The Fall Formal is over. The bully was beaten, and the strange but beloved pony princess girl then went home. A spontaneous sleepover is about to happen at Sweet Apple Acres, and so Rainbow Dash hitches a ride alongside AJ in Big Mac's truck. Rainbow tries to process her feelings… as much about the events of that night, as other things. It is not an easy thing for her to do. For one thing, she is (after all) Rainbow Dash. But there's also how amped up Rainbow's feelings are in general, from dancing with friends, to trouncing a villain, to missing a new friend already… plus there are other stray and unsolicited notions. Still, Rainbow does her best to muddle through them all. Meanwhile, the quiet, vigilant(e) romantic that is Big Macintosh is the one behind the wheel…
Ayy great to see it finally posted! Love the story, and the picture!
yeet
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Thanks again, you two!
Love it. Great atmosphere, great character with minimal dialogue. An excellent first story.
I said I'd give a proper review, and with God as my witness, I intend to deliver.
I'd like to preface by saying that I am not an AppleDash person, personally leaning more toward RariJack or (in the case of Equestria Girls) AppleSet. After reading this, I'll admit I'm a lot more open to it. You really managed to capture what I enjoy about Rainbow Dash, and convey how she feels about Applejack in this setup quite effectively. And of course, the notion of Big Macintosh being this absolute bro sits well with me in every sense of the word; it's always nice to see the minor characters getting love and attention.
Secondly, I really enjoy the premise in and of itself, mostly because of the overwhelming positivity you set up around it. From Rainbow Dash's perspective, there's too much good that's happened for her to worry about anything else. They won, and tonight, they would celebrate; they can worry about Sunset Shimmer and what to do with her tomorrow. I like that, since way too often, it feels like fics about the minutes after the Fall Formal are almost always Sunset-centric. Not for no reason, mind you, but I appreciate the change of pace.
The lack of dialogue also really helps, since we're effectively getting a look into her rapidly changing thoughts, all over the place, yet strangely focused in their own way. Though I'll admit, there are some parts where it comes off as awkward, such as when you wrote her 'gulp' in the middle of a sentence, and the various other segments put into parentheses. I get what you were going for, but it felt like a strange break for me to just see a sentence in parentheses, especially when it feels like it could have just been its own little line separate from the main paragraph - the primary example of which being Rainbow denying crying.
There's also just the general fact that it feels a little too 'stream of consciousness' for my liking. Once again, I get what you were going for, and you did it very well, but sometimes it makes it a little difficult to get from one point to another. And in some parts, I feel like you stay on it a bit longer than is necessary, and with a little too much prose. Nothing against prose, mind you, but there are certain places where it feels like you could be a little more concise and still say the same thing. Possibly even more effectively, given this is seen mostly from Rainbow Dash's perspective.
But despite those small issues from my own readthroughs, I really did enjoy this story. You did a great job, my friend, and I hope you continue to do a good job in any future works.
- Gusto
Very sweet
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I very much appreciate the kind words, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
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So glad you thought so! Thanks for speaking up!!
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So glad to hear from you, Gusto!
Funny enough, this piece (Deus Big Mac'ina) is ripped from a longer piece that explores those moments and overall arc in more detail.
And while Sunset is featured and referenced, the premise of the piece is to explore the gap between the end of the first EqG movie and the beginning of the second. And the real starting focus is on the massive gap left behind by Twilight's return, and how that destabilizes their relationships together.
Put another way: it's easy to all be friends again when a shiny new friend who acts like she knows you [because she sorta does] brings out the very best in each of you. But things have to get harder after that new friend leaves, because even if the source injuries experienced were all imaginary machinations of a bully, the perceived slights and hurt those imaginary incidents inflicted would have all still been very real. And getting over hurt, regardless of where it comes from, takes time.
To that end, the story explores how it also takes time for most of these characters to give Sunset Shimmer any kind of actual second chance. The one who spearheads the effort is the one who takes any promises she makes as super sacred commitments: Pinkie Pie. The piece opens on the line from the movie said by Twilight, "You'll look after her, won't you?" While the others agreed to because how could they honestly say 'no' at that moment, Pinkie takes the promise deeply to heart right away. She faces hard pushback from her peers for her choice, but refuses to give up on it, which slowly brings the others around.
I'm bringing any and all of that up because I'm actually tickled that you picked up a vibe to this story that has more importance overall, with regards to the larger story that it is a part of.
All that said, the other thing about that story and any AppleDash moments it has which seems worth noting:
Just because Rainbow Dash has a crush and a victory moment or two does not mean she ultimately gets what she wants. In fact, Applejack coming around on Sunset being worthwhile infuriates Rainbow something fierce, and leaves her feeling pretty alienated and betrayed that her closest friends would choose to get closer to such an obvious threat and troublemaker.
I'll cut myself off there. Especially as I do hope to get the rest of the story out here at some point.
But like I said: I was genuinely excited that you noticed something which I'm trying to make work when it comes to exploring what exactly happens after that first movie.
As for your comments about how...
...'mea culpa maxima', because I fully concede those things are a problem I have.
For any future efforts, maybe you could help me out with paring some of that down, and help make things flow better? Because I know I can use all the help I can get when it comes to those issues.
Thanks again for taking the time out to offer up such a wide breadth of honest comments and insight, my friend! It is very much appreciated!!
I must say you've really done a great job with Rainbow's characterization here. I especially liked the scene where Rainbow fells guilty over Twilight leaving. I never thought of it before, but now that I think about it that makes total sense for her to fell that way. Not half bad for your first story.
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Thank you for that huge compliment! I'm so very glad you liked it.
While I'll admit that things can get a little wordy with me sometimes, I do like to try and explore the headspace of these wonderful characters. Prose let's that happen in ways that animation alone won't quite managed.
Love your "About Me" description, btw, as well as your pfp!