Luna felt numb and exhausted.
She didn’t know how long she had been laying on her bed, nor did she remember casting a teleportation spell. She supposed that she shouldn’t be too surprised though, it wouldn’t be the first time that a unicorn or alicorn had cast magic instinctually during instances of extraordinary emotional stress.
Her hysterics and tears had long since run dry, leaving her feeling empty. She had bottled up her emotions for so long that she didn’t know how to deal with anything beyond bitterness, frustration and vague melancholy. She had sacrificed everything of who she once was to fulfill her royal duties, to put aside every other facet of herself in dedication to serving her ponies and what had she gained from it? Anger, emptiness and a deep sense of longing for what once was.
Luna didn’t know why her sister’s words had cut so deeply. She had known for a long time how little Celestia had thought of her abilities as a ruler. It shouldn’t have brought her so low. Perhaps she had always subconsciously held the belief that her sister really did love her, like when they were young and that she was just putting on an aloof, austere facade for the benefit of presenting the illusion of a perfect, infallible ruler.
Seeing all of it laid out before her made that hope seem so distant now. It had destroyed the final tether that Luna had been anchoring herself with all these years.
She should have been stronger than this, but she wasn’t. Luna was an all powerful alicorn, defender of Equestria, guardian of the night and stars, a near goddess in the eyes of normal ponies. Yet all that it had taken to reduce her to a wreck of misery, self-pity and despair, was a few cruel words from her sister. She felt like a foal, a little filly who was crying, because her big sister called her names.
It was pathetic. If she could feel anything besides numbness and exhaustion at the moment, it would be futility and self loathing. The words from the diary kept bouncing endlessly through her head and for once she didn’t know what to do. There didn’t seem to be way forward. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.
Usually criticism, while feeding her anger and bitterness, would light a fire under her. Driving her to improve, to make her night more spectacular, to try new and creative methods of public relations and to prove her sister wrong. Out of spite for her detractors if nothing else.
This time was different however. She didn’t feel that faint sense of hope that things would improve. There didn’t seem to be a point to it all anymore. Her night that she spent countless hours crafting with an artist's touch, grew evermore forsaken. Her ponies that she had given years of her life for, felt more distant and dismissive than ever. Her sister, who was once her closest friend, confidant and protector, seemingly couldn’t wait to be rid of her.
Even her prestigious title of Commander of Equestria’s Armies was hollow. Equestria’s pseudo-feudalism meant that soldiers were not directly under her control and would not follow her orders if their Lord or Lady told them otherwise.
It all seemed so futile.
...everything would be so much easier if I could just rule alone...
The words rang through her head again, but this time she stopped to really consider them.
‘What if Celestia was right?’
'What if she got her wish?'
It was a line of thinking that she had never considered before. She had been a Princess for so long that she had never stopped to consider if there was another path.
A small amount of fatigue evaporated from her body as her thoughts began to assemble an idea in her mind that made her feel something akin to a cautious, daring hope. As well as curiosity as to where this line of mental inquisition would take her.
Luna had never felt comfortable on the throne. The endless shackles of duty and responsibility. The rotten undergrowth of deceit, manipulation and corruption of politics that lurked eternally in her peripheral vision. Always there, but just out of sight enough to avoid being scrutinised too closely. The ingratitude of ponies that discarded all that she did for them and treated her as though she was some sort of liability to the kingdom.
Her sister that had once promised to love and protect her forever, yet with every passing day she recognized less and less of the sister that she had once known, as Celestia grew more and more into the mould of an emotionless, aloof, perfect princess. A mould that she herself could never fit, despite the best efforts of her elder sister.
What future was there left for her on the throne? The more she thought about it the more she realised how miserable her life as a ruler had been.
It wasn’t who she wanted to be anymore.
With her decision made and a course of action firmly set, the last of her numbness and fatigue was replaced by a renewed sense of determination. She sat up in her bed and used her magic to light up her horn, no longer wishing to sulk in the dark.
With the soft illumination of her cyan aura, the details of her room came into focus. The wall opposite her bed was dominated by massive floor to ceiling windows that allowed her to gaze out at the majesty of her night. Thick curtains, decorated with her iconic dark blue with silver trim colour scheme, were drawn closed to block sunlight from disturbing her rest during the day. In her panicked hysteria she had forgotten to open them tonight and let herself emotionally breakdown in complete darkness.
