Ponyville Host Club

by KingofSquirrelz

New Mare in Town

Derpy sat in the chair staring at the wall opposite the vanity mirror. The wall was littered with photos of ponies that seem to come from every walk of life. The one in the center though caught her eye.

“Is that… Celestia?” Derpy leaned in a little bit only to be pushed back into the chair.

“Don’t move Derpy.” Tails chastised as he was combing out some split ends. “Yes, that’s me and Celestia. She made a personal visit to our club a few years ago. I just HAD to get a photo with her. She is a good mare, well alicorn. She can’t hold her cider at ALL, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

“So this club is popular even among royals? It is so far away from Canterlot.” Derpy said still trying to examine the photo of Celestia.

“I think it’s because we are so far away from Canterlot dear, we normally see nobles here. Our club is quiet famous in Canterlot. Our usual’s though are from Ponyville.” Tails said with a small sigh as he started working on Derpy’s tail. “Wow I must say Derpy; you have a really thick mane.”

“Tails what kind of—“Tail’s put his hoof to Derpy’s month and cut her off.

“You work here now Derpy, call me mother.” Tails gave her a simple smile and started back on her tail.

“Do I really have to call you mother?” Derpy looked at Tails and she got the answer just from the look he gave her.

“Only here at the club, when we are out on the street you can call me Tails.” Tails, in one quick motion, wrapped his hoofs around Derpy’s neck. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to; I want all my little kittens to address me as ‘mother’ everywhere.” His voice started to lighten like he was talking to some foal.

Derpy really wanted to backpedal away but, being in a chair that was bolted to the floor, the option was not plausible. She breathed a sigh of relief when he broke himself away to gather more supplies from the table.

“Um, mother, what kind of pay do we receive?” Derpy tried to swing the chair back, but a swift hoof stopped it immediately.

“Not yet, kitten, when momma’s done, then you can look. To answer your question, though, the hosts work on tips. At the end of the night, we pool them and split the tips depending on if you have been requested.”

“What if somepony didn’t asked for me?” Derpy raised an eyebrow.

“Some nights you might not be asked for. It’s rare but it is possible. Normally, you wait in the lounge until you’re called. I will have one of the others show you around later.”

“I have to be requested to serve them?”

“Oh, of course, dear, don’t worry though, new-blood always gets requested their first night. That reminds me, there are a few rules around here that you must follow. First things first, no matter what a pony does, don’t act out in violence, it is horrible for business. Also, if a client tries to request a pillow service, simply get up and leave. If the guest tries anything funny, then just come tell momma here and I will deal with them, Kay.”

“What’s a pillow service?” Derpy asked, Tails’ eyes shifted back and forth wondering if she was kidding or not. Derpy’s face showed only confusion and sincerity as her wide eyes bore into Tails.

Tails let out a small forced cough as he leaned in and started to whisper into Derpy’s ear. After a few seconds, Derpy’s eyes shot wide like dinner plates as her force herself back into the chair.

“There is no pony way I am going to do that!” she said, she could feel her face flushing.

“Quite right, Derpy, like I said, if that happens, come tell me.“ Tails said as he finished the final touches on her tail. “Ok, kitten, you can look now.”

Derpy got up and made her way to the mirror. She stood there in disbelief at what she was seeing. Her normal blonde hair now was accompanied by highlights. Her mane was still straight but it looked different, it was more lustrous and beautiful and it seemed to shine in the mirror. Her tail had a lot more bounce, Derpy smiled and started to giggle to herself as she started to swish her tail back and forth.

“I will assume that you like it then?” Tails said with a smirk on his face, as he started to put the products into the drawers. “I have to go out for a bit, I have a meeting with some sponsors over at the Mayor’s house. Derpy’s heart fell as she the realization the time. I have to go pick up Dinky!

“I have to go, my filly gets out of school soon...” Derpy made her way to the door only to be stopped mid-step.

“One second, Derpy, I want you to wear something for me.” Derpy barely turned before Tails had already put a silver necklace around her neck. “There you are, now an official member of the Ponyville Host Club.”

Derpy stared blankly at the necklace; it was a silver chain that was finely polished. Attached to the chain was a jade green pegasus pony with its wings flared.

“What is this for?” asked Derpy, still a little confused of what just transpired.

