Assumptions
Cheese Sandwich smiled, and planted a tender kiss on the lips of Pinkie Pie, transitioning to a warm nuzzle as their noses touched for a few lingering moments. Then, slowly, he pulled away from her. His smile gave way to a look of determination, and his eyes grew steely.
“Well, my love,” he said in a gruff voice, “I must be off to where I need to be going now.”
Pinkie gave Cheese Sandwich an understanding nod, and hopped off the overgrown alligator Gummy’s back, onto the Ponyville street below them. Gummy did not seem to notice, and continued staring blankly into space while Cheese Sandwich struck a pose, a billowing poncho finding its way around his withers from out of nowhere.
Then, when the poncho had settled, he turned back around with a big smile on his face, and said brightly, “You know, that same ol’ place you know where to find me at, in case you need me!”
And just like that, Cheese Sandwich was riding Gummy off into the sunset, or at least he would have been if he weren’t going toward the forest at the edge of town, in the opposite direction of the setting sun. Pinkie Pie waved her most enthusiastic goodbye at him, her pink foreleg flopping left and right at a frightening speed, and by now Lil' Cheese was at her side, imitating her with a tiny yellow foreleg, the other preoccupied with eating a green-frosted cupcake that was half the size of the foal’s head.
Luster Dawn could not help but grin from cheek to cheek as she took in the adorable sight, confident in knowing just why she was brought here to see this.
“You know, the more I think about it, the more you’re so right, Pinkie Pie!”
Pinkie Pie turned to her with a big smile, as she always turned to ponies. “Oh, I’m so glad to hear that! What am I right about?”
“Oh, what you sang just now, remember? Even though the passage of time might change the nature of our relationships with the ponies around us, in the end, what really matters is that there is still joy and love in those connections. Getting older just means a new set of challenges and adventures that have a reward all their own.” She smiled at Lil' Cheese, who was now fully preoccupied with eating that cupcake. “Not to mention that your daughter is just so adorable!”
“I’m not her daughter, silly!” piped up Lil' Cheese in a squeaky voice. “I’m her son!”
“Oh!” Luster covered her mouth with a hoof in embarrassment. “Oh, I’m so sorry! It's just that with the eyelashes and everything, I assumed—” Luster cringed. “I, uh… You know… Assumed that uh…”
“Nope!” Lil' Cheese chirped happily. “I’m just super cute!”
“Ah, haha, yeah!” Luster laughed a nervous laugh. “You really are, aren’t you?”
Lil' Cheese just nodded with a smile that was the most innocent thing in the world, happily eating his cupcake as Luster filled herself with panic.
“I mean, duh, how could I not see it?” she exclaimed just a little too loudly, turning to Pinkie. “He really does look just like his father!”
“Wha? Father?” Pinkie gave her a quizzical look before picking up her son with both hooves and studying him curiously. “Lil' Cheese, is there something you’re not telling me?”
“I think she’s just confused, Mom!”
“Yeah! I… uh…” Luster gulped. “Yeah, I guess I kinda thought that Cheese Sandwich was his father? Because of the name and all? Wait, that is why he’s named that, right?”
“Well, yeah, of course he’s named after Cheese Sandwich!” Pinkie scoffed as she put her son back down on the ground. “Why wouldn’t I name my son after my very best friend in the entire world?” She playfully rubbed Lil' Cheese’s mane as he gave a little giggle. ”But that doesn’t mean Cheese Sandwich is his father! In fact, it would be kinda weird if he were! Who even names their own kid after themselves like that?”
“I, uh…” Luster frowned, remembering the tender kiss that she had just seen Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich share. Unless her own memories were faulty somehow? Did anything mean anything anymore?
“Uh…” she continued, as Fluttershy quietly came up behind Lil’ Cheese and ran a worrying hoof through his puffed-out mane.
“But then, uh… Who?”
Fluttershy removed her hoof from the colt’s mane, a sticky candy cane now stuck to the end of it, and regarded it with a worrying frown.