Luna's bare hooves touched down on the carpet beside her bed as she struggled to support herself on unsteady legs. Her downward emotional cascade had left her feeling physically exhausted as well, but with every uncertain step her confidence and drive grew.
When Luna finally reached the curtains, she stood tall as she pulled them back and bathed the room in her starlight, her moonlight and her aurora. A churning sea of colour and light danced across the sky as if directed by an unseen, silent orchestra. Behind the colours were the stars. An endless expanse that stretched across the infinite heavens.
Among the billions of pinpricks of light, a single star stood out from the others. A star that shone brighter than all the rest. A beacon that guided all who travelled or were lost home.
The North Star.
Among all of the stars in the night sky, this is the one that she had the greatest connection to. The same very star that had led Luna to realise her destiny and earn her the Talent Mark that she still bears to this day. Much of her early memory had faded over the years,but the memory of that night is still fresh in her mind no matter how many years have passed.
Luna was lost and the only way to truly find herself again was to remember her destiny. She tried to feel now what she felt then.
Luna was still a filly when one night, her mother took her stargazing on the hill outside of their small village. The pair had laid down on a blanket that they had brought with them. It was something that they did often. Luna's mother's Talent Mark depicted the night sky and she was so eager to share in her passion for the stars with her daughter.
Luna loved those nights that she spent with her mother, she learned so many incredible things about the night and absorbed all that her mother had to teach her. She heard about all of the incredible things that ponies had learned from studying the night. From the basis of their calendars to their navigation techniques.
She learned about the constellations and their mythology. It amazed the young filly to no end that ancient ponies had seen a random assortment of disconnected lights and had crafted stories and legends about heroes, gods and odysseys.
Every pony, every civilization, all saw something different when they looked at the stars. All born from the vivid imagination of those who dared to dream bigger than themselves.
It ignited a fascination within Luna. She couldn’t explain it, but she saw so much more than pretty lights when she gazed at the sky. The stars called out to her and she yearned for nothing more than to answer them, but she didn't know how. It was as if she saw her own soul reflected back at her in the stars. Luna saw everything she was and everything she wanted to be in them. They were curiosity, discovery and adventure unbounded. More than anything else, they represented freedom.
Her village and her home seemed so small in comparison to the endless reach of the starry night.
She desperately wished that she was old enough to fly at that moment. Able to spread her wings shore through the night. To fly higher than anypony had ever flown before. She wanted to be able to reach out and touch the stars themselves, to swim among them as though she was submerged in an ocean made of light. She wanted to explore everywhere and everything that the light shone on, to travel to destinations unknown.
She couldn’t explain the feeling in words or why she felt that way, but right then she wanted to become a star. To live so far removed from the world and see everything that Equus had to offer. She wanted to be the beacon of hope that would guide those wayward and far from home to safe shores. To be a teller of stories that awed and inspired. A dreamer of worlds beyond her own.
It was as though she had an epiphany. A moment of perfect clarity, where in a single instance she could see everything of her past, present and future. Where she understood exactly where her place in the universe was. She could see unknowable truths of creation and existence. Her flanks felt tingly and she instinctively knew what had just happened.
All this only lasted for a fraction of a second however, as a moment later all that she had learned slipped from her mind as though she was forgetting a dream. The one that remained was a sense of certainty. A clarity of destiny that she heard other ponies describe when talking about receiving their talent marks, but had never experienced herself until that moment. She didn't didn't know how she knew what her destiny was. She just knew.
It was a calling.
She felt that calling now, just as she felt it back then.
Luna had once thought that the crown had been her destiny. She was utterly convinced of it. She was powerful, immortal and raised the enormity of the sky every day. How could her destiny be anything less than to become akin to a star. To reign above all, to guide ponies and inspire them.
It had taken a torture of a thousand small cuts to her psyche over years to shatter that illusion, but what she read in that diary had been her final breaking point.
