• Member Since 30th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 7th, 2015

Master Lyra

If you care enough to look over here, head over to my user page for a more full and accurate (I guess) bio.


The world we live in is what I've grown accustomed to. The ponies, the places, all blurring past me in the fast track I ride. The story I have is not heroic, adventurous, or even romantic. It's just the tale of an unfortunate filly, who's more than just down on her luck, and I, a lowly prank shop owner, making do with what we have.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 5 )

I really liked this.

The prose wasn't beautiful. The character's were slightly cliched, but that's a good thing because it gives them room to grow later in the story.

And that's really all I can complain about. I liked the way the story has gone, the way it was executed, and I'm excited about this fic in general.

If you don't continue this, I'll jump through the internet and slap you with a fish.

A fish. :pinkiecrazy:

Thank you for the kind comment. I did spend a very, very long time on this story so it's nice to see that at least someone likes it. I have a bad history with not finishing stories but this story is definitely one I'm determined to finish, regardless of the fact of it has a distinct lack of views and feedback.

I do have one question though. How did you find this story?


Like I said, the characters were slightly cliched, but they had redeeming aspects about them. For example, Jack seems like a stereotypical, middle-aged angsty guy, but that in juxtaposition with his pranking hobby and store is cool. Gum seems like a stereotypical, orphaned emotion-fodder character, but you don't use her that way. Instead, her stoic attitude and distrust towards Jack is unique.

Their dynamic is interesting, and not something I've seen before. The idea they live together, but have no interest in developing their platonic relationship past mutual respect toward a friendship, or even a father-daughter type deal, is unique, as well.

Frankly, your writing itself is awesome. It's descriptive, but not to a fault. It goes off on little tangents...

It wasn’t that I didn’t have basic plumbing, no, I had that. It was the fact that I never paid for it that was the problem. I had to choose one or the other; booze or shitting, and booze won over. The bar has a bathroom anyway, and I’ve found that liquids in the toilet slowly drain away if you wait long enough. And if an emergency called for desperate measures, then I always had toilet paper around.
That said, the toilet paper usually was used for things other than taking a dump.

...that give the characters a little something extra that other characters in other stories can only achieve through massive amounts of time invested in the story, and considerable familiarity with the character.

I'm bad at conclusions, so here it is.

It's nice to see someone going through my work and pointing out things to me I don't even really notice I do. Thanks for your additional motivation (as I see it) or critique, as most would call it.

I do hate to prod, but ya didn't answer my question. I noticed some 25 just boosted the view rating so I'm curious how you all found it.

EDIT: Nevermind. Just looked at the referrals.


Oh, I thought by "How did you find the story?" you meant "What did you think of the story?" not...uh..."How did you find the story?" If that makes any sense.

But, yeah, don't take the referrals the wrong. I gave it to you straight, I wasn't flattering your friend.

If you want some more exposure, consider getting the story added to some groups. I've never published a story here, so I don't know the mechanics or politics of doing so, but I do know that I get notifications every time a story is added to any of the groups I'm in. I, personally, don't usually give them more than a passing glance, but I think I'm an exception, not the rule.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!