Chapter 1: Oops
“Oops. I might have made a small mistake.”
“A small mistake?! Starlight, you just KILLED us!”
Talk about an unexpected turn of events. Twilight Sparkle’s and Starlight Glimmer’s spirits, both glowing in an ethereal purple, floated over their respective bodies. The corpses rested side by side in a crater-like dint on the crystal floor. Numerous books in Twilight’s library lay spread out across the floor, scattered about like debris, and a couch and table tilted on their sides.
Even for Starlight, she really goofed up this time!
“Now I’ll never get to hold a book again!”
Starlight raised an eyebrow, crossing her ghostly forehooves. “Seriously? We will never hang out with our friends and families again, and that is what you’re most upset about? How are you the Princess of Friendship again?”
“W-well, they will die eventually, hopefully much later than sooner, so we will be with them again one day. Pinkie will probably throw a ‘together again in death’ party for it.”
“Oh, right.” Starlight eeked out a sheepish giggle. “I forgot about that.”
“But from what I read, spirits can’t touch physical objects.” Twilight pointed a hoof at Starlight, a scowl burning over her eyes. “So thanks to you, I will never hold another book!”
“I’m so sorry, Twilight,” Starlight said, her ears apologetically drooping. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“You don’t know?!” Twilight motioned to their ex-physical forms below them. “Is how we are hovering over our remains not a clear enough hint?!”
“I meant, with the spell! I cast it correctly…though maybe I added a little too much Apaifil to it?”
“Let me double-check ‘The Ultimate Book of Dangerous Spells for Magic Experts’.” Twilight floated over toward one of her open books dotting the floor. “We’re lucky it’s on the page I need.” She read the page under her breath, which would have sounded not too unlike “blah blah blah” to anycreature unaccustomed in spell names or terms. The alicorn’s pupils restricted as she gasped. “Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“I might have instructed you to apply the wrong amount of Pepafie, which triggered the explosion.” Twilight’s lips crawled into a guilty grin. “Oops.”
“So how we are dead mares is your fault?!”
“Yes and no, since you adding too much Apaifil caused the explosion to be strong enough to kill us. Our deaths are both our fault, so let’s call it eve–”
The pair’s spiritual bodies glowed brighter while flashing in unison.
Starlight stared down at her pulsing form, eyes widening in alarm. “W-what’s happening?!”
“I think we are being summoned to the afterlife.“ Twilight grinned in, unbelievably, excitement. “Hehe! I wish I could write down notes because I can only experience this once! Ooh, if books exist in the afterlife, I will hold another one after all!”
Starlight chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. “Only you would be excited over–wait. Are we going down?”
Twilight and Starlight slowly phased through the floor and into a black void. Utter silence and nothingness said “hi”, but the duo’s ongoing flashing illuminated a purple sphere around them, practically yelling “not now” at the surrounding darkness.
As the pair helplessly descended, ragged reddish walls revealed themselves in the seemingly bottomless void. Terror gave bursting from the ponies’ hearts a shot, yet raw confusion swirled around and clamped the emotion in place. Panicking could come later. There were more important matters to wonder about.
How could ponies like them, even accounting for Starlight’s dark past, be Hell-worthy?!
“This can’t be! I can see you being Hell-bound, Starlight – uh, no offense – but me?! I wasn’t always the friendliest pony over the course of my life, but I’ve been a good one at least! I wouldn’t have become an alicorn otherwise!”
“First, some taken, and second, didn’t you earn your wings by finishing one of Starswirl’s spells?”
“I was successful thanks to what I learned about friendship in addition to being a gifted unicorn! I even made spreading friendship my life mission! Would a bad pony do that or open a friendship school?”
“Which reminds me: I’m skilled in magic and enjoy teaching friendship too. You also said you have nothing left to teach me, so shouldn’t I have become an alicorn by now?”
“You never became one because you were never ready! If you were, I’m sure–”
“Uh, I hate to interrupt your heated argument because I love heat, but I need to check you in.”
Only now realizing they were no longer in a void, the mares ceased their arguing and turned their heads toward the voice. Their continuous flashing ended, but their mouths dropped. Before them was a desk, and behind the desk sat a red figure in a chair, staring down at them. From Twilight’s and Starlight’s time in the world of humans, they recognized that the muscular, foreboding figure’s form was a humanoid one; however black, crooked wings sprouted on his back. Two black horns erupted from his head.