This wasn't where she belonged anymore. Luna saw that now. Celestia had come to a similar conclusion, but where her sister only saw Luna's ineptitude, the Night's Princess saw an opportunity for a second chance.
Celestia might have found her place in the sun on the Equestrian throne, but Luna would find her place elsewhere.
Luna thought that she had discovered her destiny when she was a filly and that she would have been able to sail blindly towards it, as though she had a compass that led her to her calling. She was wrong. It wasn't as simple as that.
She didn't know where she would find her destiny, but she did know what the first step was on her journey.
Leaving would be hard, but she couldn’t stay. She deserved better. She deserved to be happy. There was nothing left for her here.
It would be so easy to be angry. To rage and hate. The emotions came to her like second nature these days. It would be so easy to leave, just to spite Celestia. Luna wondered out of morbid curiosity how long it would take her sister to notice that she had left if the Lunar Princess continued to raise and lower the moon. A day? A week? A month?
Luna didn't want this decision to be made out of spite though. She didn't want her potential last memory of this place to be one of rage and grief. She didn't want her final message to her sister to one of hate and resentment.
Celestia was everything to her once. She was the best big sister that Luna could have ever asked for. No matter how angry Luna was, no matter how grave the slight, she didn't stop loving her sister. She still loved Celestia deep down and perhaps that was why her written words had hurt so badly.
She had always followed in her sister’s shadow, but for better or for worse, it was time to step out into the light. Their destinies might diverge from here, but memories will remain. Both good and ill. Celestia might not be a hero in Luna’s eyes, that illusion had long since been shattered, but Luna couldn't find it in her heart to see her as a villain. Even now, after everything.
She was just a mare, same as Luna.
Tears streaked down the Princess's cheeks as the enormity of her decision began to rest on her shoulders. Not since the final her confrontation with Discord, had she been so completely and utterly scared. Every challenge that she had faced in her life, she had not faced alone. Her parents or Starswirl or Celestia had always been right behind her. Ready to catch her if she fell.
Nopony would be there to catch her now. For the first time in her life she would be absolutely, completely alone. And that scared her more than she thought possible.
The idea of leaving frightened her and saddened her, but it wouldn't stop her.
With a deep breath to calm herself, Luna took one last gaze at her night. As if hoping to draw to somehow draw courage from the moon and stars themselves.
With her decision solidified in her mind. There was only one thing that was left for her to do.
She needed to prepare.
Luna stood at the edge of her balcony. She had draped herself in a large, black travelling cloak that would hopefully disguise herself or at least allow her to remain inconspicuous enough until a more permanent solution could be found.
The saddlebags secured at her sides contained little, but money, food, a map and a few small personal trinkets that Luna could not find it in herself to part with.
This was it.
No turning back.
The town of Everfree sprawled out before her, lit by the gentle glow of her lanterns.
Luna wondered how long her sister would keep them up after her departure, perhaps she wouldn't take them down at all. Even if they failed in their intended purpose. The idea that some part of her legacy would endure, was strangely comforting to her.
Beyond the town stretched the Everfree forest. Even with her enhanced Alicorn eyesight, she could not see an end to the sea of trees. Had she not known exactly how far the boundaries of the forest extended, she could have easily believed that they had no end at all.
Luna turned her head to look at Celestia’s tower on the opposite side of their castle.
'It wasn't too late to stop, to turn around and walk away,' a treacherous part of her mind whispered to her.
No line had been crossed yet that couldn't be uncrossed. She could burn the letters that she had left for her sister and the Captain of her Night Guard. She could withstand the lecture she would get from Celestia over her invasion of privacy. Perhaps the sisters could someday reconcile and it would be like the old days when they both loved each other unconditionally.
The thought was a tempting seductress, but Luna knew that it was too late to fix things. The bonds that had been broken between them could not be unbroken.
All that she could do now was to try to live her life and try to find happiness.
She wondered what Celestia would say to her if she was here right now. Would she beg Luna stay? Would she renounce the words in her diary and vow to do better by her younger sister in future?
Or would she encourage Luna to go, glad to be rid of a nuisance?
The Lunar Alicorn wasn't sure her heart could take the latter.
She closed her eyes and summoned every scrap of courage that she could muster.
One final step.
