power-hungry menace that will destroy you if he gets the chance. The only reason I’ve survived is because… Well, I ran… like a coward… I had no choice though! He was literally going to obliterate me.” Aqua turned her head while stopping to look at Sin with a very animated expression. “He’s the threat that cannot be defeated. You must promise me, Sin, that you will not attempt to challenge his wrath.”
Sin bit her bottom lip and contemplated before uttering, “I’ve been given the power of being a conduit… Chances are, I have this power because it is my destiny to end the chaos our brother has wrought. If that’s the case, I’m most likely ten times more powerful than you. All I need to do…"
"Is harness the ability of controlling your energy and learning how to use it to your ultimate advantage?"
Sin nodded. "I’ve been wanting to find a way into redemption for… Well, you don’t know, but I’ve caused much suffering to ponies whose love I’ve taken… Now is the time to use this power for good. I’m sorry Aqua, but I must decline that request.”
The water Evolver shook her head in dissatisfaction. “You’re making a mistake. You’ve only absorbed so much… Our brother, Acid, has literally stolen almost an entire race’s power of love, hope, fear, all those emotions! You’ll need more than what you’ve gathered thus far to defeat him, believe me.” As she turned and headed off towards the sanctuary of the sea, Aqua left with one last note. “Even though, Sin… You’ve got a good idea about what you think is right, you’re making a mistake. Please, be careful, and know I’ll always love you, just as I love all my brothers and sisters… even Acid.”
Sinking into the far off greenness of haze, Aqua’s kind, gentle voice sounded stern and highly worried, as she should be. Sin decided to continue on her route and hopefully avoid any threatening beings on her travels.
Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Celestia gazed at the land of Equestria, thoroughly stressed from the reports of her soldiers. She had spent most of her mornings and afternoons worrying dreadfully about her daughter. All she really wanted now was to see her again, and to know she was alright. Finally fed up with the whole ordeal, she set out for the Everfree Forest to hopefully find Sin and forcefully return her to the home where Celestia believed she belonged. That's the last reported sighting, after all.
Deep in the silhouette shadows of darkness, Celestia flew high above the forest, seeking the being she knew was nearby. The edge had been unexplored, and nopony had dared to go that deep into the horrific backend of the woods. As the blue, shimmering waters entered her sight, Celestia was a bit surprised to find a beach, and made a mental note to map it out in case she’d wish to explore it a bit more once her daughter was back within the palace, safe and sound.
Soon, Celestia spotted the overly noticeable glow of Sin’s golden mane fluttering in the wind and landed behind her. Sin made no such movement, but instead, simply closed her eyes; a tear could be felt sliding down her cheek once again. The alicorn came closer, a serious face observed her daughter, wishing for her to say something, anything. No words left, though.
The moonlight illuminated their manes, and each one was almost challenging each other on how brightly radiant the other could become. The swiveled reflection cascading upon the waters showed Sin slowly turning to face her mother with truly depressed eyes.
“Sin…” Celestia began, but the changeling denied her the relief of saying much more.
“I’m not returning to Canterlot.”
Silence was heard along with the rustling winds after that. Celestia’s eyes scorned her daughter’s statement. “You will be back in the safety of my palace by the end of the night! If I have to use my magic to-”
Without hesitation, Sin’s own horn dimly lit up; ready to battle the one she loved so much. Celestia’s jaw dropped slightly at the sight. The light shielded Sin’s crying eyes, giving her an extremely agitated appearance. The princess closed looked away, became annoyed by her child’s ludicrous choice, but returned with her own horn flaring.
“You wish to be left in the wild, abandoned here to die?!” Sin didn’t move while Celestia’s wings extended, her spell weaving slowly. “I will not allow my child to be left here to fend for herself like some... wild animal!”
Sin finally objected, “I have to stay away from those that love me, mother! I mustn't allow another pony to love me, otherwise… Just look at what happened with Silver! He died by my hooves! I will never make that mistake again.”
Celestia, finally pushed over the edge shot a blast of radiant power at her own daughter, hoping to knock her out, but instead of making a direct hit, Sin released the dormant energy she’d conjured from all the years of feeding, and knocked it away with a simple swing of her hoof. Shortly after that, the same spell she’d used on the guards to put them into a deep slumber was casted upon Celestia. As the orbital sphere engulfed her highness's body, the alicorn’s knees gave out, and she fell into the same type of sleep those protectors were sent into.
Sin’s luminous body returned to normal, and for a moment, she could still feel the might of her love seeping from her eyes, mane and coat. Releasing a huff, she looked at her mother, tears still falling freely. She’d been so worried about her life, and now, she understood her destiny.
