• Published 20th May 2022
  • 190 Views, 10 Comments

Starlight Through the Storm - TwilightVanguard58

Starlight Glimmer learned how to embrace friendship, but can someone help teach her an even more important lesson?

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The Storm

They were walking down the sidewalk in silence. They had left the restaurant about half an hour ago and throughout the entire time Starlight hadn’t said a single word, only holding herself close to Thunderlane as he carried her. He was an endurance athlete and she didn’t weigh a lot so it didn’t bother him to continue carrying her. What did bother him was the state she was in.

She was trembling. While she had yet to open her eyes, he could still see how puffy they were from all of her crying. Her pretty face was stained with running mascara. The sight of this mare in such a broken state, a mare that had become so important to him in such a short amount of time, was absolutely heartbreaking. He stopped walking and looked down at the broken mare.

“Hey Glimmy, how about I bring you home?” he asked in a soft tone. He immediately became worried as her trembling became even worse. She shook her head furiously, actually scratching his chest a bit with her horn.

“Hey, hey it’s ok. What’s wrong, don’t you want to go home?” she kept shaking her head before tightening her grip on him.

“Please, don’t leave me.” she said, barely above a whisper, and Thunderlane widened his eyes in realization. How could he be so stupid, of course she didn’t want to be alone after what just happened. As she clung harder to him he gained a look of determination.

“Starlight, look at me.” His tone was still soft but also held a note of authority. She looked up and opened her eyes. Even though they were bloodshot and puffy he couldn't help but find her blue eyes the most beautiful thing in the world. He gave her a reassuring smile.

“I will never leave you. Whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with me now. Listen, my house is nearby. Let’s go there, put on a movie and just hang out. You can even meet my little brother.” he said with a soft chuckle, “Would you like that more?”

Starlight stared into his amber eyes and found compassion as well as something else she couldn’t quite pinpoint, but she liked it. It made her heart feel warm. She simply gave him a nod of confirmation.

“Good, then let’s go.” he said in a soft tone and started walking in the direction of his home. Starlight looked down and, for the first time since the restaurant, smiled.

Rumble was looking out his window and watched as the clouds formed, there was a storm scheduled for tonight and it was about to begin. He then heard the doorbell ring.

I wonder who that is. He thought to himself as he made his way down to the door. His eyes widened slightly when he opened the door and found his brother holding a petite mare. She was pretty but he could tell by the running mascara and puffy eyes that she had been through a rough time. Rumble looked back at his brother and gave him a hard look. Thunderlane gave his brother a forced smile, realizing that he probably came to the wrong conclusion.

“Hey bro, before you say anything it’s not what it looks like. Some things went down at the restaurant and we decided to continue the date here. Starlight is probably going to stay with us for the night so be polite.” Thunderlane explained, causing Rumble to soften his expression.

“Alright, I gotcha bro. How about we get her to the couch.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Thunderlane agreed. He made his way into the living room and gently set her down on the couch before sitting down next to her and putting his arm around her shoulder. She immediately scooted closer to him so they were as close as possible. Rumble walked over to them. He felt very awkward in this situation, but was eased a little when he saw Thunderlane’s soft smile. He then nudged Starlight to get her attention.

“Hey Glimmy, this is my brother Rumble. Rumble, this is Starlight Glimmer.” Rumble smiled and blushed a little.

“It’s nice to meet you Ms. Glimmer. You know when Thunder said you were drop dead gorgeous I thought he was just exaggerating but now that I’ve seen you myself I think he was actually underselling your beauty.” Rumble said with a mischievous smirk, getting a little payback for earlier. It helped that every word he said was true. He noticed that Thunderlane was completely red, while Starlight gave him a smile. She sniffled a little before speaking.

“You’re sweet, and please call me Starlight.” she said before wiping her eyes a bit. Thunderlane looked at his brother, the blush still present on his face.

“Now that introductions are out of the way, Rumble, do you mind giving me and Starlight some time to talk alone?” Thunderlane asked. His brother gave him an understanding nod.