The former Princess launched herself into the air, over the balcony railings. Luna’s spread wings stabilized her flight as her cloak bellowed out behind her.
On steady wings she flew in search of the one thing that she couldn’t find in the castle, even with all the power in the world.
Happiness.
Luna takes her first steps to her new freedom, here's hoping that she can find her own happiness.
Equestria is a big place and there would be plenty of settlements out there beyond the confines of the castle and the Everfree. Wherever she goes, she has all the time in the world.
I really wonder what will get up to since she isn't under the influence of the Nightmare. Even if Luna isn't a princess anymore, she still commands the moon and the night and protects the dreams of ponies.
Beautiful, as always
Another great update.
I hope the best for her. I hope she goes on adventures, finds wonders, climbs the highest mountains, delves into the deepest caves, sails the untamed seas, and treks the unexplored jungles! I know the scope of the story won’t go that far (unless you are feeling particularly ambitious!) but I like the imagine she grows more into herself. A small part of me also wishes that Celestia laments her actions and that one day they may meet again so that she can see how Luna has grown to be greater, maybe just greater than she once was or maybe greater than even herself.
Either way, Luna’s first step into the wide world on her own adventure begins here and I am a little excited for it!
You probably haven't thought of it or wanted it that way, but any chance of adding Merlin from Fate Grand Order (male) Luna could find him early on on his journey for freedom and the two could be fellow travelers on adventures as well.
I don't know if you plan on doing other perspectives but I'm gonna be honest I kinda don't want to see Tias perspective if you decide to do so. I'd love to see the night gaurd reaction, as I imagine they also catch a lot of flack for being the night shift, and I doubt after their Sovereign leaves they would want to stay.
But it feels like it would be wrong to know Exactly what Tia thinks at this point. Maybe we can hear from her if its through the Night Gaurd Captain.
Kriff it then, we gone, off into the wild blue yonder!
Adventure awaits!
And there she flies free.
Indeed a good question; how long till Celestia even notices that Luna has gone away, and how long do the lanterns last? Or what will follow the darkness if the lanterns are put away?
I hope she finds happiness. Fly free, Luna!
So it begins
So Gooooooood!!! Love the amount of dedication your putting into every chapter and can’t wait for the next to be released once again!
Nice, gimme moreeee....
It is nice to see Luma spread her wings and embark on a journey towards happiness. I wish I have her resolve and strength to do something similar.
Can’t wait
luna going for happiness for herself is always a great goal I hope the ponies deal cause the free ride over cause luna is done with a thankless job with more hazards than benefits, it was an art and passion she loved not a job to burn out on not even a raise can get her to go back to it maybe some letters to her sister!
maybe some ponies feel bad or change senary not liking the new workload but that's life and they won't die just need to do some work they're still heroes about and the elements of harmony can fast travel so it's fine!
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No because I don't think putting him here will serve any purpose
Thank you for the update.
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Good observation. The lanterns are going to play a suprisingly big role much later on. I didn't put so much attention on them for nothing.
I've noticed that the dislikes on this story went from 5 down to 4. Which means that someone who previously disliked my story changed their minds and liked it. To whomever that was, I'm glad that I manged to win you over in the end and thank you for giving it another chance to win you back.
Me omw to spoil the plot of the story
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I'll boot you off the Discord if you do that.
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Good job with the chapter. It really hit the heart.
Lovely chapter.
Wonder how Celestia will react? Will she care or will she be happy she no longer has to deal with Luna's "ineptitude".
This is Alt universe so either are possible!
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i don't think she will care at first, perhaps she will think 'luna is just throwing a temper tantrum, and that she will be back'.
i do think as time goes on she might realize luna is not coming back and she might realize what she lost
Dangit, why can't I upvote this every chapter, It's too good to only like once!
Corrections:
scrutinized
realized/realize
Missing space after the comma
and soar
duplicated word
bets on how long it'll take them to notice she's buggered off? mine is on four days
Great work on the story so far I’m hoping we get to see what’s what Celestia’s reaction is in the next chapter
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We won't see anything of Celestia until at least chapter 6.
Godspeed Luna!
This was perfect, honestly.
