Killing Princess Cadence, Part 1
Chapter 1
Twilight Sparkle’s last wholly sane thought was about table settings. It was a banal end to her period of contentment, but it was the very last moment in which the world made an effort to make sense. Shortly afterward her life shrugged its shoulders, packed its bags, and left sanity crying at the train station.
Twilight paced up and down the Canterlot banquet hall like a drill instructor. The wait staff wisely gave the clipboard-swinging pony with the grin of frustration a wide berth. One inexperienced maid unluckily wandered into the fraying organizer’s reach. The terrified servant found herself staring into a rictus of worry.
“Pardon me ever so much,” Twilight cheerfully drawled through gritted teeth, “but I can’t help but recognize that there are seventeen tables of eight at the reception.”
The terrified servant nodded, hoping the madmare would let her go.
“That’s not good. You see, the wedding reception requires one-hundred and forty ponies in attendance. Now, you can probably see why I’d have some concerns that we’re going to run into,” Twilight voice continued a manic increase in speed, “problems!”
Now scared for her life, the servant threw her head in every direction looking for help. Other Canterlot staff avoided her gaze. They understood well the depth of obsession Celestia’s student could sink to. A gentle hoof sudden fell onto the retainer’s shoulder.
“Darling, why don’t you get us a nice table for two? Could we maybe place it underneath that nice palm tree veranda at the side? Thanks dearly!”
The maid stared at the dazzling white coat of the rescuer, almost mistaking her for Celestia herself. Rarity turned to Twilight to offered condolences.
“I’m so sorry, dear. I know what it’s like to count out materials and find yourself a few ribbons short. Only thing to do is spruce up the dress with a little innovation!” Rarity cheerfully whistled as she wiped the accumulated sweat off of Twilight’s brow. “Oh, Twilight, you looked so stressed.”
Twilight slumped onto her knees. She looked up from the ground with the manic energy fading away. “I want to show Celestia that I can handle this level of organization. She’s my teacher, after all. If only I could make her proud of me.” Her eyes went wide as she watched the dripping wreck of Rarity’s hoofkerchief. “Don’t tell me you used the really lacy one you got at the station gift shop.”
The gleeful seamstress waved away the worry. “Think nothing of it. That’s what they’re for, correct?” She carefully wrapped a forelimb around Twilight, gently pulling her to her hooves. “Nothing’s too good for my friend.”
Rarity straightened, mirth temporarily running away from her face. “Dear, one must simply admit sometimes that things are out of one’s control. All you can do is deal with it gracefully.”
Twilight’s lip reluctantly formed a smile. “And have a comfy couch for breakdowns within reach?”
Rarity sheepishly giggled. “That helps.” Her eyes went wide as the doors opened. “You’re delightful brother is here!”
Twilight’s face registered confusion. “Brother? I don’t have a…”
“Hey, sis! How’s the egghead business?” Metallic hoof prints rang out from the armored unicorn stallion. His shaded blue mane and was caked with dirt. Beautifully worked ceremonial armor showed years of impacts from jousts and roughhousing.
Twilight rolled her eyes automatically. “About as good as the dumb armored lug business, I suspect. Damaged any more priceless ornate heirlooms lately?”
He raised a hoof to his chest in mock indignation. “You wound me! I may refuse to come your wedding with Smarty-Pants.”
Twilight coughed, trying to hide her laughter. A reverent trail of colors suddenly appeared at her side, flying in over the heads of two terrified cake holders. Rainbow Dash leaned in close to Twilight, simultaneously awestruck and drooling.
“Man, Twi,” she whispered conspiratorially. “You have any others like him back home?”
Shining bowed low. “Ah, these would be the other members of your Elemental Harmony Squad. Ladies, it’s a pleasure to be in the presence of such lovely heroes.”
“Fortunately…” Twilight stopped. “Actually,” she whispered, “I don’t even remember having one now that I think about it.”
As Twilight lost herself in thought, Shining sent Rarity into quivering titters by kissing her hoof. “So, you two are helping my much overworked sis?”
Rarity nodded. Before she could respond Dash flew in front of her. “Yeah, I’m hanging the banners all over the castle! I get it all the super-hard-to-reach places in superfast time!”
Shining looked past Dash to stare into the worried eyes of Twilight. She was silent, staring off into space. Gently, he nudged the hovering pegasus out of the way to make way to Rarity. “Can I talk to you outside?”