It was simple to understand: Find Acid, along with any other corrupted Evolver and end their reign of terror by whatever means necessary. Celestia would be fine, but as for Sin, traumatized memories would forever reside in her soul, her journey, and her every decision in life.
Author's Notes:
As some of you might notice, this story is now marked complete. The sequel, however, is out now. The direction of events has shifted, and must now take on a new identity of its own. This choice was made because it's taking a new outlook in the flow of things, so I've decided to turn future chapters into a sequel. You can find the link to it below this note.
The sequel: A Changeling Named Sin: Acid's Rage
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Well the encounter with Aqua felt really rushed, the rest was a good enough pace.
Still, a sequel huh?
first and i feel so sad for sin
I hope things will get better
"A FEW WEEKS"?
A bit abrupt, but otherwise, you left us on quite a cliffhanger!
I can't wait for the sequel!
I am a Moonlight Evolver!
I don't know if I want more.
Can't wait for the sequel either
I would either be a Black Marker Evolver or a robotic evolver
While she does have a good reason, it just feels like Sin is letting her emotions cloud her judgement.
She didn't need to bat Aqua and Celestia away like that .... so much depression. How does she plan on saving Equestria with an attitude like that?
Well, This Story ends!
Wait for the other one to come out...
ADVENTURE TIME!!!
I feel so bad for her.:
While i really like this story, these last two chapters have felt really rushed. Sin just so happens to run into her mother who almost immediately dies afterwards, and then randomly meets an evolver near the ocean who immediately trusts Sin, tells her to not mess with Acid, that she loves her (even though they've never met) and then leaves just like that. I felt like there should have been more interaction between Sin and Aqua. Also, I felt it was a little too easy for Celestia to find Sin, I know it's nit-picky, but it felt like that was a bit rushed too, Celestia has almost her whole guard searching for her daughter, and none of the pegasi thought to fly over the Everfree Forest and Celestia finds her within a couple minutes? Also, all these revelations that are dumped onto Sin never really have that much build-up. It seems she simply has a conversation with someone and then learns a random but significant plot point and then moves on. It just feels like it needs to be fleshed out a bit more. Not sayin' you should rewrite this or anything unless you want to, just pointing this out for future references. Don't mean to sound overly-critical or mean or anything, just voicing a couple of things that just didn't sound right in my mind or just some complaints, but I suppose it's your work, so I don't have much room to judge. Other than the pacing, I really enjoyed this especially it's originality, and can't wait for the sequel.
P.S. Am I the only who thinks Silver is kind of a douche? Sin is majorly depressed right now, but instead of trying to at least do some sort of comforting gesture, he just either laughs at her or ignores her.
Good luck then.
1648891 I love your criticism, your avatar, and the sense you make! When I ran into your wall of text, I was like, "YES! FINALLY someone who gave me an ACTUAL comment!" Thank you very much, and your thoughts were truly eye opening! I appreciate this very much!
1648919 Wait, I'm sorry but I'm a bit confused, were you actually appreciative of my wall of text or was that sarcasm, I couldn't tell.
1648969 I'm being 100% real with you. I LOVE criticism to its max, and will THANK anyone who offers it in decent form.
"The golden manned mare...",
"manned" should be "maned".
1649430 Fixed, thanks!
Well, I can certainly understand having this be a last chapter and having any new ones be a whole new story. This one leaves at a turning point (although most of the other chapters have had major turning points this one feels more whole) and I am perfectly understanding of this one signaling a new story. I am sad to say that this chapter and maybe one of the previous ones (I cant remember which) seemed extremely rushed or at least not fully fleshed out. While I can certainly understand it if these chapters were coming out via requesting of a new chapter (please tell me this is not the case) them having a rushed feel, I just cant help but feel as if I am missing some sort of thing that isnt being said that should be common knowledge to not have this feel rushed.
I think I might have gone on a tangent there but what I am trying to really say in so many words is I can understand this signaling a sequel and that the sequel should (maybe) be a bit more fleshed out.
And if this at all seems like any comments that are already up here, it is probably because me and those people (that person) both thought the same thing...
(Duh im so stupid of course a few people saying the same thing probably are thinking the same.)
1649497 Thank you for your constructive criticism, and it does seem to be rushed. Never the less, I'll try and avoid that future feeling in the sequel.
1649505 And that is all any reader should ever ask of an author; less negatives. If they start asking for more, all you have is an angry author and greedy readers and then no one is happy.