“Now Lil' Cheese,” she said in the softest of admonishing voices, “you know that just because Mom does this with her mane doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea for you to.”
Lil’ Cheese gave her the most self-pitying of exaggerated frowns. “Aww… Okay…”
Luster looked at Lil' Cheese, then at Fluttershy, then back at Lil' Cheese again, then back at Fluttershy again. Yellow coat on one, yellow coat on the other. Pink mane on one, pink mane on the other. Was it the exact same shade of pink? Yes, it was the exact same shade of pink, in fact. Only the texture was different. Because Lil’ Cheese’s mane had the texture of…
“Oh,” she said, her mouth forming the shape of the letter as she made the connection. And she was just about to speak that connection aloud before catching herself, remembering how that had gone the last few times just now. Instead, she just said,
“You know, I think I’m going to see just what Twilight wanted me to see next! I think it was something about the Wonderbolts? Well, I should get going!”
And with that, Luster hastily excused herself, stage right.
Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy exchanged knowing looks that were all too familiar to them at this point, before Fluttershy continued to worriedly pick bits of candy out of Lil’ Cheese’s mane.
Pinkie grumbled, “You know, I swear, that’s like, the fifth pony in a row that thought that Cheese Sandwich was Lil’ Cheese’s father!”
“Don’t you mean fiftieth?” Fluttershy said, not taking her eyes off of the back of her biological son’s head, with whom she shared 50% of his DNA, the other half coming from Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie threw her forelegs up in the air. “Yeah, that’s what I said, fifty-fifth! I just don’t understand why that keeps happening!”
“Well… you know…” Despite already not looking at Pinkie Pie’s face, Fluttershy somehow averted her gaze to avoid eye contact even more. “It might have something to do with that tender kiss goodbye you gave him.”
“Well, yeah!” Pinkie ughed. “He’s more than just my best friend; he’s my Super-Duper-Ultra-Special-Best-Platonic Friend that I love with all my heart! Why wouldn’t I give him a tender kiss goodbye?”
She then looked down at her biological son, with whom she shared 50% of his DNA, the other half coming from Fluttershy, and the frustration in her face softened to a frown. She lowered herself to be at eye-level with him. “Oh, I’m sorry Lil’ Cheese! Mom shouldn’t get so upset in front of you.“
“It’s okay, Mom! You’re just upset by what ponies assume about Uncle Cheese. I understand, I get frustrated, too,” Lil’ Cheese said precociously. “And it’s nice how you and Mama balance each other out, giving me a solid foundation for learning how to express my emotions in a healthy way!”
“I think that’s the last of the candy.”
Fluttershy shook a peppermint loose from her hoof, before Lil’ Cheese turned his head around and asked,
“Can I go with Pound and Pumpkin now?”
“As long as you promise not to find little treats to stick in your mane again.”
“Yes, Mama. I won’t. Mom promise!” He stuck his little hoof in his little eye, causing Fluttershy to smile and giggle. She and Pinkie then hugged him goodbye before he ran towards the awaiting pair of teenage siblings.
“Don’t you worry about that, Ms. Shy, we’ll watch out for him!” Pound exclaimed, before all three disappeared into the bakery to keep the energetic colt distracted with fun bakery tasks that surely were just a nice way to give his mothers an evening of not having to look after him rather than some form of exploitative foal labor.
When the door closed, the street was relatively deserted of passers-by, and Fluttershy reached out to Pinkie’s hoof, who seemed surprised at first before happily taking it with her own. They just held hooves for a bit, smiling warmly at each other.
“You know…” Fluttershy spoke in a hesitant voice. “Maybe ponies wouldn’t be so confused if… you know…” She frowned. “I don’t know. It just feels so silly that I haven’t outgrown it by now. I mean, we have a kid together, for Celestia’s sake!”