Rarity nodded at the concern in his eyes. Rainbow Dash floated slowly out of the room, casting threatening glances at Rarity. Before she could respond a clarion shouting filled the banquet hall.
“Attention, staff and guests! Please make way for the bride! If need be, please scatter the groom to another appropriate area!”
Luna stood in the doorway staring balefully at Shining. He nodded, casting a helpless look at Twilight and her friends before hurrying out of the room. Rarity tried to address him as he left, raising a hoof that fell in failure as his flank disappeared through the door. She bit her lip, casting another glance at Twilight. Her librarian friend stared at nothing, cataloging things mentally Rarity could only guess at.
The dressmaker rubbed her friend’s mane playfully. “Dear, do snap out of it. Cadence is coming in.”
Twilight’s lit up. “Princess Cadence! You know, I dressed up as her for a report once.”
Rarity giggled. “How ever did you do the wings right?”
Twilight snorted condescendingly. “Rarity, she’s not a pegasus. Princess Cadence is…”
Sound disappeared from the world as her brain froze in place. It tried to overcome the barrier to logic and history, beating its figurative head against the wall of evidence. Twilight’s eyes spun in their sockets. This gave her enough mental wiggle-room to take in the implications.
A stunning pink pony had entered the room behind Luna. Rivers of violet, white, and gold trailed down luxuriously around her horn and down her neck. Servants and guests stopped to marvel at the pink-coated bride. Her own downcast eyes missed the adoration, as she shielded herself with her wings.
“I know, darling. She’s an alicorn.” Rarity grinned triumphantly at the silence from Twilight. After the hush continued, she looked back at her now-quiet friend. The unicorn’s eyes were wide in shock. She was repeatedly mouthing a single word.
Rarity rested her head on Twilight’s shoulder. “I agree, dear. The only way one can describe such a sight is as a ‘pinnacle.’” She began clapping her hooves. “She’s coming this way!”
Twilight began hyper-ventilating as she saw Princess Cadence approach her with determination. Casting furtive glances around the room, the bride-to-be nodded respectfully in her direction.
“Miss Sparkle? I was wondering if we could discuss something. That is, if you aren’t…”
Cadence’s voice trailed off as the sound of Twilight’s retreating hooves disappeared down the outside hallway. Rarity bowed low with a plaintive smile.
“I’m so sorry your eminence! She’s such a nervous young filly. Why, did you know I was one of her first friends, and we only me last year? Let me retrieve her for you.” Rarity bowed low enough to scrape her horn on the castle floor. As she disappeared around the corner, the suffering seamstress made sure no one was looking before biting her hoof and screaming in pain. After the muffled outburst passed, Rarity rubbed her aching horn before determination filled her eyes.
“Where did she go?” She had now dropped all pretense of the accent she affected, letting loose the scratchier voice that came out at stressful times. With a cough, she straightened herself and resumed acting out her self-appoint role. “Twilight, darling? Where are you?”
Minutes later found the pair reuniting in the castle library. Rarity saw an aged stallion followed Twilight from shelf, trying in vain to gain her attention. She ignored him, telekinetically grabbing book after book for quick perusal. Rarity jumped in front of her obsessive friend, stamping her hoof on the floor.
“Twilight, really! I insist that you stop throwing this library into chaos instantly! You can treat your own shelves like this, but think of the poor mature stallion here having to clean up your rampage.”
With a gentle hoof wave and a bat of her eyelashes, Rarity sent the elderly pony away with a respectful nod. Twilight grabbed her friend with both hooves.
“Rarity. Cadence. Unicorn.”
Rarity considered for a second. “Ball-room dancing?”
Twilight’s eyed rolled in their sockets. “What?”
Her friend shrugged. “I had supposed we were playing free association. “Now, what’s this about Cadence being a unicorn?”
Twilight gritted her teeth until she couldn’t feel the pain anymore. “She IS a unicorn. That’s what I read as a child. I just need to find the writings of Lorewing Frost to prove it to you.” The obsessed librarian began scanning the shelves.
“Perhaps that edition had an error, Twilight. Shall we return to your brother? He seemed so charming.” Rarity gave a regretful sigh. “I rather wish you had told me about him before I set my sights on the cad Blueblood.”
