The Sonic Rainboom

by Vexy

The Lone Chapter

“Look upon me, Equestria, for I – am – Rarity!”

Rainbow Dash could barely make out Rarity's voice over her own inner thinkings.

I've totally messed up. It might have been okay, up until the point that I spun a cloud straight at Princess Celestia. I'll be lucky if I don't end up banished to the Everfree Forest for that one.
Rainbow Dash was soaring skywards, her wings working overtime; she needed as much height as possible to pull off this trick.

A Sonic Rainboom. She forced back a gulp.

So what if I don't pass this Best Young Fliers competition? I mean, at least I'll still be the coolest, most awesomest pegasus around. I mean I was the best pegasus here, you know, Rarity being a unicorn and all... She didn't feel any better. The thought of her friend robbing her of her glory left a foul taste in Rainbow Dash's mouth.

And that, little fillies, is why I'm the Element of Loyalty.

Clouds flew by, but she was barely paying any attention to them; it took all of her willpower to focus on her inner ramblings. This is my last chance. If I can't pull of a Sonic Rainboom now, I might as well never manage it. I'll be the laughing stock of Cloudsdale! I'll never be able to live down that stupid nickname.

Rainbow Crash. She managed an eye roll, despite her high velocity.

By now, Rainbow's wings were aching, but she ignored it, pushed higher and closed her eyes. She had now left the stadium far below her. She couldn't see it behind her, nor through her closed eyelids, but she knew it would be just a dot in her vision now. Well this is it. My whole life has built up to this one moment. I can't fail it now. I've got to do this for my friends – for Fluttershy's honor! She remembered the race she had won, all those years ago, the day she got her Cutie Mark. She had pulled off a Sonic Rainboom then, so all she had to do was the same thing now.

“You're going down!”

“In History, maybe!” Rainbow Dash retorted, her voice breaking slightly “See you boys at the finish line.” She grinned, radiating confidence and cheekiness. Rainbow Dash sighed inwardly. I could do with some of that confidence right about now.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a scream. Not the kind of cheering scream, and not the kind of worried scream. It was a horrible, high pitched, and very, very loud scream.

She glanced back. A sinking feeling was building in her gut. That screaming could mean only a handful of things, and not one of them was good. Rainbow's eyes widened. What she saw ran her blood cold.

Rarity was wingless, and losing altitude at an alarming rate. Worse – the Wonderbolts were falling with her, all of them clearly knocked unconscious by Rarity's flailing limbs.

Rainbow Dash wasted no time breaking her ascent. “Hold on Rarity, I'm coming!” the pegasus yelled. All other thoughts were wiped from her mind as she twisted her body into a full 180 degree turn, focusing her momentum on her flank and hind legs in a turning motion, before using her wings to stabilize her motion and she was facing towards Rarity. She didn't hesitate. Rainbow furiously beat her wings with a strength that she'd never felt before, forcing her down faster than gravity. Adrenaline was one thing, but this was quite another. Despite everything that had happened that day, Rarity was in trouble, and Rainbow Dash was there to save the day. They don't call me the Element of Loyalty for nothing!

By now, Rarity had fallen far beneath the stadium ring and the green grass was unmistakably visible beneath her. Rainbow sliced through the air, back towards the stadium, forcing herself to go faster. The air attacked back, wrenching tears from her eyes. She gritted her teeth, which only succeeded with the wind rippling back her cheeks in almost comical fashion. This was far from amusing, however; the air was stopping her from going faster.

I can't break this wall, I'm just not strong enough.

By now her wings burned mercilessly, and now all her willpower was focused on pushing onwards. However the wall of air only pushed back harder. By now she had flown through the stadium, and she could hear the gasps and cries of the spectators as they could only watch in horror as the events unfolded before them.

I've got to do it for them, for my friends, for Rarity. It's the only way. Rainbow Dash gulped. Somehow.

The Sonic Rainboom.

The very name made her twitch with nervousness, but she stretched out both her forehooves in front of her, wings beating fiercely. The air wall pushed back harder, forming a visible barrier in front of her.

