• Member Since 27th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen Yesterday

CAPTAIN YOSHI HD


Comments ( 4 )

Applejack chuckled and returned the embrace to Pinkie Pie. "But, you'll always be extra sweet, to me.", she said quietly, kissing her forehead. "I guess I regret trying to... well... unintentionally drown you here. I wouldn't even plan on doing that on a romantic time like this." As the two loving ponies gently floated in the water, they continued to enjoy each other's company, especially with nopony else around.

Or so they think

This was a pretty cute little story, but it felt a bit rushed. I realize you were doing this with a word limit, but you need to work around that by choosing what you want to show, rather than straying into "tell, not show" territory. Other than that, I felt your dialogue could have used some more work. It felt a bit contrived and not natural for the characters, which might also relate to the word count, I suppose. On the whole, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either.

11252127
Well, this story wasn't called an entry for the A Thousand Words Contest for nothing.

"And I don't think teaching our students puts us in exhaustion, does it?"

Spoken like someone who's never known a teacher personally.

This felt stilted and artificial for the most part. The narration constantly assuring us that these two are very much in love, honest, for-real-you-guys didn't help there, nor did some of the dialogue. It just never felt like this one flowed naturally. Still, best of luck in the judging.

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