“Yeah no problem, call me when you’re done.” Rumble then made his way upstairs but instead of going to his room, he remained at the top of the stairs so he could listen to their conversation. He knew he could get into a lot of trouble for eavesdropping but he was just too curious as to what happened.

Back downstairs Thunderlane was gently rubbing Starlight’s back trying to calm her down.

“You can’t let what they said get to you, you know.” Thunderlane said, Starlight sniffled and nodded her head.

“I-I know, and usually I don’t, but it was just we were having such a good time today and it had to be ruined because of me.” Thunderlane gave her an incredulous look.

“You? It was Cloud Chaser and those other jerks that caused problems. Honestly, I wouldn’t even say the date was ruined.” he said while rubbing the back of his neck. Starlight gave him a confused look.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m still here with the most beautiful mare in Equestria so I’d definitely call that a success.” he said with a goofy grin. She gave him a small smile before it quickly turned into a frown and she scooted away from him. He became concerned by this before realizing something.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” he asked. She simply nodded her head. He got up and crouched in front of her so that he was eye level with the petite mare.

“Please tell me.”

She gulped, “It’s just that you keep saying how pretty I am but I know you’re just trying to make me feel better. What they said was true, I’m just a plain looking unicorn with nothing to physically offer.” she looked down at her chest, “I know how stallions feel about mares with large breasts, so why would any, especially one as great as you, be attracted to a dull, flat chested mare like me.” she said all in a quiet voice. Thunderlane shook his head and grabbed her hands.

“You’re wrong, I’m not just saying it to make you feel better, I’m saying it because I really do mean it. When you came to the restaurant today I thought I was going to faint from just how attractive you looked!” he then rubbed her hands, “And I don’t think you’re dull one bit. Your coat is a lovely shade of purple that also manages to not be in your face. It also contrasts beautifully with your dark mane, and I find that blue streak to be the cutest splash of color.” he then tapped her on the nose, causing her to giggle, “Not as cute as your laugh though. Don’t even get me started on your eyes, I could get lost in those blue orbs for all eternity and be a happy stallion.” His face took on a more nervous expression as he cleared his throat.

“A-and I actually don’t mind that you have small b-breasts, never been a fan of larger ones anyway, though there is an attribute about you that I find incredibly attractive…” he said as a blush formed on his cheeks. Starlight gave him a curious look.

“Oh, what is it?” she asked and he gulped in a mix of nervousness and awkwardness. Complimenting a mare on more… physical attributes wasn’t as easy as saying she was pretty.

“W-well, you see *ahem* I, uh, think you have a really nice butt!” he said the last part quickly and Starlight’s eyes widened. She quickly took a glance at her rear before looking back at Thunderlane with a raised brow.

“You think I have a nice but?”

“Yep.” he said in a much squeakier voice. They went silent for a minute and Thunderlane started thinking that he may have gone too far. Rumble facepalmed upstairs.

“Pfft… bwahahahaha” Starlight suddenly burst out laughing and Thunderlane let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“You know, out of all the times I’ve heard my friends try to say things to make each other feel better, I don’t think ‘you have a nice ass’ has ever been tried.” Starlight said as her laughter died down.

“So you’re not mad?” Thunderlane asked cautiously and was immediately answered by Starlight jumping forward and embracing him in a tight hug.

“Does that answer your question?” she asked playfully. He nodded and returned the hug. It was then that he noticed a flash of lightning out of the corner of his eye. An idea came to his mind.

“Hey come with me real quick, I want to show you something.” he said as he brought the confused mare over to the window.

“Are you afraid of lightning?” he asked her.

“A little, I know it can be dangerous.” she said, still very confused.

“You’re right, it is incredibly dangerous, even to pegasi. However, it’s also beautiful. Lightning can cause destruction, the most common being forest fires, and kill. But in the end all of the destruction it causes only makes the scorched ground produce even stronger trees. Lightning may kill, but it also helps lay the foundation for new life.” As he said this Starlight was enthralled, though she was still confused as to why he had gone off on this tangent. He then looked back at her and answered her question as if he had read her mind.