“The hosts at the club all must wear that while they're working, it’s our trademark. It was a tradition we adopted a few years ago. I will leave that story for later, I must be off.” Tails said as he quickly made his exit, leaving Derpy in a daze. This is a trademark? It’s so pretty!

Derpy smiled to herself, which quickly faded as realization hit her again that she was going to be late picking up Dinky. With hoof over hill, she trotted back down the stairs and nearly plowing Blue Moon and Black Star as they walked back into the club. Blue moon had three saddle bags on his back, each stuffed with sweets and different bottles of cider. Derpy gave them a quick nod as she trotted out the door and took towards the sky.

“Was… that Derpy?” Moon said, looking at the after-shadow of the grey mare.

“I do believe it was, seems we have a sister joining our little family.” Black Star said, as he took notice of the green gem on the grey mare.

“Well, this may be fun after all.”

:Ponyville School:

Dinky’s day was going well, for the most part. Snips and Snail got gum in their coats again. It was not as amusing as it was the first time, Dinky thought it was kind of sad of their desperate pleas for attention. The CMC were gathered in the corner of the room, scanning a map of Ponyville, looking for something new to try to get their cutie marks. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon did not make their usual verbal assault on Dinky, which surprised her given the muffin incident that happened the previous day. Normally, Dinky would spend her breaks from learning with Twist; too much of her dismay was absent today.

Dinky’s eyes simply watched in boredom as the second hand slowly wound its way around the clock face. Maybe mom will take me to the park again? Then the bell finally struck, alerting the foals it was time to leave. For how well Dinky’s day was going, it ended in a sour note. A little filly ‘accidentally’ bumped into her with more force than any bump should be, sending her saddle bag and its contents flying to the ground scattering amongst the floor.

“Sorry, Dinky.” Silver Spoon said as she walked out of the room. Miss Cheerilee, however, didn’t see the transaction, but turned around when she her Spoon apologizing.

“Let me help you, Dinky.” Cheerilee said, as she started to pick up the homework assignments and utensils that littered the floor.

“Thank you, Miss Cheerilee.” Dinky’s smile slowly came back to her face.

“No problem, Dinky.” she said has she rubbed her mane. At this moment, a heavily breathing pegasus came bounding into the room.

“Is…Dinky…here?” Derpy said, still trying to catch her breath. Miss Cheerilee and Dinky just stared at the mare in front of them. That can’t be mom? Dinky took a second glance. Yup, that is definitely mom.

“Derpy, is that you?” Cheerilee asked.

After composing herself and actually standing straight, Derpy simply cocked her head to the side with a confused look.

“Who else would I be?” Derpy asked quizzically.

Cheerilee could feel her face turning red. When in the world did Derpy look like that? Some pony must have put a spell on her. No, there is no spell in Equestria that could manage that.

“Miss Cheerilee, are you alright?” Dinky asked, her voice piercing whatever fantasy that she had concocted in her mind.

After shaking her head and giving Derpy a double take, she finally answered the little filly. “Ah, yes, Dinky.” Almost immediately returning her gaze back to Derpy. “I see you got a makeover, Derpy.” Cheerilee smiled, blood still rushing throughout her body.

“Yah, it came with my new job—“Derpy stopped herself as her eyes fell on Dinky. Derpy could feel her heart racing. What will she think? She knows I tried to avoid her question yesterday.

Dinky simply beamed with a smile. “You got a new job, mommy?” Derpy nearly face-hoofed, but resisted it in the end. Of course, she wouldn’t overreact. What was I thinking? Derpy could feel the muscles in her face contorting into a grin which was now posted happily on her face.

“Yes, I did, Dinky.” A strange aroma started to penetrate the air, it smelled sweet and musky. Derpy tried to follow the strange aroma, the scent only got stronger as she got closer to Miss Cheerilee.

“Are you wearing perfume?” Derpy asked. Cheerilee immediately sat down on her plot in the middle of the aisle as if to squelch the aroma. How did she smell that? She is a mare; there is no pony way she could have. Then Cheerilee saw it, a jade-stone pegasus perched around Derpy’s neck. There is no way she could be? It is not possible. Ok, play cool, Cheerilee.

“Derpy, where did you get that pretty necklace?” Derpy was more curious as to why she just sat down in the middle of the floor and how that strange aroma disappeared. The thought came and went, though.

“My boss gave it to me today.” Cheerilee suppressed a grin that was slowly building. So she works there now… Cheerilee giggled to herself.

