Part Thirty-Eight
“Listen up chickens and foals!” Rainbow barked, standing on a table in the ballroom. In her flight suit and leather jacket, she looked every bit like a Wonderbolt, including the metal wing with sharpened feathers. Rainbow strutted across the long table, extending her metal wing to point up at the wall with a sharp, knife-like feather. A crystal projected a massive image of the Crystal City on the wall behind her. “This is the Crystal City, and this is our target.” Rainbow didn’t need a spell to amplify her voice to reach the opposite wall. Her aviator sunglasses rested against her short rainbow mohawk.
The griffons and pegasi sitting on the floor below were all pilots and commanders; a few stragglers without seat space flapped their wings above the last row. They wore a mix of old, stitched-up uniforms: brown for Nova Griffonia, blue for the Aquileian Republic, and gray for the New Marelander and Equestrian Militias. Flurry Heart sat in the front row, naked except for the thin golden band under her mane. Her horn glowed softly as she powered the projection of her home on the wall.
“According to intelligence we’ve, uh, acquired,” Rainbow stuttered for a moment, “Hive Marshal Trimmel is still in the city.”
A ripple went through the crowd. Trimmel was given command of the Crystal Protectorate under Chrysalis. It was his reward for developing the ‘Lightning War’ strategy that blitzed through the defensive trench lines during the Great War. The early assaults only stalled due to the panzers outpacing the fuel and supplies. Equestria's fate was sealed once the railways were repaired.
“Now, Trimmel is a tank bug, but Chrysalis stole all his tanks,” Rainbow laughed. “Apparently, he was friends with Governor Lilac in Manehattan and took too long to deal with the ELF. And then he lost too many battalions to the Everfree!” The ELF veterans in the back whinnied; the few that had room stomped their hooves in approval.
Thorax stood up from the front row and hopped onto the table. Rainbow moved to the side. “The point,” he stressed, “is that the garrison is underequipped and underfunded, courtesy of the Queen. Chrysalis is throwing everything she has at the immediate threat. And that’s not us, it’s the Reich.”
The crowd slowly grew quiet. Flurry’s ears turned as she overheard whispers in the rows behind her, but didn’t turn to glare.
“Which is why we’re attacking now,” Rainbow continued. “We still have the element of surprise. Heartsong is leading the army down the railways while we sit on our flanks here, but we’ll beat them to the Crystal City!”
The crowd rumbled approvingly.
Rainbow flapped her wings and began to draw on the wall with a marker in her teeth. The projected top-down image of the city shimmered as she interrupted it. She flapped her wings and made a lopsided circle around the outskirts.
“The Crystal Heart is weak,” Thorax picked up. “The barrier around the city has shrunk drastically. The airfields and farmlands are gone; the barrier is just at the outskirts of the city proper. That also means that the fortification lines have been buried by the snowfall.
“We think,” Thorax stressed the word with a hiss, “that the storm has grown in intensity due to loss of the weather factory in Cloudsdale.”
Rainbow spat the marker out in her hoof. “We know,” she corrected. “Damn bugs ruined our climate, no offense Thorax.”
Thorax looked like he took some offense, but just fluttered his wings. “They don’t have the room to build a new airfield, and all of their ponypower is devoted to working the mines and keeping the train tracks clear of snow.”
“You mean slaves!” a mare’s voice shouted from near the back. Thorax paused.
“Yes,” he admitted, “I mean slaves. Crystal ponies that I worked beside during the war, along with Equestrians dragged from their homes. Trimmel barely has enough changelings to stop a revolt, only a few thousand.”
“Which is more than we’ll have,” Rainbow grinned, “so everypony has to kill at least three of ‘em before you get shot. Griffons only have to kill two, because I know you’re all weak little housecats at heart.”
“Rainbow whore!” a griffon shouted in Aquileian.
“I don’t know Prench,” Rainbow shrugged her forelegs, definitely knowing that only made them angrier. A ripple of squawks and muffled laughter came from the Aquileians as they shushed the heckler.
“Shining Armor installed anti-air defenses in case the shield fell,” Thorax continued. Rainbow drifted around and marked several buildings around the Crystal Palace. The spire and blocky buildings looked small on the blueprint. “Trimmel won’t be expecting an aerial assault, but the guns are still operational. Fighters need to take those out first to clear the transports.”
