Flim Flam's Famous Freakshow

by Jest

The Witch

The crowd began to whisper excitedly, and even Rarity couldn't help but become intrigued by what might be coming, an emotion everyone seemed to share save for Applejack.

Who stood up suddenly, a scowl on her face. “I’ll be right back,” murmured the enormous pony before slipping quietly out the back of the tent.

Rarity wanted to stop the mare, or ask why she was leaving, but Flim’s shrill voice cut her off before she could do either of those things.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be born as both a unicorn and an earth pony?” Flim began, his voice barely above a whisper yet carrying across the entire tent with ease. “Or perhaps a pegasus and a unicorn?”

He let the question linger over the crowd a moment before shaking his head sadly. “Well be glad that you were not born as such for you see my friends you don't get the best of both worlds as it were. In fact, ninety-nine percent of hybrid babies don't live to see their first birthday.”

The crowd fell silent, and Rarity could see parents clutching their foals with a sudden intensity.

“But our next act was one of those quote-unquote lucky ones who has survived into adulthood,” Flim continued, his voice rising slightly. “What is she a hybrid of you may be asking? Well, a unicorn, and an earth pony! Quite the combination wouldn't you agree? Wits and vigor in one package!”

Flim shook his head. “But like I said earlier, be glad you aren't her for our next performer has an ingrown horn and is known as the mysterious madam Pie!”

The curtains retreated perfectly on cue, revealing an almost empty stage wherein a slightly lanky pink pony sat alone at a table. Her eyes were closed, her hooves positioned over a crystal ball that sat directly before her, its inky depths swirling with smoke. Her long pink hair was straight, and fell across her features in a wave, obscuring her face, and giving her a slightly disheveled, almost mad look about her.

“I see we have a one Emerald Gleaner in the audience,” declared the strange pony, without opening her eyes. “Isn't that right?”

A strange white furred mare sitting off by herself shifted slightly, brushing her fluffy pink mane out of her face. “It is,” she murmured nervously.

“Do you want to know your future Emerald Gleaner?” the pink pony asked.

“I suppose,” replied the unicorn hesitantly.

“You will walk a long and tragic road, at the end of which awaits you all the happiness you have ever dared to dream of, and not only that but immortality… in a sense,” Pinkie Pie declared, her eyes opening to reveal that her pupils looked each in a different direction.

The crowd was quiet, and the unicorn seemed distraught, with Flim getting noticeably uncomfortable at the side of the stage.

“But enough about all that dark stuff, do you all want to see some magic?” Pinkie Pie offered, pulling a deck of cards from seemingly nowhere.

Flim breathed a sigh of relief when the crowd seemed to relax, a few energetic foals inching forward on their seats.

Rarity, however, was more concerned about Applejack who returned a second later, a frown on her face. This time Rarity ignored the show, and looked to her distraught companion, tucking aside her writing pad as she did so.

“Not a fan?” Rarity inquired gently.

Applejack winced. “Of Madam Pie? Quite, of Flim’s introduction?” there was a short pause before Applejack sighed. “Not so much.”

“May I ask why?” Rarity pressed.

Applejack’s gaze narrowed. “I’m not sure I should say something like that to someone like you.”

Rarity smiled gently. “I know not everyone ascribes to the journalist’s code of ethics, but I do. If you don't want this repeated it won't ever be spoken of again.”

The earth pony’s frown deepened, and she glanced over at the stage where Pinkie Pie was levitating a card while shuffling the rest of the deck with a single hoof. “I don't like how he talks about her. Pinkie is kin, distant, but still kin,” Applejack murmured. “It ain't right.”

“How so?” Rarity pressed.

The unicorn could see the other pony’s jaw clench. “Treatin us like freaks is part of the show, but Flim always seems to take it too far with Pinkie. She's got a soft heart, softer still than even Fluttershy.”

Rarity nodded slowly, her gaze lingering on the pink pony as she did another magic trick, to which the crowd cheered. Though even then their cheers had a slight pitying edge to them that even Rarity could hear from way back at the far side of the tent.

“I see, and for what it's worth, I agree with you, darling,” Rarity offered.

Applejack nodded slightly, flashing the unicorn a brief sidelong glance of appreciation. “That's right good of you miss Belle. Too many folk don't think that way these days.”

“Woobetide the nation that has forgotten kindness,” Rarity muttered to herself.

Applejack sighed. “I really wish y'all had gone straight to the main tent. Trixie might be an annoying git, but her show is good, and she ain't quite as depressin.”

“Maybe later,” Rarity remarked, the unicorn distracted by the oohs and ahhs of the audience.

Another round of applause was had for the pink pony, who smiled wide enough that her wince was barely visible. Rarity’s discerning eye saw all, however, and the journalist scribbled another note while Flim took to the stage once more. Stepping in front of the twitching walleyed pony, the stallion grinned excitedly and swept a leg out in front of himself.

“Wasn't that amazing?” he asked, prompting a round of cheers from the audience. “I agree, my fine patrons. Madam Pie is so good it's almost worth having a crazy pony on the lot.”

A few ponies chuckled, though most remained awkwardly silent. Pinkie Pie herself was another story, and she leapt up from her seat, nearly knocking the crystal ball from its holder.

“I am not a crazy pony, you two-bit huckster!” she declared.

“Aww dammit. Here we go again,” Applejack muttered, the enormous mare rising from her seat and trotting up to the front.

Rarity’s first urge was to go help and diffuse the situation, but she was certain Applejack could handle it without her.

“Excuse me?” Flim asked, nose rumpled in disgust. “You take crazy pills, you talk to empty rooms. You are crazy, good, but crazy.”

“I talk to those you can't see, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. My power is-” the pony tripped on the flat stage and landed with a thump.

While Flim laughed, Applejack carefully scooped the pink pony from the ground, using her massive strength to carry her away with only a single hoof. Pinkie Pie seemed ready to resist this but soon went slack, tears sliding down her face right before she disappeared from sight.

“Sorry about that folks,” Flim quickly interrupted. “I should not have let my own personal problems come out in that way, she didn't deserve that. You have my sincere promise that not only will I apologize to her, but she will also be receiving a well-deserved raise. What do you say?”

The nervous, somewhat awkward audience cheered, pounding their hooves against the ground.

“I thought as much. Now then, let's wash that bad taste from our mouth with our final and most stupendous performers!” Flim continued, the curtains closing behind him. “Though they may seem like a creature of myth and legend, I assure you what you see is the genuine truth.”

The crowd leaned forward as one, and though Rarity was intrigued, she was distracted by the sound of something being pushed across the stage behind the curtain.

“Are these two sisters an experiment gone wrong? Or perhaps a strange genetic fluke? Only Celestia knows, but what we do know, is that they are expert performers and wonderful singers!” Flim announced. “So with that all out of the way, let's welcome our next act the sisters Twilight, and Sparkle!”

Author's Note:

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Comments

[OP Omni God-Emperor Doom]

A strange white furred mare sitting off by herself shifted slightly, brushing her fluffy pink mane out of her face. “It is,” she murmured nervously.

“Do you want to know your future Emerald Gleaner?” the pink pony asked.

“I suppose,” replied the unicorn hesitantly.

“You will walk a long and tragic road, at the end of which awaits you all the happiness you have ever dared to dream of, and not only that but immortality… in a sense,” Pinkie Pie declared, her eyes opening to reveal that her pupils looked each in a different direction.

Is that a future Celestia!!!???