Security
Just a warning here. This chapter...maaay be the darkest chapter in the entire story. Hopefully so. Viewer discretion something something...sure.
Fear was all that seemed to be apparent upon the black, sullen face of the changeling queen, but within her dilated, emerald green eyes a whole new sentiment chose to reveal itself in the light. She did not know what to think of the situation; a manticore battling it out with her most trusted changeling warrior with the inevitable not too far away. It was a scene straight out of a fantasy novel.
Both sides had their strengths and weaknesses, though she doubted their abilities would make even the slightest difference. The commander was agile and quick on its hooves, especially in the heat of battle. This was made obvious during the Canterlot invasion when it subdued over twenty royal guards without the aid of other warriors. Its skill with a blade was remarkable, its contributions to the hive were innumerable, and its strength to lead was what drove it to the top of the changeling ranks.
Next, there was the manticore; a beast whose mental prowess was on par with that of a common housecat, but whose body made up for it with overwhelming strength and stamina. Its bite was most certainly bigger than its bark, with its teeth and claws known to rip right through nearly any substance like paper. No one ever dared to imagine what its menacing scorpion tail could do, what with its razor sharp hook tipped and dripping with acidic venom.
But then, there was Chrysalis, the stalemate with a weary soul.
Long before motherhood, even she was proud to call herself a fierce and diabolical creature, demanding to be feared and respected by all who crossed her. Since Ditto’s birth, her body, and her mind, has been twisted into something different; something nicer, and “nice” in the Everfree was a sarcastic term at best.
Chrysalis looked on at the sight in front of her, darting her eyes back and forth between the commander and the manticore as they prolonged their heated stare down. She needed to act, but what could she do to prevent the coming fate? A manticore would not allow its prey to get away so easily, even through the toughest of fights, making it one of the deadliest creatures in the Everfree, if not the whole world. If it was going to go down then it would go down fighting.
She had more than enough power to drive the manticore away, even kill it if she had to, but she could not. She would not. The old Chrysalis would not only have slain it, but would have made it suffer all the way through. The heart of gold beating within the new Chrysalis would not allow her to bring such harm to another living thing anywhere near that extreme. All she could do was make threats, shout fiercely, and stare menacingly at anyone who defied her, hoping that her trickery would win the day.
All of it was fake, ever since Ditto came into the world. She felt scared, a feeling common to her drone subjects, but a rarity to the queen herself. Ever since that fateful day, she could do nothing but ask questions and flood her heart with worry.
Was she cursed? Bewitched? Had that zebra near the forest edge inflicted her with a spiritual ill omen?
Had forces beyond life itself seen her as worthless?
Chrysalis had never felt so weak in all her life. She just wanted to crawl underneath a rock and die, just so she would not have to feel the pain of living a life of uncontrollable lies any longer. It was only when the ground started to shake did her fear of the future soar to new heights.
In the distant forest, trees began to part aside, their thick branches snapping like futile twigs against the bulk of something several times their size. A roar, one louder and shriller than any other, spread out over the treetops, sending the courier winds to deliver fair warning of the approaching force of destruction.
Suddenly, there came another roar, followed closely by a third. The ferocity of both was just as terrible as the first, and their tones seemed to match each other in a rather mysterious way. Chrysalis swallowed hard. It was exactly as she feared.
“What was that?!” yelled the commander, darting its eyes left and right in a panic.
The manticore appeared to be distressed as well; its beefy hind legs quivered, but there was nothing that could extinguish its fiery rage. In the confusion, the beast seized the open opportunity and pounced directly at the commander, holding back no portion of its seemingly boundless power.
“No!” Chrysalis screamed, quickly charging her horn until it flared a bright green. Using the best of her magical ability, she ripped the manticore from the air and threw it clear across the cool battleground. The beast spun head over heels in the air as it flew before slamming into the side of a dead tree, splitting its decaying trunk in half before tumbling to the ground in a heap of dead plant matter.
The ground stopped shaking, and the barbaric roars that accompanied them were silenced. The battle-softened manticore tossed and turned like a helpless animal as it lay in its decrepit state, moaning in agony in the middle of its weakest moment. All else seemed to be still. Even the habitual forest fauna had ceased their ambient tunes. The common crickets dared not make a sound.
“M-my queen!” the commander stuttered, laden with shock and awe when its eyes fell upon the queen’s disgusted face.