This is it.

She was moving at such an incredible speed she was almost flying faster than the air could be forced out the way. She risked another glance down at Rarity. Bad idea. She was dangerously close to the ground, close enough to see each individual tree dotted around the fields. Rarity could see what she was attempting and released a hopeful gasp.

Nothing else matters now, but this.

She recalled Pinkie telling Twilight about it earlier that same day.

“The Sonic Rainboom is legendary! When a pegasus like Rainbow Dash is going so fast – BOOM” Pinkie leaped onto a pile of books on the floor for emphasis, sending them scattering in all directions. “A Sonic Boom and Rainbow happen – all at once!”

She shook her head, shaking the tears that streamed down her face.

The barrier in front of her crackled, as if it were a lightning cloud. It did it's best to resist Rainbow's advances, but inch by inch, her forehooves moved closer to the it.

Suddenly it angled itself around her body like a cone and the colours played tricks with her eyes. Her forehooves pushed to the apex and the world reached it's climax.

The whistling of the wind, slowly increasing in pitch the faster Rainbow flew. The crowd's hopeful gasps and cheers, and the painful screaming of Rarity.

Suddenly the world went quiet.

The barrier dissipated and Rainbow flew downwards unhindered. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. The stadium seemed silent. The wind was quiet and Rarity's mouth was agape, yet no sound came out.

Did I do it? Have I done the Sonic Rainboom? She couldn't turn her gaze; her eyes were transfixed on Rarity in horror. I'm not going to make it! By now she could see each blade of grass, reaching out to her. She could see Rarity's face: a mix of pure terror and resignation. She could see the Wonderbolts, helpless, by her side.

It's so peaceful. By her side! The thought swung back around like a two-way door. I'm level with them now! She almost paused to congratulate herself but refrained. We're not done yet. She grimaced inwardly. Still the world functioned in slow motion; Rarity looked straight past Rainbow Dash, focusing on a point behind her. She bundled the four ponies together and held on to them, bringing them to her velocity. Rainbow was expecting her cargo to be heavy, but whatever had happened seemed to have a weird effect on physics.

Rainbow Dash: 1, Pinkie Pie: … I've lost count.

However, she realized that she had to continue speeding towards the ground until Rarity and the Wonderbolts were near her velocity. Pulling out too soon would rip them straight from her grip. But the ground was also uncomfortably close. The five ponies were less than 100 feet from the ground now, and Rainbow resisted the urge to squeeze her eyes shut. She could swear she could distinguish each grain of soil among the grass now, the distance between them closing, inch by inch.

Where's the wind in my ears? The thought struck her that her life might end without the wind in her ears. She gave one final beat from her burning wings, and then and then she opened them and pulled straight out of the dive – just in time – in a perfect right-angled turn, and flew parallel to the ground, so close that the grass stroked Rarity, who she held beneath her, as they flew past. Weird Physics. Her wings were outstretched, ensuring a stable, but impossibly fast, glide.

Rainbow Dash let out the breath that she realized she'd been holding since she had grabbed Rarity and Co. She'd done it! She glanced at Rarity, who's expression was frozen in slow motion as an almost unreadable mixture between confusion, fear and relief, split evenly over her facial features.

Rainbow Dash began beating her wings again, arcing her motion upwards. She'd slowed down considerably, and pulling upwards took a lot more effort. She gritted her teeth in satisfaction as they curved into a steep climb.

Then she sneaked a glance behind her, and the breath left her lungs. “Whoa!”. A Rainbow extended from her entire frame, leaving a trail of sparkling colour. It looked like no other rainbow she'd seen before. The colours were stark and contrasted, and the borders between colours, definite and exact.
Far behind her, a chromatic ring stretched out, forcing all of the stray clouds in the sky towards the horizon, like it had been a violent explosion. It was every colour of the rainbow, and inspired every spectrum of emotion with it.

Pride was what Rainbow Dash felt. She made this. She created this! It reminded her of the look Rarity had when she made the perfect dress, or when Twilight finished a particularly complex book.

