Vinyl is bored. Octavia is busy. How will Vinyl solve this problem? (This is my first story. Just meant to be a cute little slice of life fic. Vinyl is mute and she lives with Octavia in this story)
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ManeBrony
Joined 8th Dec, 2021 ·
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Its alright for a first fic, the pacing could use some work
11267102
Thanks so much. Any advice in how I could do that?
11267144
Can't describe it exactly, but certain paragraphs just go on and on, honestly a little too specific and repeating character names dont help. There is a guide that elaborates on this https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Lavender-Unicorn-Syndrome
11267349
Thank you! I'm very grateful that you took time to give me advice! I'm sure it'll be very helpful
11267349
I have edited the story if you would like to see. I spaced out the paragraphs more and changed a couple lines.
This is a pretty good for a first story. A cute, comedic look into the life of Octavia and her pet cat, Vinyl. We can always use more stories about cute mares tickling each other. You had a few mechanical errors scattered throughout, but that didn't detract from the story very much.
11271404
Thank you! Also lol pet cat, that's exactly what I was going for. you mentioned "mechanical errors", could you point those out so I can fix them? If you don't mind of course
Cute. Vinyl reminds me of a dog when she asks to go on a walk. =P
> Vinyl looked up in consideration before placing her front hooves over her heart and dramatically falling onto her back, acting out her own death.
This is the best line. It's silly but it also expresses the importance of their relationship. It's easy to visualize, too.