• Published 20th Sep 2012
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Discord's Resignation - Xz Hacker



Discord passes on his power to Pinkie Pie.

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Chapter One: “The Announcement”

Chapter One: “The Announcement”

A guard burst into Celestia's throne room and exclaimed, “Princess! It appears Discord has escaped again!”

Celestia immediately began writing Twilight to tell her to gather her friends, and that the Elements of Harmony would be needed once again.

Twilight received the letter, and in only a matter of hours had all of her friends on the train to Canterlot. When they arrived, Celestia greeted them hurriedly, “I'm glad you all made it so quickly,” she paused and levitated the box containing the Elements of Harmony in front of them. “To my surprise they were all still were I had left them. I don't know what game Discord is playing at, but we haven't heard word of any chaos anywhere.”

The six bearers of the Elements of Harmony quickly took up their respective Elements. Twilight looked at Celestia, eyes blazing with passion, “don't worry Princess, we have dealt with him before, and we will again.”

Celestia looked uncertain, but still proud. “I know you will my student.”

They all stood there for a moment. Suddenly the awkwardness of the situation struck. Up to this point they were all preparing to fight Discord, but where was he?

Twilight scratched at the ground for a moment before saying, “so... where is he?”

Celestia blushed slightly. “I am not sure, no one has seen him since his escape.”

Everyone fell silent again, not sure what to say. After a few moments Pinkie Pie had an idea, “maybe he hasn't got free, maybe somepony stole his statue.”

Everyone stared at Pinkie Pie, momentarily stunned at the brilliance of such an idea. Celestia thought about it and answered, “that may be the most likely answer, as I have never known Discord to not jump straight on making chaos.”

Suddenly the disembodied voice of Discord surrounded them, “you see, that's just what I mean, I've gotten so,” he paused for a moment, “predictable,” he said the final word almost in a shudder.

Celestia nearly jumped, everyone else did. Celestia spoke unsure, “what are you up to Discord?”

Discord finally appeared, hovering about a foot off the ground. He chuckled slightly then wagged his finger, “oh nothing special, just thought I'd see if I could get in some last confusion before I retired.”

All of the Element bearers and Celestia simultaneously in their confusion asked, “retire?”

Discord looked around seemingly in confusion, “well of course.” He looked around a bit more then realized the cause of their confusion. “Oh that's right, I haven't told anyone yet, silly me.” Discord then disappeared, and suddenly his voice could be heard by everyone across the world, seemingly in their mind. “Attention all sentient forms of life... is this thing on? Anyway, this is the Lord of Chaos speaking, Discord.” Suddenly clapping could be heard. “No, no, your too kind. Well down to business,” the clapping stopped. “You see folks, I have had a good long run. I have been spreading chaos since before Princess Celly here was born.” Celestia looked irritated at the name. “But sadly, I think I'm loosing my touch, getting old if you will. Why just today Celly made a statement about how I normally do things. Well long story short that means I'm not really doing my job. Because of that, I have decided,” suddenly a drum roll could be heard, “that I am stepping down as the Lord of Chaos,” suddenly a booing crowd could be heard, “fret not, for I will choose a new Lord of Chaos, someone who can prove to me that they are worthy of the title. So in three days, I shall host a contest, all beings wishing to participate may, and to the winner goes all the powers of the Lord of Chaos.” There was a long pause, “uh... that is all.”

After a minute Celestia, sure that Discord was done, spoke. “This is most troubling, I'm not sure what to make of this.”

Twilight looked optimistic, “but Princess, isn't this the perfect opportunity to finish Discord once and for all? If we win his powers we won't have to worry about them ever again.”

Celestia shook her head, “yes, 'if' is certainly the word. IF one of you, myself, or my sister wins this contest, then I will not worry. However, if anyone else wins, then who knows what will happen. This is still all assuming Discord is even telling the truth.”

Twilight understood her worry, but the mood wouldn't get Rainbow Dash down. She jumped forward, and with bravado said, “we'll win it for sure!”

The three days passed quickly. Discord's voice once again was suddenly heard across the world. “Hello again everyone. I have given you three days to decide. Everyone able and willing to participate, please think very hard about winning.”

Across the entire world there was silence. Nearly everyone everywhere was focusing on the idea of winning ultimate power.

“Good, let's begin.” At that, the incredible number of people wishing to participate found themselves in a large meadow. The crowd stretched for as far as the eye could see. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and the Bearers of the Elements, all found themselves scattered amongst the crowd. There were at least a million people here. There would be no way for any of them to find each other in short order. After several moments the crowd began to mutter, then gradually got louder, until finally the sound became nothing short of a roar.

In the sky, Discord leaned down, a giant looming over the entire crowd. “Welcome one and all!” The crowd fell silent immediately at his now booming voice. “You have all come for one thing, my power. Is that right?” The crowd was silent. With an irritated look and tone Discord said, “I SAID, IS THAT RIGHT?” The crowd began to murmur a general consensus of yes. Still annoyed Discord continued. “Well then, you better be ready to fight for it. You got less than a one in a million shot, and everyone out there will be gunning to take you down. More importantly, remember this. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!”

The crowd was still uneasy, but several of them shouted in excitement at that statement. Discord smiled at their enthusiasm. “Now down to business.” All of the crowd was suddenly teleported in such a fashion that they were in a single file line that went on for miles on end. In front of everyone of them was a single table, on it was a cake. “This is your first contest, on the count of three, everyone begin. Ready, THREE!”

