Applejack and Pinkie Pie go to the lake for a swim.
A Contest Entry for the Thousand Words Contest 2022 under Fluff.
Applejack and Pinkie Pie go to the lake for a swim.
A Contest Entry for the Thousand Words Contest 2022 under Fluff.
Page generated in 0.035 seconds
Total duration
1,122 users online
1,058,623 hits today, 1,537,323 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2022
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2022 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Or so they think
This was a pretty cute little story, but it felt a bit rushed. I realize you were doing this with a word limit, but you need to work around that by choosing what you want to show, rather than straying into "tell, not show" territory. Other than that, I felt your dialogue could have used some more work. It felt a bit contrived and not natural for the characters, which might also relate to the word count, I suppose. On the whole, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either.
11252127
Well, this story wasn't called an entry for the A Thousand Words Contest for nothing.
Spoken like someone who's never known a teacher personally.
This felt stilted and artificial for the most part. The narration constantly assuring us that these two are very much in love, honest, for-real-you-guys didn't help there, nor did some of the dialogue. It just never felt like this one flowed naturally. Still, best of luck in the judging.