Our job is not to give readers what they want; our job is to show them things they never imagined. --Walt Williams
Jasper was not in the Crystal Empire when it vanished. His wife Agate was. Separated from his family across time, he writes letters in the hopes that she may eventually read them someday, however far away that may be.
Written for Bicyclette's Twilight Files contest.
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Absolutely beautiful story. What a well-written piece! The ending brought me to tears.
Goddamn dude, my heart
Hmmmm. Crystal pony named Agate, torn apart from her family by Sombra? Oh, dear...
Beautiful work. You captured a truly heartbreaking scenario just waiting for someone to pluck it from canon. (And yes, I know it's been done before, but this did it really freaking well.) Thank you for a lovely read, and best of luck in the judging.
11322311
Seconded on all fronts
This story is so good. I’m crying. One of the few which have done so.
A genius idea, executed a little bit mundanely, but still, a beautiful piece. Perhaps simplistic is the way to go.
To be honest, I expected the last letter to be one that was written before the Empire's vanishing but was never sent. Perhaps a little bit cliché, am I?
Edited: Since many didn't appreciate me trying to put my criticism as acceptable as possible at all, I'll just drop the effort and go all blunt here.
I made it to the end because I wanted to see how the author would wrap this idea up, and was quite disappointed. Apparently the author doesn't know the power within implicit expression of heart and instead tried to go all out, partially ruining the perfectly good build-up. It's common, it's too expected, it's even more a cliché than what I imagined would be the case. Is it not a quote you like that encourages you to seek what was not imagined?
One cannot truly empathise with something downright impossible in our world, but only to offer an approximation of it, which differs from person to person. Leaving the climax of feelings to readers' imagination would've had an even better effect.
11324274
Now that you've mentioned it, yes, yes, you've spoken my piece for me. I was wondering what it is with the final piece that made me disppointed, and now I see it's exactly what you've said; the letter does seem apathetic to me. I would love it when a writer tells a moving story with cruel indifference, but I can see the author has actually put quite the effort into emotionals in this piece. Then, the final piece was not strong enough.
11322825
I agree with the first paragraph (and later that people, typically, don’t want constructive criticism).
I was actually expecting a grieving wife to be reading them. Instead… we have another letter just as unfeeling as most of the fic. There is almost no emotion put into it; just what the readers bring. It reminds me why I hated getting letters from relatives.
This is a pretty good stroy and the letters give a good representation of what the Crystal ponies must have gone through when they were trapped outside their home. Going by the last letter Quartz hasn't grasped the nature of the curse. It must be painfull to explain such a thing.
Not trying to reply to anyone specifically but as a contest piece this one has to follow the contest’s rules, so no direct storytelling allowed. The last letter could’ve been more emotional, but I think it’s perfectly fine as it is. It’s hard to convey profound emotion through text without it sounding clichéd, and I struggle to see how anyone could’ve offered a better ending. Life’s not fair, no only in the sense that we don’t get to live happily ever after, but also in the sense that sometimes we don’t get to wallow in sadness and regret either, however we feel like we should.
Ouch. Just ouch.
Seriously, though. What a stunning piece. Beautifully executed. You’ve captured the despair, the sadness, the tragedy, and the strength to live. I want to say more, but honestly, there are no words to describe how perfect this piece this. Thank you for breaking my heart.
Into ’Heartstrings’ this goes!
oof, an ominous development for what we know of the canon
echoes of similar tragedies from across our own history, and the people who saw the signs but could not bring themselves to uproot everything they held dear. understandable to not want to, but oof.
and augh, the pieces of the setup come together. losing the parent that the son was closer to, and the quiet estrangement that would result between them. it's a subtle note painted well.
i am a sucker for time-displaced romances and all the heartbreaking consequences that could come of it, so i am ready to be destroyed by what comes next
this feels so true to life
not only losing his wife and child, but also his home and everything of the life he knew? yeah, i imagine it's hard to not be anything more than a shell of oneself after such a thing
and oof.
i can't imagine any expression of sympathy not seeming flaccid and obligatory in this mental state, especially from ponies living in comfort who have never faced anything close to a similar loss. Jasper is just disintegrating here, and understandably so
the Princesses are doing all they can for the refugees, but can't give them back the feeling of being at home
oof, yeah, i can't imagine the guilt Corundrum must be feeling over this. it really is no wonder that he would be so avoidant
it's a cruel irony, that enjoying life again without the loved one can feel like a betrayal of their memory, and at the same time inscribing and making real the fact that they are no longer here. moving on is so hard
augh, that is a wonderful sentiment. and it is heartening that Agate will indeed get to read these words long after Quartz and the Canterlot of his day has passed into dust
aww, it's the little touch of being too excited not to share it immediately that really makes this as Jasper's life opens up
it is an interesting perspective to consider. considering it for myself, i would've thought that Agate living on in the inaccessible future would be strictly better for Jasper's grieving, but i can see that with that comes imagining them grieving for Jasper, and wishing they could be spared that pain.
i do love this sentence, it is so true to life
and as last words go, it is hard to imagine better ones.
magical thinking even within the context of the magical world of Equestria, always fascinating to see
and augh, what a wonderful way to end the story. I can imagine Agate's very conclusion here to be an extra motivation for Jasper to truly eat and drink of life to his fill, for he was eating for two, or even three. it's a wonderful idea, and a way to earn a hopeful ending for this tragic scenario that derives so naturally from the canon that it is hard to imagine it not happening. thank you for writing this!
Very nice story. Very heartfelt, and plays with an interesting scenario that I've always wanted to see explored. I have to echo the criticisms that the final letter feels somewhat inadequate a reply after all the build-up, but I recognise the constraints that the contest's requirements place on the story here, so I don't begrudge i. The story is still excellent overall.
That was a good story.
Hello! Have a review. An intriguing setup handled in a way I found satisfying. I do share some of what others have said about the final letter, but still an easy like.