“More than anything else that’s what I love about you Starlight. You may have made some mistakes in the past but, like lightning, you have ended up making life better. Making my life better, and all while looking beautiful.” He then did something bold. He leaned down and planted a kiss on her lips. It was barely a second but it sent shocks down her spine.

“I love you, Starlight Glimmer.” he said. She now knew what that other feeling she had seen in his eyes earlier was. It was love.

“I love you too, Thunderlane.” she said as she planted her own kiss on his lips, this one for a bit longer.

When they broke off the kiss they sat in front of the window and watched the storm, their minds finally at peace. Eventually they fell asleep in each other's arms.

As they drifted off the storm clouds started to part, revealing the stars behind the dark clouds and bathing the new couple in the starlight through the storm.

Author's Note:

Well that's it. My first completed story.

Was that last line a bit cheesy?


Do I care?


Anyway thank you everybody who read this story and I hope you all enjoyed it!
Now back to work on AotE.

Comments ( 7 )

“You know, out of all the times I’ve heard my friends try to say things to make each other feel better, I don’t think ‘you have a nice ass’ has ever been tried.” Starlight said as her laughter died down.

The female equivalent of basically saying 'Nice cock bro'.

I didn't actually think about it like that when I wrote it, but now that you've pointed it out I find it even better:rainbowlaugh:

There are few things that will get me to dislike a fanfic faster than characters being written out-of-character. Even worse is when the entire happy, near-utopian setting of Equestria is written to make it feel out-of-character. Unfortunately, you happened to do both of these things in the short span of this story.

Starlight doesn't display any of the character traits she's known for post-reformation, except for perhaps self-doubt, which she admittedly exhibited quite a bit of early on. The difference between the self-doubt she feels in the show and in this story, however, is that, in the show, she doubts herself due to her recognition of her own faults and her obsession over her past mistakes. Here, she doubts herself because, apparently, everyone in Ponyville has been giving her crap about her past, which firstly feels uncharacteristic of the friendly little town we know, and secondly raises the question of why on earth Twilight (presumably) told everyone about that.

Things get even worse in the climax of your story, where you turn not just Cloud Chaser into a jerk, but everyone in Ponyville. Hearing them hurling very realistic insults at Starlight at the drop of a hat was so jarring that I forgot I was reading a My Little Pony fanfic for a second. The fact that Starlight just wilted in response to this instead of getting angry at all also took me out of it; she felt more like Fluttershy to me than Starlight.

My writer's intuition tells me that you made these decisions in order to quickly move through the very fast-paced romance you wanted to show and get those big, dramatic moments. The problem is, you really have to earn those moments through slow, careful buildup in order for them to be meaningful. Having Starlight and Thunderlane declare their love for each other after knowing each other for a day just because of a contrived emotional confrontation just feels forced.

I really wanted to like this story, and I feel like it could have been much better if you'd just taken the time to do it right, but as it is, it's just disappointing.

Thank you for the criticisms.

As a new writer I always appreciate it when people point out the flaws in my work because that's the only way I can get better. I also agree with you that everything is too rushed and I should have planned it out better than I did as well as dropping the ball on characters, especially Starlight, which could have been easily solved by just spending more time on it. Maybe in the future I'll rewrite this story and actually plan it out better but as of right now I'll use it as a reminder on how I still have quite a lot to learn.

I don't know if your comment was meant for constructive criticism or just to rant, and honestly I don't care, but I still thank you for leaving it anyway and hopefully in the future you'll come across a story of mine that doesn't disappoint.:twilightsmile:

I apologize if my comment seemed like a rant to you. When I leave comments like that on stories, I always mean it as constructive criticism, not as an insult. I appreciate that you recognize the flaws in your writing and that you have a desire to improve. You might be a fairly new writer, but your writing shows potential, and I would definitely be willing to give your future works a chance.

Love it when Thunderlane has a chad attitude like here, but the other ponies reaction seems a bit much, and falling on love after one day it just not possible for me. This story could be much longer for making us believe in what we read next time :trixieshiftright:

I have to agree. I'm kind of wishing I would've planned this story out a bit more and put more "meat" to it so to speak, but those are just things that I now know to do for the next story I write

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