INSURANCE! a Grumpy Goat >tail<

by De Writer

Chapter 13

Romaine took only moments to find what Celestia was speaking of. Quietly whistling a tune learned from Daring Do, specifically the Funeral March for Kings used in the ancient Nil Eya civilization, she sat and placed her order along with the Royal ones.

The slightly awe struck Windy took them all, verified them, and trotted off to the serving kitchen’s order carosel. She returned shortly with drinks and my milkshake. Fancy dinner or not, I will have my Trottingham Clotted Cream milkshake!

The dinner and the company were both excellent! Princess Luna regaled us with tales of she and her sister’s time spent among the Rom, selling sweet treats! It is totally amazing how many lesser (and some not so lesser) nobility can be so stupid when they are facing what they think are wandering lowest of low class peasants!

Any who pay attention to news about the Princesses can’t help but learn that they have designated the band of Marchhare as their Royal Family. Old Marchhare (around 850 years old) is the Royal Duke of Rom and is number three in the Order of Precedence, just behind Princess Luna. Due to the Rom’s rule about never going closer to Canterlot than the shadow of its walls, they don’t often get to march in the Royal Procession.

Reluctantly, I took my leave and strolled up the trail to my cave for the night. It was nice and cool, stars beginning to show, as I got up to my ledge.

Clarence and I sat out on my ledge to watch the stars come out. Leaning casually against his beautifully polished bare ribs, I asked, “I miss reading to you and Coalsmoke. How soon until she can rejoin us?”

He replied thoughtfully, “Tomorrow is Noxon’s funeral. After that, she will be tied up for the rest of the day on financial matters. The day after that should be favorable for our amusement.”

I nodded, wondering just a bit at his turn of phrase. “I have some financial business the day after tomorrow, about noonish. My next gold shipment is arriving.”

“I am aware of that, Grumpy. Besides Coalsmoke, invite Romaine and their Highnesses. They will be accompanied by a good dozen of their Guard.”

“My friend, Coalsmoke and Romaine are no problem. Their Highnesses are a completely different issue. They are still conducting the last of their audits. What could possibly get them to come?”

I could see the bare bone of Clarence’s face grinning as he replied, “Tell Celestia that you will have butterscotch topped twists and have perfected butterscotch ice cream. Celestia WILL come and Luna will want to see her sister go face first into a bowl of cold ice cream! They will be here.”

Chuckling at the memory of a Ponyville Fair where I had overheard some Rom saying that getting between Tia (her Rom name), and her butterscotch twists was listed as suicide by trampling, I agreed, “I see. You are devious, my friend!”

“Indeed I am. Now, Grumpy, let us go in. Since you have introduced me to food, I have grown to share your enjoyment of flavors and textures. That has led me to study the making of such treats as butterscotch ice cream. It is my turn to teach you about food.”

That, by itself, was a novel way to spend an evening. A very tasty one, too. Our experiments were not limited to just butterscotch, as lovely a flavor as it is. We explored caramel, mint, apple, strawberry, cherry, peach, coffee and imported chocolate. The night was so productive that I forgot to sleep at all!

Technically, being dead, I have no real need to sleep. It is a comforting habit that helps me to feel a bit more alive. Connected to the living, at least.

Our delightful session was interrupted by self important knocking at my solid iron front door. It was one of those living ones that reinforce my dislike of most ponies.

He started right in by snapping, “Why weren’t you open for my business?”

I retorted, “I was unaware that you had an appointment! I did answer my door at your first knock. I can still shut it in your face if all that you came up here for is to criticize me and how I do business.”

“I wants a murdering whorse cut out of a will! I brought you a hundred gold bits for it!”

“Now we have something to discuss. Come in and let us discuss terms. Based on what you just said, I believe that you are Nox Eous, first cousin and sole heir, other than Coalsmoke, of Noxon’s fortune. Am I correct?”

“How did you know that?”

“Coalsmoke is my friend and I knew and liked Noxon. They talked about how unhappy you made them by refusing to have anything to do with them.”

“If you want to cut Coalsmoke out of his will, it will be very difficult if it is possible at all. The will is a physical object that is already made. Noxon is not alive to influence into changing it. That means that I have to alter both the will in Mortimer Mollycoddle’s custody and the Registry copy, I have to alter Mortimer’s memory and Coalsmoke’s too.

“Because Coalsmoke is a friend and the Working is going to be VERY difficult, I will have to charge you β50,000 in gold. Now, I know that you don’t have that on you. I will accept a Secure Gold Transfer if the statement of source accounts passes truth testing.”

“That’s an awful lot of gold.”

