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Zephyr Heights Royal Family: Queen Haven, Princess Pipp Petals, Princess Zipp Storm (G5)175 stories ·106 members
Pipp buys some dancing shoes from an antique shop for a new video she's planning on showing to her Pippsqueaks. But when she tries them on, they give her "a bit" of a problem. A problem she can't seem to get rid off.
Story commissioned by GrimWolf
Cover art is by DoodleDonutArt on DeviantArt; link to artwork with additional details
here.
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https://youtu.be/-cK9aKKtYbU
Keep on dancing💃
It’s nice to see a pony moving to another place to continue a busses that didn’t do so well back at their old home. I love going to these stores since you can find neat stuff
This looks like it could be fun, not merely because of where things seem to be going with Pipp, but for the hints of world-building here, like the shopkeeper's name, and the origin of the enchanted artifacts. It'll be cool to see your take on what happened to Old Equestria prior to the return of magic. Are you planning for this to be a longer work, with the enchanted shoes merely the "hook", so to speak?
I hope this is going where I think it's going. :)
11338871
Thanks for asking. I plan on writing seven more chapters for this story. Each chapter will be around the same length as this one. But I don't plan on writing another story based on the return of magic to Equestria. This was just a commission.
11338997
Thanks! Be sure to stay in tune!
Are you almost done with the new chapters?
11346168
I should be done with ch2 sometime this coming weekend.
I saw this coming. Still funny! Thanks for the update!
11359455
Thanks! I'm glad you like it! And you're welcome for the update
Ah, exactly what I was hoping to happen happened. :)
I recommend watching or reading ballet moves that can help you write how Pipp is dancing.
11359671
Thanks. I did watch one video but I was still in a hurry to finish this up. I'll be sure to keep doing that in the future.
11359812
Ok, I love ballet. I used to do Ballet for many years. Thinking of working back on it soon.
11359934
That's good to know! If you really want to try again, I hope it works out for you.
Good story. But try not to worry about the dance-sequences not being detailed enough. What you need to worry about is over-detailing. I personally just skipped over the dance descriptions. Detailing precise movements isn't necessarily a bad thing, but stringing it together for a much longer duration action can start to get a little boring to read through.
Try not to focus too much on each individual dance moves throughout too much of the routine so it doesn't distract from the main storyline. A little is fine at the start, as long as it doesn't get too repetitive. You didn't do it too excessively in this chapter, but it is something to maybe keep in mind.
11361064
Thanks for the suggestion! I'll be sure to remember that in the future!
So now the real plot begins.
Well at least they’re off of her.
11383515
Yeah. That's a good thing.
Hmm, so arguing and crashing the Unity servers caused the shoes to error. But now they're back online and ready for more destructive dancing. I wonder how this will be resolved. I was constantly thinking: maybe there's some way to manipulate the shoes' dancing style by putting on different music or getting the rest of the ponies to dance too. Would the shoes automatically align to whatever beat or dance routine is happening nearby? Calm music could get them to slow or getting the others to do a 'take the shoes off' dance routine might cause the shoes to take themselves off by copying the actions.
Either way, I liked how you incorporated glitchy magic into the solution, but I wonder what will happen next.
11383976
Thank you for the compliment! I promise that there'll be answers for how the shoes work in future chapters.
“your”
Awesome story so far!
11388247
Thanks!
It doesn’t feel rush so far. Pretty good!
11404652
Thanks!
Pretty good!
Those shoes need to be destroyed.
11404681
Thanks!
11404944
I agree
Hmm, I see two outcomes.
She gets them off and they’re destroyed.
Or
She breaks them in a way that they can’t make her dance anymore, but they continue to reappear and bind to her hooves on occasion
11427969
I guess we'll see soon... :)
Is this the end? Feels sorta of anticlimactic. But one good thing is that pipp is getting so much exercise from this! She must must of lost quite a few pounds from this latest dance!
11431570
Yeah, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of those shoes
Were you actually referring to Rainbow Dash with this one? If yes, then holy Luna, that is a neat addition!
Good start. I'll be sure to continue reading ASAP. Though judging by the description, I fear the worst for Pipp...
I somehow knew that was going to happen. This should be interesting later down the line...
If I didn't know better, I would say that it's a curse. I know that because I once played an adventure video game, forgot the name of it though, and sometimes, an item you find is cursed and you can't remove it once equipped. Same with Pipp's shoes.
Very very good job, mate. I honestly can't wait to see how the story continues.
11431570
11431592
Nope. We still got a few more chapters to go.
11431655
Thanks! I really appreciate that :)
Those fillies made something happen but the question is what it was.
11433243
Oh, you'll find out the answer in the next chapter :)
11433719
I see.
Got to admit. That last scene with the shoes looking for her creeped me out. Thanks for the update!
This is very good. I'm giving you six stars for doing a great job. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
11456294
You’re welcome!
11456539
Really? Wow! Thanks for doing that!
11456703
You're welcome
Dang, being forced to dance for hours on end is on thing, but being stalked by sentient dance shoes?
What a sick world.