“Oh, my little Shypie!” Pinkie stroked her hoof reassuringly. “No, never blame yourself for that, we talked about this! I like that anything more than holding your hoof and hugging is only for when we’re alone. It makes it all the more super-duper-special, you know?” Pinkie gave her an apologetic smile. “And, like, I really don’t think you’re the one of us that’s confusing other ponies, you know?”
“No, Pinkie. We talked about this.” Fluttershy gave her a crooked smile. “I like seeing you so free to be that affectionate with the ponies that you care about. It makes me feel better about not being able to do that myself, even with my own wife. I know that sounds silly.”
“It’s not silly.” Pinkie sighed. “Everycreature that actually knows us knows that we’re married and that we love each other! We don’t have to always be kissing in front of them to prove it. And for the rest of them, well…” She huffed. “It wouldn’t even be a problem at all if ponies just understood that just because Cheese Sandwich and I share a super-special-ultra-soulmate bond doesn’t mean that we’re dating, or married, or whatever!”
“Yeah…” Fluttershy cast her eyes at the ground. “I know exactly what you mean…”
Cheese Sandwich held his eyes closed and smiled, sinking deeper into the embrace of the bear-arm wrapped lovingly around his neck and chest, nuzzling the tips of those soft bear-fingers with his cheek. He luxuriated in the sensation of the soft fur against the coat of his cheek, the contrast with the back of a claw brushing gently down the length of his neck, the warmth of a tamed demigod wrapped all around and over him.
He opened his eyes, to see the draconequus looking back at him lovingly, a turn on the corner of his lips.
He sighed.
“You know, you really should tell them. About how bad it’s gotten.”
Discord frowned. “Honey…”
“I just think it’s gone too far to lie to them.” Cheese Sandwich’s voice hardened. “Even Pinkie didn’t know. She said that Fluttershy told her you were at a ‘conveniently timed’ O&O Convention, and when she says it like that it doesn’t mean she thinks anything is suspicious.”
Discord sighed. “I know. They already know how much trouble I’ve been having staying myself outside of this place.” He held out his claw and let it dissolve into a fractal cloud before reforming itself. “And I don’t want them to worry their little heads about me.”
Cheese Sandwich gave him a skeptical look. Discord scratched the back of his head.
“Okay! Or I don’t know! Maybe I want to hold on to the image in their heads, of all-powerful Discord, Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony!” He inflated himself up until his head almost reached the ceiling of the cottage, before deflating into a flattened version of himself, still draped over Cheese Sandwich. “And not what I’ve become.“
“Hey.” Cheese Sandwich smiled at him gently. “I’m getting older too.”
Discord smiled, and blushed, popping back up to his normal size.
“Ironic, isn’t it?” he said. “Do you remember when we first started dating? All the rue and cry!” He put the back of his claw on his forehead in a woe-is-me. “That I would be cursed to watch you decay into decrepitude, watch your whole world shrink to a house, then a room, then a bed. Who knew that I would get there first?”
“Hey, you’re not that confined, even now!” Cheese Sandwich protested. “And you couldn’t ask for a better mare to be soul-bonded to.”
“Oh, I do agree with you there!” Discord smiled.
Cheese Sandwich yawned. He laid his head contentedly on Discord’s belly, closing his eyes.
“You know,“ he said, “it’s tempting to retire from all my traveling, now that I’m not the youngest of stallions myself. We could make a nice, cozy home here. I could watch my godson grow up from up close.” He yawned again. “It sounds nice.”
“It does.” Discord stroked the side of his head lovingly. “But I’ll miss your stories of the wider world, then. I was living vicariously through those.”
“Oh there will be plenty of stories! Just by…” He yawned again. “The next generation.”
And on that nice thought, soon enough, Cheese Sandwich was asleep.
Discord looked over to the spot in the cottage that held the fondest of memories for him: the table where he and Fluttershy had taken their many, many years of Tuesdays Tea. Where, unknown to both of them, what he was now was being carved bit by bit from the barely-restrained amalgamation of Chaos Magic that he once was. And now, with the forces of Harmony so strong, there were only two places left in Equestria that he could remain himself: in this sacred place where he was born, and near the one that he was bonded to, who built him here.