Twilight spun onto Rarity with such force that the dressmaker stepped back in momentary fear. “I couldn’t tell you Rarity! I didn’t have a brother then!”
Rarity cleared her head with a shake. “Darling, he’s not a newborn. They don’t grow them that fast in Canterlot.”
Twilight grinned the mixed of anger and amusement. “Of course he’s old now! He wasn’t this morning, I bet. Before I saw him, I never had a brother. As soon as we met I remember all about him but I never thought about him before because there was nothing to remember because he never ex...” Twilight took in a long gasp.
Rarity sat back on her haunches, concern in her eyes. “Twi, does this have anything to do with the day that Pinkie found you in her basement? You just haven’t been the same since then. Everyone’s been worried about you.”
Twilight took in a deep breath. “I’ll tell you about that someday. I promise. For now, I want to focus on why Princess Cadence isn’t a unicorn anymore. That shouldn’t be possible. I did a report in school on Cadence’s family. I even dressed up as here for extra credit!” Rarity lifted an eyebrow. “Well, the teacher may have implied possible extra credit where there was none, but I did it anyway! Regardless, I know she used to be a unicorn.”
“Twilight, you must calm down. The stress of the past few days may be getting to your memory. I don’t like the way you drive yourself until you crack, like a beautiful sculpture bumped during a move.”
The answer came in the form on a tight, silent hug. Twilight pulled back to show two purple eyes filled with gratitude.
“Rarity, I just need to find Lorewing Frost’s book of Equestrian history. Celestia let me use the copy in this library. I accidentally spilled tea in the book and ended up hiding in the castle attic for a week.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “You were like that even as a young filly, eh?”
Twilight pretended not to hear her comment. “I never forgot the shape of the stain. It landed on the illustration in just the right place to look like wings. Celestia was so amused she forgave me. Ah-ha!” A book on a high shelf suddenly glowed as Twilight yanked it off the shelf, sending other nearby books to the ground. Rarity squealed in distress as her magic caught as many of the precious tomes as she could.
Twilight beamed as she held the book dramatically in the air. “Now, I have the evidence I need to show everyone that something strange is going on. Behold!”
The hovering book opened, its pages flipping quickly to a well-worn two-page spread. Rarity giggled as she laid eyes on the illustration her friend had quested for.
“That is hilarious, darling! No wonder Celestia was tickled pink.”
Twilight squinted. She rotated the book to face her. Her heart nearly stopped as she saw the aged stain spread across Cadence’s lips like a mustache.
“Now,” Rarity said as she closed the book, “We need to get you back into planning mode. We’ll need to finish the decorations, plan the table selection, and get the cake toppers…” She lifted a hoof to her lips. “Is there anything else we need?”
Twilight cocked her head as she stared off into space. “Hammer. Need hammer.”
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YES! Finally! Oh thank heavens.
ANOTHER CHAPTER! I HAVE NEVER EXPECTED IT! Keep writing!
Oh man, this is great. Just a few grammatical errors, but it's nothing to detract from the story. More crazy Twilight is better. Love that ending too!
449384
I admit, I rushed it out to get it up in time for the episode.
I plan to have part 2 up by Sunday at the latest.
Um, Cadence is a canon character, most Mary Sue's are poorly though OC's or horribly OOC main characters. Isn't this a bit....preemptive? Or has Twilight actually gone off the deep end?
449579
I love the fact that:
A) Lauren Faust originally intended Cadence to be a unicorn.
B) Cadence is an SUDDENLY alicorn NEW MYTHOLOGY CHANGE.
Each of these stories is a reaction to a meta concept. Story one was about being aware of a Mary Sue. Story two is about a character who becomes aware of an alteration in continuity while everyone else assumes nothing has changed.
449626 You're quite clever, you know that? I know some people are sore and believe this to be a fast one Hasbro's pulling for the sake of marketing value (and I agree that's probably what's going on), but I am confident Studio B will find a way to make it work. This Shining bloke has "Stu" written all over him, and not the good " makes pudding at 4 am" kind either.
450131
Where?!
450201
Huh, never mind, it's fixed now. Must have been related to the recent database tinkering.
449626
So, Pinkie gets Deadpool, Twilight gets Animal Man. Sure, why not.
Like I said in a previous post in the previous chapter:
...and that's how Twilight discovered that she's now traped into an endless series of dimensional inceptions...