“The transports will circle around the shield after they’re through,” Rainbow said. She held the marker clumsily in her forelegs and slashed a building near the edge of the circle. “Drop Group Laughter lands here and takes the west train yard. Loyalty takes the east train yard. Honesty hits the western barracks with their demolitions team. Generosity south entrance to the mines, and Kindness the north.”
“Drop Group Magic lands at the Crystal Plaza,” Thorax said. He grabbed the marker with his green magic and drew a circle around the open area near the palace. “Trimmel has what’s left of his tanks stationed there as showpieces, but they’re functional. The goal is to take them out before they can get moving through the city. Our bazookas and grenades can’t pierce the armor, so Magic’s got all the thermite we have in Nova Griffonia. There’s additional tanks stationed at the palace, luckily our Princess can cut through armor like butter.”
“We take the outskirts, then box the bugs in and push them towards the palace.” Rainbow pumped a hoof. “Their armories are here.” She snatched the marker out of the green field and drew a sloppy pistol over three buildings in downtown. “We take those, or blow them up.”
Flurry stood up and Rainbow landed on the table to the right of Thorax. The alicorn flapped her wings and landed gracefully with them. A series of cheers and screeches went up from the crowd. Flurry Heart stood before her soldiers and ruffled her wings against her side. Here I am in all my long-legged, oversized glory.
“The palace is fortified,” Flurry said loudly, but avoided using the royal voice. The front row was too close. “It’s their command center for the Crystal Protectorate and a research facility for the Crystal Heart. Ponies go in.”
She paused. “They don’t come out. We’re not taking prisoners.”
Flurry scanned over a sea of hardened eyes above stern muzzles and beaks. Since Ironbend two days ago, raids had been launched along the rails towards the Crystal City. Two mining towns and one isolated oil field had been liberated with few casualties; the garrisons were simply overwhelmed during the night.
The slaves, her subjects, had suffered greatly. The story was always similar to Ironbend. Ponies were worked until they were broken, then drained of love or left to die in the snow. As bad as life had been in the frontier, it was never as bad as across the mountains. Over two hundred thousand crystal ponies escaped across the border during the war, and it looked like there would be few reunions. There will be fewer still, Flurry thought with a suppressed frown. The army had only lent token aid and supplies to keep momentum. Many more would die of illness and exposure.
It had been a painful realization for Flurry that many of her griffon subjects thought the stories from ELF veterans and escaped prisoners were exaggerations. The advance stripped away all doubt. The frontier birds of Nova Griffonia loved to lean into the stereotype of the hard-hearted, greedy griffon, but they had lived too long with ponies to just callously ignore the pictures and reports.
After every battle so far, all changelings had been summarily executed. Except for two.
The alicorn spared a glance at Thorax and added, “Spare the young. Some of the Changeling government brought their children to my city, and I will not wade through a sea of foal’s blood to reclaim my home.”
“A young changeling has poor control over their disguise and emotion-sensing capabilities. They will likely be overwhelmed by the violence from the battle unless they were properly taught,” Thorax said.
“What if the little bug grabs a gun?” a pegasus in the middle shouted at Thorax. Flurry opened her mouth to respond, but Thorax replied first.
“Shoot them.”
The grumbling in the crowd stopped.
Thorax waited with a blank look for another response, then chittered his wings. “As the Princess said, we do not have the time nor inclination to take prisoners. You will be at a disadvantage. Skilled changelings can assume the shape of inanimate objects, or creatures of larger size like a bugbear or a dragon for a limited time. Or a foal to drop your guard. During the attack, Princess Flurry Heart is your only source of the detection spell that disrupts our abilities.”
“I can’t cover the entire area, but I will cast the spell as often as I can,” Flurry promised. “Changelings can’t copy clothing and they can’t hide with a loaded gun as a rock or anything. Look for discarded uniforms, and don’t lose your own.”
“Stick together,” Rainbow said from beside her. “Stay with your squad and use your callsigns if you’re separated, even for an instant. If your friend stumbles up with a loose, bloody uniform, don’t rush over. There’s a chance you’re looking at the bug that killed your friend and stole his face.”
Flurry licked her lips. “The same goes for my crystal ponies. Odds are that they are naked and starving. Changelings can’t replicate scars well. If you see a healthy crystal pony running up to you and begging for help…”
She trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.