Further back in the caverns of Hell, a few spirits wandered about. A series of buildings stood tall and strong; barred windows dotted their walls. Smokeless fire roared from pits and geysers, pumping light and heat throughout the otherwise dim underworld. Mighty stalactites hung high on the ceiling like guardians, as if ready to fall and punish any spirit that stepped out of line.
Just ignore that spirits can’t feel pain or be harmed by anything non-spiritual in nature, such as falling stalactites.
“A-are you the Devil?” Twilight asked, eyes locked on the red being before her.
“Who else could I be?” The Devil responded. His voice’s tone was not ominous or threatening, despite whom the voice belonged to, but instead chill. Albeit with a slight annoyance. “Aren’t you one of the smarter ponies?”
“Sorry.” Twilight hung her head down. “I never planned for the off-chance of dying today, so I'm still reeling from it. I’m just glad I had written a living will, just in case.”
“I suppose the feeling is fair. Besides, you are handling it, or 'hoofing' it as ponies say, far better than most do when they arrive here. FYI, for future reference, refer to me as just ‘Devil’ or ‘the handsome Devil’, not ‘the Devil’.” He took a sip from a streaming coffee cup and sighed contently. “That’s good stuff. You should try some of this coffee later.”
“I will, but I still don’t understand why I’m here. Were my mistakes in life truly serious enough to warrant me a place in Hell?”
“Let’s dive into your life information.” Devil (I’m not calling him “the handsome Devil”) raised his hand. Two books, one bearing Twilight’s Cutie Mark and the other Starlight’s Cutie Mark, levitated off the shelves of a bookshelf behind him and to his desk. He flipped through the books, periodically chuckling to himself. "Oh my. One of you have been a naughty little filly sometimes.”
“Be that as it may about Starlight, it doesn’t explain why I’m here.”
“I was talking about you.” He smiled slyly toward the newest deceased unicorn. “Now you, Starlight, have been a VERY naughty little filly.”
“But I thought I had redeemed myself from my, uh, past naughtiness.”
“Now that you brought it up, I thought you had recently earned enough votes for the ‘Redeemed: go to Heaven’ list’.” The red figure glanced through Twilight’s life information a second time. “Double-checking Twilight’s feats of good-heartiness – boring – and a lifetime of innocence most of the time, she should have been a shoo-in for Heaven. One of my assistants must have screwed up on paperwork. Again.” He shot a glare at a ghost, a cross-eyed pegasus stallion in the midst of organizing folders, who gulped and flinched away.
‘I hope my granddaughter didn’t inherit my and her mother’s clumsiness and is a good pony,’ the stallion thought.
“In that case, just send Starlight and me to Heaven. I can’t wait to see what books–”
“Oh, so sorry, but I can’t.”
The alicorn and unicorn gasped in unison. They both asked, “Why not?!”
Devil pointed upward. “Only that lazy jerk upstairs can summon the dead to Heaven. You two might be here for hundreds of years or longer before she realizes she’s a few ponies short."
“‘Lazy jerk’?” Twilight asked. “Isn’t God in charge of Heaven?”
“I was talking about God. She is benevolent, but a big fat slacker. She is also the biggest troll of all time, and not always in the fun way." Devil laid further back in his chair, taking another sip of his coffee. "You never wondered why things going wrong are sometimes thought of as ‘God works in mysterious ways’ by the living?”
“That…makes way more sense than it should,” Starlight said.
“Ain’t it the truth? If you had died four months ago or earlier, she could have taken you when she picked up the last spirit that was mistakenly on the ‘go to Hell’ list.” With another lift of Devil’s hand, the life books of Hell’s newest prisoners floated back onto their shelf. “For now, due to Hell rule #10, you will have to be locked in cells. However, you can earn some free time for good behavior, and in time, you will be able to apply to be my part-time assistants,” Devil said. He muttered under his breath, “Replacing that clumsy fool of an assistant can’t come soon enough.”
“Well…*sigh*...I guess it can’t be helped.” Twilight turned to Starlight. “While this is unfortunate, what’s done is done, so–”
A male voice called out, “Hey, Devil! Are the two new spirits going to get here before my free time is ov–no way! Is that you, Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight and Starlight spun to the voice. They were met with a smirking grey stallion, surrounded by a black, evil aura.