“Mom, can we go home now, I’m hungry.” Almost as if on cue an audible roar came from the depths of the little filly.

“Sure thing, Dinky.” Derpy said with smile that sent a shiver straight down Cheerilee’s spine. The two left the room. From what she gathered when they left, Dinky said something about oatmeal.

Miss Cheerilee, however, shut the curtains of the tiny school room and locked the door. Only sounds of whimpers and moans left the room until about thirty minutes later, when a very satisfied mare left for the day.

:Derpy’s Home:

“Then Silver Spoon knocked my book bag on the floor.” Dinky said in a low whimper. Derpy took the little filly and started to comb her mane. Dinky’s muscles started to relax as her body went limp under the pressure of the comb. “That feels good, mom.” The filly let out a small gust of air as her body was entering nirvana. After several minutes, the little filly drifted off to the land of slumber. Derpy carefully lifted up the tiny filly and carried her to bed. As she walked, she sang a lullaby that Derpy’s mother used to sing to her when she was a filly.

~Hush, little filly, don't say a word, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a little mouse. ~

~And If that little mouse won’t play, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a Blue Jay. ~

~And If that Blue Jay flys away, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a unicorn sleigh. ~

~And If that unicorn sleigh somehow gets broke, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a fancy coat. ~

~And If that fancy coat is not warm, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a lucky charm. ~

~And If that charm does not bring you luck, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a dog, named Tuck. ~

~And If that dog, named Tuck, won't bark, ~

~Mama's going to buy you a colt and cart. ~

~And If that colt and cart fall down, ~

~You'll still be the sweetest little filly in town. ~

~So hush little filly, don't you cry, ~

~Daddy loves you, and so do I. ~

Derpy gave Dinky a small kiss on the forehead and turned to leave when a little filly called out to her.

“I love you, mom.” Dinky said, and as quickly as Derpy could turn around, the little filly was fast asleep again. Derpy wiped away a small tear that started to form only to be replaced by another soon after.

“I love you too, Dinky.” Derpy turned on her night-light and the hall light and made sure to leave the door open a crack before she left for work.

:Ponyville Host Club:

“Now, my little kittens, as I am sure you know, we will be having a new addition to the family this evening, so you know what to do.” Tidy Tails said as he sprayed a few doses of Le De Manflôwer around his neck.

“So, what is the new guy like?” came a voice from the far couch in the corner of the room.

Black Star chuckled a little bit while he was paging through a black book. “Don’t worry about that, Ruby, you will see soon enough. Speaking of seeing soon enough though; is your brother Emerald working tonight?”

“No, he is on another date or something like that.” Ruby said as he started to polish his hoof.

Blue Moon rolled his eyes and sighed. “Really, again? That stallion will never learn.”

“At least he can get a date, Mr. Fifteen-percent.” Moon shot an icy stare that didn’t seem to daze Ruby.

“My request rate is increasing, thank you very much. Hey, mother, what is my request rate right now?”

“It’s fifteen percent, Moon.” Tidy said as he prepped the bar for the evening. Ruby started laughing in the corner of the room.

“Well, it will increase eventually…” said Moon who now was taking a particular interest in the ceiling as he leaned back on the couch. The shop’s door opened as a grey mare made her entrance into the room.

“We’re closed right now, miss, come back in thirty minutes, we will be open then.” Ruby said, his voice was calm for extending the distance of the club.

“I work here, I start tonight.” Derpy said innocently. Her voice seemed to hold Ruby’s attention before the words were finally absorbed into his system.

“Wait. What? Mother, is THIS the new hire? You never said anything about a sister joining us.”

“Sister?” Derpy blinked a few times as her head turned just to the side very lightly. A warm hoof was now wrapped around the young mare’s neck.

“It’s a thing we do around here. While we are here, we are all family. Since you are the first mare ever to be hired here, you’re the first sister. Congratulations!” Moon smiled, Derpy could smell the cologne on him, from what Derpy could tell, it was a mixture of rose petals and peaches.

“So I am the only mare here?” asked Derpy, Black Star rose from his corner of the room. He put the little black book he was holding into an inside pocket of his chest jacket.

“Yes, you are the only mare ever to be hired here. I do expect good things from you, though. I am never wrong.” Black Star said confidently as he made his way upstairs.