“If they don’t listen, shoot them,” Thorax finished. “For some of you, this is old information. Some of you have never fought the Changeling Hegemony. Trimmel was Chrysalis’ favored Hive Marshal. He’ll notice he’s losing contact with the garrisons.”
“He probably already has,” Flurry said. “We launch tonight and reach the city just before dawn.”
“Here’s the big bit,” Rainbow belted out. She shook her head so her aviators fell onto her muzzle. “We don’t have the fuel for a return trip, and there’s no airfields between Evergreen and the Crystal City. That’s why everypony’s a flier. When you run out of fuel, pick a target and jam the stick. Bail out before the fireball. I’ve done it twice.”
She flexed her metal wing. “I lost the wing to a Jaeger in Canterlot, not from that.”
The joke didn’t land.
“We will only have the supplies we take in with us, and the things we capture.” Flurry stomped a hoof on the table and the wood creaked. “We take the city and we cut off the entire north, every garrison in the Crystal Empire, every oil field and mine. All of it flows through my city and down to Canterlot. From Canterlot, to Vesalipolis. We take it back, and we take the north.” There was scattered stomping and claps of approval, but no crystal ponies were in attendance.
“I will provide a shield through the storm wall and the Crystal Heart. The Crystal Heart’s shield is weak. It was never meant to keep out bombs and bullets, not until my mother made it. The moment we pass though, I’ll drop my shield.”
“Then we get to work,” Rainbow stated. “Individual briefings for squad leaders are in thirty minutes, bridle up your commanders.”
Unlike the meeting in the ballroom, there wasn’t any spontaneous cheering. The officers and pilots formed a line and slowly filed out of the room to spread out through Evergreen. Some would go to the three new airfields built out of the cleared forests, and some would spread through the hotel and brief their Drop Groups.
Flurry stepped off the table and reached up to rub her crown, brushing some of her curls out of the way. Her mane and tail were a little long now, but Flurry decided that her visibility for the soldiers was more important. Even if there’s a higher chance I’ll get shot.
“You gonna ditch your plane immediately?” Rainbow asked, also clambering down from the table.
“No,” Flurry shook her head. “I’ll fly around. I can cast the spell from the cockpit and cover a bit more ground.” She bit the inside of her cheek as the last of the group filed out, aside from a few griffons beside the doors. “What’s your assessment, Rainbow?”
“You mean the group?” Rainbow asked. “Or the plan? Plan’s great.”
Your approval probably means it’s terrible. Flurry shook the thought from her head with a grimace. “I mean the pilots and the soldiers.”
“Hay, we tried drop troopers during the war. Unicorns and earth ponies flailed all the way down, parachute or not. Fliers got a way easier time.” Rainbow sucked on her teeth. “They’re not Wonderbolts,” she admitted. “The ELF veterans and the Aquileians will pull their weight and then some, but that’s a minority. The Nova Griffonians…”
“I know,” Flurry said. We’ll lose a lot, even if we win.
“You being there will mean a lot,” Thorax added. "Stay alive. Cast your spell and take out those tanks around the palace once you ditch."
“I’d like to talk about our intelligence,” Flurry answered. Thorax looked over her shoulder towards the double doors and shook his head. Flurry turned around as two griffons approached.
Sophie Altiert approached in an Aquileian uniform. Flurry didn’t notice her with the other Aquileian pilots and raised an eyebrow. Cerie trailed behind the gray griffon with a smile and lazy wave of her wing.
“Commander Altiert,” Flurry greeted neutrally.
Sophie removed her cap and wrung it between her claws. “Josette has authorized a volunteer force to drop with Group Magic.”
“I need the Aquileians here to maintain order.”
“It is a small group,” Altiert countered, “only sixty. There is room.”
Flurry looked her over. Her primary feathers were a little loose and out of place, and the cap she wrung between her claws was well-worn. “Are you leading it?”
“I volunteered."
“We'll be cut off. You can’t run away this time,” Rainbow snorted and the griffon flinched.
Flurry clicked her tongue and whipped Rainbow’s good wing her with tail. “Fine,” she said to Sophie. “Get with Barrel Roller.”
The griffon blinked wide eyes and looked relieved. “Thank you,” she choked out and turned away, placing the hat back on her head. Cerie gave her a dark look as the griffon swept by her.
“I did not expect you to agree,” Cerie said in Aquileian.