“I told you to stay out of this!” Chrysalis yelled, shooting a furious glance at her not-so-trustworthy advisor.
“B-but, my queen! There’s—!”
“How many times must I tell you?!” Chrysalis growled. “Put down your sword and stay--!”
The queen’s intense tirade was interrupted by the wistful sound of soft, young crying. After a brief, puzzling scan of her surroundings, she then felt something daintily tug at her front left leg. The touch was unmistakable. Looking down, she found nothing more than her own precious child, tears in his eyes and a miserable sulk beset upon his dark face. It was heartbreaking to say the least, enough to swathe sympathy over anyone vulnerable to the teary eyes of an infant, let alone its merciful whimpers.
“Ditto! Wait up!” cried out the distant voice of Roseluck. Surprised, Chrysalis looked up and saw her son’s subordinate caretaker speeding towards her.
“Roseluck?” said Chrysalis as the mare came to a hard stop in front of her.
“I-I’m sorry, Chrysalis! H-He just got away from me! I don’t know how!” Roseluck stammered. “One minute, he was there, then I heard crying, and the next minute h-he wasn’t there and--!”
“Apologize later!” exclaimed Chrysalis. “Just get him away from here!”
“R-right!”
Roseluck quickly bent down to meet Ditto’s level, putting on her best, most calming smile after he cautiously took a step back.
“C-come here, Ditto,” Roseluck held out both of her hooves. “Come to me. Come to Roseluck.”
Fearful and perplexed, Ditto furiously shook his head and backed away even further. When Roseluck made an attempt to grab him, he grasped one of his mother’s legs, holding on as tightly as he could. Still, Roseluck tried to reach for him, but it only made things worse. He held on to his mother even tighter, burying his tiny face into the skin of her leg and letting loose tears fall freely to the ground.
“Argh! He’s not moving!” grunted Roseluck, frowning. “I don’t get it. He practically clings to me and my mane every day, but now he’s afraid of me?”
Chrysalis sighed, bearing a frown of her own. Why Ditto was crying she did not know, but she was more concerned about his safety than what she was to do about it. She lacked the stomach to use force, and she did not have the heart to ignore him. She cared for him so much that it was more of a danger to her than an annual benefit of motherly love.
The commander silently watched the act of cat of mouse unfold. It was most irritating to observe the queen of the changelings, a raw symbol of limitless power, stand by and do nothing while a pony, a weakling, did everything for her. She was supposed to be working towards saving their entire species, but it seems to be that childcare was suddenly more important than the desperate lives of her own kind.
What good were children anyway? To a changeling, the answer could never be more apparent. All they ever do is disobey and suck the very life force straight from your body. Sleepless nights and the waste of good resources were the only outcomes brought about by the bite-sized sticklers.
Just the thought of caring for one, let alone touching one, sickened the commander to the core. They were rambunctious pests and nothing more, offering little reprieve from their outrageous antics.
However, what struck the commander with curiosity since day one was the very existence of a changeling infant. It had never seen any other besides Ditto, and the probability of seeing another in its lifetime was slim to none.
Born only from the queen, they were as rare as the alicorns, the dual-bodied ponies destined to rule from birth, whose lives for some reason were said to alter the course of history itself, but how? All they were “gifted with” was an extra set of body parts, a sight in the Everfree no more common than excrement-covered horseflies. The ponies of Equestria will never know fear until they bear witness to a quadruple-headed crocodile with spider fangs instead of teeth. The Everfree forest was truly nature’s biological garbage dump.
Ditto was most certainly different alright; a child unlike any other in the world. He wasn’t the luckiest, however, at least not how the commander saw it. Whether or not he was meant to exist was determined by a blind swing of fate, and fate, as it turned out, wasn’t on their side.
In fact, nothing was on their side. They were predestined to be miserable .
“Can’t you just lend me a hoof here?” asked Roseluck, annoyed.
“I-I…can’t,” replied Chrysalis, looking down at Ditto nervously. “I can’t just ignore him like that.”
“W-what? What do you mean? You’re his mother! Just…scold him, or something!”
Chrysalis gasped. “You’ve lost your mind! I will do no such thing!”