Just like Luna said, I am sure it would have been way easier to write her running off as a dall of misery and hatred (with tons of teenage angst on the side!) but reframing her leaving-- which, as a bit of trash connoisseur, I have seen many times in fics, usually as a result of teenage misunderstandings and an allergy to communication-- as her simply going away to find her happiness, and her refusal to talk to Celestia as fear of rejection was pretty great.
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Delaying Tia's reaction sounds pretty fun tbh, as much as I'd like to see her angst about this situation. From what I've read of her in other fics, she's definitely the kind of person who'd try to mask her emotions in front of others, slipping into the perfect princess mask.
It would be a fun moment in the future, if Luna hears other ponies talking about how Celestia doesn't seem to give a fuck that the other princess has disappeared, and things seemed to be getting better for Equestria, because of how much time she is putting into work
to distract herself from her failings(?).Ws already know that the nobles seem to hold Luna in contempt, so it would be fun to see the reaction of the common pony to all this mess, as well as Luna getting second hand account of everything which is
probablycertainly going to be wildly inaccurate.11428959
There's a discord?
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A private Discord for my beta-readers. I'll probably make a public one for fans at some point soon.
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Nice. I wonder how though? Maybe some noble, who thought the street-lanterns were "just a waste of resources", gets brutally stabbed, and maybe robbed, and the guard can't really help because nopony saw who or what did the crime, because it was too dark to see the culprit.
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Cool
Sorry couldn't help myself, this just fit's so perfectly that after reading this chapter I quickly put this on and imagined Luna singing something very similar while she soared through the night sky.
M desperate to know Celestia's reaction.
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My money is on creatures akin to the Tantabus. Moves in the dark and attacks ponies through the dream realm, feeding on them by putting them in a never ending nightmare, which basically puts ponies into a coma until they are killed by it. Because I have a hunch...
...that this might be forshadowing that Luna's abilities will go beyond manipulating the moon and stars, and can affect the dreamscape. I don't think Luna's ability of dream walking has been mentioned yet in the story. I'm speculating that luna will discover the ability because of her newfound freedom. She'll connect with ponies, help and guide them in their dreams, and it's going to be a step towards her self discovery and happiness.
Such a wonderful chapter! I hope she finds the happiness Celestia and the country neglected to give her over the years.
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I hope that you have not forgotten to destroy Luna’s lab. I don’t want Equestria (especially Celestia and the Nobility) to benefit from her discoveries and breakthroughs.
It would be interesting if Luna goes out of her way to protect ponies from the various threats in the world and gains the respect and admiration from the common folk.
If Celestia remains in the castle in the Everfree, she would be the cold distant figure that is unapproachable while Luna is the warm guardian that people trust.
Iv always been curious about the sun and stats their. Mabey unlike our world witch is so big its more like skyrims words where the sun is just a tear in reality leeking making into the world and the stars are just smaller tears. Witch would explain why they need management.
It wouldbindicate they are In only a small pocket dimension but does explain how everything from the wether to the stars needs management
Not since the final confrontation with Discord
most excellent.
honestly, the lanterns should be a big deal, they are for us.
with out them crime soars as criminals feel even safer about commiting acts.
Hooooly, this chapter was amazing. I also sympathize with many of the issues Luna is dealing with. The sense of feeling lost on where to go, when staring at the answer life gives, has been a constant in my life. And to summon that courage and keep moving is all we can really do. We will walk our paths, and one day, we will all find our place to settle down.
Celestia probably will notice that Luna is gone right when she sees the disturbed diary. Question is how fast the revelation will sink in that Luna is gone.
And the ponies will need alot more lanterns now that they are alone in the night.
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Two weeks
She take a weapon?
And so Luna really began to become what I expected from her from the first chapter. Honestly, after the third chapter, I was afraid that everything would turn out "and so I ran away." Glad that I was mistaken. She really "left." Collected things, left a couple of letters, more or less figured out herself... Good.
As for the Celestia's reaction... Lets be honest - this is not her story. This is Luna's story. And she left. And if there is no global crisis (Daybreaker), I'm fine with Celestia only appears somewhere in the epilogue.
I am happy with Celestia being regulated to a small segment in the final chapter.