“Like Rainbow said, she can’t run away from this,” Flurry rebuked. “Why are you here?”
“She wouldn’t let me join the volunteers,” Cerie squawked. “Made some excuse about not having enough room. Like one more griffon matters.”
Thorax shifted beside Flurry. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “What’s your combat experience?”
“Weter,” Cerie said proudly with a preening wing. “You saw me fight.”
“I saw you capture and execute an unarmed rapist,” Flurry corrected. “No.”
“What?”
“No,” Flurry repeated.
“I want to fight!” Cerie insisted and narrowed her eyes.
“You’re going to die. You have no experience fighting changelings.”
“Neither do half the creatures in the room!”
“They at least have experience in combat, be it planes or otherwise.”
“Please,” she laughed. “Some of the ponies are barely older than us.”
I don’t want them here either. “No,” Flurry snarled. “Rainbow, please escort Cerie to a room and have her put under guard.”
Rainbow raised her metal wing in salute. “Sure thing, chief.” The pegasus stalked towards the young griffon and roughly dragged her along with her good wing. The metal wing creaked menacingly. Cerie was too shocked to properly argue; she just stared wide-eyed back at the alicorn as she was dragged through the ballroom. The guards closed the doors to the ballroom and stared stoically at the Princess and changeling.
“You saved her life,” Thorax said after a moment of silence.
“You think she’ll hate me?”
Thorax shrugged. “She’ll get over it.”
Flurry hummed and laid on the floor. “You sure the information from that officer is accurate?”
“His name is Vesper. He was a Jaeger for Lilac in Manehattan. He worked with Ocellus.”
Flurry was mildly curious and swished her tail. “How’d they end up in Ironbend?”
Thorax stretched his legs and stuffed the marker in one of the holes in his forelegs. His gray uniform's sleeves were rolled up. “Chrysalis reassigned virtually every ‘ling that survived the uprising. Gave them punishment details.”
“And they took out their punishments on my ponies,” Flurry finished with narrowed eyes.
“Most did,” Thorax confirmed with a slow hiss. “Vesper was very honest about it.”
“How’d you manage that? You torture him?” Flurry guessed.
"Torture's a question of individual willpower with changelings,” Thorax deflected. “It’s not effective for information.”
“Is he still alive?”
Thorax paused. “Yes.”
Flurry stared up at the changeling. “Correct that. Both of them.”
“You said you’d let them live.”
“I never said how long,” Flurry clarified and stared up at the projection of her home of the wall. She focused on the palace. Research, she snorted.
Thorax swallowed. “I didn’t need to torture him,” he revealed. “He knew you were going to kill him eventually, so he told me everything.”
“You said something different about Sunglider,” Flurry replied.
Thorax licked his fangs and looked Flurry in the eye. “I promised him I wouldn’t let you kill Ocellus.”
Flurry stared back evenly. “And he knew you weren’t lying?”
“Yes.”
The alicorn gave a bitter chuckle. “You gonna tell me she was one of the good ones? That she smuggled food to the slaves, looked out for them in the cold?”
“No,” Thorax answered. “I talked to her. She wasn’t kind, but she wasn’t cruel. She’s terrified she’s going to die. She was too young to fight in the Great War, and her first position was with Lilac, fresh out of the academy. She's never killed anypony.”
“My ponies in that place don't count? She's just as responsible as the rest,” Flurry snarled.
“Her generation has grown up with nothing but Chrysalis’ shit filling her ears,” Thorax swore. “She learned all about how inferior ponies are, how it’s natural they serve. She learned how to keep them in line and harvest love in Chrysalis’ academy. Chrysalis tells them I’m just a pony with a skin disorder now,” he snorted. "That I was never a changeling."
“You’re not telling me a reason to spare her.”
“If you want to kill her, you might as well just start killing all the foals. They’ll have learned all the same things from their parents.”
Flurry choked on her response. After a moment, she ground out, “If I tell you to kill her, what will you do?”
“I’ll tell you I killed her,” Thorax replied, “and send her elsewhere.”
Flurry stared at him silently as her horn flickered.
“I understand not taking prisoners,” Thorax said softly. The reverb in his voice was faint. “We don’t have enough love stockpiled anyway. Grubs need a lot as it is, so do the foals. It’s why we raise our young communally. It'll be hard enough to deal with orphans with every reason to hate ponies.”
