Serving Princess Celestia (What the Hay Does 'Droit Du Seigneur' Mean?)

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Pinkie Pie and Applejack experience an ancient, scandalous royal tradition.

Spoilers: ApplePie, Spicy Tuna, maybe whatever you call AppleJack x Pinkie Pie x Princess Celestia, Spike gets treated properly like a kid for once instead of a tiny servant or a trained talking dog.

...

Thanks to Tipper, who had an idea that I turned somewhat inside out and back again.

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Tipper

Tipper #1 · May 13th, 2022 · 1 · ·

I cackled all the way through. The perfect amount of confusion and comedy, plus additional TwiLuna? Gold. Thank you for doing more with a dumb idea than I ever might have!

RDT

RDT #2 · May 13th, 2022 · 1 · ·

Don't we love/hate it when the subjects of our historical records are still alive to correct it?

Also, screw Blueblood XXI through XXV.

doomie-22

doomie-22 #3 · May 13th, 2022 · 1 · ·

"Droit Du Seigneur" is French for "Law of the Lord."

Herald of Opera

Herald of Opera #4 · May 14th, 2022 · · ·

11240736
More importantly, it refers to something that probably never existed and almost definitely wouldn't exist in the more idyllic Equestria.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #5 · Jun 21st, 2022 · · ·

At the kitchen sink, pony-naked except for an apron, Pinkie Pie replied, "Excuse me?"

hehe, i like the important distinction of "pony-naked", which is fine and normal and doesn't carry the associations humans would have

Reviving an ancient tradition, I expect to exercise 'droit du seigneur.' Assuming Pinkie herself will be fully involved in every stage of the ceremony, I believe she will bring me the highest and most magnificent levels of sweet, sensual pleasure.

ahahahahaha

That could be like bringing a whole herd of cats to a swimming race!"

hey, delightful countryisms are Applejack's thing!

And also, Rarity thought, with her close connections to Celestia, Twilight is probably the pony with the best chance of talking our Solar Monarch out of this crazy idea. "Let's go over there right now!"

ah, lovely Rarity, always one for approaching delicate situations discreetly

Twilight's Castle of Enormous, Garish Crystals, aka Friendship Is Accepting Your Friends' Unfortunate Choices In Habitations That To Be Fair Were Somewhat Forced Upon Them By the Exigencies of Being Polite To Supernatural Entities.

i do enjoy how Rarity this characterization of Twilight's Castle is, i may have to steal it

"Applejack! Pinkie Pie! I just got your letter!" shouted a running purple unicorn. "Is there anything I can do? I just want you to know...whatever you decide, you have my complete support. No matter what it takes."

wait, but isn't she an alicorn if she already has the Castle of Friendship? LITERALLY UNREADABLE

What even are droits? Some kind of party game?"

hehe, that would be a good game!

The purple unicorn blushed. "I should certainly HOPE not.

idk mare if it's gonna be that weird already why not just go for maximization

Twilight's blush deepened. "I suppose at one time, long ago, it was considered an honor. A sort of...fertility ritual. A way of blessing the marriage with extra..."
"Sex?" Pinkie asked.
Twilight replied, "I was looking for a more tactful way to lead up to that."

hehe, good Pinkie

The thing you all've been tryin' not to tell me...is it the idea that Celestia wants to...make love to mah wife? Is that what it is?"

it is pretty firmly entrenched in my headcanon now that Applejack only ever refers to sex as "lovemaking" so this was nice to see

I'm just saying, if you want to elope through the mirror portal to make your wedding a little more private, or even live in the human world forever to keep Celestia out of your tail hair, I'm all for it."

hehe, of course Sunset would have this perspective on things

She smiled. "And let me tell you, when it comes to wedding nights...especially since neither of you is even a unicorn, HANDS should come in very...HANDY." Her friendly grin was only a little bit a teasing leer. "You'll find out what I mean."

i mean if the issue is some third mare being creepy about ApplePie's wedding night, this doesn't exactly help, Sunset!

"Ohhh!" Pinkie squealed, putting a foreleg around Applejack. "So THAT'S why you're so upset."

aww! haha, that is a fun twist, love it

Twilight shook her head. "I don't think that would apply to Equestrian history at all. According to the fragmentary documents and interpretations that I've seen, anyway."

yes that's right, none of that nonsense about women being possessions here!

Pinkie proclaimed, "The only way I'm doing ANY of this is if we do it in a way that Applejack likes. If Celestia wants to...ponk my plot, she's going to have to ponk Applejack's plot just as much, and with just as much care and just as much love, until Applejack says she's satisfied. Otherwise Celestia isn't even allowed at the wedding."

i was going to say i love that Pinkie refers to sex as "ponking plots" but in fact i actually love literally everything about this paragraph

Twilight waved one foreleg vaguely at the mare. "Wait in line, sister. First we have to help Pinkie and Applejack decide whether they're going to flee Equestria and never return, or if they're just going to use a stopwatch and make Celestia give each one an equal amount of time--"

ah i love the comic absurdity of these two being the only two options right now

Luna continued, "The ORIGINAL meaning of droit du seigneur was, some very special pony, who many ponies looked up to as a goddess, might decide to grace your wedding with her presence, and eat the first slice of wedding cake. Then she would kiss the bride and groom, or groom and groom, and bride and bride...or whoever they might be. She would bless each of them and both of them together, with her wishes for a joyous and bountiful marriage.

aww, i already really love this! it somehow even feels very my Celestia and my Equestria all at once. augh, i am definitely stealing this. it's cute with a sinister undertone but actually it's just fine

Luna turned her face towards Twilight's, and licked the purple alicorn's nose. "Is that how you feel? I think you're being very...forward, with your elders."

yay TwiLuna!

"I know love can save your heart from Nightmare Moon's evil!" Twilight cried out, thrashing her limbs as she floated through the air. "No matter how you torment me with nose rubs and tummy tickles, and frog licking and tail pulls and--"

aww, TMI around your friends, Twilight!

"I'm not sure seeing that kind of thing is good for me. But I think I'm still kind of young to move out on my own. But also, I've been reading some new educational comic books, and...I've recently learned Twilight and I have something called a dysfunctional sibling relationship. That's why she treats me like a slave and keeps me from playing with other creatures my own age. I should leave, but where would I go?"

commentary, and so true

Rarity pondered. "Have you ever met Scootaloo's aunts?"
"Um...no?"
"They're a nice couple...and they make a point of providing housing for foals who for some reason need not to live with their birth families. Or with their hatching familes, I suppose. So maybe we should go ask them how they would feel about raising you and letting you live like a normal creature. Do you know what I mean?"
Spike nodded. "I think I do."
"Let's go see them right now," Rarity said. She and Spike left on their new errand.

aww, and so true! what a nice solution the the Spike dilemma as it came to a head in this very story

augh, loved the ideas that this one was packed with, and the Pinkie, Applejack, and Rarity characterizations were great (though we see Rarity's only for a paragraph). the comic escalation and resolution were a solid core, which makes me wonder if the TwiLuna and subsequent commentary on Spike would have worked better as a second chapter, or separated epilogue, to give the main story's end a bit of space, but i guess the way this is lampshades how much of an anticlimax the CelestiApplePie cuddlepile ending is (which i loved).

anygay, fantastic entry!

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