While the sitcom duo bickered amongst themselves, the commander’s sensitive ears perked up at the sound of the trees softly rustling nearby. Alert to the disturbance, it gripped its sword tighter between its teeth and moved into a defensive stance. When it senses were at its peak, it noticed that it could no longer hear the manticore’s painful gripes. Cautiously, the commander strolled over to the fragmented remains of the dead tree it slammed into earlier, remaining on the light side of the border where the darkness continued on into the forest.
The beast was nowhere to be seen, but in its place there lay a puddle of glistening liquid; blood without a doubt.
The commander couldn’t believe what it was seeing. It recounted every second of its minute of idiocy. While they stood around like buffoons in the middle of an open field practically begging to be ambushed, one of the most dangerous creatures alive managed to escape!
…or did it?
All of a sudden, another roar resounded around the clearing, one fiercer and more blood curdling than any other roar the commander had ever heard before. Straight out of the shadows, their torn and feisty opponent burst forth into the world once more, gnashing its teeth and snarling like a disease-ridden wild boar. The commander had little time to react or even look over the beast’s condition, for as soon as its paws touched the ground, it took off with lightning speed, heading straight for the queen and her pony counterpart.
“My queen!” yelled the commander through raspy breaths.
Jolting at the sound of the commander’s sudden cry of imminent distress, Chrysalis whirled around just as soon as the manticore leapt into the air in an attempt to deliver a killing blow. She reacted quickly, shoving Roseluck to the ground and moving to face the beast head on. Using a great sum of her energy, she focused a spell into the tip of her jagged horn as fast as her body would allow. She took quick aim and fired a shining beam of dark green magic at her speedy foe, who howled in anguish as it flew backward in the sky in another recounting of deja vu, and disappeared into the blackness of the forest, smashing through trees and braches before landing somewhere far away with an audible thud.
Stillness was the only thing that followed the moment of terror. Chrysalis had not noticed it before, but once she calmed down, she discovered that she was scowling, angrily. Her muscles were tense and her back was arched forward, providing protective cover for her precious son below. Her silky legs were still damp with his tears.
The fight wasn’t over yet. Not by a long shot. In the forest, the manticore, whose body must have been broken beyond belief, sent roar after roar echoing through the trees. The commander readied its sword while the queen recovered her strength, regardless of her countless orders to stand down.
A few minutes went by, and the distant manticore roared again, but as its voice climbed in volume its pitch climbed as well, rising as high as its vocal cords would allow, reaching unbelievably high tones as if it just inhaled a party balloon full of helium.
Then, there was a snap, the beast’s voice immediately cut off. Its unusual serenade still echoed through the tree line. Unsettling cracks, tearing noises, and the shrill clamping of what sounded like sharp teeth sent chills up the spines of everyone in the clearing. Roseluck even took to hiding behind Chrysalis.
Tensions rose as silence, as if in repetition, fell over the clearing once again. Neither Roseluck nor Chrysalis, despite the latter having full knowledge of the danger, kept their mouths shut and their bodies as still as trees. The eeriness robbed everyone of their inner peace, what was left of it, anyway. Even the commander appeared to be on edge.
Then, without warning, high up in the sky, a large, red mass soared in over the tall foliage, slamming into the hard ground with a sickening splatter before lazily tumbling right in front of the startled queen. Roseluck leapt back in horror, but Chrysalis remained standing before it, looking down at the gory chunk of manticore flesh at her hooves, mortified. Whatever fur remained on the bloody hunk was dyed a deep crimson, its once luxurious yellow form sealed away in a literal blood bath. She wished with all her heart that her eyes were deceiving her. The commander paid little mind to the inanimate newcomer, knowing better than to let its guard down in a moment like this.
Roseluck was by far the most affected. She had never witnessed such an appalling sight in all her life. Nopony had, save only the most twisted and vile of criminals.
With the manticore’s untimely death so close to home, its mighty executioner was by no means far away. Unfortunately for them, it was right in their backyard.
Stomping out of the shadows of the Everfree, one of the most powerful creatures on the planet made its daunting presence known with a trio of deafening roars. Chrysalis began to breathe heavily after she looked up from the shredded remains and laid her eyes upon a sight as rare and infrequent as the centurial passing of a comet.
