Sunset is taken by Yautjas and trained like a Predator.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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11504874
I may have been too harsh on Trixie. Can't keep her alive and let her spill her guts to her parents, military, etc.
Plus, she isn't entirely innocent.
11504887
Gilda doing this is literally nothing but fanmade. She was never actually in the comic itself. It's either her or Lightning Dust. Sometimes both. And literally, neither of them was in the comic itself.
11504908
I know. Everyone puts her in it, including me.
i guess all one can do in they're position is to look forward.
I'm really loving this chapter and story please keep with it
Oddly enough, even though this is the latest chapter that you posted just recently and I just picked up this story a few days ago, this actually feels like an ending right here. Sunset and her new mate left Yautja Prime which puts the whole family arc thing developed there to a close. If there is any true direction for this story left, it's raising their kids on some other foreign planet. Seems to me a serious time skip is in order for these adventures to really continue, and that means sequel bait. Meaning this story truly is at a close. The next logical step is a new story that is a sequel to this one.
I got to be honest, this whole story is not my cup of tea, but the fault may lie more with me than the writer. Writing of this quality level is very commonplace and generally well-accepted on this website. I simply have much higher standards.
But the writer is learning as everyone is. Even me. The quality level I am at can use improvement too. Onward and upwards the journey shall ever go.
When I look at life here in Yautja Prime, it feels too human to be believable to me. Warm family homes, weddings, warm hugs all of it. While I can be squeamish about violence sometimes, in this story hardcore violence isn't here enough.
When I picture the Yautja race and their homeworld, I visualize something akin to primitive tribes despite some advanced tech. The hunters in the jungle that is covered in fog. Even in the company of their fellow hunters, they are quiet as they stalk their pray. They are only communicating to each other with hand signs, and they show no emotion or affection for each other whatsoever. They are too focused on the hunt instead, and they better damn well be. Their world is hyper-dangerous, and they love it. They thrive here in this savage land. Even to die in combat is a great honor for them as long as they go down fighting.
And that's it. That really is it for their entire culture in a nutshell. Everything one can think of to build on top of this builds on top of this premise. A hunter society so focused on that one thing, they hardly are anything else at ALL! That's how serious they are. That's how dedicated they are to their primary profession in life. Their every thought and action is 100% bent around the warrior/hunter mentality, and that is the kind of alien I saw in the movies.
Not this care bear crap in this fic.
But I get it. We all have our own visions of imagination land, and many of us come from different worlds in our heads.
Now, things I do like in this story is the emphasis in the family despite feeling somewhat out of character. I also liked it whenever this race went on a serious hunt because that is when the felt right to me, especially if they are tackling a challenging opponent. Like Sunset's first bloodening against the Hard Meat. Oh man! That is the Predator franchise properly illustrated.
There is a lot of things that threw me off in this story. A lot of it has to do with pacing too. Some things felt too rushed and too fast to feel authentic. Sunset's relationship with her new mate. All of it felt more like a recap she might be telling her children later on. In doing so, she's skipping all the parts where they developed a proper emotional bond. The fact it was first established in a hunt was a good start, but by itself . . . didn't feel like enough.
You could claim that the relationship in the first Terminator movie also was rushed. After all, Kyle and Sarah knew each other for hardly more than a day and a half, or I should say night and a half. But during that time, they survived harrowing encounters together. Sarah was struggling with her weaknesses and felt very afraid, then along comes this man from the future, who defended her life several times already, that said, "I came across time for you, Sarah. I love you. I always have."
In that very special moment of vulnerability, there was a desperate need for comfort from them both. They needed each other to heal from their mutual tragic past.
When Kyle Reese started at Sarah's picture in a bleak future, for him, it was a mere glimpse into a better life he felt he could never have. You don't know how desperately he needed that comfort unless you grew up in the kind of world he faced on a daily basis. Under circumstances that bleak, one tiny ray of sunshine may feel a whole lot stronger.
Do you see how all of this builds layers of emotion? The reason for the romantic passion is because of everything else that happened up to that point. That feeling is electric. It's desperate. They had sex because, by then, it was the only way they could cope. To grasp onto and hold on to something good and to do so desperately.
Put us in the environment. Make it alive. Put us in that moment where we are sitting in the trees and we feel our hot air breathe back at us from under our mask. We're sweating and kind of uncomfortable, but focused on our prey. Silently, we stalk our prey. Raising that spear. Closing in for the kill. Our heartbeats pumping in our chests. Adrenaline courses through our veins. This is it! Will we kill the target, or will it kill us? Everything will ride on these next few seconds!
All of this takes practice, I know. Live it in your mind before putting it down in paper. All the details one can think of.
The plot is a whole other beast. This is the story structure that the whole story is ultimately aiming towards. Usually, there is a lot of twists and turns in it, but the better stories don't have dead space or the feeling of "filler" quests and unimportant side missions or characters. This, too, takes a lot of practice. The best advice I can think of for an amateur is to simply keep an eye on it. Maybe write out some ideas of what is to come and the ultimate goal of the story, but also be open to changes to your plans as the story unfolds. Every story is like a child of its own. it grows in unique ways, and I think any genuine writer always finds those little moments where he or she thought they had everything all planned out and something still crops up that surprises him/her. It happens to me all the time.
So keep practicing. You can only get better, and that is exactly what will happen.