Rainbow Dash has finally worked up the courage to ask Applejack out on date. Unfortunately, her friend's response isn't exactly what Rainbow was hoping to hear. And yet, sometimes things have a way of working out in the end.
A somewhat angsty story about love and finding yourself.
Featured on 6/27/2022 to 6/29/22
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice to see AJ be mature about this. Some might've had her be homophobic. Pride Month or not. And use the excuse of the Apple family being conservative as a justification.
Lol!
This story is so nice
I never thought of Applejack as ace. I like it. All-in-all, super cute.
11283401
Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure Aj's meant to be aromantic or aromantic-asexual or just on the aro-spectrum rather than the ace-spectrum. We aces are in fact capable of liking folks in that way, contrary to popular belief. Not very uncommon either. Aro and ace are also very different, and aren’t interchangeable.
You hit me right in the feels just at the start
I knew what I was getting myself into but still! 
I love this! Especially Aj's part at the end there. I love the idea that Dash's confession got her to think and find out a bit of herself she might not have other wise, it ties everything nicely up in a bow if you ask me.
Basically; awesome work, bud! And congrats on getting featured!
11283401
11283562
Aw, thank you. Yeah, I was kinda worried that the ending wouldn't mesh well with the rest of the story, so I'm glad to hear both of you liked it.
11283350
Darn it. You beat me to commenting on that mistake ...lol
11283553
I know. I meant what I said though. Asexual, not aromantic. You can be ace and still not interested in dating.
twidash twidash twidash
I love all the little things rainbow does for twilight, helping her calm down, catching her when she's falling...
I think one of their strongest dynamics is the way they can help each other push past their limits, and when they work together, they can be perfectly in sync.
I like the AJ development too, it was nice
Thank you for writing this
Is their going to be a sequal to this?
Is this truly Dark, or should it rather be tagged Drama?
11283733
There could never be enough Twidash on this site
11283776
Yes there is! There are a couple minor G5 stories that paused working on to finish this, but if enough people want it...
11283845
Yeah, I should probably change it. To be honest, I still have no idea how these tags work
11283879
I though so
11283879
I'm happy to help with my personal take on the tagging system. I want to make a big blog post about it, though, so I'll come back to this after the SSC deadline has passed.
It doesn't matter, I have to be... for her shake, good story love me some twidash
You do know that AppleDash is canon (the mobile game confirmed it)
Isn't it supposed to be "for her sake"?
11284430
Being canon doesn't mean that Rainbow ships should stop. (Say Soarindash, Twidash, Spitdash,Flutterdash)
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11284523
Well, this is fan fiction, which means it's not cannon by definition, so...
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11284523
Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffudge. There, now it's fixed.
11284523
Just saying
This was adorable! If you will forgive me pointing out one typo...
...and something that I'm not sure is a typo or not?
Every ship can work if it's done well, and this certainly was. I was smiling throughout it. Wonderful job!
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I never knew I needed that song in my life until now...
11285616
Happy to be of service.
Either that is a typo, or Rainbow is uh... quite the unique flyer.
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Oh dear… This is why you should never rely on your spellchecker too much…
......❤
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11285616
Like the cover art
Well that was some fine Twidash, though I recognize I'm late to this party and have a sequel to read at some point. A few things I wanted to point out as I was reading;
Suddenly all of a sudden? Me thinks only one of those is necessary to inform the abruptness of the sensation. Reading your sentences like that I find can help weed out other similar redundancies. Take out the nouns and look mostly at the verbs and adverbs to make sure you aren't over-describing an action happening.
You also switch perspectives from Applejack to Rainbow mid-way through the rejection scene. It's a bit jarring, and I feel the scene could have been stronger if you'd stuck to Applejack through the entire scene and only switched to Rainbow after she bolted.
I think this might be a "show, don't tell" moment. Granted, spelling it out here is perfectly serviceable, but you could build on the weight of the emotions more if you left it more vague. Put more emphasis on her hooves dragging along the dirt path as though physically weighed down by her emotions. Her wings fidgeting anxiously against her sides, craving the wind through her feathers. We all know Rainbow would prefer to fly everywhere, so you can justy put emphasis on the fact she isn't and we'll get the message, y'know?
The Twilight/Dash interaction is pretty solid though. Characterization is good, dialogue doesn't feel too stunted or anything. No complaints.
I like this spell. But, this is another instance of spelling things out to the reader that don't really need to be spelled out. Like, why does Twilight verbally say she turned the spell off? In fact, in this one line, we have no less than three indicators that the spell is no longer active; Twilight's horn stops glowing, she verbally says the spell is off, then her voice is described as being back to a normal volume. I'd cut at least one, and probably the awkward dialogue bit. Just, "her horn stopped shimmering. "Better?" She asked, her voice back to its normal volume."
Also, you could play with expectations a bit and throw in some comedy to lighten the mood. Have Twilight end the spell, but since she's still on the ground and Rainbow is still up in her house, have her now be too quiet. Also have that as the excuse for Twilight to teleport herself up on short notice and forget the cloud walking spell.
Although I did like the bit of banter between them over the pasword. (Even if I found myself cringing just the tiniest bit at the answer. My days as a pre-teen on the internet will haunt me forever)
Also, their interaction over the racing was nice. Acknowledging different interests and compromising so everyone has a good time is great to see.
I also like how you handled this. It's... well it's a bit obvious, though that's also because I walked in knowing this was Twidash, but I feel at this point it's less about dropping hints for the audience and more starting to drop hints for Rainbow. Even if you didn't really play with that, it could have been a nice set up. Point is, the Twidash interactions in this Twidash fic are very nice.
Although I am a bit sad their first "date" was off-screen. I want to see Twilight being awkward and Dash being oblivious. It's cute. But I digress.
The way Rainbow found out was... well, it's cliche. But I suppose it's cliche for a reason. It was perfectly serviceable for the situation, writing a believable scenario at this point where either Rainbow pieced it together or Twilight came clean both feel like difficult tasks that would have required a much higher word-count investment (And, thus, time investment) so I can't really fault you too badly for taking this route, but it does still leave me feeling a bit.... unsatisfied. Maybe it just left me wanting more.
Although, your follow-up interaction with Twilight freaking out and Rainbow calming her down with the breathing is nice, and Dash's past with Fluttershy is a solid way to explain it. Even if it did feel a bit forced to bring it up in the moment. Although,
"Used to"? I feel like she very much still does lol.
But I think that's everything. The follow-up was nice. Always happy to see two lovebirds being happy. And some nice ace representation from AJ. Especially for Pride, that was a nice inclusion. This could do with another editing pass or two though - there were a few grammar errors throughout that were a bit distracting, but nothing egregious. Honestly, most mistakes I saw looked more like an autocorrect or spell check picked the wrong word from the one you were trying to type. For example;
"Attacks" should be "attracts". (Also it's should be "whose")
There were others, but I'm not gonna bog you down with every minor mistake. I prefer to focus on the broader strokes of writing than laser-focusing on simple editing things.
All in all, good job! It was a fun read, and the characterization was good enough that I never had much problem picturing them saying their lines. I'll get around to reading that sequel soon.
11564943
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, one of the OG Twidash shippers left a review!
I mean... thank you for your review! I agree with critiques and I am planing to go back and re-edit my older stories eventually, since if you couldn't I guess I didn't have a proof-reader or anything like that. But yeah, I'm glad to see that you liked it. Kinda makes me feel motivated to write more...
11565062
Lmao, well I feel old now. But I guess I have been around for a while these days.
But I'm happy to offee whatever advice I can. And hey, I might be biased, but this website could always use more Twidash.
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Agreed (to more Twidash, not you being old)