Satisfaction. She thought.

---

As Rainbow Dash flew up the centre of the ring, into the stadium, time began to resume at a normal pace. It had all been so peaceful, like it had been a relaxing dream. Immediately, a group of pegasi ventured forth to relieve her of her burden. Then came the sound.

Like a wall of noise, Rainbow was suddenly bombarded with cheering, shattering the calm and quiet in her head, as if she couldn't hear it before. The wind tickled her ears and Rarity let loose sobs of gratitude. Dash turned round to see a crowd cheering her name, and at the forefront of it all was Fluttershy squealing like a filly. Rainbow Dash felt her eyes grow hot, and she forced back tears of joy as streamers fell at her feet. Darn it, I'm getting sappy!

She didn't know what to say. A lump was in her throat, her eyes were brimming with tears and her entire body shivered with joy. Everyone was looking at her with looks of awe and adoration. It was like it was in her dreams, only now this was real! Princess Celestia was smiling knowingly down at her, while her friends cheered for her proudly.

She turned to Rarity. “I did it... I did it!” The unicorn was clearly on the verge of tears too and she stammered out, “You sure did. Oh thank you, Rainbow Dash... You saved... my life!” finishing with a squeak. The thought hit Rainbow. “Oh yeah, I did that too! Haha! Best day – ever!”

---

“The Sonic Rainboom is legendary! When a pegasus like Rainbow Dash is going so fast – BOOM” Pinkie leaped onto a pile of books on the floor for emphasis, sending them scattering in all directions. “A Sonic Boom and Rainbow happen – all at once!”

“And Rainbow Dash here's the only pony ever to pull it off.” Applejack finished with a nod.

Rainbow Dash smiled.

Comments

[Vexy]

Constructive criticism is actively encouraged.

Although advertising not so much

[i_am_the_jam]

I kinda did something like this a while back. Just check my profile.

[Vexy]

the idea wasn't meant to be original, I was just looking for some advice and criticism
I have quite a few ideas I'd like to get started on, but first I want to make sure I'm not about to do an awful job of it ;)

[Duskrider]

Well, I'm surprised nobody's commented on this yet at all. Well besides the one spambot, but you can't do anything about those.

The concept is a tried and true one; there's been a few fics that I've personally seen that cover the inner monologue of Rainbow during the Sonic Rainboom. This one doesn't really break the mold. It's a very straightforward depiction of what Rainbow probably was thinking, and there's not a lot of real further development of Rainbow's character. And that's also fine, because there's not a real need to develop her character more, nor is there a lot of room to develop her.
Therefore, what we are left with is a very descriptive account from Rainbow's point of view with a lot of excellent imagery. The description of the sound returning after the Rainboom, and the many different things described in the descent were all very evocative and I could imagine everything very clearly even beyond what I saw from the show; I could see them through Rainbow's eyes. All of this makes a simple yet very strong piece that was very enjoyable to read.

However, I had a few issues throughout. First, the Mechanical Issues. Take for instance this:
"By now, Rainbow's wings were aching, but she ignored it, pushed higher and closed her eyes."
There are so many clauses in this single statement that it comes out very broken up and stop and start. There's a few instances of this where the clauses are so short that they and combined where it would make more sense to simply create multiple full sentences and flesh them out. Going back to the above example, it might flow better and be more understandable as "By now, Rainbow's wings were aching, but she ignored it. She pushed higher and closed her eyes." Even though the sentences are still very telly vs showy, just dividing them like that creates the individual ideas rather than a list of things happening in succession.

The oxford comma tends to appear and disappear in your lists throughout, and since you utilize quite a few lists its quickly becomes apparent that its not consistent. The above sentence does not use an oxford comma, however it appears in other places such as "It was a horrible, high pitched, and very, very loud scream". I'm not typically one to be grammar nazi, but the inconsistency stood out to me enough that I felt the need to mention it.

