• Member Since 30th Nov, 2015
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Rambling Writer


Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams

E

Jasper was not in the Crystal Empire when it vanished. His wife Agate was. Separated from his family across time, he writes letters in the hopes that she may eventually read them someday, however far away that may be.


Written for Bicyclette's Twilight Files contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

Absolutely beautiful story. What a well-written piece! The ending brought me to tears.

Goddamn dude, my heart :fluttercry:

Hmmmm. Crystal pony named Agate, torn apart from her family by Sombra? Oh, dear...

Beautiful work. You captured a truly heartbreaking scenario just waiting for someone to pluck it from canon. (And yes, I know it's been done before, but this did it really freaking well.) Thank you for a lovely read, and best of luck in the judging.

11322311
Seconded on all fronts

This story is so good. I’m crying. One of the few which have done so.

A genius idea, executed a little bit mundanely, but still, a beautiful piece. Perhaps simplistic is the way to go.

To be honest, I expected the last letter to be one that was written before the Empire's vanishing but was never sent. Perhaps a little bit cliché, am I?

Edited: Since many didn't appreciate me trying to put my criticism as acceptable as possible at all, I'll just drop the effort and go all blunt here.

I made it to the end because I wanted to see how the author would wrap this idea up, and was quite disappointed. Apparently the author doesn't know the power within implicit expression of heart and instead tried to go all out, partially ruining the perfectly good build-up. It's common, it's too expected, it's even more a cliché than what I imagined would be the case. Is it not a quote you like that encourages you to seek what was not imagined?

One cannot truly empathise with something downright impossible in our world, but only to offer an approximation of it, which differs from person to person. Leaving the climax of feelings to readers' imagination would've had an even better effect.


11324274

Now that you've mentioned it, yes, yes, you've spoken my piece for me. I was wondering what it is with the final piece that made me disppointed, and now I see it's exactly what you've said; the letter does seem apathetic to me. I would love it when a writer tells a moving story with cruel indifference, but I can see the author has actually put quite the effort into emotionals in this piece. Then, the final piece was not strong enough.

11322825
I agree with the first paragraph (and later that people, typically, don’t want constructive criticism).


I was actually expecting a grieving wife to be reading them. Instead… we have another letter just as unfeeling as most of the fic. There is almost no emotion put into it; just what the readers bring. It reminds me why I hated getting letters from relatives.

I appreciate the information and advice you have shared.
Prepaid Gift Balance

This is a pretty good stroy and the letters give a good representation of what the Crystal ponies must have gone through when they were trapped outside their home. Going by the last letter Quartz hasn't grasped the nature of the curse. It must be painfull to explain such a thing.

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