When You Were Young
"You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to... save you from your old ways... you play forgiveness/watch him now, here he comes! He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when you were young!"
-The Killers, When You Were Young
"I'm sorry."
Doubt glanced at the moon goddess before letting out a long suffering sigh. "I didn't come here for that, Luna."
"Doesn't mean it shouldn't be said." The night princess looked at the broken foundation of the Sun Tower. "I used to think hurting Celestia was my greatest crime that day. Now I see there is another to add to the long list."
"I didn't come to guilt you either."
"Why did you come then?" The question wasn't said in bitterness or anger. No, all Luna felt was a deep sadness that seemed to flow through her veins and leave her feeling sluggish. If was as if the world kept changing its tempo and every time she got close to reorienting herself everything would shift and she would find herself floundering once more, grasping onto anything and everything to try and right herself.
"I came to remember," Doubt said softly. He began to walk towards the great window that offered them the view of the Sun Tower and Luna found herself following.
"I would think you would want to remember something a bit more happy," Luna said. "Of course, who am I to talk?"
"Memories are all I have, Luna. Until now I have been a voice in the wind and whispers in the dark. No form, no ability to take and hold and have. Not until Twilight. All I have had since time began was my memories." He lowered his head, pawing at the ground. "And even those have been taken from me."
"I'm sorry."
"And again I tell you I didn't come for that. Save your pity for those that truly need it."
"But I think you do need it."
"I do not want it. It is wasted on the likes of me."
Luna considered her next words carefully. "Do you... have any happy memories?"
The mirror alicorn chuckled, his wings twitching. "Yes and no. I have been happy, I remember that much... but all my memories of laughter and joy are tainted by pain and regret." He shock his head and, to Luna's surprise, tears fell from his eyes. They were like droplets of mercury, rolling down his checks and splashing upon the cool stone under his hooves, leaving little mirrored pools. "I... I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I have known sadness and loss many times over. Yet now I find myself weeping. I have planned and schemed and treated ponies like pieces on a chess board... but now I find myself rooting for those that should be my enemy." He looked towards Luna, eyes flashing with confusion and fright. "What is happening to me? Is this a spell? Some bewitchment you have cast?"
"You're alive," Luna said softly, a smile gracing her lips. She found it hard to be mad at him when he looked so utterly befuddled. "You've gotten to live through others your entire life. It let you safely view the world without having to truly plunge into it. But now... now you are forced to actually take part in it." She smiled slightly. "Welcome to life."
"I don't think I quite like it," Doubt complained, causing Luna to laugh.
"You get use to it." Her mood grew somber as she stared at the wreckage that was her sister's tower. "Do you remember our time together?"
"Always," Doubt said honestly. "You were my first friend... or the first I can remember." Luna grimaced at the reminder that the mirror alicorn had an entire past that was lost to him. She wondered... had he always been an abstract? Had there been others before Celestia that had gained power through him? What had he been like before he had become the dark stallion? It was maddening and she could only guess the pain it caused Doubt to simply have no idea about who he was. "You... are my friend. One of the only ones I still have in this world. The Creator is laughing at us."
Luna raised an eyebrow at that. "I thought you had been whispering in a lot of ears."
"I have. But none of them were right." Doubt turned, making his way towards the ancient throne. There were only three beings that remembered a time when another had sat next to it, but Nightmare Moon, in her attempt to murder her own sister, had used the second throne as a weapon, brutally striking Celestia with it till the solar princess had sent the stone chair flying into the Everfree. Two of those that knew the truth now stared at the old relic. "Do you know what it is like to be an abstract?"
"You are the embodiment of an emotion or idea."
"Not the embodiment. I am the abstract. I am doubt, or at least a piece of it. To most I am merely a whisper, their own fears and misgivings amplified and given forefront. I am whatever the one hearing me wishes me to be. I am a quiet whisper to some, a scream for blood in others. No control, no options. I go where I am needed and leave when I am cast aside"
"That sounds horrible," Luna said.