“We don’t have the time to build prison camps, or the spare soldiers to guard them.”
“That’s not why you’re doing it and you know it. You want them dead.”
“Not every changeling,” Flurry answered, “just the ones that followed Chrysalis.”
“That’s not how they see it.” He gestured towards the doors to the ballroom.
Flurry paused and fluttered her wings. “I know how it looks, but too much has happened. You didn’t see the bodies in the field.”
“I know,” Thorax countered sadly. He didn’t raise his voice. “This war has always been about race: Pony, Changeling, Griffon. Chrysalis drew the battle lines years ago.”
“You were out there years ago, too. Any changeling could’ve joined you and stopped this before it started if they truly cared.”
“I could say the same,” Thorax chittered with a sudden laugh. “I asked Celestia for help, you know.”
Flurry didn’t know that. “When?”
“Year before the war. Celestia said she couldn’t commit forces to overthrowing her, and…” Thorax trailed off. “I had my own reasons not to push the issue,” he finished.
Flurry remembered their conversation about his brother on the roof of Weter Radio. She nodded. “My mother helped. She gave your changelings sanctuary.”
“Yes,” Thorax nodded, “your mother was very kind.” He didn’t say anything else.
Flurry looked around the room to avoid his gaze and shifted uncomfortably. “You don’t have any agents in the Crystal City?”
“I haven’t heard from any in years,” the changeling shrugged. “I expect they’re all dead. My best changelings are with the recon forces with the army. I can’t spare any ‘ling, nor would I suggest dropping them in the attack. The risk of friendly fire is too great.”
“That’s what I thought,” Flurry said. “I don’t think everypony is going to pause to check the uniform or count the holes.”
“Most can’t tell us apart as it is,” Thorax admitted with a slight chuckle.
Flurry laughed with him, then recognized what he was doing and narrowed her eyes. “You really want me to spare that changeling? Both of them?”
Thorax turned the projector crystal off with a flick of his horn. “The officer’s name is Vesper,” he reminded the alicorn. “And no, he supervised the digging of the trench where he forced the slaves to dump their friends. Some of them were still alive at the time.” He gave her a half-lidded stare. “I would have killed him anyway.”
“But not Ocellus?”
He licked his fangs and shifted his weight, making a show of choosing his argument. “I promised Vesper I would protect her, and I mean to keep that promise. She’s smart enough to know that some of what she learned is shit, but too loyal and by-the-book to question it openly.”
“Still?”
“Not anymore. You put the fear of alicorn in that filly. She’d believe the sun is green if it meant keeping you from burning her alive.”
Flurry snorted and waved a wing. “I was bluffing.”
Thorax gave her a look. It was the one he used to use when she acted up back in Weter. “Changeling,” he reminded her. “I know that’s a lie.”
“I was very upset,” Flurry deadpanned, “that Changelings have the teats to ask for fair treatment and mercy now that the horseshoe is on the other hoof.”
Thorax was quiet for a long moment. “I’d like to try.” He sat on his haunches and fiddled with the projector crystal. “I used to convince changelings to give my way a chance. I need to know if it’s still possible. If I can undo what Chrysalis did.”
“You just said she’s scared enough to believe anything,” Flurry pointed out.
“There’s a difference in being cowed by fear and true belief,” Thorax answered. “I know ponies aren’t too religious, but that should be obvious.”
Flurry grinned at the reproach. “Fine, keep her. If she tries to kill me, I’m holding you responsible.”
“If she tries, I’ll kill her myself,” Thorax promised with hard blue eyes.
Flurry shook out her mane and tossed the purple and blue curls with a forehoof. “I’ll look forward to her groveling apology one day. And I’ll accept it,” she promised. “When this is done, Chrysalis will be dead and you’ll be King of the Changelings." She stood and stretched out her wings. "We can make something better.”
Thorax shot a look at the door, then approached and hugged the taller alicorn. Flurry stooped and wrapped her wings around his sides. “You think Grover will let that happen?” he whispered as the changeling nuzzled her.
Flurry Heart broke the hug without answering.
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Just waiting for Celestia and Luna to teleport in and start making demands lol
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I can't wait to get Celestia and Luna's reactions to all of this.