Across the vast line, everyone sprang forward and began hurriedly eating the cake in front of them. Apple Jack and Rainbow Dash did what nearly everyone else did, they jumped towards their cake and began shoveling it in their mouths and chewing as fast as possible. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Princess Celestia steadily ate the cake, as if it were any other meal. Twilight and Princess Luna both stared at their cake for quite some time, unsure of their tasks. Discord said to begin, but not what they were actually supposed to be doing. After about five seconds, they both decided it would be better to eat it than not, and began eating at a pace similar to that of Rarity. Pinkie Pie slowly walked over to her cake, and looked it up and down. After a few seconds of sizing it up, she jumped straight into the air, opened her mouth wide, and swallowed the cake whole, a trick she had developed working at a bakery for so long.

After several minutes, most people had finished eating, though, there were some who were still eating. Discord announced in a booming voice, “I've seen enough.” The tables and the cakes disappeared, leaving some to literally bite their tongues. “You are all so terrible at this. Almost all of you just ate the cake. What was the point in that, what did you accomplish?”

The entire crowd once again sat in silence. After a few moments of looking disappointed at the crowd Discord straightened up. “Well, there were a few of you out there who actually took this challenge seriously. As for the rest of you,” he paused and raised both hands in front of him, “BEGONE!” He clapped, and nearly all of the millions of people found themselves back were they had been taken from before the contest began.

Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and five of the Bearers of the Elements, found themselves back at Canterlot where they had all gathered before Discord took them away. Twilight was the first to speak, “I don't understand, what did he want us to do?”

Rainbow Dash looked upset. “Yeah! I ate that cake faster than anyone out there!”

Twilight looked at her, “but Dash, he never said what we were supposed to do, you just assumed it was a eating contest.”

Apple Jack stepped forward, “well it WAS cake, what the hay else were we s'posed to do with it?”

Twilight shook her head, “I'm not sure, but it seems that we failed to do whatever it was he wanted us to.”

Fluttershy took a timid step forward, “well, not all of us. Pinkie Pie isn't here.”

Everyone else looked around the room. She was correct, Pinkie Pie wasn't with them.

Twilight looked worried, “I hope she's alright, who knows what Discord is doing to the remaining competitors.”

Princess Celestia bowed her head, “let us all hope that for everyone's sake, it is something that she can handle and overcome. She would not have been my first choice for who I wanted to receive Discord's power. But now it seems as if she is our last hope of keeping it with someone that I trust. Hopefully, whatever she is going through is not too painful or difficult for her to handle.

Back in the large meadow like area, several of the now hundreds of contestants were running from the others. Pinkie Pie was merrily chasing one of the runners down. When she caught up with him she jumped on top of him. He was pinned to the ground. He began to beg, “no please, I'll do anything!”

Pinkie Pie gave a wide smile, and with no remorse said, “sorry, it's nothing personal, just the game.” She reached her hooves towards him and quickly began to tickle him. He began laughing hysterically. He manage to between gasps say, “no... please... stop!”

Pinkie Pie giggled slightly. “Just say mercy silly!”

“OK, OK, MERCY!” At that the colt was teleported away, back to wherever he had come from before the contest had started.

All around there where other contestants being chased pinned and tickled into submission. In particular, their was a fast Gryphon who had started chasing people down, and using her feathers to tickle them. After a few more minutes, there were only three contestants left. Pinkie Pie, the Gryphon, and a gray coated blonde Pegasus. Discord, now back to his normal size, came down and began clapping. “Well I must say you three are impressive. Now for the finale. The three of you will now think of the funniest word you know and try to make each other laugh.”

The three finalists sat in concentration for a moment. Pinkie Pie was the first to speak, “oh, I know!” She paused and looked around, smiling broadly, “PICKLE BARREL!” She burst out laughing and began rolling on the floor. The other two finalists didn't even crack a smile. Discord smiled slightly. The blonde Pegasus chimed up, “MUFFINS!” There was a slight pause, and then Pinkie Pie burst out laughing once more. They all stared at her for a moment. She got up and said, “sorry.” Finally the Gryphon looked confident. She inhaled deeply then yelled, “HIPPOPOTAMUS!” There was another brief moment of silence. Then both the Gryphon and Pinkie Pie began laughing at the word.

After chuckling some Discord looked around at his three finalists. “Well I must say I am a tad bit disappointed in you. The winner here is obvious. I mean really, you didn't even crack a smile!” He said as he looked at the blonde Pegasus, who then promptly vanished. “You on the other hand actually laughed some.” The Gryphon looked unsure of what was going on, thinking she had already lost for her outburst. “Unfortunately for you, it was quite apparent that our dear Pinkie Pie here has a considerable deal better sense of humor.”

The Gryphon was dumb struck. “What do ya mean? She laughed at every word, I only laughed at mine!”

Discord looked confused. “That's exactly my point my dear. She laughed at every word. She is obviously more suited to chaos then someone who doesn't laugh at,” Discord paused and snickered, “pickle barrel!” He and Pinkie Pie both started laughing while the Gryphon remained with her mouth wide open. “Well that's that I suppose.” The Gryphon was sent back to whence she came, and Pinkie Pie and Discord teleported into the middle of all of Pinkie Pie's closest friends.

Twilight looked concerned. “Pinkie Pie, are you OK?”

Pinkie Pie smiled broadly. “Well of course I am! It was a blast!” She turned to Discord. “Can we do it again?”

Discord chuckled. “Certainly, you can do it anytime you want from here on out.”

Celestia eyes grew wide with excitement. “Do you mean to say that she has won?”

Discord turned to Celestia. “Well of course, why else would I be here?”