"Yes and no," Doubt stated. " There is a peace to it. It is like being caught in the breeze. But there have been three times I have been given a voice of my own. The first was Discord, when his magic twisted the world and all of the seams of reality were undone." His brow furrowed. "I... I came to Celestia... I wanted to help because... because... something... someone..."
Luna leapt back as Doubt began to howl in agony, his wings flaring and beating as he cried out, pressing his head against the throne. She took a step forward, moving to aid him, only for Doubt to blink, his cries giving way to gasps.
"What... what was that?" Luna whispered.
"My memories... my mind is not a nice place, as you can clearly see."
"Doubt, I didn't-"
"None of that. I want to continue down memory lane. I live through pain and we are now to the bits I can actually remember." He stood up, shaking his body to free himself of the dust that had gathered on his coat. "When Celestia used my power to defeat Discord something changed. Those ponies who were strong pf spirit would allow me moments to think on my own, to gain independence. But I was still limited and as time went on and as my memories faded I could no longer remember my purpose, so I... found a new one." He shrugged and Luna found his casual dismissal of all he was more off-putting than if he had cried or raged against the alteration of his mind. "Then I found... you."
Luna swallowed, remembering well those dark days when Doubt had found in her a kindred spirit. "I... I was depressed. I felt ignored by our subjects and when I went to Celestia all she did was offer me empty words. 'They love you, Luna', 'Your role is important, Luna', 'Don't feel that way, Luna'. I grew bitter..."
"And then I came," Doubt said. There was no way for him to hide the joy he felt as he spoke of their time together. "We had both been hurt by Celestia and your strength of spirit allowed me to retain my thoughts. I fed off your strength and in turn offered you a voice of agreement and comfort."
The lunar princess didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, Doubt's words had played a part in her transformation into Nightmare Moon. And yet... before her descent... he had been her only friend and, if she were honest with herself, the one thing that had kept her stable for much of that period.
"I whispered that you could show Celestia the error of her ways. I had hoped that by you showing her that she was ignoring those close to her that she would, in turn, remember me. I... never dreamed what would happen next..."
~A Long, Long Time Ago~
"Luna, what is the meaning of this?" Celestia asked, entering her sister's chambers. Through the darkened windows the sun goddess could see the moon still hanging in the sky, even though it should have lowered hours ago. Celestia had been trying to nudge the orb down below the horizon so that she might race the sun but each time her magic grasped the moon something pushed back, forcing her to let go.
"Whatever do you mean, dear sister?" Luna purred, her form hidden in the shadows.
"Dawn should have come and gone by now. Why does...your..."
Celestia could not finish. All she could do is stare as her little sister... or the creature that she had become. Her dark blue coat had become as dark as a moonless night and her eyes as cold as the celestial body she controlled. Her great mane flowed about her like lamp oil upon a lake's surface and her body was adorned not in her royal finery but tarnished armor.
'Look at her... she can not comprehend that there is another that could rival her,' Doubt whispered. Luna had prepared for this moment and now that it had come Doubt would lend her his protection and support along with the power that Luna had already absorbed.
"Are you surprised, Celestia? Did you never think that your little sister could ever rival you in power or beauty?"
"What... what have you done?" Celestia gasped.
"I have gained the power to claim my freedom!" Luna thundered. "What you now see is but a shadow of my true strength."
'Now she will have to listen,' Doubt whispered. 'Now she will have to notice you.'
"Luna, now is not the time for games!" Celestia commanded, glaring at her little sister much as she would have glared at a unicorn noble shouting for attention.
"You think this is a game?" Luna shouted, sending a blast of energy at her sibling. Celestia crashed into the wall, grunting in pain. It wasn't so much the physical blow that wounded her as it was the fact that her own flesh and blood wasthe one delivering the blow. "You have always looked down upon me! You have never taken me seriously!"
'But she must now.'
