Swimming Time

A Thousand Words592 stories ·232 members

Swimming Time

Applejack and Pinkie Pie go to the lake for a swim.

A Contest Entry for the Thousand Words Contest 2022 under Fluff.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

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AgentKorpsman

AgentKorpsman #1 · May 25th, 2022 · · ·

Applejack chuckled and returned the embrace to Pinkie Pie. "But, you'll always be extra sweet, to me.", she said quietly, kissing her forehead. "I guess I regret trying to... well... unintentionally drown you here. I wouldn't even plan on doing that on a romantic time like this." As the two loving ponies gently floated in the water, they continued to enjoy each other's company, especially with nopony else around.

Or so they think

Starswirl the Beardless

Starswirl the Beardless #2 · May 26th, 2022 · · ·

This was a pretty cute little story, but it felt a bit rushed. I realize you were doing this with a word limit, but you need to work around that by choosing what you want to show, rather than straying into "tell, not show" territory. Other than that, I felt your dialogue could have used some more work. It felt a bit contrived and not natural for the characters, which might also relate to the word count, I suppose. On the whole, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either.

CAPTAIN YOSHI HD

CAPTAIN YOSHI HD #3 · May 26th, 2022 · · ·

11252127
Well, this story wasn't called an entry for the A Thousand Words Contest for nothing.

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #4 · Jun 12th, 2022 · · ·

"And I don't think teaching our students puts us in exhaustion, does it?"

Spoken like someone who's never known a teacher personally.

This felt stilted and artificial for the most part. The narration constantly assuring us that these two are very much in love, honest, for-real-you-guys didn't help there, nor did some of the dialogue. It just never felt like this one flowed naturally. Still, best of luck in the judging.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #5 · Jul 12th, 2022 · · ·

Applejack had never felt so relaxed in her entire life. The surface of the water soothed every muscle in her backside. She was floating in the water at a lake, with her back against the surface, her four hooves splayed out, and her belly exposed to the warm sunlight from the big blue sky.

aww, that does sound relaxing!

Even though, the pink pony wasn't getting any aching body parts from working at Sugarcube Corner, she was happy to go swimming with the mare she loved.

hey Applejack, baking is hard work, too! though it is very in-character for her to not think that any job besides applebucking is so difficult, haha

"But, considering you're a teacher, you're still the pony I mostly admire. The hat you always wear, those freckles on your face, you're bright blonde mane, those strong back hooves you use to buck apple trees, everything about you."

yes, those are certainly very nice things about Applejack, i agree!

Pinkie Pie giggled. "But, you're the sweetest of all ponies.", she said, tenderly touching her marefriend's freckled cheek. "And, maybe you're sweet as apples." She playfully licked Applejack's nose, causing her laugh.

aww, that is cute! my favorite bit of the story

"Well, I didn't give you permission to lick me, expecting that I would taste sweet like apples, especially on the nose.", Applejack said. "Just thought of a certain way to get you back, because you didn't obey the number one rule of never licking somepony like me."

well, that was a frightening reaction, especially with how viscerally the struggle was described

"Yeah.", Pinkie Pie said, shrugging. "But, still, you're a really sweet pony." She wrapped her forelegs around her lover. "And hey, if you hold me while we're in the water, I'll consider you extra sweet." She closed her eyes and snuggled against Applejack's chest.

and in the light of the previous, i can't help but see this as Pinkie being trapped in a frighteningly abusive relationship. a chilling note to end on!

Applejack is actually rendered really well here as an abusive partner, justifying what she did as a response to a "wrong" that her partner did her, then immediately following it up with resuming their relationship as if nothing happened. just in all the subtle little bits of it, wow! it really is spot on.

i hope for both their sakes that this doesn't become a pattern, or even ignored, and that they both realize that this is not okay at all

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