... and now she must travel each and everyone with her most faithful and allways reliable sledgehammer..... IT'S HAMMER TIME!!!
So now is time for the RETURN OF THE LEGENDARY SLEDGEHAMMER!!!
>> Paleo Prints
I like how your story makes more sense than the show's current canon. Well done.
and then twilight never trusts "reality" again....
I would rather have this split into an actual sequel, I don't like having a vote for one story suddenly get tacked on to a second that, like Sithis, I'd rather wait and see what they have explain themselves with.
456840
This is a valid point. I think I'll give it it's own page in the next day or two.
Geez, all this hate and the episode hasn't even aired yet!
I smell something... smells like
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1363_132232183912.jpg.png
To be completely fair, they aren't technically changing anything, since they never said that Twilight didn't have a brother, or that there were only two alicorns (Weirdness. The auto-correct dictionary doesn't recognize the word 'alicorn'). Granted, it was pretty heavily implied that there were only two alicorns, but still.
As for Shining Armor being Twilight's brother, well, look at it this way; we have never been shown Applejack's parents, even though we know that they must have existed at some point. Same thing with Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy (More weirdness. It doesn't recognize her either), or Scootaloo (Or her). Of course, that isn't quite the same thing, since you can't logically assume someone has a brother the same way they have parents, but you get what I'm saying, right?
474458
I prefer to think the blue and purple onies who have a picture in each room of the apple house are their father and mother. It would mean there's a member of each primary color. I think Lauren Faust said she always intended the parents to be dead.
475543 Really? I never noticed those pictures before. I guess I should pay closer attention. But my point still stands.
Found the new chapter after the episode aired. Still relevant. And funny.
I'd better track this in case a third one shows up some day!
>I even dressed up as here for extra credit!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
449434 Which Sunday? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png
593035
re: which Sunday...
I've been wondering about that myself. ::pokes Paleo::
596040 "Last seen online: 2 hours, 21 minutes ago" a.deviantart.net/avatars/r/a/ragefaceplz.png Y U NO UPDATE ON DAY U SAY U UPDATE ON dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png
596522
I've been poking at him every few days. It'll prolly I think only take him one good night of writing to get it done with. The hard part is getting one night of writing in on the last 2 weeks of school!
598143 a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/superpokeplz.gif FALCON POKE!
oh boy....
noo Twilight might be wrong
or is she
I assume you have no intention of writing a part 2, correct? It wouldn't hurt to leave it as is. The point has been made, and we all know what's going to happen next. Lovely touch with the moustache, by the way.
982882
Honestly, Chapter two is at 2,288 words. I just need to settle on one of the two endings and run it off. There's still something I have to say. I think responding to this has actually given me the idea.
983223
Oh? Alright then. Glad to be of service. I look forward to whatever you have in store for us.
Shining Armor isn't Twilight Sparkle's brother! It's a discorded lie! A lie I tells you! Shining should be renamed to Shining Sparkle!
So... how about that part two?
Why call it part 1 if the story ends after this
Make it two tables for two, or you'll still be short.
I think you should probably either finish this sequel, or mark the story as incomplete. Or make "Killing Princess Cadance" (you misspelled her name, by the way) a separate story on FIMFiction and mark that one as incomplete, and take it out of this story.
2559199
Thanks for the kind words. I personally have no idea why it doesn't fit but two version of John Carpenter's The Thing Pass.
Oh gosh, are you ever going to finish this? D: I love it even more than the first story! (Also, why isn't it its own story post? You've even got a picture to use with it!)
2854223
Surprisingly, no. What's it about?
Hah, nice. Too bad it seems you never got around to finishing this.
Also, I assume this was done before the episode in which Twilight becomes an Alicorn? Because if that was a thing that could possibly happen, Twilight likely would have known about it and wouldn't have been as surprised Cadence was an Alicorn when history said she was a Unicorn. Though the whole spontaneous brother spawning would still be a little odd.
This is just to good
Next Twilight will be commiting suicide... *dodges apple*
This Cadence part is brilliant, though it implies a disturbing amount of genre-awareness on Twilight's part.
She really didn't have a brother before that episode of the show, but being within the show's universe as she is, Twilight shouldn't know that... poor dear.
Well, it was almost 12 years seens the last update, and it's really sad to understand