"I will not take you serious when you behave like a foal. Now..." Celestia rose to her feet, the power of the sun blazing around her, causing the tapestries and rugs within Luna's chamber to catch fire in the inferno that her mane had become, "...release your hold on the moon and allow the sun to rise! Then, and only then, will the two of us discuss your actions."
'She still holds herself above all. Release the moon and unleash your full power upon her... only when she is under your hoof with her sun shining upon her will you be able to talk sense into her. Only then will she listen.'
"No."
"What?" Celestia exclaimed.
'What?' Doubt echoed.
"I do not need you anymore. I hold the power... and I will not allow another to control me again. So no... I will never let go... my moon will hang in the sky till our subjects learn to love me."
'This isn't what we agreed upon!' Doubt shouted, his cry echoing through her brain. 'Our feud is with Celestia not your subjects! You will destroy their trust and belief in you if you go down this path!' Doubt hurried to weave his words through her mind, to make her question this foolish plan.
"Luna, please!"
"NO!" Luna roared, her magic erupting around her, blowing out the flames her sister had created. "All shall love me or die!"
'This is madness!'
"This is power."
'You'll kill everypony!’
"Let them die then, if they can not see me as they see their precious Celestia," Luna purred.
'Luna!' Doubt shouted in a panic.
"Sister, please!"
"Quiet!" Luna bellowed. "I am no longer Luna nor am I your sister. I am the Nightmare of Equestria... I am the mistress of the shadows! I am Nightmare Moon and my night will last forever!"
'...not if I have anything to say about it.'
Nightmare Moon's eyes widened in shock as she felt Doubt leave her. While the powers he had given her remained the protection spells that he had woven around her to protect her from Celestia's magic and keep the solar goddess' eye blind to her actions were ripped away. It was as if she were suddenly in the middle of a crowd shaved and shivering for all to stare at. The confidence she had felt moments before shake and vanished. She would fight still... but no longer was victory a given.
"Sister... do not make me hurt you," Celestia warned.
"You dare!" Nightmare shouted in outrage. "YOU DARE GO AGAINST ME!"
'Yes,' Doubt whispered sadly, fleeing the fight. Celestia had forgotten him and Luna no longer listened to him...there was nothing more he could do but escape... and hope that the enemy he had fought would defeat the friend he had lost.
~MC~MC~MC~
"After that I wandered the globe. I decided that if I could not fix myself I would fix others. I would spread rebellion through these lands and prevent any other creature from becoming a slave like I was. Thus, for the most of my existence I inspired others to doubt that which they held true. Some became great villains... and others great heroes. It is all so small... what does it matter to me what happens to a few ponies who will be dust in the time it takes for me to blink an eye?"
"What does it matter... or why does it matter?" Luna pressed. Doubt glared at her but the lunar princess took a step forward. "I have been listening well, old friend... I hear regret in your voice. Every moment you spend in this new form makes you question your actions. You feel things you never felt and with it comes new insight."
"That is enough," Doubt grunted.
"You fear that Twilight will betray you as I did. You hope that she is the mare that will cure the hole in your heart. You feel sadness at the pain you've caused her friends and joy that Twilight has found the strength to be honest with herself."
"I said that was enough!" The mirror alicorn was becoming agitated but Luna needed to finish.
"For the first time in your existence... you Doubt... feel doubt."
"I FEEL NOTHING!" Doubt roared, every window in the castle shattered and the stone cracking as magic lashed out from him. The rage and fury that he had kept bottled up exploded forth... much as it had with Twilight only a day before. "I AM DOUBT! THE OATHBREAKER! THE FEARMONGER! THE DESTROYER OF KINGDOMS AND THE RUINER OF LIVES! I BRING WITH ME ONLY PAIN AND SUFFERING! I FEAR NOTHING! I HOPE FOR NOTHING!"
"Is that who you truly are?" Luna asked calmly, approaching him as one would a frightened child. "or is that what others have told you... till the point that you believed it yourself?"
