Per My Last Email

by The Red Parade

Garden Club Expense Report: November

Money spent.

$35 on corn seeds.
$5 to replace broken pot.
$999 for drugs and alcohol.
$1.50 for a candy bar I bought because I was depressed. It wasn’t very good.

That's it. I know nobody reads these anyways. Thanks.

Wallflower Blush

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Hi! Thanks for submitting these.

I’m going to need receipts for the drugs and alcohol so we can process them properly, under form 420-A. The rest looks good, but one question. Why are you spending $35 on corn seeds?

Oh and the candy bar expense is denied because as a representative of CHS Student Life I can assure you we do not sell candy bars that aren’t very good.

Thanks!

Strawberry Sunrise

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Holy shit you read these. Um. Sorry? But also not really? I just woke up but I’ll find the form. Except we didn’t buy any drugs. That was a lie. And the candy was great.

Sent From My P-Phone

Wait there is no 420 form. Or did I miss it? I probably did. I’m so sorry I just woke up.

Oh Trixie said she had magic seeds but I thought she was lying but I didn’t want people to plant anything that was potentially hazardous so I bought them all and

You don’t care, I’m deleting this email.

Sent From My P-Phone

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Oh, honey.

I’m afraid there is a form 420-A and you need to fill it out or we fire your club into the sun. It’s in the charter you know. That’s okay, I know nobody reads those things.

Also if Trixie is genetically mutating plant seeds with Equestrian magic that actually seems like something I should get in on.

Best wishes, Strawberry Sunrise.

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Messing with me isn’t cool, you know. You almost gave me a panic attack.
Wait you are a student though right?

Oh god I hope I don’t get expelled for this.

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Hi Wallflower,

This is Principal Celestia writing to inform you that you have been suspended for insulting the quality of our candy. This is an unacceptable offense and oh boy I bet I got you good huh.

C’mon. You have to admit that was pretty funny.

Sincerely, Strawberry Sunrise

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You’re a bitch. But also why are you responding to emails at 4 in the morning.

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I know! That’s how I got the job.

And please, 4 in the morning is the best time for bureaucracy! Why are you up, Candy Heathen?

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I had to take care of my plants.

Yeah, that's right.

Plants.

I love plants.

Yours, Candy Heathen.

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You’re feisty! I like that. You like plants huh? Shame they don’t like you back.

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I’m usually not. Really. My heart is pounding with anxiety but I can’t stop myself. It’s like I’m letting out all this hatred that I bottled up over the years. Must be your bitchiness. I should go though, Garden Club has a succulent sale tomorrow. We’re not going to sell anything but I’ll just lie about it on the expense report. So you don’t shut us down.

Also my plants love me.

Comments

[Bicyclette]

$1.50 for a candy bar I bought because I was depressed. It wasn’t very good.

That's it. I know nobody reads these anyways. Thanks.

Wallflower Blush

rip right out of the gate. very #relatable, that depression candy bar!

Oh and the candy bar expense is denied because as a representative of CHS Student Life I can assure you we do not sell candy bars that aren’t very good.

ehehe, this is spot-on Strawberry Sunrise smugness! like, just the same exact flavor as the one we got in "Honest Apple"! love it

Holy shit you read these. Um. Sorry? But also not really? I just woke up but I’ll find the form. Except we didn’t buy any drugs. That was a lie. And the candy was great.

Sent From My P-Phone

Oh Trixie said she had magic seeds but I thought she was lying but I didn’t want people to plant anything that was potentially hazardous so I bought them all and

You don’t care, I’m deleting this email.

Sent From My P-Phone

honestly, good on Wallflower for saving the entire school from whatever disaster Trixie was going to inevitably cause with that! makes Wallflower's self-deprecation all the more sad to see. also, hehe, P-Phone

I’m afraid there is a form 420-A and you need to fill it out or we fire your club into the sun. It’s in the charter you know. That’s okay, I know nobody reads those things.

hehe, calling back to Wallflower's first email, nice

I love plants.

so true

You’re feisty! I like that. You like plants huh? Shame they don’t like you back.

this is high quality flirting, and exactly how Strawberry Sunrise would do it, very well done

Also my plants love me.

yeah, you tell her, Wallflower!

[Bookwurm666]

And please, 4 in the morning is the best time for bureaucracy!

She is not wrong.