A three-headed hydra, spawn of a magically unnatural event, and as tall as three-story building, plodded its massive girth out into the open. Its clay-colored scales glistened in the sunlight with each movement of its titanic thighs. Its three mouths were smeared with the blood of the manticore it tore apart only minutes prior, and a small chunk of red flesh hung from the overbite of the middle head. Upon noticing it moments later, the long-necked member slung its head upward and caught the morsel in its mouth, which it quickly swallowed before turning its attention forward again.
The commander looked on in awe as the beast trudged on towards the queen, not a single one of its heads turning its attention anywhere else. Its many sets of slivery eyes shot hungry glances at the lesser beings before it, whose bodies remained still, their legs frozen solid with pure fear.
It seemed like there was nothing Chrysalis could do to contend with the leviathan, but then, all of that changed when her ears perked up at the sound of Ditto’s soft cries below her belly. She tried to back away from the approaching danger, but found that her legs were constricted. Ditto’s unnatural physique somehow kept her hooves planted firmly to the ground, making moving without injuring him even in the slightest way impossible. Tearing him away from his mother was something Chrysalis would never dream of doing.
The great hydra was bearing down on the three who cowered at its boulder-sized feet. The faces of each head showed signs of many undesirable things: hunger, ferocity, and the need to exterminate just to name a few. Each head smiled a wicked smile as if it expected its victims to scream for mercy for the inevitable cruelty soon to come. Curiously, the hydra seemed to savor the same taste in music as the manticore, the shrieks of unspeakable pain and torment expelled from the racing body of their prey delivering anything but forgiveness and sympathy to their ringing ears.
While it wasn’t the genuine article, Ditto’s cries for his mother’s aid seemed to be doing just the trick. No matter how much her mind screamed at her to run away, the queen’s body refused to listen. Her entire emotional complex was simply too weak to risk bringing harm to her child.
Chrysalis took a quick look at Ditto down below, who still clung to her with a sweet sense of love. Her vision trailed across his small body, whatever she could see of it anyway. Every part of his being, from his head to his hooves, begged for salvation from whatever nightmarish visions that clouded his mind. He could keep his eyes closed for as long as he wanted to, but even behind the cover of his mother, while danger of any form remained in the vicinity, fear would continue to encircle him, torturing him.
For him to suffer with the loss of his loved ones…no, she would not allow that to happen.
Empowered with newly-obtained strength of the heart, Chrysalis dawned her most serious scowl, snapped her head back up at the slowly approaching Hydra, whose many heads grinned with a terrifying likeness of a cheshire cat. She was determined to do whatever it takes to protect the very future of the changelings, and losing that one chance at survival to the colossus of the ages before her would mean using all of her power to repel it as well as any other force that dare threaten their lives.
And use her power she did.
Several times over what she used on the manticore, Chrysalis concentrated as hard as she could, and pulled from every crevice of her frail form as much magical power as she could, drawing it all into the tip of her jagged horn. A sphere of bright and dark green aura formed around her entire horn. Long rays of white light occasionally escaped from the sphere, showcasing the power of her mystical changeling magic.
She bared her teeth, grinding them together like stones as she lifted her head high to keep the overwhelming amounts of energy contained for as long as possible. The hydra halted its advance and stared in confusion at the display, watching carefully as the ball of emerald light steadily increased in size. Realizing the danger it was in, the beast took two steps backward, expressing dual hints of astonishment and unwavering fear.
Then, cataclysm. Chrysalis let herself go, releasing control of her unnatural might in a streamline burst of off-white energy encased within an outline of bright green matter. The magical burst slammed into the hydra’s chest area and quickly spread to cover the rest of its body. Roseluck looked on in terror as bolts of magical lightning, carried over from the queen’s horn, continuously struck the tri-horned monstrosity, lighting up the entire clearing like a great fireworks display. Its cries for mercy were drowned out by the crackling of the lightning and the loud hum of the magic cooking its thick scales to a crisp.
Her energy expended, Chrysalis broke the stream and powered down her horn, sparks flying from the tip before vanishing into the air. Looking up at the still beast, she could see grey smoke lisping off its slightly charred skin. She gasped in disbelief at the shocking outcome of her magical might. The hydra began to teeter from side until it finally keeled over, taking a few hasty steps backward before falling back and crashing to the ground, shaking the ground beneath her and frightening several groups of birds out of their treeborn nests.