"I...I..." Doubt's wings fell and he squeezed his eyes shut, his strength fleeing from him. "I don't know anymore." His shoulders slumped and for a moment the moon goddess thought he would break down again. Luna moved to comfort him but Doubt's head snapped up, the calm mask he had worn since taking form firmly snapping back in place. "But Twilight is the key. She will be my salvation."
"You think you will win?" Luna asked, moving to stand inches from him, daring the mirror alicorn to try and avoid her question.
"It isn't a matter of winning or losing. I know Twilight will join me... it is her destiny. She freed me and gave me the strength to take physical form. And for that I will make her a queen and I will be her paladin. I will teach her all I know... already she grows strong. She will learn to master the power of her element and she will continue my work... and I will let her." He smiled sadly and, with a tenderness none would have expected, lowered his head and placed a gentle kiss upon Luna's forehead. "She will do much better than me, Luna... I have foreseen it. Twilight will carry on my work, unburdened by my pain... and then I'll finally be free." He backed away then flashed her the most tragic of smiles.
"That's why you're doing all of this, isn't it?" Luna asked. The way the mirror alicorn flinched told Luna everything. "That's why you chose me and Twilight... because we were both the Bearers of the Elements. Each of us have a connection to your power. We're the only ones you can pass your mantle to. You want her to take your place..." Luna's eyes widened in shock as she stared at her former ally, the truth finally revealed. "Coming back here, seeing all of us, settling old debts and scores, finding an heir... these aren't the moves of a stallion looking for revenge... these are the marks of a creature preparing to die."
"Dry your tears, my Luna," Doubt whisper as he spread his wings. "I died a long time ago." And with that he took flight.
"Doubt, wait!" Luna cried out, racing after him, her own wings beating in an attempt to catch up with him. Just hours ago she had wanted him dead, this creature that had aided in her fall. But now she saw in him herself: a broken soul in need of aid but too stubborn to accept help. "Wait! I can help you! Please! Doubt don't go!"
They were the words she should have spoken a thousand years ago.
“Don’t go…”
And now... they were too late; the stallion disappeared, leaving Luna floating in the sky, hovering above the castle she had called home... and wondering how it all could have gone so wrong.
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Sometimes you think you know a character. You think you understand why he or she behaves the way they do. You think you are in control, that you are creating them and they are your puppet.
But ask all of us writers that have played this game for a good long time... you don't control the character. He or she is telling you their story and if you listen, truly listen... you will learn the truth.
I didn't realize Doubt's plan until i wrote Luna's revelation. Litterally. Doubt's entire endgame was different in my head... but the moment I wrote this chapter while I thought one thing... I had been writing something else.
Doubt has decided to die. All of this, from the very beginning... was his attempt to create an heir, a new Doubt to take his place. If he gets his way, he will train Twilight, then merge with her, sacrificing his conscious and memories and she will become the new mirror alicorn.
And suddenly the deadline that looms becomes more important than ever.
Damn, you are one amazing writer. Massive twist, I did not expect that at all, yet it makes perfect sense. This is truly the best story I have read.
I caught up to this story and the moment I refresh there's a new chapter. Yay!
longer review to come later, but this will have to do for now.
So it is the Princesses fault... they've broken promises that lead to suffering of their loved ones and passed the blame along to the force they used...
Awesome what you did with Doubt though... him dying and having Twilight take his mantle... think I know where this going though...
>Author is good to point where the characters and story can partialliy write themselves
Daaamn.
Also, I feel sad for "Doubt" now. Is that appropriate?
Within doubt, their is faith. Within chaos, there is order. One cannot exist without the other, the two forces locked in eternal struggle never having one side win.
Well yes, nothing is pretty terrible when you get right down to it. Maybe it would have been clearer if he had said oblivion. But them I don't think D is even being honest with himself. The only thing scarier than nothing is wanting something, because it means being engaged in the world, being vulnerable.