He held his stallion tight, grateful for what he still had.
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Talk about spouse exchange to the extreme.
Somewhere far away, a chill inexplicably runs down Twilight Velvet’s spine.
Nice story, and a very fluffy extension of your usual themes of bittersweet change.
media.discordapp.net/attachments/843326706231279656/896615435452182549/unknown.png
ok but actually this was really sweet and such a good take on the canon ending!!! i always wondered why they had lil cheese have fluttershys exact colour scheme like… its not like its a very common colour scheme within background ponies or anything lol?? like they colour picked right from her. a story like this is exactly what i need. plus, cheesecord (CHEESE CURD) is so freakin amazing haha! i love the way you wrote discord here!!!
This was super cute! Loved Luster just awkwardly taking the L there, and there's some really cool ideas here about the nature of Discord hinted at. Also I am choosing to believe Fluttershy is trans like I do given even a hint of an opportunity to, and I love her.
Gets dreamy eyes and swoons.
Actually I'm thinking of inventing kissfic as a genre. Like. It's paced like erotica, but they just kiss and hold hands/hooves/paws and nothing else.
Loved that! I was in a maze of twisty little loving and supportive relationships, all different.
11309016
You may have a misconception about Twilight's parentage
L'oof, little bit too real there. CheeseCord is such a cursed ship, of course you had to make it hurt
Based Pinkie Pie, super duper ultra special best platonic friends forever deserve all the tender kisses in the world.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2022/7/23/2912947.png
Cute story, and while I'm not accepting it into my headcanon it is an interesting take. Though how were they able to reproduce? Magic?
I'm going to assume that there are some really passionate Pinkwich shippers in this here comment section.
It's worth remembering that Cheese Sandwich is literally just Weird Al; somebody else can link the Aragon comic, although at least it's less creepy than what some writers have done with Wind Sprint.
11309686
Yeah, he's voiced by Weird Al, and his whole thing in the show was that he took somebody else's
songshtick and made it wackier with polka.I personally never felt like Cheese's backstory would make for a particularly healthy relationship with Pinkie Pie, but what are ya gonna do?
Clever
11309691
I simply assumed as he grew older Cheese simply couldn't just wander like he did before, probably still going out for particularly important "party emergencies" a few times a year. I like him and Pinkie as a couple.
11309804
Pinkie and Cheese work well as a couple without looking too deeply, but I have a serious problem overthinking things.
To explain how I feel about them, imagine this:
Imagine that you are at your job, and one day a girl (or guy, not really important) transfers to where you work. And she acts like you and she dresses like you and she has all the same skills that you do but better. And eventually she tells you that she saw you one time when you were eight years old and decided to base her entire life around becoming exactly like you.
Do you:
A) Form a romantic relationship and raise children with her
or
B) Become terrified of this obviously unhinged, potentially dangerous stalker who has apparently been keeping an eye on you all these years in preparation for this fateful meeting.
It's perfectly fine to like Pinkie and Cheese as a couple, but the implication of his backstory makes me deeply uncomfortable. If he was just some colt that happened to be just like Pinkie, I would have no problem with it. He even seems to have the same weird powers that only she ever seemed to have before him, and that almost seems unfair to me.
Aww, this story is adorably sweet!! It's sad to imagine Discord being confined though, he deserves to be free to roam with his stallion
11309828
I got a feeling a lot happened between Cheese and Pinkie before they got together. Also I guess I just think it's statistical unlikely than more than 2 of the main 6 are gay/bisexual?
Nice, and interesting. :)
11309675
Yep. I'm one of them but I'm not that aggressive.
11312226
That's cool and I appreciate your temperance towards your ship. I don't have anything against any particular ship or their shippers (outside of my desire to express my own thoughts about how they would work out.)
