A Kindled Change

by Darkevony

Chapter 3: Alone

Chapter 3

Alone

The rain finally begins to slow until it stops altogether. The creek now bursting with water causes a small torrent along its bed. My feet have not stopped moving, for I feel if I stop moving forward, I'd truly be lost forever. In unison, the woodland critters begin to stir again sensing that the rain had come and gone. The very air around me bustles with life. From the chirping of crickets to the croaking of freshly soaked toads.

I follow the sounds, the sights, the smells. I follow the colorful birds in hope that they'll take me away, take me somewhere, wherever that is. I did not care so long as I was lost within these wonders. Lost, yet not truly lost perhaps. For now, I had my direction. It was a heartening feeling. A sense of freedom I could never feel within the darkness of my old home. So many new wonders to behold. A new discovery at every corner, at every turn of the trees, or even the simplest rocks. My only fear now was not finding the appropriate words to describe it all.

My eyes catch notice of something in the creek as the waters slowed into a sense of calm; a figure gently flowing through the cracks of mossy rocks. I dip my face beneath the still turbid surface and I feel the chillingly cold of the water rush by me. Unprepared for it, I slowly force my eyes to open underwater, and there I catch sight of some many fish swimming against the current, their silver-blue scales gleaming like gems in the water. Content, I pull away from the water and catch my breath. I redirect my attention to the sky at the sight of two majestic birds with wonderfully bright red and orange hues as they flew around each other in some form of dance. The bigger of the two started to chirp a tune with the other joining in shortly after. Together they crafted a beautiful harmony, a lovely little song meant for each other. A melody of hearts.

Sensing my gaze, they darted back to their nest that sat not too far from where they were courting. It was far too high up for me to see anything within that nest, but I could tell that there was something truly special in there. Something I really wanted to see. But how? A thought appeared in my head. I have wings like birds do. Not bird wings, but wings all the same. I had never even entertained the thought of using them before this having no place to use them within the darkness of my old home, but here and now there was nothing holding me back. I try and motion my wings as hard as I am able, to no avail. Over and over I try my hardest. In the end, I accomplish nothing but exhausting myself. Somehow, I start to feel incredibly disappointed in myself. Not being able to get up there was leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

My frustration was causing me to tear up again. Why? It wasn't as if it was the end of the world if there were something I could not do or see. It was hard to understand my own feelings, but internally it felt like I was comparing my inability to see that nest with my life in the darkness. Being outside now felt so... wonderful, that it made me sad that there were still things I could never reach out to even though I'd tried so hard. I steeled myself. I was determined to see what was in that nest no matter the cost. I don't want anything holding me back anymore.

I shifted my eyes towards the trees that surrounded the one with the nest, scanning for one with a good vantage. It was simple, if I could not fly with my wings I was sure I could climb to it. I struggled up a tree that I felt had good footholds at first, but I continued onwards and saw progress. Halfway up the tree, a wave of exhaustion hit me. I was tired, deadly tired. It had been a long day. I’d been walking for hours and the rain had soaked me till I shivered from the wind. I’d been too distracted by everything around me to notice until now. My body was forcing me to notice by trembling from the effort as I kept climbing upwards. I wasn't about to stop now though. I couldn't. This is something I had to see through.

In my haste, I kept slipping down the bark of the tree trying desperately to climb up and scraping the skin underneath my coat in the process, bruising and only very slightly tearing at it. I fought back tears now that the stinging pain filled my wounds, but as my mind raced with all sorts of thoughts on the way up, I thought that this pain really was nothing compared to all the awful things I'd experienced in the darkness. In fact, it made me feel very much alive. Of course, I disliked the burning sensation left behind by the wounds but it felt great to feel that pain in service of something I really wanted to do. It was that sense of freedom swelling up again.

Finally, I reached the top of the tree and caught a very clear view of the nest and the two birds. They were on alert of me, and I knew all too well why. It was my appearance. Even if I didn't look much like the formless, I was one of them... I knew very well why they'd feel that way. As soon as I shifted my form, however, it seemed like they finally relaxed a bit.

Looking at them closer, they truly were incredibly majestic. Like living fires, their plumage danced and swayed as they moved. Their wingspan was something to behold, having uncurled them to their full length around their perch. Beneath their wings was something far more special. Three newborns who’d finally grown their plumage. They were like miniature versions of those birds and they were doing their best to catch their attention by chirping some desperate cries in their direction. I forgot all of my weariness and stared at the scene in front of me in wonder. I had a strange feeling in my chest when the two bigger birds began to nuzzle up against the smaller ones in an affectionate manner. I noticed from the corner of my eye that the clouds were finally beginning to part, but I was far too concentrated on the birds to shift my attention.

Just as suddenly as it began, the two bigger birds took flight. Where were they going? I wondered. My chest tightened when I noticed the three hatchlings jump onto the very corner of the nest. In a horrified panic, I watched as one of the small birds jumped straight out of the nest and plummeted toward the ground.