The battle was over. Exhausted and proud, yet horrified at what she had just done, Chrysalis collapsed onto the ground, breathing heavily with her eyes half closed. Slightly trapped underneath his mother, Ditto managed to squeeze out from underneath her soft body before quickly rushing to her head, prodding at her face with his muzzle in a panic.
“It’s ok…” Chrysalis weakly whispered to Ditto, smiling. “I’m fine…mommy’s still here.”
Nearby, after cowering low to the ground when Chrysalis unleashed her fury, Roseluck bolted to her hooves and moved to aid the queen. When she tried to get close however, Ditto swiftly turned around and shielded his mother’s face, shooting his caretaker an aggressive, defensive stare. The mare was taken aback, but decided that it would be best to just stay away for now.
“My queen!” shouted the voice of the commander nearby. “Where are you?!”
“We’re over here!” shouted Roseluck.
A few seconds later the commander appeared, scaling up the hydra’s side and standing upon its scaly belly. It looked down upon the queen from the high point before turning to the side and examining the titan’s body. It placed one hoof on the side of one of the legs and held it there. Moments later, it removed its hoof with a shocking jerk.
“I don’t believe it…” the commander hissed.
“Believe what? That we almost died?” exclaimed Roseluck, sitting on her haunches before the queen and trying her best not to look into Ditto’s little, angry eyes.
“No…” the commander continued, baffled. “It’s still alive.”
“H…huh?” murmured Chrysalis, weakly rising on one leg so she could see the commander better. “How is that possible?”
“I do not know…but it must die.”
The commander drew its sword, slow and terrifying. The sound of the blade scrapping against its rusty scabbard capitalized the intensity of the unexpected decision.
“W-What?!” Chrysalis shot up only to then moan loudly with pain as her aching muscles confined her to the ground.
“This monstrosity nearly killed all four of us!” The commander hissed angrily. “It has invaded our land and threatened to tear it apart. It knows where we live! It is too dangerous to be left alive!”
Through a strong drive, the queen powered through the pain that bound her and stood tall on her four hooves.
“No…” she whispered.
“B-but my queen! You’re not thinking clearly!”
“I said no!”
The anger in Chrysalis’s voice went out like a great horn, and she stamped her front right hoof in conjunction to reinstate her dominance over the situation. As usual, found within a position with no hope of coming through successfully, the commander huffed and begrudgingly leaped off the hydra’s body.
“It knows to stay away from us from now on,” explained Chrysalis, sighing. “Killing it will only make things worse than they already are.”
“…as you wish, my queen,” mumbled the commander, growling.
“Good. Now, stand aside.”
The ferocious warrior did as it was told, dragging its hooves off to the side and taking its frustration with it. The queen stared at it curiously, but eventually shook herself free and returned her attention to the task at hand.
There was no way in the world that Chrysalis had enough magic to levitate the hydra far away from the hive. Her previous super spell nearly drove her body to the brink of total collapse, though that wasn’t to say that her magical reserves were completely drained to the bottom of the barrel. The exhausted mother of her emotionally distraught son managed to gather the few remaining tidbits of potential energy from the far corners of her body, drawing it all into a pebble-sized sphere at the tip of her horn. At her commander, the trees started to rustle, and their discolored trunks began to glow an eerie green.
Slithering out of the forest like snakes, dozens, if not hundreds of lengthy clumps of jungle vines appeared in mass around the cataleptic predator and began to wrap around its various body parts in the same fashion as its fanged doppelganger. Its three, long necks were braced, while its upper torso and thick legs were completely covered and tightened. The vines cracked like whips as they were suddenly yanked on by an unseen force, and their payload was slowly dragged back into the wood, its scaly girth leaving behind a grassless impression of its humungous body.
The last of Chrysalis’s magic finally sparked away, leaving the tip of her horn smoking. She was immensely tired, and she nearly collapsed to the ground again only to be caught by Roseluck and stood back upright. Ditto did not seem to mind.
“We’re safe…but not for long,” whispered Chrysalis. “Nearly half the forest heard that battle. Scavengers will be here soon.”
“How badly are you hurt? Can you walk by yourself?” asked Roseluck.
“I-I should be fine,” Chrysalis replied, wincing. She then looked down at her son’s face and smiled, gripping the back of his neck with her teeth and hoisting him onto her back.
“Let’s get you back inside,” Roseluck suggested.
“O-of course…”
“Wait, my queen!” the commander suddenly urged. “Up in the sky, look there.”