“Sombra?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, Sombra, and you were called to Hell?” Sombra erupted in pure raucous laughter, a type he had never experienced while alive. “This is too good! I just wish I could have witnessed the moment of your death!”
“But I don’t even belong here! This is all a mistake!”
“Twilight’s right, and neither do I!” Starlight chimed in with a scowl. “Leave her alone!”
“That’s what they all say, but you, Twilight? The goody-goody Princess of Friendship, banished in Hell like me?! Ha ha, oh, I’m never going to let you live this down, or die this down!”
As Sombra continued to have the laugh of his post-life, Starlight growled and Twilight rolled her eyes. Getting teased for being stuck in Hell wasn’t what the latter expected to endure today. “Anyway, as I was saying, Starlight, what’s done is done. Complaining this isn’t fair won’t get us to Heaven any faster, so let’s make the best of it.” She faced Devil and asked, “Is it okay if Starlight and I are assigned neighboring cells or share one?”
Hell’s owner shrugged his arms. “There isn’t a rule against prisoners choosing their cells, so I’ll allow it.”
Three weeks later…
Fluttershy moped on her couch in her cottage, her eyes puffy and moist. Discord held her close as he tenderly stroked her mane, and Angel was actually acting like his name by comfortably nuzzling his owner's leg. Ever since learning of Twilight's and Starlight's deaths, neither Discord nor Angel had departed Fluttershy’s side for nary a minute.
“Things just aren’t the same without them, Discord. It even feels like a part of myself is gone.”
“I know you miss them, but they wouldn’t want you to be sad. Even Spike is trying to move on by hosting parties in his castle.” The supportive draconequus tapped his goatee in thought. “Although I think throwing one every day with so many balloons is overdoing it.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. They were too good to die so soon, especially Twil–”
An image of Devil materialized in front of the friends, bearing pleading eyes. “Discord, I know it will break some rules, but Hell is–”
“Is that you, Devil? I’m comforting my dear friend Fluttershy here.”
“I know, but you gotta come help me, quick! Trust me: you need to see what’s going on in Hell!”
Discord glanced back and forth between his dear friend and Hell’s desperate ruler. “But Fluttershy needs–”
“PLEASE!! You can return to her when you’re done!”
After another moment of agonizing hesitation, Discord blew a sharp, relenting sigh. “Fiiiiine. Fluttershy, I’m afraid I have to see what the not so handsome Devil wants but I’ll be back soon.”
With that, Discord snapped his claw and teleported from the cottage, followed by the vanishing of Devil’s image.
Fluttershy laid a hoof against her cheek. She should have felt confused, yet the pegasus felt nothing. Which in itself confused her. “Should I be worried about how the Devil just begged Discord to help him in, um, ‘Heck’, and I wasn’t fazed in the slightest? Maybe I have spent too much time with Discord.”
With her previous words echoing in her head, for the first time in three weeks, Fluttershy smiled. Then giggled. The giggles evolved into hearty laughter.
In a poof, Discord popped into Hell.
However, the underworld had undergone some changes, leaving even the Lord of Chaos’s mouth agape.
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Well now, this is interesting. I don't suppose you were inspired by the delightful duology of Best Hell Ever! and Heaven of a Hell, were you?
Also, HOW DARE you put Derpy's grandfather in Hell?! There WILL be retribution!
Really interesting premise, looking forward to know what discord saw
This is super cool!
Oh shit, what happened now?
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I wasn't directly inspired by them since I thought of the idea of the story on my own, but I might have been subconsciously inspired by them. Twilight and/or Starlight being in hell is just ripe for mayhem.
But of the best retribution, I would suggest sticking Derpy on me and forcing her to be my maid or something. I will regret everything after a few weeks, a few months tops.
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Glad you're enjoying the story so far!
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You will find out in a few days. The second/last chapter is written and is in the middle of being edited.
.
Just look at what happened to Job...
In the description, "heaven" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific location.
The existence of Recording Angels implies that there is
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Thanks for pointing it out and I fixed it. I had the "H" capitalized in the story, but forgot to do it in the long description. Go figure
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I have a number of Pet Peeves in language. One is using "infer" when you mean "imply". Another is not capitalizing God, Satan, Heaven, Hell, etc.
LoL, this is amazing.