Part of why Ukraine is winning is that they take prisoners and surrenders, depleting Russian conscripts and less than willing reinforcements in the form of refuseniks. Good to see Thorax convince her to take a few prisoners for a start, as a cornered rat will only fight back. Give them a corridor and shell it with overwhelming artillery barrages and ambush them instead.
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Same.
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B*g blood must be spilled. I'm getting gamery here, but I can hardly see the worth in any Chrysalis simping bug. They can't get the propaganda beaten out of their head. Shoot them.
The heartburn is real.
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The reason for Ukraine's current victories is primarily a significant numerical advantage on its side. And even so, they cannot advance along the entire front. After the mobilized resources of Russia will be delivered to the front, even the numerical superiority of the Ukrainian army will be nevilated.
The number has a huge role even now.
I wonder if Olenian deer will end up showing up? Perhaps an uprising once Changeling Rule is truly shaken? Would love to see a certain blue antlered queen.
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Found the Russian bot.
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How easy it is to slander a person for trying to analyze the situation objectively ...
I would advise you not to look everywhere for Russian bots.
The fact of the numerical superiority of the Ukrainian army is obvious and it is stupid to argue with this.
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Saw it on 60 Minutes. The Russians have more armored vehicles than the USA has anti tank weapons to destroy them. We're hoping they run short of crews willing to drive them into combat.
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All right, hate to shut down the politics talk since Hearts of Iron 4 is known for spawning such things, but let's keep away from Ukraine/Russia, yeah? Besides, I think it's a poor comparison.
In a world of radios and slow-moving newspapers, there's no instant propaganda win from offering mercy. Chrysalis can call it fake in a heartbeat and she still hold a massive advantage. Sure, maybe Flurry could slowly bleed support away from her, but this is a world where Chrysalis won. Changelings have fed off, beaten, tortured and killed millions of Ponies. Some enjoyed it, some felt regret deep in their hearts, some didn't think about it, but all participated. If you're a changeling that lives in Equestria, you know what's been happening. They're not hiding it. In fact, the Changeling Hegemony is quite proud of their slave labor and love tax.
Flurry genuinely doesn't have the supplies to care for her own Ponies, let alone prisoners that will require housing, love rations, etc. Thorax points out that her decision is motivated partially by spite, but still says he understands. Taking prisoners and dealing with collaborators destroyed Starlight's momentum and stretched the ELF thin. And that was two years ago. The situation is even worse now.
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Yes, Flurry-heart's best chance is to give out any supplies that can be spared from the camp's stockpiled supplies & keep moving. This means accepting that some (perhaps many) slaves that could have been saved will die.
However, IMO she'll take fewer casualties if she sets a rule. "If the camp surrenders then you will be spared. ANYONE resists & you will ALL be slain." Morality be damned, she only has just so many soldiers. Attila the Hun did that.
Chrysalis will be best served by a Fabian Strategy (AKA Scorched Earth + avoid combat.) But, will pride get in the way? Mr. Hitler had problems with that, letting pride forbid retreat.
Not related to the current chapter but I wanna talk about the soldiers sharing their food with the prison camp slaves in the previous chapters. There is a thing called refeeding syndrome and it can be fatal because when someone doesn't eat anything (or eats so little) the body will use all of it's carbs and start to use the fat tissue and the amino acids and at that stage some organs start to function differently so your body isn't equiped to function like it used to when you start to eat like normal and it can lead to death. In WW2, the Americans liberated the concentration camp "Saint-Cyprien", located in France. The American troops wanted to feed the newly freed Camp Prisoners because they have been starving (like in this story). Leading a lot of the prisoners dying. After that incident, the Science team gave out an order to not feed the prisoners in the camps and to let the Medical Staff feed them first. It was mostly a slow input of light soup.
I don't know if this'll have any significance in the story but I'm just throwing it out there. If it does then this'll mean feeding the freed slaves won't be a big issue since they'll be low maintenance for a while
Good a reason as any. Come to think of it, while I think it’s safe to say that she never attended Twilight’s school, does she ever come up in-game?
Reached near halfpoint of the story so wanted to give an opinion. Overall? Had a good time reading story so far. It's interesting take on Equestria at War premise and showcase how war would affect MLP world and characters. Story has though two painful issues which sometimes really are close to derail entirely.