I'm calling a reincarnation ending, it's the only thing that makes sense now... Other than Twilight and a smoking crater, and that ending sucks.
1450047 granted, but where in there do you see Harmony? Doubt is supposedly the embodiment of the sixth element of friendship - even if he is confused about what exactly he's supposed to do, making friends is what he's been trying to do in his own twisted way.
Defender, I very much agree with your statement about story. Strong characters do have a strong say in writing -- enough so that they can rebel when writing a segment. You intend for a character to do something and you go to write it and the character does something else entirely. The story shifts around the new pivot point and changes.
1450047 that, my friend is beautiful, what you said right there
1450100
There is no harmony in chaos, there is no harmony in order. There is only harmony in balance. No more, no less. Doubt is not the sixth element, in friendship doubt is an ender. The sixth element, is faith.
1450119
Interesting you should mention order not being harmony...
Let's just say I have big plans beyond this story...
1450136
What can I say, I'm a profound kind of guy. I also have the ability to sometimes predict the future as well apparently
...
...
...
"Well my friend, that's a paladin."
*Applauds* Very very good. You make a lot of sense. I never thought of characters doing that. Thank you for helping me see something different. Keep it up.
Nothing like waking in the morning to find one of your favorite stories has delivered far more than your expectations. It gave me a rather large cheshire grin to start the day with.
...still people that doubt Doubt's good intentions?
Awaiting further releases.
I honestly didn't see that coming, Doubt truly is a decent pony.
This story just keeps getting better and better, well done to you.
Have a 'tache for your efforts.
1450094
I don't know, if pressed too far and too quickly, Doubt might sacrifice himself no matter what Twilight decides, just to prove a point, giving her all of the power and none of the training. Might be interesting to see where that goes.
So now Doubt's true actions come to light, but what happens if Twilight doesn't want to become his sucessor, what happens then eh Doubt?
Wonderful. It's that one thing that happens to all writers. We don't really write things the way we intend; our characters report what happened, and we transcribe it as best we can. This was brilliant, because it felt like it really was Doubt's motivation all along.
That end was quite interesting...
i did NOT see that comming
Wow, I never thought of it that way before. You're explanation makes so much sense! I've been trying to write a fanfiction story and I just can't seem to come up with a name for one of my main characters. Maybe instead of trying to come up with a name for him myself, I should just let him reveal his name to me! If that makes any sense?
Anyway, awesome work man! Your story here is my top number 1 favorite on this site. It's listed as that on my profile page under top 5 favorite stories.
I feel so sad for Doubt. Throughout all of his existence, all he ever has wanted was a friend, somepony to carry his torch for him, and yet he has had to suffer pain, sorrow, and agony for thousands of years.
Once again you have created another great chapter and I look forward for the next one. Thank you defender2222 for creating this story.
- Super-Brony12
And doubt continues to demonstrate exactly WHY he is a villain. Good intentions do not excuse you from the horrific consequences of your actions, especially when you know better. His pleads show that he is the worst kind, and his outright statement of intent with regards to forcing Twilight to take his place show his irredeemability and complete monsterous lack of morals.
massive-humongous-epic-breath-taking-mind fucking-heart clenching-gut churning-feels inducing, chapter!
and here I am , about to sleep, when I read this chapter only to find the ending... depressing (in a very well written manner)
- and now... I shall contemplate on my life
(Ps. Doubt fan art coming soon)
1450157
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/190/373/131942790061.jpg
1450136 You mean there's going to be a sequel? Do we get more unmitigated bad-flankery?
1451106
Keep reading and see...
1450119 Nice and nicely said, thou waxeth poetic.
...I wouldn't know know nothin' 'bout no balance of chaos and order.
1450314 Sometimes tragedies are triggered by individuals with the best of intentions
, especially when they possess a disproportionate amount of power and have virtually no accountability. King Kong was a victim.