“How does he know I will be good?” There was an audible grunt from the far end of the room as Ruby got up.

“I hate to admit it, but Black Star is never wrong when it comes to judging ponies. Only reason, though, is because that is his special talent.”

“Someone is just a little jealous, Mr. Twenty-Two percent.” Ruby never heard the comment he was already upstairs.

“What do I do now?” Derpy asked as she walked over to the bar.

“Right now, you can go up the stairs to the lounge, it’s on the left and wait, we will call you down later. Oh, and I stocked the fridge with muffins for you, if I remember correctly, you said you liked them.” Derpy was halfway up the stairs at the word ‘muffin’.

When Derpy entered the lounge, she was greeted by a deadly, icy stare from Black Star who was sitting on a cushion chair in the corner. Derpy’s hind legs nearly caved in on her as the muscles refused to operate. Black Star turned his gaze and started to chew away at a red apple.

Derpy felt the air in the room ease, giving her the signal she could move again. First and foremost on her mind were the muffins waiting for her in the mini-fridge in the corner. Derpy’s smile widened ear to ear, there sat on a plate two of Sugarcube Corner’s famous triple blueberry muffins. They only make five a day, how did he get two of them? Derpy’s mind was in a near daze as the object of her deepest desire was sitting there waiting for her consumption. Until her eyes fell on a sticky note on the plate.

Black Star, these are for Derpy. Do not eat or I will be very mad at you. Mommy loves you.

Derpy’s eye twitched a little as the edge of the sticky note had lipstick on it. Her mind traced back to a memory earlier that day. Tails did say he really likes muffins. So I can guess he knows just what these muffins are and how hard they are to get. Derpy smiled and grabbed the white plate from the fridge that held the two objects of Celestia’s greatest creations combined into one complete and tasty form.

Black Star’s eyes traced the muffins as he bit hard into the apple. I just need to put it out of my mind. They are hers not mine. Black Star closed his eyes and took another bite of his apple.

“Do you want one?” Derpy asked. Her voice still sweet and innocent. Derpy was holding the fabled muffin in both hoofs extended towards the stallion. In Black Star’s eyes the world around him shattered and only the muffin in front of him remained. Golden gates seemed to appear behind the muffin, as the gates opened, clouds poured out from them and tiny pegasi came flying out, blowing on gilded trumpets. Black Star blinked and the world returned to the mare in front of him, after forcing a cough, he graciously took the muffin.

“Thank you.” Black star said, after taking a bite of the muffin.

“No thanks needed, silly, food always tastes better with friends.” Derpy then started to bite into her own muffin. Her face contorted into pure bliss as she ravaged the muffin ‘till only the crumbs on her cheeks remained.

Black Star started to chuckle to himself. Food tastes better with friends, huh? Derpy now was eagerly licking the crumbs from her face. After which, she fell back into the couch and started to rub her tummy.

“Seems I am not the only pony who has a taste for muffins.” said Black Star, Derpy just nodded in agreement. Black Star made his way to the door only to be stopped by Derpy.

“Where are you going?” Derpy asked as she was still settling the muffin she just consumed.

“I have to greet the mares that are lined up outside. Don’t worry, we will call you down for your introduction.” Derpy’s face fell flat for a moment.

I want to greet them, too. She thought.

“Derpy.” Black Star said with a warm and comforting voice. “Welcome to the Host Club.”

Derpy’s smiled returned, much to Black Star’s delight.

“Thank you!”

Comments

[Seether00]

Oh man, that amulet must have special attractiveness powers or something. Must be a lot sad, lonely mares who can't get a date.

[KingofSquirrelz]

1298652 No its not magical lol, its just a neckalce that is only worn by PHC members promise.
1294825 The shit has yet to hit the fan lol
1294222 Thank its filled with D,AWWWW moments

[CanterlotGuardian]

1292141
glad I'm not the only one who thought that- *sees who it is* oh! hey! no wonder xD

[Azusa]

Oh, this isn't an Ouran crossover.

By the way, Derpy's a mare so it should be "hostess"

[KingofSquirrelz]

1300378 Its host ^_^ and no its not a cross over, i basically jacked the title.
1298939 Well now i want a cookie

[Trekpony81]

Yay, I cant wait to read more, I hope theres another chapter soon.

[Marq Harrihoof]

You had me at Host Club
You had "your way with me' at FABULOUS