Firstly, foundation. Given how much time, chapters and words were given to Nova Griffonia (and from what I seen pacing will remain the same or will slow even further) the initial meeting between Flurry and Grover is criminally short. They really should have few times longer interaction at the beginning of the story to justify Flurry's attitude towards Grover. Without reading first chapters reader would think they are either childhood friends or had some deeply bonding experience together, none of which is a case.
Secondly and most importantly though, Flurry is ridiculously overpowered. 'She's an alicorn' became less than actual justification for it but rather empty plot device. Like the Force from latest Star Wars, can do literally anything what writer wants so. There should be far bigger and clearer constraints to her powers, as otherwise why bother having army at all? Why bother needing Grover? She can apparently destroy the world if she wants to. It was fine for first 20 chapters, but then came chapter 20 when she literally destroys several capital ships single-handedly... If the point was to showcase how powerful she is, it could be simply done with her acting as support for others. Her powers would still have time to shine, all while the point of her not being omnipotent would also be addressed.
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Hello! Thanks for the comment. I am always looking for criticism.
Yes, the pacing is an issue and the story does slow further. I try to have things happen and keep it interesting, but the focus does shift to the war over their relationship for a long time. As for the two issues you highlighted, their first meeting is criminally short. It's a remnant of when the story would have been an anthology or finished in 150,000 words. If I rewrote it now, I would have lengthened it. But not by much. Flurry Heart and Grover getting an "incomplete" impression of each other as ten-year-olds, then sharing their truncated thoughts in coded letters over the years is the point. That's how Flurry is devastated when Griffenheim Square happens. And how Grover was equally destroyed she refused.
As for the second part, I fully cop to Flurry being OP. But she's show accurate overpowered, and even then I might argue I'm downplaying it. Baby Flurry can do the bubble shield, rapid-fire teleports, lift exponentially her body weight, and blow holes through solid crystal. She's terrifying. I suspect she'd grow into being more capable. The nosebleeds and magical exhaustion are my "power limiter" in that case, and she can only be in one place at one time. Flurry's also just as vulnerable to a bullet as the next pony in the flesh.
Equestria at War cannot do alicorns. It breaks the entire WW2 strategy backdrop necessary for the timeline to work. And let's be honest: It's a silly premise to start with, where Stalliongrad had a brutal revolution and Appleoosa threw pies a decade later. Guns and tanks existed during the wedding attack according to game lore. I concede I willingly derailed the story from being relationship-centered to war-centered, but I might argue it's a stronger story because of that.
I would ultimately self-describe it as a coming-of-age-story that transitions into a Young Adult War story crossed with a YA Romance.
Just with horses. And guns.
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Honestly I don't mind at all slow pacing here, outside of certain repetitions and even those are mostly related to Flurry being OP. It feels like every chapter there are statements like 'I'm an alicorn', 'I have power' or 'I killed that many'. I brought pacing overall only to showcase how rushed Flurry and Grover interaction which though as you said, it also feels as result of different initial size and scope of the fic.
While true, in show also her powerful laser was deflected by a mirror... Not some special, ancient or anything mirror but a mirror Rarity had with her. Furthermore, let's be honest, half of Crystal City population would be dead by the time Flurry would be 1-2 years old due to her magical outbursts. I always seen her scale of her powers more as visual gag than actual showcase of her potential. Furthermore, in earlier seasons there was Pinkie episode with her acting as babysitter, and unicorn filly also was showcasing powers which were blatantly more than what she should be capable at this age. I always took both examples as a showcase that foals simply are outbursting with theirs' maximum potential they could ever reach.
To finalize though, I don't actually mind her having such OP abilities with shield or teleporting. It's her offensive powers which are busted. It's one thing to burn with laser (magical or not) through fabric, wood or flesh. But battleship armor over dozen inches thick? That enters way into deus ex machina territory than it had to. It also removes plenty of any tension there can be during any Flurry confrontation afterwards. Few Griffons? Company of Changelings? All of that seems ludicrous when story showcased she already destroyed several battleships in mere seconds. Given those warships had escorts and plenty of anti-air weapons on board, it feels painfully convenient that no bullet or shrapnel hit her or her aircraft why she was literally cutting those battleships. This issue I think would be far less visible or even non-existing, if it was toned down, either with her acting as support to allied units with her shields, or using her laser as last resort and which would come out as really dangerous to herself. It wouldn't affect much if at all main aspects of the fic which as you said are coming of age, romance and war with it's effects.