But look at all the red thumbs floating around here, under this innocent little story. There's obviously some strong negative emotion being expressed here in an non-constructive way. I'm pretty confident that most of it is coming from people who ship Pinkie and Cheese, and not anti-lgbt folk, people who are upset that Discord is "dying," or people who accidentally clicked on this story while trying to order doordash.
That's really all I'm attempting to say without trying to be offensive.
11312454
Oh! No no no, I didn't think that you were generalizing us. I was agreeing with your point and I see how that could have been interpreted, so sorry! I'm not the best at talking.
This was a fun story! I actually hadn't noticed that Lil' Cheese is Fluttershy's color scheme, lol.
very nice !
This quite a fun story, an interesting take about the ending that is both shocking and believable at the same time. I am a fan of crazy yet convincing stories like this, so I’d like the permission of translating it into Chinese and sharing it on our pony fanfic website Fimtale. I promise to put a link to the original over there!
11351910
oh it would be such an honor, please do!
11309059
He may dress like Clint Eastwood, but his six shooters full of blanks
11355453
LMFAO youre so right
11309062
Well, actually, Lil Cheese having that color scheme wouldn't be that out of the ordinary if Fluttershy was, in fact, the parent relation. I mean, assuming for a second Cheese Sandwich WAS the father, then Lil Cheese got their yellow coat coloring from him, and the pink mane obviously came from Pinkie. The hue of those colors has already been well demonstrated with other pony families to vary slightly with offspring, so the fact Lil Cheese's colors appearing paler wouldn't really be abnormal, at least for what we're shown in the show. In fact, I'd pretty much bet the resemblance to Fluttershy was entirely accidental on the show's part.
But as the resemblance IS there anyway...I mean, might as well have exploring it as a what if anyway, right? I mean, the show's staff said they'd deliberately kept all ships vague and open to interpretation by design for The Last Problem with the expectation that fans would do precisely this within the fandom, so I can safely say this fic is living up to expectations then.
*Sigh* It's just a vocal minority of CheeseXPinkie shippers who threw a babyish tantrum and is not remotely reflective of the wider group of shippers*. I know this for a fact, there is no doubt at all in my mind, but I still sometimes need to remind myself when I see things like this.
On the upside, not only is blanket-downvoting every comment on a story, regardless of context, incredibly childish, it's also insanely counter-productive, since it makes totally clear that whatever amount of downvotes these people (assuming it's a plural) have piled onto the story itself are in no way reflective of reality and can be safely discarded. So that's something, at least.
As for the story itself... well, I was inclined favorably towards it anyway since it goes against the (in my view) terrible bit of writing that was that moment in the finale (and no, that's not a denigration of the pairing, just the execution) and counter-portrays it with a ship I really like**, but the story itself... I think it was really good even discounting all that. I always like it when stories remind us the strongest bonds with others don't have to be romantic or familial, the explanation was both amusing and acceptable and the shipping at the end... I really like the idea of it despite not being fond of the two characters in question, so... yeah, I'd say that's a bit of an achievement.
Only criticism is that it felt a little rushed - feel like the story could have dived a bit deeper into Pinkie and Fluttershy's relationship, but I still enjoyed it.
*What do you call a group of shippers anyway? And I'm not asking either rhetorically or wanting snide answers - I'm genuinely not sure of the term and I think there should be one. I guess you could call it a subcommunity, but I'm not sure that works given they're not always part of such a thing and there should be something more specific anyway.
**Another reason I don't want to generalize about shippers - stones and glass houses and all that.
okay I absolutely love the story as can tell by my profile picture and my username pinky shy is my favorite ship. But I'm not going to lie this paragraph got me really excited because I thought someone else was wedding polyamorous Pinkie Pie i love polyamorous Pinkie Pie especially since my favorite ship is actually Pinkie Pie Fluttershy and Discord and I seem to be the only one in existence that ships that the perfect all three of them balance each other out so much