Chrysalis followed the general direction of the commander’s hoof that lead up into the foggy eastern sky. Six winged creatures appeared over the treetop horizon, their faces silhouetted by their naturally dark skin.
“My warriors return at last,” the commander continued, smirking.
Chrysalis suddenly grew angry over the news. She had completely forgotten that the commander was training a temporary central hive security unit, but to see them appear now, so long after their time of need, raised questions abundant with partnering reservations that reeked of treachery.
“Why weren’t they here to protect us, commander?” asked Chrysalis through gritted teeth with a nasty disposition.
“I sent them out on a scouting mission,” the commander replied with unusual haste. “To the villages and royal guard encampments past the Dragon Mountains.”
“The villages? The guard encampments? What good will that information do us?”
“They’re…s-safe zones, you’re highness.”
“Safe zones?” said Roseluck, stepping into the conversation. “In case you haven’t noticed commander there are no safe zones! There’s no place to hide!”
“Argh! Will you just silence yourself, you impertinent cow!”
This sort of insult made Roseluck rear back and gasp, falling under the coat of disbelief usually associated with anypony who insulted a mare like that.
“Why you little--!” Roseluck was prepared to march forward and deliver unto the commander a vicious, burning hoof slap to the face. She was actually hoping it retaliated, thus giving her good reason to throw down with the creature that gave her nothing but hell since day one. Sadly, her chance at revenge would have to wait another day as her starting advance was cut short when the queen stepped out in front of her.
“Enough! Both of you!” yelled Chrysalis, exchanging glances between each side. “I’ve had up to here with this behavior!”
Roseluck frowned and looked away from the queen’s face, mumbling under her breath.
“Commander,” Chrysalis continued, turning towards the disorderly changeling. “You need to cease your childish attitude! Roseluck has done nothing wrong to you, nor has she ever in the entire time she’s been here! You’ve shown nothing but negativity towards one of the most vital links in the survival of our species. If you really wish to be a part of our own salvation then I suggest you straighten up and fly right!”
Both opposing parties were left in astonishment. The venom in the queen’s voice seemed to have come out of nowhere, her energy-starved body withholding her ruthless emotions until they were needed at the right moment, and the right moment this most certainly was. It was about time someone stepped in and did something about their unstable, yet forced affiliation.
Despite her hate for her companion’s tidal frames of mind, Roseluck at least felt proud for Chrysalis knowing that she could call upon her inner queen to handle a dangerous situation. Her words were just as powerful as her magic.
Satisfied, Chrysalis turned around and started back towards the central hive.
“Deal with your…security force, commander,” she ordered, nudging Roseluck as she passed her. “Come, Roseluck. Let’s go.”
Wasting no time, Roseluck turned and followed close behind the queen, glad that she will soon be away from the pitiful excuse for a royal protector, even if the equivocal irony no longer listed the queen, but rather her offspring, as the most important figure among their dwindling species. Either way, her opinion of the commander’s detestable figure remained barred and chained. If there was anyone here to blame for all the chaos up to this point, then the commander would most certainly be the first in line.
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Chrysalis Why you no kill the hydra?
DAT AUTHOR'S NOTE!
People can be judgemental, but we're not THAT bad.
Dude, write at your own pace. Don't rush it, and try to ignore the people clambering for updates while you do it. What matters is that you enjoy writing it, not how fast you do. This is a spectacular story, and I'd hate to see it harmed because some of your fans are impatient. And honestly, you don't deserve to be put through being held to the whims of the beast (read: the readers who are impatient and vocal about it.). So... If you need a break, take one. Don't worry about what others think, its your opinion that really matters. If nothing else, I've got your back.
First, do things at your pace how you feel you need to do them.
Second, when ever I hear or read, ' Straighten Up and Fly Right' I think of the Nat King Cole song.
1994077i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6583841536/h66BF5A8B/
For what its worth, you're a very talented writer. I see more issues reading through a published novel then I do reading your works.
Have you tried therapy? That would probably help.
Do you know what? Many writers feel this stuff to. It is a care feeling of fear for disappointing or abounding. It's very normal to have that fear while submitting the story or chapter as every people are an individual. You are not comfortable with a unknown audience. That's a common sense.
