Call of Pony: Modern Prank Warfare

by Stalin with Da Spoon

Saving Private David [Mission Briefing]

[Date: Classified. Location: {REDACTED}. Time: 9:38 AM.]

In an un-disclosed location within the human realm of Earth, the door to a large room opened, as eight human men wearing black military operator suits, complete with bullet proof vests and tactical rigging, walked into the room, each of their faces obscured by their masks, wearing helmets with mounted night vision goggles. Each of the agents sat down in all of the available seats, except for the last agent, who wore a hockey mask. This agent, known as Hoot, walked up to a whiteboard as a projector turned on and began projecting onto it, as a photo of operator David's face appeared on screen.

"Heads up! Ten minutes ago, we received a distress signal from our equestrian field agent, David-Actual."

The voice of David then played through an audio file, as the agents in the room grimaced at the audible whacking and pain in David's voice.

WHACK! WHACK! "OW FUCK!" WHACK WHACK! "DAMN IT, IT FEELS GOOD, BUT IT STILL HURT'S SO BAD!"

Images of David running away from the pursuing Applejack and Rainbow dash appeared on screen, with hate visible in their eyes, as several of the agents could practically feel the rage radiating from them, even in image form.

"He was evading capture after pulling off a series of effective pranks against the ponies but was soon ambushed and captured by Rainbow dash and Applejack before he could make it out of Ponyville via train ride to Canterlot." Hoot said as an image of said pony ambush and steam train appeared on screen. "Intel suggests he did these pranks with some hot sauce, itching powder, rainbow shampoo, laxatives and stink bombs." Tabs with the Images of the mentioned items were moved by a cursor onto the board, along with images of their related incidents, including the rainbow colored mane and tail of Rarity, as well as the rapidly itching Applejack and blazing hot Rainbow Dash. "Always was one of our best prankster units, bout as good as Anon here." Hoot said as he gestured to the agent at the very front.

"Please, you give me too much credit."

Images then appeared of a trussed-up David being dragged away via rope by Applejack towards sweet apple acres, and then showing him painstakingly working the fields of Sweet Apple Acres, before being taken inside of the barn, making the operators grimace at his poor treatment while Hoot continued to speak.

"He was then hauled away and forced to work on the farm for free like a fucking slave, and now he is being held captive, where we suspect he is being tortured via spanking and who knows what else by those sick fucks. Intel suggests a residential perimeter is being kept around the area. Satellite pictures from Agent Derpy Hooves and Gex confirm the location is Sweet Apple Acres, property owned by the Apple family, and we believe he is being held in the main barn."

The screen then displayed several satellite images of Sweet Apple Acres, showing the farm from a bird eye's view, as it zoomed in on the barn and highlighted it with a white outline, before two white arrows appeared, one pointing towards the door of the barn, one pointing towards the side.

"Two teams will move in, one securing David while the other distracts the ponies. Remember, these are civilians, so check your fire, and ensure no collateral damage. Once you have retrieved David, extract will arrive at the end of the field, and pull both teams out." The map zoomed out, before a large white circle highlighted a patch of land at the end of the orchard. "Once we have him, we can begin preparations to give those mares a taste of their own medicine."

"We don't leave good men behind, let's bring them home."

The agents in the room all nodded, some pumping their fists into the air, yelling out 'Oo-rah!' as they got up and out of their seats, one agent, known as 'Badger' spoke up.

"Hell yeah, let's fuck these guys up."

Anon couldn't help but chuckle.

"Now now Badger, let's not go causing civilian casualties."

"Well yeah, but still, it'll be good to get revenge."

"That it will be." As the agents all proceeded to leave the room through a new door, they entered a large armory, with weapons and equipment lining the walls, as they all geared up. Knowing this was a non-lethal operation, everyone made sure to load beanbag rounds. Still hurts like hell, but it was only non-lethal blunt force, so as long as it was a body shot, they would be fine. The agents made sure to strap on smoke and flashbang grenades, attaching them to their rigging, while some brought out zip-ties and emergency tazers, in case things got dicy.

Soon, everyone was geared up, as they made their way out of the armory, and entered a large room with a large ring-like structure and wires and cables connected it, as it sat at the end of the room, being known as the 'Gateway', allowing the squad to reach Equestria. Badger than turned to operator Skulker, who looked back and gave a thumbs up, as he began to press a few buttons and the gateway began to rapidly spin, before a blue glow emitted from it and suddenly, the gateway opened, revealing a large green and grassy field, as Skulker turned back to Badger.

"Good to go."

"Roger that, let's go bring our man home, boys!" The other squad members saluted, before they all walked into the portal, before Hoot was the last one to enter, as he turned around and have a thumbs up before slowly entering the portal, his thumb vanishing into the portal.

On the other end, Hoot emerged last while the portal vanished from view, as he then turned to his squad, and cracked his knuckles together.

"Let's get the job done. David's counting on us, lads. Oo-rah!"

"Oo-rah!" And with that, the squad set off on foot to liberate their captured comrade.

Comments

[Ryan_606]

This is going to be good