1450404 ...that would be the smoking crater
1450119
I kid, what you said is likely what will happen, it's why he's passing on 'the torch' that I'm curious about... well that and seeing what Twilight does with it
1451024
I wanted to, ya know, ask that question, but I was worried no one would pick it up and didn't want to leave it hanging there...or taken seriously. So thanks for ltting me know at least one person got it.
1451361
That can be so, I was merely stating the fact it is virtually impossible to not trust that everything he does is in good intentions.
All can be redeemed of their sins, that does not mean everyone wants to be...if Doubt does do this and Twilight does take his place then she shall have no other creature in her life...save maybe for Spike in which I truely hope happens, she feels as though she has lost all but one, but what shall become of the other Elements?
again you twist the story in an unexpected way, well done my good sir well done
and i still keep to the fact that Doubt is neither good nor evil
1451505 Pinkie would love to be a dark alicorn. PARTIES FOREVER!
I am Really hoping that Twilight can convince Doubt (or Faith) that he actively Wants to Live.
He Loves Twilight and people do Amazing things for those they Love
Hm. I have just been twisted.
Call me Twizzler.
moar...!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!
(let doubt win, i hate happy endings...)
Ugh how how the hell is this story so freaking awesome!
1453246
Don't ask me... I am always amazed how much you guys and girls enjoy this story. Sometimes I have a feeling about a chapter but i can never guess how they will hit... this one alone I've gotten several touching PMs about Doubt and his struggle... it is awe-inspiring.
1449970 Nice, a character that evolves as you write.
1452983
What if Doubt winning *is* the happy ending?
That said, I have to file this revelation under 'Shit, Holy'. I do so love how you're using Doubt here. Looking forward to more story.
1454703 if doubt winning is the happy ending i will accept it with open arms...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
1450119 Interesting that you should say this, especially putting it quite that particular way... I stand intrigued.
Good chapter, I can only wait in eager anticipation for Twilight's plans. Now that most people's intentions are out in the open it's up to the wildcard to fuck shit up
To be perfectly honest I'm not so sure about where Doubt went here. I think I kind of liked him better when he was trying to make everypony's lives better from behind the scenes than now that he's just on an extended quest to die.
heh, just finished watching the original Ghost in the Shell movie. seems to me Doubt is heading the same way Project 2501 is headed, an endless and infinite place...
1450587
Very easy to say, heh, lets see how someone would capture innocent childrens, than in they entire life treat tham like garbage and play with they minds turning tham into psyhopats who thinks of thamselfs as saviours, and in the end when they will start killing and hurting with good intentions in they heart, and you will just say that they are villans because no matter what excuse and intentions they have what they do is evil and they need to be punished.
Doubt would never be like he is now if it was not for Celestia and Luna betrayel, so they are most responsible for any sins he did and is trying to do, and even after all betrayels he still seek good in the world, and now when he have body and his memories are returning to him, there is chance he may change before he realize his plan, so if he is villan, than what it make Celestia and Luna, heh ?
Celestia who used Doubt/Faint as weapon and than break her promisse and get rid of him, than Luna who wanted to use Doubt to destroy entire world and in the end she tryed to blame this all on Doubt just to make everyone think that she was corupted and innocent, if Doubt is villan, than it make Celestia and Luna super villans.
I think that Doubt is anty hero if not a good character who was trown into line of suffering and evil, never given a choice, whatever action will Doubt take, Celestia and Luna will become half responsible.
Just read all the chapters at once. You strike me as a good writer, but you seem to be a) Making this up as you go, or b) You never planned on the story getting this long. Maybe even c) You planned this all, and it will only fully make sense at the end. C is actually looking most likely. I had planned to call you out on alicorn Twilight being pointless, then you drop the fact that Doubt wants her to be his replacement. Clever girl...
The storyline itself seems a little convulted to me, but you haven't left any plot-holes that I've noticed. (Which is evidence against option A)
Carry on!