Going back to the previous statement, there's a few issues with telling vs. showing. The up front wording you've put into many of Rainbow's paragraphs make it feel as though you, the author, are simply talking at us, the audience. You're overall descriptors for the environment, for the world and events are full and excellent but it seems when you're describing the character's thoughts and feelings it comes up short. Things like "By now, Rainbow's wings were aching, but she ignored it" and "Pride was what Rainbow Dash felt", these are missed opportunities for the embellishment that is elsewhere in the piece. Simply saying that her wings are aching doesn't have the same impact as Rainbow's wings throbbed in protest as she pushed herself higher and higher. Just as an example. But there are a lot of instances of show vs. tell and I would encourage you to go through and find those places where you are just stating what is happening instead of describing what is happening.

However, there's also the opposite issue involved in the story where there's simply unnecessary descriptors, or what I like to call groaner lines. They are the lines that feel like they are being delivered to a five year old because they might not pick up on the subtlety of it. The show itself is pretty good about avoiding these, but there are a few scattered about this piece. Places like "It was like it was in her dreams, only now this was real!" It just makes the statement feel wooden and unnecessary.

As for the italics, its a fairly universal symbol for an internal thought or statement. I don't really mind the italics, however you do tend to run multiple thoughts in the same paragraph when a line break would help the clarity. Places like
"“In History, maybe!” Rainbow Dash retorted, her voice breaking slightly “See you boys at the finish line.” She grinned, radiating confidence and cheekiness. Rainbow Dash sighed inwardly. I could do with some of that confidence right about now".
This could have certainly used a line break before Rainbow Dash sighed inwardly as its a separate thought. The same goes for a few lines later "I've got to do it for them, for my friends, for Rarity. It's the only way. Rainbow Dash gulped. Somehow." There are a few of these. Also, "Satisfaction. She thought" does not need the She thought at all.

Of course these are my opinions about mechanics and flow, and you are more than welcome to take them or leave them at your discretion. I think you have a great grasp on making descriptions interesting and engaging and if you work on your character development and branching out from the canon and what is set in stone, I think you'd be able to do a lot. I hope this helps you and even if you disagree with specific examples I hope you'll take the overall critiques to heart.

Good luck to you,
-Duskrider

[Vexy]

1291751

You, sir, are genius

This was exactly what I was looking for

Never have I been more pleased to see a wall of text criticizing me! When you said developing and branching out from the canon, it opened my eyes a little. I always considered canon to be Divine Mandate, I suppose. Straying too far away spells no surer demise. But that said, it's also unimaginably flavourless

Thank you :3

I'll give those commas a revise, and if you think the italics worked, than that's both my aims for this story achieved

Now I can start on something more serious, more original, and maybe less canon

[Duskrider]

1292201

I'm glad I could be of service, and I'm glad you agree with my opinions as well.

I would caution you about how far you stray from canon. Directly contradicting canon is EXTREMELY difficult to pull off well. Expanding on canon, developing canon, branching off from canon that's not been developed much in the show are all very good ways to apply your view and perspective to add something of you to the world and I would encourage that wholeheartedly.

I do wish you the best, because it looks like you'll make some great things.

-Duskrider

-PS I also find it funny that in the time it took me to write up my first reply there were 4 replies. Oh well, I often have a lot to say.

[One-Trick-Pony]

*Dwarfish accents*
FANTASTIC

[Vexy]

1359985

Fluttershy with a Dwarvern Accent? Oh my...
Thanks for the reviews on this, everyone! This has been an excellent start and I look forward to completing more works - I have a HUGE idea list, so I'm just debating where to start at the moment

[Inferno demon Dash]

Really impressive, always wondered what would have happened if they all died instead but this is a nice take as well, other then changing beforehand to hoof you done seriously very well, I'm very impressed, loved it

[Vexy]

2563510

Oh, this old thing? It's not even worth the praise.

Still, it had a purpose, and it fulfilled that purpose very well. Now I don't suck at writing.

[Inferno demon Dash]

2564071 That's funny as hell and nah, you do not, you done seriously very well with your writing.