Oh, I feel the same way, friend. Believe me. My own story, My Little GLaDOS, has so many followers that I always get this lurch in my stomach whenever I publish a new chapter. I fear there will be people who reject it, or dislike the direction I'm taking it. But if writing that story taught me one thing, it's that you just can't please everyone.
There will always be people who complain, because it's in their nature. It's in human nature to complain about something. Say, some people are hating the direction my story is taking. They want a badass take over Equestria Glados story, but that's not what I'm writing. I write what I want and those people can wither take it or leave it somewhere else.
Then again, there will always be writers or artists that can't stand it when people don't like their work. Some just want 'constructive criticism' and hate it when people hate their story just for the sake of hating it. Trust me, I've had an encounter with a certain Fallout: Equestria writer who was like that.
So all in all, did I make you feel better?
I think you're really talented. You shouldn't always try to make us, the readers, happy. You should write what you feel is right for the story. Even if there is something we don't like, I don't think that we'll shun you.
Don't write for us. Write for yourself. (I know you've heard that before, but it really is important)
I think you're coming here expecting people to like your story and worrying that they'll hate it. You should expect them to hate it instead, then you'll be amazed when they like it.
It's like expecting the worst so that whatever happens the end will always be better, rather than expecting the best and generally being disappointed.
Well, I don't know about the other readers, but I will certainly say that a change, in a way I would disagree on, wouldn't scare me away. When an author puts up something I disagree with, I give my concerns, but continue to read, always interested in where it goes.
So, don't worry. If you write it, I'll read it.
A faithful reader,
Rennoc 215
you've made it this far! don't fear now!
I think something to help ease your fear is to get a pre-reader or two. Getting a pre-reader means you can send your work to someone to look at it for any parts that feel awkward or difficult without the feeling of 'will they hate it or not...' Actually the feeling would still be there, it just wouldn't be en mass, it would just be a couple people giving there opinion and maybe some pointers. I think it would also help acclimate you for the masses, I think.
I kinda lost my train of thought, sorry.
TL;DR: I think getting a pre-reader might help.
poor commander
A very well written story, certainly one of the nest I've seen.
A few things I have to say to help you as a writer.
1. One thing I've found that helps with the "will they like it or not" is to write something that I will only ever show to one or two people I trust. A story I'll never post. Anytime I have trouble getting one of my stories to click right, I go back to that one.
2. Alternatively, I'll write several chapters of a single story I intend to post, and post them in a batch. This helps me get past "will they like part x" as there's a much greater quantity.
3. Remember, this is fimfiction, a brony community. It doesn't matter if you're perfect or if you're writing something that should never see the light of day. The overwhelming majority of us will look at your work seeking to enjoy and/or help.
4. Remember that this is a community of writers, and we all go through the same issues to some extent. It would be hypocritical at best to not be understanding.
Now, this is something else I do myself, but I've found that a relaxing, cutesy PMV on youtube often gets rid of all stress. I personally use "Cutie Mark Crusaders: Beep Beep" (my device currently makes posting links difficult).
A great lengthy chapter and you shouldn't think like that if you mess up once so what?
Its just one mistake,the readers will help and fix it and don't fear that everyone will abandon you because we are all friends here and one mistake will change not that
Wow... This chapter made me hate that kid with a fiery passion... Not sure why.
1994296 that's so true, it hurts!
You know, once you've conditioned yourself to be that scared of something, it's near impossible to get rid of. The only real way to deal with it is to expose yourself to as much of what you're afraid of as possible. On that same note, have you ever had a younger sibling? Or a child you look after every once and a while? When one considers themselves responsible for a younger or weaker person, they will do literally anything to protect that person. That's how I feel about the characters I write, whether I made them up or not. I am the worst father EVER. I constantly override my protective urges to either kill off characters or ruin their lives. I feel like friggin' Darth Vader, except minus the awesome.
I would like to say, that you will never lose me as a reader... I may disagree with what you write at times, but overall, I believe you are an amazing writer, and I will never stop reading your stuff.
you can't lose me. no matter how hard you try.
the only thing wrong with you (if anything) is the few spelling errors you make. but...thats it, nothing else.
this story has kept me here from the beginning. seeing Chrysalis like this has been very interesting. (plus ditto's described cuteness keeps me here no matter what.
)
so you'll never lose me...unless ditto dies
then im gone for good.
2000373
1995131
I've had one, an editor, actually, for a few months now. We're good friends.