1649545 Quite the opposite with me. The more you point out my flaws, the more jittery I get. I love a good critic.
1649548 No, that's what I meant... sort of. Point out the negatives and ask for less of them. Ask for more than that and the author gets angry and you have greedy viewers becoming insatiable.
1649557 Ah, right.
1649561 Just saying that I can't take that derpy emote at all seriously when I see your avatar. They are two opposing forces that cancel out my brain functions when looking at them both...
1649564
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1649579 And that's one of the reasons why I think you're so awesome, AI.
Liquid Evolver? Hmmmm.
Sin: Liquid!
Aqua: SISTER! TURNS OUT WE'RE NOT COPYS OF OUR MOTHER AFTER ALL!
Thank you for that AI
Jeez I came here late...
Like others have said, the dialogue with Aqua was rather shallow. A little more development than "Oh! By the way, I am your sister and stuff. Plus our bro is a power-hungry jerk. Kthnxbai."
I also happened to be listening to quite some heroic music when she "found her purpose" and that fit the mood quite nicely.
Random things aside, I shall patiently wait for the sequel dear author who interests me.
Good concept, but I'm taken out of it by the fast pace and frequent poor English.
So.... where's the sequel? .-.
this was cool. I like where this is going, i agree with the choice to make it a sequel. It seems that this is a "finding myself, and discovering my mission" type story, while the next story is going to be more: "let the games begin"
gah, i wish i had that image of the guy sipping the tea mug, with the caption underneath: it begins
I've always given my honest opinion in comments, so there's no reason for me to stop now...
That wasn't good. Well, at least not as good as the chapters typically are.
The whole chapter had a noticeably rushed feel to it (Aqua popping up out of nowhere and basically handing Sin her quest on a silver platter of reverse psychology). A lot of sentences could have definitely used a once-over. Take this one:
...Gross.
I'm not going to really go into any more detail because that's not what comments are for, but I thought I should at least voice my own malcontent.
Feel free to PM. I'd actually be more than happy to do an edit if you felt so inclined.
EDIT: I just went back and re-read that sentence, and it actually makes my skin crawl.
I have to say, these last few chapters could have been quite a bit better, I really like the ideas and concepts you introduced in this fic, and some of the worldbuilding could make a great story. But I felt like not only was it rushed, as others have previously said, it was kind of an excuse to show your head canon. While that wouldn't be a problem if it was done naturally, the rush and long dialogues of (technical almost?) exposition translated it poorly.
The meeting with her Chrys and Aqua and all the talk of evolvers read to me like the following needlessly complicated example...
Pokemon never existed. It was never a video game, or a tv show, or a trading card game, but one day someone woke up, with all the concepts of pokemon, the characters, the creatures, the mythos, the world all rattling around in his head... and he liked it... a lot. So he runs to his best friends house and tries to explain it all at once, trying to make his friend understand how cool it is, but because his friend doesn't know anything at all about pokemon, it sounds ridiculous and over the top to him and he can't even picture the thoughts the other guy is having.
That's just how I feel about it, it could be really cool, but it needs a lot more non-dialogue, non-blatant exposition to serve as a foundation to work off of.
You've got a good story here but it really feels rushed, the beginning was a bit too fast and the middle was faster and the ending was the speed of light. I know you have someplace you want to go with this story but sometimes it really helps to stop and smell the roses, just let the characters interact with each other. This got really bad with Chrysalis, her dialog reminds me of a quest giver in an mmo, just a big exposition dump. Having Sin and Chrysalis talk and interact more would have given that scene much more weight but in stead of just comes out as exposition.
3569811
Except that Shining Armour was exhausting himself by keeping the shield up constantly, on top of being brainwashed.
800 LIKE!
Haooy happy happy! 
"Go on,"
2012 was a different time.
8910567
That it was, m8.
It doesn't matter if you decide to switch up the format a bit. You don't just end a story like this and start a sequel.
Not that you even FINISHED that sequel. The "Completed" tag on this was a red herring, and I feel betrayed.
9015642
Let's be serious. I don't even recommend reading the first part let alone the sequel to this. Looking back, and considering how the actual show has progressed in the passing years, and how predictable it truly was, this story is a butcher shop that no one would understand unless you knew what year it was developed in, which slightly makes things make more sense, which was... 2012.
I recommend reading something else.
9449621
That's a 6 year old comment...
That being said, I can't actually remember anything about this story, nor the basis for my comment.
11536236
Yeah... she should give her more pony-like name
Orphan Insectoid
Nomore Family
Taxpayer Waster
So many good name for her