The pit in my stomach from first having seen that to the relief of it taking flight mid-fall left me nerve-wracked. The other two followed his steps and in seeing them fly away and towards the two bigger birds, my heart began to ache.

At that moment, however, a truly incredible spectacle unfolded before me as I looked on towards their figure. The skies parted to give way to sunset, enveloping the birds in a warm light that made their fiery plumage truly shine. I held my breath at the sheer awe of it all. It had been so long since I last saw the sun. Now here it was, in all its splendor and creating the incredible image before me.

(Illustration by WolfieDrawie on Deviant Art.)

Then it happened. Before my mind could be lost in that scene for too long, it felt like I was forced outside of myself. My body finally gave out from exhaustion and I felt myself fall. I hadn't realized how far up I was. I could not anticipate how much hitting the ground would hurt. As I hit the ground, a shock ran from my brain down to every corner of my body almost instantly. I hadn't even the chance to compose my thoughts before the pain surged throughout every inch of me and I was gasping for air, back first against the ground. It took a while to regain myself. I couldn't truly tell how injured I was, as nothing like this had ever happened to me before.

"Nooooooooo!!”

An unmistakable, blood-curling scream filled the valley. It all had felt too good to be true. All those wonderful emotions felt like they were not being paid in full. Instantly I was overcome with fear. There was no denying it. Something truly awful had happened. The very world around me knew it. And Fate's Mistress was at the center of it all. That foreboding sense of dread I had felt back when she spoke to me last should have been a real warning. Now, I could only wait and fear for the worst to come...

Yet, nothing came. Several moments passed, and nothing happened. Still, something was definitely off. Everything around me was nearly completely silent. No wind, no animals... nothing save for the rushing of water from the creek. All the birds were nowhere to be seen, the fish had all swam away, and the woodland creatures were probably in hiding. They must have been scared off... My mind was racing, and I could only think to dip my head in the creek to cool my head off and regain my composure.

The scenery around me was still beautiful in its own way, but now there was a noticeable void in the very air around me. The beautiful harmony of nature that gave me that warm feeling from before was replaced with melancholy. It felt like all the animals had taken that feeling with them and left me behind. My chest tightened. More than my physical wounds, I felt a much worse pain coming from my heart. I could hardly even stand but I toughed it out and continued down the creek, trying to distract my thoughts.

The moon was now in view bright and clear as it rose to meet the night sky. It showered the land with its mystical silver light. It had been so long since last I saw it. Yet even under its gentle gaze, or perhaps more so due to it, I felt incredibly... lonely. Not a single soul could be seen or heard anywhere. I had spent so long in the darkness that loneliness had felt like such a fair-weather friend. I had come to appreciate its loyalty when the alternative was to stand before the Mistress, but it had never stopped being bittersweet. And now, after having been met with my first experiences of the outside world, it only felt bitter. I wept quietly to myself, trying my best to hold it all in.

I noticed my steps were now beginning to slow. For many a reason now no doubt. But the emotional toil of today had been so much to bear, I had become numb, so I could not diagnose what ailed me. What little left I had of my right mind I distracted by looking up at the stars. There were so many of them. An ocean of absolute beauty and wonder. A nebula clustered with stars was the most fascinating and I tried counting each one of them slowly while I walked. This world truly was filled with many wonders.

I felt myself stumble against a few small rocks that normally I'd be able to walk over with no problem, but I was no longer all there or even in fine control of my body. My mind was no longer working properly so to me, it felt as though the only thing pushing my body forward was my soul. But the feeling of loneliness never left me. It constantly made it harder to walk as it blurred my vision, and the knot in my throat made it harder to breathe.

Finally, I collapsed on the ground. Even my soul could do nothing to combat the exhaustion now. If there was a tomorrow, I promised myself I'd continue moving forward, even if I had to face the Mistress again. Even if I had to challenge fate. If there was a tomorrow, I'd try to find those birds again. I'd go swimming in the creek. I'd find where it ends.

If there was a tomorrow, I would live with all my might.

"Sleep now, my dear."

That voice... a strange warmth slowly wraps around me. From the corner of my eye, I see a distant purple silhouette before I feel my consciousness begin to fade. I am slipping... slipping back into a darkness. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly afraid. Never had I been more terrified of anything, not even Fate herself, or her Mistress. With the darkness all around me now, I can say it clearly in my head one last time.

I'm afraid to be alone.

Comments

[Serinity Southerland]

The emotions here are palpable! Putting myself in the character's shoes, it must be beyond description. To go from an existence of only darkness, only fear, only the confines of a dank labyrinth, to discovering open air, light, and unbridled love; Only for injury and a need to rest to drag them back to sleep, back to another darkness from which they are terrified they may never return from. That feeling of relentless despair, of separation, must be absolutely crushing. But tomorrow will come, another day will dawn, and with it, new discoveries! I'm invested!