“True. You are asking for a lot. After we draw up the SGT, I will leave it in your possession while I check whether I can do it at all. It depends on some things that are not totally in my control. If I can do it, we will make the contract and you can pay me with the SGT.”

I drew up my part of the Transfer and Nox did his part. For a wonder, it passed truth testing.

“Wait here, the things that I need to check might take up to a half hour.”

I popped into the back room and sealed the door. I picked up a Magic Net mirror and called Mortimer’s office. His secretary put me through to him. “Mort, I bailed your butt out on the Hortimer case, right?”

“That is true, Grumpeter, what favor are you looking for?”

“I expected you to sort that out, you are one sharp attorney. First, I have read Noxon’s will as registered. From personal conversation, I know that he intended for Coalsmoke to get the bulk of his estate and Nox Eous to be close to cut out.

“Nox Eous is here right now, wanting to cut Coalsmoke out of the will. I have a deal to produce the effect that Noxon intended, but it requires your cooperation. Nox is trying to pay me β50,000 in a Secure Gold Transfer that has passed truth testing to cut Coalsmoke out.

“If you will simply read the will in your possession, I will see to it that it reads to cut her out with a payment of β100 gold and an envelope which will be addressed to her in Noxon’s hoof.

“I will give you the envelope this morning at the funeral. It will contain Nox Eous’ SGT. Nox will wind up with about 5000 shares of EQNB and 7000 shares of CC&L, both of which are presently frozen and will tank massively when the Royal audits are done!

“Will you simply read the will? I promise that the Registry copy will match.”

Mort paused to think things through before replying reluctantly, “It will preserve Noxon’s intent, which he communicated to me on several occasions. If you give me the envelope and the will says what you say it will, I will do it. You must let Coalsmoke know what is in train.”

“Thanks Mortimer. I will buy you Caramel’s best for this and I will let Coalsmoke know.”

We broke that connection and I called Coalsmoke. It did not take long at all. She was chuckling as we broke the connection.

I came out to my front room, faking some real fatigue and a few scorch marks. I flopped into my chair and pulled the writing kit and papers to me. “I did manage to set it up. Here is the cover page. Initial all the boxes and sign at the bottom. While you are doing that, I will finish the results page for you to sign.”

I was writing busily for a few minutes. Nox Eous gloated as he signed it, “That foul whorse gonna get a heck of a surprise this afternoon!”

I took the Secure Gold Transfer and gave Nox his copy and a receipt. He charged out fast enough that I was afraid that he might fall off a steep part of the trail! The actual alteration of the will copies took me all of ten minutes. I folded the transfer into an envelope and added the necessary reference numbers to match the will’s notes.

I too left in a bit of a rush. I had to get to the Registry and then go to the Assembly of the Twins for the funeral.

Mol looked sadly at the contract. “I never expected you to do something like this to Coalsmoke, Grumpy. How could you?”

“Mol, my dear young mare, appearances are deceiving. The stock shares that he was going to give her have become worthless wallpaper. Nox Eous wanted them. See how much he paid for this? That is what she is getting, courtesy of this dead goat. I have to scoot to get this envelope delivered. Until next time my sweet mare.”

I pattered up the tree lined streets, hooves that I don’t really have making a bit of a clatter on the stones of the paving. I got to the Assembly about ten minutes early and passed Mortimer the envelope. He had the professional integrity to verify the contents and stow it in his briefcase.

“Thank you, Grumpeter. This will preserve Noxon’s intent. I did have a mirror call from him shortly before he took his life. In it he did ask me to take care of Coalsmoke.

“As a matter of curiosity, do you know what Nox Eous has left in his accounts after this is cashed?”

I grinned, “As it happens, yes, I do. He will have around a thousand total. He would have been far better off not to try having me mess with one of my best friends!”

Comments

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

I grinned, “As it happens, yes, I do. He will have around a thousand total. He would have been far better off not to try having me mess with one of my best friends!”

& Somehow, he finds it mysterious that ponies wanted to burn him alive.

[De Writer]

Actually, if someone you did no like was offering you lots of money to harm a good friend and you saw a way take the contract, deliver on it exactly AND help the friend in question at the same time, wouldn't you?
As for that past, Grumpy was friendly and helpful goat who was studying Equine Psychology by mail from Non Equine University (Chancelor. Princess Luna) and was only about six months from a degree and some decently paying work. The Celestian Church (detested by Celestia in person and in writing) pulled together an anti-goat mob and burned his home, studies, library and tried to stone him to death for being a goat. They were Unicorn Supremists who saw nothing wrong with attacking other "lesser sorts."