1994636
Indeed. Thank you.
Hivemind, you couldn't lose us by replacing Ditto with Honey Boo-Boo. Trust me, your writing is some of the best I've seen, and nothing will change that.
In response to your author's note, I offer you hugs and E-brownies. The edible kind, I need all the workers I can get to have my fic even close to acceptable grade, a minimum you've passed and left far behind a long while ago.
Everybody is writing these really encouraging notes that are really long and take a long time to read.
So here's mine: bro, chill.
We love your stuff.
You mess up and we'll forgive you.
1. Go to pharmacy
2. Find chill pill
3. Take chill pill
4. ????
5. Profit!
The blood.......it was GLORIOUS!!!
Oh boy, this is gonna get ugly.
and i like it
1994296 Ain't THAT the truth.
Hopefully this won't scar Ditto for life.
Hive you are an amazing writer never let anypony tell you otherwise
"yea dude you da stallion"
Well said Zack, I eagerly await the next chapter but am not asking you to kill yourself over it.
Fear me, Hivemind, because I am a reader and I want moar!
Naw, you don't have to fear me.
Now, when do we get the next chapter?
You certainly have nothing to fear from this reader.
Patiently waiting for the next installment, and by the way, I read from where I previously stopped 'Panic' and from then onwards, I saw no grammatical or spelling mistakes. So you Hivemind, have nothing to fear, nothing whatsoever.
Eagerly awaiting what Chrysallis does next, and why Ditto was all of a sudden so scared of Roseluck, whenever you deem fit to reveal these things.
Honora Imperator
WE ARE THE READERS.
WE ARE ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.
Actually being a writer *is* a lot like being a changeling. Those little happy green thumbs feed our ego, and loving comments make our heart swell.....until hateful words are formed, and we cringe back. "What did we do? How did we displease you? Don't you love me any more?"
The answer is simple. Peaved people write hateful things. Happy people only rarely write happy things. If you get 10:1 happy:unhappy notes, you're actually getting about 100:1 good response, which is not only good, it's *darned* good.
This conflict is filled with holes in logic. Why does the hydra even turn its/their attention to the four morsels when it's already made its kill? When it does start towards the group, how does Ditto holding onto his Mom stop her from getting the hell out of their? The explanation of "I don't want to move him because I might hurt him" is ridiculous, and furthermore, can't she fly?
The decision not to kill the hydra (ignoring the logistics of how one might finish off a hydra in the first place) makes sense from a logical standpoint. It would surely attract more carnivores for days (although wouldn't you move the manticore as well?). Sparing it strictly for the sake of compassion, as Chrysalis seems to be doing, is completely asinine. Even the soft-hearted ponies (besides Fluttershy) would realize that ending its existence would be tantamount to survival. The author is going way too far with the emergence of Chrysalis's compassion. It's gone from the development of a new character trait to being replaced by completely different person, one lacking in the wisdom and experience that we expect from this character.
Your author's note there? I feel the exact same way when I write, to the point where I'e actually ha to put my stories on hiatus just to try and calm down.
Hay there! Loving the writing! Great story!
I must say that I feel the exact same way...
I can't bring myself to go past the third paragraph of the Fic i planned for fear of Reader's opinions...
2000373 I want Ditto to die, though.
You are a fool if you fear your readers.
You will have heard this before, perhaps from your family or your friends, and maybe they were being honest or were lying to you to protect your confidence, but know this: I do not lie to strangers or friends or family.
So when I say that you are a damn good storyteller, what I mean to say is that you are a damn good storyteller.
At least take comfort in the fact that I am genuinely enjoying this story.
I feel your pain. when I read things like, well your story for example, I compare it to mine. when I finish reading someone else's work, I look at mine and tell myself, "Wow, you cant write anything like that. your writing is trash, just like anything else you attempt." mostly, I feel it is because I find it very hard to describe something. back to the main point though, your story is amazing and do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
I don't care what Roseluck says, I like the commander.
The commander reeks of the scent of 'inevitable traitor'. Chrysalis trusts him too much, she seems to be forgetting that he's a changeling, and he fully believes in the ways of life before she started to change emotionally. I think that he's eventually going to snap and his loyalty's going to twist right around into full-on betrayal.
rule number one when it comes to messing with Ditto and the Queen. dont, cuz Chrysy will buck your flank up